Button - 1. Onesie

Onesie

“Should we go with the red decorations or the blue,” Graham asked, fingering the bag of streamers in the aisle at the Target. He tried to catch Craig’s eye but he was looking elsewhere, down towards the other end of the store.

“Huh? Whichever you think,” Craig answered holding Button close to his chest. He’d finally gotten the baby settled down and didn’t want to rile the child up.

“Red is more festive I think. But, blue is the traditional choice for boys,” Graham puzzled and then saw the purple ones. Maybe purple would be the better choice.

“Pick whatever you think. It’s not like Button will know the difference at his age,” Craig whispered. He could feel the boy begin to squirm a little. The earlier crying jag had embarrassed him deeply.

“I think your mother will care,” Graham said rubbing his wavy brown hair in a circle. “I care too. It’s Button’s first birthday and I want it to be perfect.”

Craig merely grunted as a response and shifted from side to side. Button had settled in and stopped squirming. A smile graced the big man’s lips as he realized his little boy was falling asleep. That was good. It was hard to get Button to sleep and when he did, it was an uneasy slumber.

“I see they have purple stuff. Let’s go for that. My mom loves purple and they have the plates and cups to match,” Craig said softly nodding his head.

Graham smiled, looking up at his boyfriend. It felt good to see Craig’s smile, which was rare as of late. He knew there were things, several of them, troubling the larger man. Graham just wanted to see him lighten up.

“That’s a great idea. Let’s get the purple then. I’ll even pick out a cake to match. We can have ice cream, sloppy joes, and balloons,” Graham gushed. He felt his heart rise at the upcoming event. He loved Button so much.

“Don’t go too hog-wild,” Craig said, grinning at him. “You don’t have to make this the event of the season. He’s just turning one not winning a Nobel Prize in literature.”

“I want to. When you agreed to let me pay for the stuff for the party, you put me in charge of it. I just want your opinion,” Graham said throwing a bag of cups with the “Frozen” characters on them into the cart.

“Let you huh?” Craig groused. Uh oh! Old grouchy face was back, Graham noticed.

“You know how I adore your little boy,” Graham said touching Craig’s shoulder. He looked into his sparkling blue eyes and pleaded silently with him. ‘Let this be okay.’

“I appreciate all you do for him,” Craig said quietly. “It’s embarrassing I can’t pay for my own son’s first birthday party. I have to rely on my boyfriend to do it.” The blush was deep under his blondish beard.

“I’m doing this because I love the little Button with all my heart,” Graham said looking away. “I’m certainly not doing it for his grumpy dad.”

“That’s not what you said last night when you were begging for it,” Craig grinned and playfully kicked Graham’s butt.

“You’re a pervert for suggesting that, and in front of your son,” Graham smirked and moved out of Craig’s way pushing the cart down the aisle. The two men and baby continued throughout the aisles picking up items for the little birthday party.

In the checkout line, Craig purposely moved away as his boyfriend paid for the overflowing cart of items. Graham noticed his absence and decided another talk was in order. Craig had graduated a few months ago but finding a job wasn’t easy. He worked part time at the coffeehouse with Graham and he got help from his father in the form of a scribbled check every month, but Craig’s ego was seriously bruised by his inability to take care of himself, much less the little bundle in his arms.

After they got into Craig’s truck, Button safely buckled into the car seat, Graham asked again, that uncomfortable question.

“You know, if you’re worried about money, I can kick Jeff out. All he does is sit in his room watching porn and playing video games. It would be a good excuse to get rid of him,” Graham proposed, looking pensively over at Craig.

The blond man rubbed his beard as he drove. “You know I’d love to move in with you. But, that’s a big step and until I get a real job, I’m just not sure-“

Craig couldn’t help but feel his heart race at the idea. Graham was trying to make this easier on him. Jeff was like a brother to Graham. He knew Jeff had another place in mind. It was only a matter of time before he and Graham did the final deed and moved in together, but without any money, he was ashamed to consider it right now.

“Button would just keep you up at night,” Craig said. “I couldn’t do that to you.”

“That’s not true,” Graham snapped. “You know that wouldn’t bother me one bit, Craig Wilson. The real reason is you don’t want me supporting you and Button. Isn’t it?”

“I wish we wouldn’t argue about this again,” Craig sighed and turned onto the highway. “When I get a job, we’ll talk about it again.”

