Red Running Shoes - 20. Seriously Now! - An Epilogue, Sort Of…

Approximately eighteen months later…

I was fighting to close the trunk of my car while holding two plastic bags with groceries in each hand, when my phone rang somewhere in the pocket of my pants. Usually I would have ignored it, but when I heard ‘Baby Looks Good on You’, my heart started beating faster. It was my ringtone for Val, Alec’s very pregnant wife and I was one of her emergency contacts. Add the fact that I knew Alec had a meeting with his publisher and his woman didn’t know the concept of ‘take it easy’, I was immediately alarmed.

So I quickly shoved everything back into the trunk, and fumbled for my phone, watching potatoes and onions rolling about. "Hello? Val?"

"Hey Jonah, am I calling at a bad time?"

"No, no. Is everything okay?”

"And he got me, right with the first question…"

"Huh? What did you do?"

"Well…"

"Val?"

She sighed. "I'm at the clinic and it looks like I have to stay here for a while…"

I immediately stopped trying to prevent more vegetables from spilling out of the bags and grabbed the phone harder. "Oh shit… What happened?"

"Yeah, um, well, it has something to do with me working too much, carrying some of the moving boxes around when Alec wasn't looking, and not going for prenatal care so they didn’t find out I have high blood pressure…"

"I can’t believe you!"

"Well, believe it and spare me the litany. You can’t say anything I haven’t heard already.”

“No?”

“Okay, maybe you can. Look Jonah, I just have to stay here for some more tests, then, in a few days, I can go home. I’m not allowed to work, though. Too much stress. They’re talking bed rest, which means I’ll probably be bored out of my skull but otherwise everything will be fine. And yes, I know it’s my fault and I already got punished. After listening to the doc telling us in detail what could have happened, Alec is barely speaking to me right now. On top of that, I lost a job I fought tooth and nail for.”

“Val—”

“I know. I screwed up. Okay? I won’t do it again. I thought––”

“You thought? Really? With your brain?”

“I was lucky. We were lucky, Jonah. Damned lucky and I will be on my best behavior from now on, I promise. Nothing will happen to Alec’s son and your newest godson.”

“I’ll talk to Alec.”

“Thank you, Jonah. There is another reason I’m calling. This job I was talking about—“

“Val!”

“--starts next Monday and it will definitely be without me. They were understanding, but they still need someone who writes their texts. I recommended you."

"Me?"

"Yes, you. You’re perfect. The payment is generous, it’s a technology slash science site, and to be honest, I wondered why they didn’t contact you in the first place. You’ll only have to be at the agency for the first few weeks. After that, you can work from your home office, whatever you prefer, and only have to go in for the occasional meeting and such. What do you think?"

"I don't know… I have some projects lined up already, and your husband wants to start his new book soon…"

"Jonah…please. You'd really be doing me a favor here. When Noah is born and everything is settled, maybe I could even take over. If you want me to, that is. Please, Jonah? Pretty please?"

"Yes, yes with a cherry on top.” I mentally went through my list. There was nothing on it I couldn’t postpone. “Okay, I'll talk to them, but I'm not promising anything…"

"Thank you, Jonah. I am sending you an email with the contact data as we speak. I owe you one.” I could hear her talking to someone else. “All right, the doc just came in giving me the evil eye, so I better finish this. Bye Jonah, and thank you again, and I promise to be good."

It turned out that I had worked for this PR agency before which meant they already had all my paperwork and references. It took only a phone call and I had the job. The contract paid well exactly as Val had said, and the work seemed to be interesting. I had a very good feeling about this.

***

Sox and I were at the park on our last round, and I was wondering how ‘Trying not to Love You’ landed on my playlist, when my phone rang. Irritated, I pressed the button on my headphones to take the call. "This is Jonah de Rossi. Hello?"

"Hello Jonah, this is Ren."

"…" Suddenly hearing Ren’s voice after all this time made me stumble over my own feet. I could barely catch myself on a nearby lamp post.

