Enigma - 2. Chapter 2 - Surprises

After all the nonsense that has been going on this morning I find that I am suddenly nervous about meeting the new resident. I pause with my hand on the door and wonder what all the nonsense could be about. Maybe... but no, there wasn’t anything in the notes about him being gay; and anyway that would be so inappropriate of them - surely not even they would be so crass: not with a resident: not with someone like this.

So maybe he is particularly effeminate... well if that’s the case they will be sorely disappointed because that isn’t my type, not at all - but then they all know that. So then what? I allow myself a small smile; maybe he’s just so drop dead gorgeous they think I will be smitten at first glance. I almost laugh aloud at that. Yeah right... here... Ha.

Still chuckling I open the door. The room is in darkness and the first thing I do is open the curtains. As I do so my attention is caught by the fact that they are frilly; decorated with pink roses to match the wallpaper. Hmm... perhaps one of the activities my new charge and I can do; and soon; will be to re decorate the room. If he is going to be here for a while then forcing him to spend time with the roses is going to drive him insane... well more insane than he already is.

Still chuckling I turn to see a hump wrapped tightly in the viciously pink quilt. Just as well it was dark when he came. Poor kid. I can’t help but notice that the hump in this bed is considerably sleeker than the one in Max’s. The kid looks tall, possibly even taller than me and I just top 6ft.

Feeling more confident and realising that I have to ‘project a confident and professional air to reassure the resident and help to ease them into the new surrounding and routine that mark their transition from the institutional environment and the radically different routine and environment of a residential setting’ I compose myself. Yeah, I know, I’m a geek with a photographic memory.

“Silver.” I say softly as I shake him gently by the shoulder. I wonder how many times he has heard a smirk in the voice who calls him by name. I know that I have often enough.

With a sigh the figure in the bed turns over, flinging out an arm with a soft moan. I freeze. Fucking hell... I mean what the fuck... fucking HELL.

He is nothing like I had expected; not that I had really been expecting anything but; with a name like Silver I had kind of expected him to be fair; like ash blonde or something. But he isn’t. He’s dark; very dark. His hair is jet black and long; and even tangled and dry at it is it makes me want to run my fingers through it. I can imagine myself gently tugging out the knots and running conditioner down the length of it, strand by strand. It would be soft and silky and...

Shit... and that’s just his hair. The things I would want to do with those lips... Fuck. Never in my wildest dreams had I ever imagined... Gods he is beautiful; not just cute like Max; not handsome or pretty or any of the other words used to describe how someone looks: he isn’t even drop dead gorgeous... he is beautiful; simple as. Lying there with his hair all over the place, his long coal black lashes trembling on his milk white cheeks, one arm thrown out revealing the creamy skin and well defined muscles of his bare shoulders and chest he is a fucking angel... a real, living, breathing, flesh and blood angel.

Gods damn them... they knew. The bastards knew the effect he would have on me and all the giggling and snickering now makes complete sense. Shit I am practically creaming my pants just looking at him. I shake my head and laugh at myself. Get a grip River. Just keep your mind above your waist and remember that this is a resident, a patient, a sick person who needs you to be strictly professional and... Ah fuck... why did he have to stir right at this moment? Why did he have to let out that cute little sigh that parts his lips and makes me want to... to... Shit!!!!

Moving his head from side to side drowsily on the pillow Silver gives a sleepy little grunty moan thing and yawns, showing absolutely perfect white teeth; of course, although I notice that there is a gap right at the back on the bottom. I don’t know why but that makes me smile: somehow, something that mars that perfection, even to such a slight degree is a huge relief.

Just when I am managing to get myself under control and have a goofy smile on my face Silver opens his eyes. If I had thought that Silver with his eyes closed was beautiful, Silver with his eyes open is... unreal. At least now I understand why he is called Silver. His eyes are grey, a strange pale silvery grey with an almost metallic sheen, like mercury. For a full minute I just stare at him and he stares back. There is no curiosity in his eyes, no fear, no challenge... no anything. I have never seen eyes that are so blank.