“Maybe I won’t be around then,” Graham mumbled into his shirt. He didn’t mean it. Craig and Button had been the best thing to ever happen to him. He was just frustrated and Graham couldn’t hold it in.

“Come on now. Don’t be that way,” Craig quickly retorted. “You know I love you.”

“I know,” Graham looked at his hands; a shiny white gold band was on his right ring finger. Craig must have saved his tips for weeks to give him this birthday gift. He was acting like Button when the baby didn’t get his bottle. “I’m sorry. I just want to help.”

“You are more help to me than you know. Graham, you help me keep it together. I just am so scared sometimes I may not find a job and then what will I do?” Craig’s voice quivered.

Graham looked over and saw the silvery droplets on Craig’s beard. “I’m sorry. I get impatient and lash out. Please forgive me.”

“Nothing to forgive. You’re so good to me and Button. I don’t say that enough,” Craig sniffed.

“I love doing it,” Graham said swallowing hard. “I love taking care of my two boys.”

The silence after their fight wasn’t uncomfortable because it was a discussion they’d had a few times. Craig and Graham were at an impasse. Without a job, Craig was too insecure to move in with Graham and the smaller man resented it. They both understood the other’s feelings but that didn’t change their dynamic.

In the back seat, Button slept soundly unaware of the tension. A single bubble formed at his lips and then popped. The two people who fed him and hugged him were simply there for him. Button could sleep peacefully because as far as he knew, all was well.

**************************

“What did the pediatrician say dear?” Sandy Wilson asked in between cooing at little Button.

“He said he was small for his age. The doctor said it appears his eyes aren’t focusing very well yet,” Craig said. “But, he’s crying less now and everything else checked out.”

“You were always small for your age too,” Craig’s mother said. “But, you certainly didn’t end up a little one.”

Craig blushed. Neither his mother nor father were big people but something had made Craig the biggest in the family.

“I worry too much. I guess I just don’t know what I’m doing,” Craig said blowing up a balloon. Graham had already hung the streamers and was in the kitchen getting the food ready.

“All new parents are nervous. I remember when I brought your sister home from the hospital. I looked at her sleeping in the crib and thought, ‘what am I going to do with that?” Craig’s mom assured him. “Button has me and your father and you to look after him. You’re not alone.”

“Button’s got me too,” Graham said emerging from the kitchen, wiping his hands on a towel. “I love the little guy.”

“Yes, Craig and Button have you too,” Sandy said smiling at the smaller man. She wouldn’t have picked this for her son but somehow he’d found a person who was good for both of them. “I hope you didn’t think I was forgetting about you.”

“No. I’m just here and there,” Graham pouted.

Craig tied up the balloon and went over to his boyfriend. “Mom, did you know Graham paid for the party stuff?” Craig kissed the man right on the mouth moving closer and wrapping him up in his arms.

“No- I didn’t know that,” Sandy coughed. “Thank you Graham.”

“It’s all for Button and your grouchy bear of a son,” Graham said lightly smacking Craig on the arm. “I’m nuts for them both.”

Sandy nodded and cooed at Button who stared at his grandmother. “Did I hear a knock?” she asked.

Craig opened the door. It was his father.

“Come on in Dad,” he said. “We’re still getting ready but-“

“Where’s my grandson?” Leroy Wilson said gruffly. “I haven’t seen him in a couple of months. Craig’s father was a blunt man and always in a rush. He raced past Craig and went straight to his ex-wife. “How’s little Craigy doing?” he muttered.

“Do you want to hold him?” Sandy said raising her eyebrows.

“Sure,” Leroy mumbled and awkwardly took Button into his arms. The man had a grin six ways to Sunday and Craig felt his heart pounding. His father wasn’t a demonstrative man but his face softened as he looked into the baby’s face.

“Mom, wanna help me put the banner up?” Craig asked nodding at Leroy cooing and giggling at Button.

“Let’s do it,” his mother said.

“I had this made just for the occasion,” Graham said holding the paper roll out to Sandy.

“That’s very thoughtful,” Sandy said taking the banner and giving Craig a loose end of it.

They unrolled it and Craig saw it had teddy bears, giraffes, and building blocks spelling out, “Happy First Birthday Button.”

“Wow Graham. That’s really nice,” Craig gushed at his boyfriend.

“Who the hell is Button?” his father asked.

“Just a little nickname we have for little Craig,” Graham said happily.

“I guess that’s okay at this age but it’s kind of a wimpy name for this little guy. You don’t want him to be some kind of fruitcake when he grows up, now do ya?” Leroy scoffed.

