Recovery - 22. Epilogue

After that, Kei’s recovery slowed down. Never again did he take the dramatic leaps he had in those two weeks at the spar. However, he continued to improve slowly but steadily, working hard with all kinds of therapists, fighting frustration and anger all the way.

The following year was a roller coaster for both of them, with highs and lows that strained their relationship to the limits. Through it all, they stuck together, working through their issues and growing closer and closer. If anyone had asked either of them before the whole mess began, if it was possible to love each other any more deeply, they would have said no, no doubts. Now, they would have said they hadn’t really loved each other at all.

Deep love, true love is forged in the fires of adversity, grows through trials and triumphs and is born in the dark of the night when two weary bodies come together and look back at what has been, and forward at what is to come, knowing that whatever comes they can face it together.

On one of those nights Kei and Alex lay entwined, under a hot summer moon.

“Hell, it’s hot.”

“Yeah, want a drink? I’m parched.”

“Yes please.”

Alex padded softly to the kitchen and opened the fridge. He took out the jug of fresh lemonade Kei had made earlier that afternoon. It was so cold and so pungent, he couldn’t resist taking a drink out of the jug.

“Alex!” The sound of Kei’s voice startled him so much, he almost dropped the jug. He looked up like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “What have I told you?” Kei said, hands on hips.

“You’ve told me a lot of things,” Alex said putting the jug on the table. He pulled Kei into his arms and kissed him.

“Your hands are…cold.”

“Strange, because the rest of me is hot as hell.”

Kei laughed. “Wanna go…go outside.”

“Now? It’s the middle of the night.”

“It’s hot… and the moon is so pretty. Please.”

“I can’t deny you anything.” Alex said, kissing him again. “Can you manage to take the jug?”

“Yes.” Kei lifted the heavy jug, and steadied it with his other hand. Some things were still a struggle, but he was getting there.

Alex took two glasses from the cupboard, then stopped for a moment. He thought back over the last two and a half years. Such a lot had happened. He’d met Kai, fallen in love, almost lost him, then watched him go through hell and come out the other side. He loved him, and even more importantly, respected him more than any other person on earth. His beauty and strength astonished him every day.

Alex found himself smiling into the darkness. Kei was his world. In just a few weeks Alex would be going back to school. Kei would be going with him, although he wouldn’t be going back to university. It would be a long time before he was up to that level of study, if ever. His concentration had improved, as had his reading and writing skills, but they weren’t up to the speed or intensity required for university study. Nevertheless, they’d be venturing out into the world again and the prospect was frightening and exciting at the same time.

Looking around the kitchen Alex thought about the times they’d spent here. The bungalow had been their refuge, their security blanket. No matter what happened, at the end of every day they’d come here, close the door, and be home. And now they were moving out, leaving it all behind.

Of course it would still be here. The bungalow would still be their home, but during term time they would be living in a flat near the university. It was ground floor and easily accessible for Kei who, although he didn’t need a wheelchair anymore, still had problems with negotiating steps and uneven ground, especially at night.

Again, Alex was struck by how much he respected Kei’s courage and determination. This whole thing hadn’t been easy for him, and some days he’d been too tired to walk to the bedroom, and Alex had to carry him. He’d worked through pain, frustration and endless days of hard slog, to come to the stage where he was almost completely well again, albeit weak in some areas. Maybe he’d never be up to the intensity of university study. Maybe he’d never be able to give a speech or lose the hitches that remained when he spoke. Maybe he’d never be able to climb the stairs in the Eiffel Tower, or stand on the edge of a cliff, or run a marathon. But he was strong and whole and writing again and, most of all…happy. And that made Alex happier than anything else ever could.

Dragging himself back to the present, Alex stretched to reach the very top shelf in the kitchen cabinet, somewhere Kei couldn’t reach. His fingers closed around something and he palmed it quickly. Picking up the glasses, he went out into the garden.