Quite suddenly it occurs to me that I am staring and really not being very professional at all. I force myself to smile, a tight professional smile and not the goofy grin that is threatening to break out at any moment.

“Hello Silver, my name is River, did you sleep well?”

The silver grey eyes regard me steadily but there is no indication that he has even heard me let alone understood me. I broaden my smile and try again.

“It’s morning Silver, time to get up. Do you need me to help you with that?”

At last there is a reaction, just a tiny shake of the head. The silver eyes flicker and with a sigh he throws back the quilt and I am blinded. At least I wish I had gone blind because if I had I wouldn’t have been staring at that body with quite so much raw hunger. Fuck he is beautiful all over.

Turning away, I walk to the chest of drawers, hoping that he has brought some clothes with him. The first drawer contains pyjamas and I wonder why the hell they hadn’t put any on him last night... although a moment’s reflection supplies the answer... bastards.

Trying to keep my face turned and my eyes well above the waist I hand Silver the pyjamas.

“Can you put these on?”

Without making a sound he takes the clothes from my hands and slips them on. I have to watch, I just can’t help it. I don’t know what kind of condition he was in before whatever happened; happened or when he woke up out of the coma but those physiotherapists have sure done one amazing job over the past six months. He is slender, even thin, but so well defined that, even through the cotton pyjamas it is possible to see that he is toned to perfection, every muscle group well defined.

Shit he’s fucking perfect in every way. And when he starts to walk...

My great grandmother used to be a dancer, way back in the twenties. She was something of a celebrity back then, and I can remember my grandfather talking about her with a fierce pride on his face. When he was a child he used to go to the theatre to watch her practice and perform and he would say that even when she was not on the stage, even when she was just walking down the street, across a room, getting on a train... she was always dancing. He used to say... she walked lightly on the earth. I have always remembered that phrase’walked lightly on the earth’ and I thought I knew what he meant... until now.

Damn those physios have done a good job; a great job, there isn’t so much as a hint of a limp and he stands very erect with his head up and... walks lightly on the earth. It’s hard to describe but he flows, hardly making a sound, so lightly that it makes you feel that he wouldn’t make a footprint in snow.

He pauses in the doorway, waiting. I am staring again. “Do you dance Silver?” The words just slip out. I forget that he doesn’t know, that he doesn’t want to know... it’s just that the way he walks makes me think so much of my great grandmother that I am suddenly sure that he must be a dancer too.

Something flickers across his face, making him narrow his eyes and his lips move as if he is going to say something, but it is fleeting and he just shakes his head.

“Okay, never mind. Come on... it’s our turn to make breakfast.”

He follows me obediently down the stairs and into the kitchen. They are all waiting, even Ronya, smirking.

“What? Are you waiting for breakfast... you should at least have made a start.”

Julia giggles and kicks her legs, dangling them over the kitchen table. She stares at Silver in open admiration. “Hot damn it man... you’re fucking gorgeous. Where the hell did you come from?”

Silver turns his eyes on her impassively, seeming to be perfectly at ease but completely detached.

“Do you want some coffee?”

Silver turns to Max and gives him the same empty look. “Coffee?” Max holds up a mug and Silver stares at it.

“Try him with some Max. I don’t think he’s good at making decisions.”

Max nods and pours a mug of coffee, putting milk and sugar in it. He hands it to Silver who takes it and stares at it for a while before releasing it with a cry so that it falls to the ground smashing on the tiles and splashing everyone, who jump back... everyone except Silver.

“Fuck! What the hell are you doing? Be careful, that’s hot.”

“Hot?”

“Yeah... fucking hot.” Max sounds annoyed, brushing at his soaked trousers. “Fuck! I am going to have to change. Come on Julia... we don’t have time for breakfast I am going to have to call in at home for clean trousers. We can eat at the college... the do good breakfasts, my treat.”

Julia laughs and slips daintily off the table. Silver’s eyes swivel to her, confused and scared by what is happening around him. She reaches up to touch his face. He is tall, taller than me by a couple of inches and she has to reach up high.