“Dad,” Craig warned but it was too late. Graham’s face was turning every shade of red that existed.

“You mean, you don’t want him to be a fag like me?” Graham said loudly.

Leroy looked up at Graham and then his son. “I just meant-I didn’t mean, oh shit.”

“You know Craig and me are a couple,” Graham snorted. “So why would you say that?”

“Dad. Take that back and apologize to Graham,” Craig’s own temper was heating up. Only the words on the banner reminded him this was a birthday party and not a street brawl.

“I didn’t mean it to sound like that,” Leroy scowled and looked at Graham. “I’m sorry I said it.”

“Oh!!!” Graham growled and went back into the kitchen. Craig dropped his end of the banner and went after him.

Sandy looked at Leroy and snorted. “You really are a son of a bitch, you know that?”

“You’re no happier than I am about this, well, this situation,” Leroy said. “But, it is what it is.”

“Graham paid for this whole party and when I can’t take care of little Craig, he’s right there for him,” Sandy said angrily. “No. I don’t like that our son has a child out of wedlock and dropped on his doorstep like a UPS box, but he’s our grandson.”

“Maybe I should go,” Leroy said softly. He’d already caused a scene and the rest of the guests hadn’t even arrived yet.

“Just be careful with your bluster,” Sandy said. “Now, give him back to me.”

While Craig soothed his boyfriend’s nerves, the remaining guests arrived. Leroy opened the door and ushered his two daughters and their kids inside. Arriving a little after the noisy, active brood was a young woman who was about his son’s age.

“I’m Leroy, Craig’s father,” he said with a smile. “And you are?”

“I’m Jackie. I work with Graham and Craig,” she said moving the gift she held to her other arm.

“You’re not the mother are you?” Leroy said brusquely.

“Whose mother?” the little blond woman asked. This was unusual.

“Little Craig’s,” Leroy said bluntly.

“You mean Button? Good heavens, no. I’m just a friend,” Jackie said her cheeks pink with embarrassment.

“Oh, well, come in then,” Leroy said.

“Dad,” Craig called out from across the room. He’d just managed to settle Graham down and now his father was starting another mess.

“I know. I’ll just sit quietly on the couch and shut up,” Leroy sighed. Sandy watched as her ex-husband struggled with the scene. He was trying, in his own stupidly ignorant way.

The party was a rousing success. Craig pointedly had Graham open Button’s gifts for him. The hit of the party was a little Minnesota Wild onesie his father gave his grandson. When Graham looked at the man with a question in his eyes, Leroy said, “He’s gonna be a hockey player like his dad.”

“You played hockey?” Graham mouthed to Craig. Craig just laughed and nodded.

The little boy simply watched the ruckus around him with quiet interest and for once didn’t break down into cries. Even when his cousins poked and prodded the little guy with fascination, Button took it all in stride. Craig’s sisters both held little Craig for most of the afternoon. By four o’clock, most everyone had left except Sandy and Leroy. Graham left Craig and his parents and went into the kitchen to clean up.

It was the quiet before the storm.

“Dad, can I talk to you,” Craig asked softly. “In the other room.” He nodded to his mother who just looked back at him with concern.

“Sure,” Leroy said and followed his son into the bedroom.

“Dad, I just want to thank you for your help with my financial situation,” Craig began. “I know this is hard for you guys but I appreciate it.”

“Don’t think anything of it,” Leroy waved his hand. “You’re just getting started and that’s what fathers do for their children.”

“It’s just I’ve had a hard time finding a job in my field and…“ Craig stuttered. “I don’t know what to do about it.”

“Where have you applied?” Leroy asked. It was difficult watching his son wrestling with his emotions like this. His heart felt leaden.

“I’ve sent resumes to all the big firms with marketing departments, Target, 3M, Medtronic, and I’ve got nothing, not even a call back,” Craig said, his head hung low.

“I could get you on a crew if it would help,” Leroy said. Craig wasn’t a tradesman by any means, but you did what you must when you have kids.

“Thank you but you know I’d be worthless working construction,” Craig answered. “I just don’t know what to do next.”

“You know, when I was getting started and we had your sisters, I took whatever I could get. I worked cement, drywall, or any job I could grab. Maybe that coffee place would give you more hours or something,” Leroy said.

“I don’t know. I’d feel like I’m wasting my degree if I did that,” Craig muttered.

“Well, I’m here for ya but if you want to take care of that little tyke, you need a full time job,” Leroy said. “Whatever you can get.”