Fortunately, the garden was secluded because they were both naked. Alex flung himself onto the cane sofa next to Kei. “Do you want a glass of lemonade?”

“Yes please. Wow, it’s hot. Lovely out here though. Breeze a little.” He sounded dreamy, still half asleep. Alex handed him his lemonade, but didn’t pick up his own glass. He just reclined, staring at Kei. His heart thundered in his chest.

“What’s the matter?”

“Huh?”

“Why are you staring at me like that?”

“Was I? I was just thinking about how far you’ve come in the last year. How far we’ve come. Boy have we grown up.”

Kei smiled. “Yeah. For sure.”

“We’ll be leaving soon.”

“Yeah. Scary huh?”

“Are you sure you don’t mind? I mean, moving all that way for me to go to school, when you can’t?”

“Yet. I can’t, yet. I will. One day, I will.”

“I believe you, but it’s a great upheaval for you, and you’ll be alone while I’m—“

“Alex, stop. I told you. I…I don’t…mind being alone. I’ll have my books and my computer. I have a lot of…work…to do. I have my own studies.” He smiled broadly and Alex felt a spike of pure pride. Kei was working hard on a new programme of study he’d found somewhere on the internet. It had been designed by a multi disciplinary group of neurologists, therapists, writers and all kinds of other professionals to help people just like Kei. It was very demanding, requiring hours of study and practice, but Kei had been working on it for three months, and it had already made a world of difference.

Alex had tried one or two of the exercises, and ended up feeling as if someone had turned his brain inside out. Kei, on the other hand was totally inspired by it, and it seemed to be working.

He sighed. “I know. I know all that but still… We’ve been together for so long now, I mean just the two of us. I’ve been with you every minute, and it’s been hard to get my head around the fact that you can manage on your own. You know how many fights we’ve had about letting you be more independent. Now here I am asking you to spend hours alone while I’m off studying.”

“And having fun. Making new friends and…and going to…parties without me.” He mock frowned.

“You know I’d never do that. If I make friends, they’ll be our friends and if I go to parties you’ll be right there with me.”

“Do you think…? Do you think they’ll…understand?”

“What do you mean? Understand what?”

“Me. You know. That I’m…not…. I’m….”

“That you’re beautiful and sexy and strong and brave and the sweetest thing since sugar? I think they’ll get the message within five minutes of meeting you.”

“No,” Kei said, unsmiling. “That I’m… different. Slow. Not…right.”

“Who says what’s right. You’re perfect for who you are. I’d like to see many others go through what you’ve been through and come out as strong. Anyone who can’t see what a wonderful person you are, or who makes judgements about you, just because you stumble sometimes, is really beneath my attention.”

Kei smiled. “My knight in shining armour.”

“Fucking right.”

“I never did learn to ride though.”

“No. Fortunately I traded in the horse for a motorbike. Much sexier.”

“Oh yeah. Now, a motorbike I could do.”

“Glad that’s resolved then. Go put a pretty dress on and I’ll sweep you off on my big…silver….”

“Why do I have to be the one wearing the dress?”

“Because you’re the damsel in distress.”

“I don’t feel very distressed.”

“I guess I could work on that.”

Kei laughed and flicked lemonade at him. “It doesn’t count if you…you’re the one who…dis…stresses me in the first place.”

“Damn. I guess I’ll have to wait then. Although.” The smile slid from his face. “I’m going to have to wait a very long time because I intend to make it my life’s work to make sure you are never, ever distressed by anything for the rest of your life.”

“That’s impossible.”

“I can try”

“Yes. You can try, and I love you for that.”

“I love you for a lot of things, too many to list. Oh god, Kei, the thought of losing you….” Tears began to pour down his face and he swiped at them angrily.