“Don’t worry.” She smiles her beautiful sweet smile and it is almost reflected on Silver’s face. “Max’s bark is worse than his bite. Remember though... coffee is hot... okay?” Silver nods, blinking and Julia takes his hand, stroking the palm with her small delicate fingers. I note with some surprise that his hands are not much bigger, although the fingers are long and look dextrous.

“Does it hurt?” When there is no response she puts one hand on his face again, smiling into his eyes. “Does it hurt Silver, beautiful Silver? Did the cup burn your hand?” Slowly he nods and looks down at his scarlet palm. There doesn’t seem to be any pain in his eyes. There doesn’t seem to be anything much at all.

Julia leads him to the sink and turns on the cold water, drawing is hand, palm up under the stream. He doesn’t try to pull it away although I know it must be stinging like hell.

“Fuck.” We have all been so riveted by the interaction between Silver and Julia that we have completely forgotten about the coffee mug which smashed when it hit the tiled floor. Silver has walked over it when Julia took him to the sink and now there is blood mixing with the coffee on the tiles.

Ronya quickly scoops up the remaining china and I gently steer Silver away from the sink again and into a chair. Lifting his foot it is a relief to see that there is only one small sliver of china embedded in the ball of his foot. I pull out the sliver as gently as I can but he doesn’t even flinch. I look up and meet his eyes; they are as impassive as ever.

“What the hell...?”

“Don't sound so surprised. Haven’t you read the file?”

“No; he’s your baby.”

“Ah... Well; welcome to our happy home Silver. Shall we try again with the coffee?” Silver shakes his head.

“No coffee... hot.”

His voice is like a gentle rain shower on a hot day, cool and refreshing to the ear and the mind. Gods is there no end to this boy’s beauty? He must have been a really nasty piece of work... no one can look and sound as good as this and be nice.

Ronya, finishing cleaning up the glass, hands me the first aid box from under the sink and I swab Silver’s foot with an antiseptic wipe although the bleeding has already stopped. I put a plaster on it and then release him. He simply sits and looks blank.

“What is it with him? I have to admit I’m finding this a little spooky now.”

“Read the file Max.”

Julia crouches at the side of the chair and looks into Silver’s eyes, pushing the heavy tangle of hair out of the way. She smiles and he mirrors it. “He’s just hiding. We all have our own ways of doing that. He’ll be alright, won’t you sunshine?” He smiles uncertainly and his eyes follow her as she bounces to her feet and out of the door calling back. “Come on Max... you’re going to make us late and then you’ll have to shout for lunch too.”

Throwing Silver a puzzled look Max follows Julia out of the door. Ronya puts two mugs of coffee down on the table and with a smile follows them leaving me alone with Silver. I take his hand to check the burn and, for the first time he flinches, as if he had forgotten I was there.

“How does this feel now? Does it still hurt?”

He looks blank but puzzled and I stroke his palm with my finger tips. “Does it hurt Silver? Is there pain? Soreness?”

He shakes his head and I smile at him, slightly disappointed that he doesn’t return it with me as he had with Julia.

“Shall we try the coffee again?”

“Hot.” The word is very decisive and said with a strange absolute certainty.

“Yes, hot; but it’s fine if you’re careful. It’s good. Didn’t you have any when you were in the hospital?”

He squints at me, trying to remember and then shakes his head. “Okay... well... hold it like this, by the handle and sip... very carefully. It is hot so you need to take it easy and be very careful okay?”

He nods thoughtfully and takes the coffee, following my movements as I take and sip mine.

“Good?”

He lowers the mug and tilts his head, staring at me with his strange empty eyes. Then suddenly he grins, a real smile that lights up his eyes... just for a moment and then it’s gone but for that moment... for that moment I looked into his eyes and saw the person who is in there somewhere. I liked what I saw.

“It is good. I don’t know why but I think it shouldn’t be so sweet.”

“Okay... next time I won’t put any sugar in it.”

“No; no sugar.”

“Fine. When you’ve finished the coffee we need to make breakfast. Do you know what you would like to eat?”

The shutter is well and truly down behind those silver eyes again. He looks blankly at me and I remember what I was told about his independent thinking: there isn’t any.