“I guess so.” Craig sat silently mulling his thoughts. “Graham wants me to move in with him.”

Leroy sat quietly, looking at his feet. “You know that girl Jackie, she’s awfully pretty and I think she is warm to ya.”

“Dad,” Craig warned. “Jackie isn’t my type. Hell, I’m not her type. She’s a lesbian,” Craig lied. “Besides, I love Graham.”

“If that’s what you want, but what about your son?” Leroy said softly.

“Graham is so good with him. I think it would be easier on me to have someone else to help. And, besides, Dad, I love Graham,” Craig said watching his father carefully.

Leroy just shrugged. “If you think it best, then do it but remember it’s always easy early on. Your mother and I were like two pigs at the trough at first but then life happens. If you aren’t a good fit, it can be hard on ya.”

“I think Graham is good for me,” Craig said. “I think I’m good for him too.”

“Well, it’s your life, just remember little Craig is a consideration as well,” Leroy said. “Now come here and give your old man a hug.”

********************

The next day, Craig asked Ron at the coffeehouse if he could get more hours, even start looking at full time. He felt a little guilty since he hadn’t said anything to Graham about it but he needed to do something. It was killing him a little inside every time he deposited his father’s check in the bank.

Ron said they didn’t need anyone else but he was sure other Dunn Brother’s locations had openings. Ron suggested looking at job opportunities online. Craig’s own company access would give him the full range of openings throughout the Cities.

Craig started looking and a few stores had openings. Then, he clicked on a link that brought him to corporate and his heart started racing. There was an opening for a marketing associate right here at his work. Craig chewed the inside of his cheek, wondering, considering it. Would it be worth a shot? He quickly printed off the job description and started working on his resume and cover letter.

******************

“You sure are dressed up,” Graham said when Craig returned home. He was feeding Button who was liberally covered in spaghetti sauce with noodles hanging off his shoulder. It was completely staining the Wild onesie the little tyke was dressed in. “How did the interview with Best Buy go?”

“I think it went pretty well,” Craig said. “But I don’t wanna jinx it. Not like I did with Dunn Brother’s.”

“Okay,” Graham laughed and returned to Button attempting to get more food into the little tyke than on his face and hair. He wasn’t having much success.

Craig went into the bedroom and changed. Since it was a second interview, he felt a lot better about himself. Not even a nibble on the job front had done a serious number on his ego. At least there was hope here.

He slipped on some sweats and a t-shirt and returned to the kitchen counter to watch Graham wrestle with Button. The little guy was so cute. Why was he always so quiet though, unless he was crying with frustration? That didn’t matter right now. Button was giggling at Graham and his silly airplane routine.

“How was your day?” Craig asked coming behind Graham and rubbing his shoulders.

“It was good. A day off with Button is always a treat,” Graham said with a grin. “What did-?”

“Da da da da da um,” Button said shaking his head at the spoon Graham offered.

“Is he saying daddy?” Graham asked. Both men looked at Button who was clearly looking directly at Craig. They looked at each other and Graham jumped up and embraced his boyfriend.

“What did you say Button?” Graham said quickly turning to the little tyke.

Button looked away from Craig and over at the smaller man. “Pa pa pa pa,” he babbled.

“He called you papa,” Craig said excitedly. “He called me dada and he called you papa.”

“Are you sure he knows what he’s saying?” Graham asked but the beaming look on his face made Craig want to kiss him.

“I don’t know but it sure seems like it,” Craig said. “That’s my phone. I gotta take this,” he said and left the room.

Graham watched as Craig left the room. It couldn’t be a job offer. He’d just gone on the interview. If only Craig could catch a break. Someone needed to give the guy a chance. Graham sighed and tried wiping Button’s face but that only made the boy howl at him.

“Fine. Sit there in spaghetti sauce for all I care,” he said to Button who stopped yelling and smiled at him. Graham couldn’t help but grin back.

“Oh my God,” Craig said returning from the bedroom. “Graham. I have a job. Dunn Brother’s hired me to help with marketing.”

“Dunn Brother’s?” Graham asked with a raised eyebrow. “I thought you didn’t get it.”

“I didn’t but the woman they offered it to turned it down. Graham! I have a job with benefits and everything,” Craig said grabbing his boyfriend and dancing around the room.

Button laughed as his dada and papa twirled and squealed with delight. He clapped his little red sauce stained hands and giggled. They could be so silly.