“Alex,” Kei said, shocked. He scooted over and pulled Alex into his arms. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I just…” Alex pulled away and drew himself up. He looked into Kei’s face. In the darkness, softened by moonlight he looked like a faery creature, magical and fey. “I was thinking…thinking about what it would be like without you in my life, and it’s unbearable even to think about.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Alex. I promise.”
“I know. I just…. I’ve been thinking and…. I thought….” He took a deep breath trying to stop himself shaking. “Damn this is hard. I didn’t think it would be so hard.”

“What’s hard. What’s going on? Alex you…you…you’re sc…aring m…me.”

Alex could have kicked himself. Kei’s stammering was a sure sign he was getting stressed out. Alex had promised to spend his life trying to save Kei from distress, but here he was causing it when that was the last thing he wanted.

“No, not you don’t understand. Nothing’s wrong. At least I hope not. I… There’s just…. I’ve been thinking a lot about…about us and…and I want… I want to do something to prove how much I love you.”

“Alex, you’ve been there for me. Al…always there for…for me. What more do you th…think you could do?”

Alex gave him a shaky smile and sniffed, gazing into Kei’s beautiful eyes, that were now shadowed and worried. Suddenly, his resolve strengthened and he straightened his shoulders.

“I was going to wait for the right moment,” he said to a mystified Kei, “but then it occurred to me that there couldn’t be a better moment. Here, in the moonlight, in our safe place, naked… It’s perfect.”

“Perfect for what?”

Keeping his eyes locked with Kei’s, and holding one hand tightly, Alex slid off the seat.

“Alex, what’s wrong?” Kei exclaimed in alarm. He reached for Alex, but Alex pushed him back.

He took a breath. “Kei, ever since the first moment I saw you there was a connection. I was a fool then not to know it was love. I needed you to show me that, to teach me what love really means. I don’t even think on that day under the stars I really loved you because what I feel now, after everything we’ve been through is so different to what I felt then. That was like…like fizzy wine and this is vintage champagne. I love you, and I know you love me. I want to be with you forever. My heart is bound up with you, I live for you. I…” He stopped to steady himself.

“What are you trying to say, Alex. You’re not…not g…going to… to break up with me?”

Alex laughed out loud. “No, Kei. I would rather cut off my testicles and eat them raw that break up with you. I can’t imagine my life without you and I don’t want to try. That’s the point. You make me whole, Kei. You make my life complete. I don’t want to live a day without you so… so I wanted to ask…to…um…”

He reached out to the table beside the bench and picked up the little box he’d slipped onto it when he sat down. Opening the box he held it up to Kei. “What I’m trying to say, in a totally retarded way, is…is….” He took another shaky breath. “Keyden Prince, will you marry me?”

Kei’s jaw dropped and his eyes flicked back and forth between the ring and Alex. “I…. I…. It…. I didn’t…. I…I didn’t think…. I never th…thought….”

“Kei?”

“I do…don’t know wha…what to say.”

“I’d like you to say ‘yes’ but…”

Suddenly, Alex was knocked over backwards when Kei threw himself off the seat. “Yes,” he said, kneeling over Alex and kissing him over and over. “Yes, yes, yes, yes, a hundred million times yes.”

“I’ll take that as a yes then shall I?” Alex said through happy tears as he hugged Kei close and kissed him over and over.

“Damn,” he said after a little while, “the ring. What the fuck happened to the ring? You knocked it out of my hand.”

After a brief search on hands and knees they located the box and Alex took out the simple gold band set with a single gem, almost the same colour as Kei’s eyes. Kei held out a shaking hand and Alex slipped the ring onto his finger. “I’m yours forever and ever,” Alex said. “As long as there are stars in the sky, long after our hearts have stopped beating and our bones have crumbled, my love will live on and I will always take care of you.”

“I… I’ll love…ve you t…too, Alex. For…for…forever. I…I will…ta…take care of…of you…too.”

“We’ll take care of each other.”

“Yes.”

They held on to each other, under the moonlight and the starlight as the earth slowly turned and morning came.