“Alright... we’ll have something simple today and I can help you make something more hearty tomorrow when we are all here for it. How about some toast with honey and cereal?”

There is no response so I give up.

“Take the bread and put it in the toaster.” Silver puts down his coffee and automatically complies with my instructions. I watch him carefully. He doesn’t ask where the bread is or where the toaster is or how much bread to put in. He sees the bread; he sees the toaster; he puts bread in the toaster until it is full. He does not switch on the toaster because he has not been told to. All the time he works his eyes are blank, his fingers are dextrous and his movements deliberate but his eyes...

I direct Silver to set the table, being as precise as I can with my instructions. I leave him putting the toast on a plate and go get Ronya.

“You up for some breakfast?”

“Sure. How are you getting on with Silver?”

“He’s taking some getting used to.”

Ronya laughs. “He’s a bit of a shock isn’t he?”

“He’s...” I look at her with a frown on my face. “He’s a boy with a lot of problems... more than I’ve ever seen before. He’s not a freak and he’s not a circus show.”

“Hey... No need to be so defensive about it with me. We weren’t mocking him; not really. We were just messing with you.”

“Yeah: hilarious.”

“Aww, come on River: tell me your chin didn’t hit the floor the first time you set eyes on him.”

For a moment I stare at her severely then I have to laugh. “Yeah alright... my chin and... er... other parts of me.” I tease. Her eyes widen and I add laughing. “Like my stomach.”

“Ah right,” she says knowingly and smiles.

Silver is staring at his hands which are folded on the table in front of him.

“You didn’t have to wait Silver. You could have started without us.”

He looks up but there is nothing in his eyes. “What do you like to eat?” Still nothing. “Take some toast, spread it with butter and honey and then eat it.”

Silver complies precisely. Again he is dextrous and neat, completing his tasks with no difficulty. He eats delicately, there is nothing urgent in his movements, nothing desperate in the way he eats, just taking small bites and laying the toast back on the plate in between. When he finishes he sits quietly and stares at the table.

“Do you want some more? Some cereal?” Ronya smiles at him.

Silver raises his eyes and stares blankly.

“Are you still hungry Silver?” Nothing. “Put some cereal in your bowl, pour milk on it and eat it.”

Again he complies precisely and finishes the bowl with the same neat, delicate movements. Both Ronya and I watch him, we can’t help it. It’s the strangest thing I have ever seen. There have been many residents coming and going in the eighteen months I have worked here and they have all had their problems to a greater or lesser degree but I have never seen anything like this. Someone who is so shut off that he has no capability at all for independent thought... little more than a robot.

“Should he be here?”

“Apparently so. It seems that he has his lucid moments and they are hoping they will increase with more normal surroundings. I have to admit I have my doubts but I am not the doctor; I am just the one who follows orders without asking questions, something like him really.”

Ronya looks at me and then at Silver who has finished eating and is staring at the table again, his pale grey eyes fixed on something and nothing, his hands folded demurely in front of him. “No,” she says softly, “nothing like him.”

With Silver’s help breakfast is cleared away and the dishes washed in no time. As long as I am careful to be precise with my instructions Silver works efficiently and quietly with a great deal of skill and dexterity. In fact he impresses me.

When we are done I take him up to his room and he sits on the bed staring at the wall while I go through his drawers checking on the clothes he has been provided with. They are all bland. Three pairs of worn jeans, four shabby tshirts, one shirt. The only things that are new are the six pairs of underpants and six pairs of socks. Even the two pairs of pyjamas and the one pair of sneakers looks old and worn although of good quality. I sigh and hope that Ronya has been given a budget to get him some new clothes.

I am putting off the inevitable and I know it. I am very reluctant to get Silver in the shower... not that it is the shower that is the problem. I get him to make the bed and to lay out the clothes, after completely failing to get him to make a choice of what he wants to wear. Unless I am specifically telling him to do something he just stares at me with blank eyes and I get the feeling that no matter what I do to him, from shouting to physical violence would make any difference to that blankness... not that I would shout or hurt him of course, but I could see how the implacable blankness might irritate someone beyond endurance.

In the end I sigh and instruct Silver to take off his pyjamas and fold them on the bed. While he is doing this I go into the bathroom and turn on the shower. All of the residents have en suite showers although if they want a bath they have to go to the communal bathroom, which is also the one that we use.

When I get the water to the temperature I think it should be I turn back towards the bedroom and find Silver standing rigidly erect, as always, staring at the bed. I sigh. This is sad but likely to get frustrating very quickly.

“It’s time for your shower, Silver.” He doesn’t move. I close my eyes, partly because I really don’t want to look at the beautifully muscled shoulders, narrow waist and the cutest butt I have ever seen, and partly with a mixture to sadness and irritation. “Get in the shower Silver.”

With complete obedience Silver practically dances across the room revealing a front that is even more delicious than the back. I close my eyes until he is past and stepping into the shower.

“Aahh.” He gasps.

“What’s wrong? Is the water too hot?”

He shakes his head and smiles at me. I am completely taken aback because it is a real smile from someone who is looking at me out of those weird eyes.

Still smiling he stretches, lifting his face towards the shower and then turns so the water is running over his back. He closes his eyes and throws back his head, sighing with pleasure.

I close the door and watch from a safe distance, safe being far enough away for the steam to blur the naked form behind the glass. I see him raise his arms and arch his back and think that I am really going to have to leave the room for a minute... just long enough to... adjust myself.

Fortunately I manage to control myself and sit on the toilet, persistently keeping my eyes on the floor. After about fifteen minutes I tap on the door. Silver wipes a window in the steam.

“You need to wash your hair now. There is shampoo on the floor in the corner.”

Silver smiles and nods and then reaches down to pick up the shampoo and I wish I’d had the foresight to move the shampoo to the nearest corner.

I don’t need to tell him to take the lid off the shampoo or how to use it and in no time he has his head thrown back, his eyes closed and his hands raised; massaging the shampoo through his hair and into his scalp. I swallow hard, as it is the most erotic thing I have seen in a long time. I have to keep repeating over and over in my head that this is a resident, someone who needs my help and that the thoughts that are going through my head are very inappropriate.

I am so lost in my thoughts, or rather so lost in my attempts to suppress my thoughts, that I miss Silver rinsing his hair and picking up the conditioner. I come back into focus to see him squeezing it onto his hands and rubbing them together before running his fingers through his hair grimacing at the tangles. He bends his head forward under the water and it falls like a curtain, much longer than I had originally thought.

Something niggles in my mind but I dismiss it as, once he has finished with is hair Silver straightens and turns his back on the water letting it run down over his shoulders and back. He arches his back, his eyes half closed. I can barely see him through the steam but he looks as if he is enjoying every second of it.

I move around the side of the shower and sit on the window sill, moving the toiletries out of the way. It’s got to beat the toilet right?

I can see Silver’s hands on the side of the shower. I know he had his back arched and I want to wipe away that steam and have a good look at... shit. I really have to stop thinking like this or I am going to have to ask to be taken off the case.

Something is still niggling at me and I suddenly realise what it is; it’s the conditioner.

I get to my feet and tap on the side of the shower. Again Silver wipes a window and this time he presses his face against the plastic, playfully making a face at me. I am completely shocked.

“You used conditioner.” He looks at me quizzically a half smile on his face and my heart starts hammering in my chest. “I didn’t tell you to use conditioner but you did.”

Silver’s expression changes and becomes deeply sad. He turns his head slightly so that his cheek is resting against the plastic and draws lazy circles in the steam with his finger.

He raises his eyes to mine and for the briefest moment there is an intelligence there that takes my breath away. “Sometimes...” he pauses letting his eyes follow his finger, “the mist clears but... it’s not safe.”

“Not safe? What isn’t safe? Is that why you hide? Because you don’t feel safe? You’re here Silver, with me. You’re safe.”

Again his eyes meet mine and there is the tiniest smile and the tiniest shake of the head and then he pushes away from the wall to immerse himself in the water again.

I am completely shocked. I don’t know why but... the Silver I glimpsed, even if only for a moment... has stunned me. If he came out... if he was here all the time... I shiver. If that happens I’m off the case... simple as.