"Please, don't hang up! I know I promised not to contact you, but this is important.” I still couldn’t get a word out. “Jonah? Can you hear me?"

I had to clear my throat before I could speak. "Yes, I am listening."

"Good. I’ll make this short. If you take on Val’s contract, you’ll be working for one of my father’s subsidiaries and as I am leading their public relations department, you won’t be able to avoid seeing me, or working with me. I just wanted to give you the heads up, so that you can resign from your contract.” He paused. “Please do not take this the wrong way; I don't want you to resign. You would be perfect for the job. I just wanted to give you the chance for an out in case you don’t want to work for us – with me."

"When do you need my answer?" My heart was hammering in my chest and it was not from running.

"We need it by tomorrow morning, at the latest."

"Okay."

"Thank you, Jonah. I'm glad you didn't immediately say no. Goodbye."

I ripped the earbuds out so fast it hurt.

Shit! fuck, fuck fuck!

Val. I needed to call Val. "Val? Do you know which company I will be working for?"

"Yes, At-Knowlogies. Why?"

"Do you know who owns it?" I knew I was yelling at her and I mentally apologized but I couldn’t help myself at that moment.

“No. Why is this important all of a sudden?”

“Because it’s a subsidiary of Arnold Technologies, that’s why!” I knew I needed to stop yelling at her. She obviously didn’t know. “Sorry, Val! It’s just I…”

"Crap! I didn’t know okay, otherwise…I’d never…"

"Yes, yes, I know." Sox pushed his head into my hand and I automatically started to pet him. “How are you doing?”

“I’m fine.” I could practically hear her rolling her eyes at my lame attempt to change the subject. "So what are you going to do? Will you just quit? Think about this, Jonah before you make any rash decisions. It's a big opportunity and it’s not as if you'll see Ren there."

I scoffed. "On the contrary; I'll see him every day for the whole fucking time I’m working at their office, obviously. He just called me to… I don't know, to warn me or something…"

"He called you?"

"Yeah…"

"Are you okay?"

Was I okay?

"I'm getting there. It's been over a year, Val. It’s just… suddenly hearing his voice…it was a bit of a shock, I guess." Which was the understatement of the year, my heartbeat still wasn’t back to normal. “This is my career. I can't let myself be influenced by the past all the time. Right?”

"Absolutely.”

“Ren seems to be okay with me working for him. It’s time to bury the past and behave like adults. Right?”

“And I'll take over as soon as I can. I mean if you want me to; it's your job now."

"We’ll see.” I took in a deep breath. “We’re professionals.”

“I hear you.”

“All right, be good to my godson, and Val...I’m really sorry for yelling at you."

“No prob.”

In the last eighteen months I had seen Ren exactly three times. Once at a restaurant where he was dining with some business partners, or so it seemed. I don't even know if he’d noticed me. I left the restaurant as soon as I saw him. The second time was at a new club Michael and Chris wanted us to go. I think that time he left. The third time had been more recently at the park where I used to run with Sox. He was with a friend and even briefly looked at me but didn't acknowledge me, which I found somewhat strange. Maybe he didn't recognize me because of the crazy fur ball running alongside?

Yeah, right.

When I got home I went straight to my office desk and opened the bottom drawer. There in an old film container I still kept Ren’s ring. I had meant to send it back to him, but always forgot. Then it became just too awkward with the amount of time that had passed.

I could give it back to him when I see him on Monday…

No! No reason to trigger old hurts. That was in the past.

I went into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. Eighteen months. Enough time to be colleagues. I could do that.

Didn’t I say I was done with running? I'd be there, Monday morning nine a.m.

***

Eight-fifty-five, and I stood in front of an enormous Information Desk feeling ignored. The girl behind it talked into a headset, while clacking away on her keyboard with long, blue fingernails. When she finally acknowledged me, she told me to go to Conference Room 13A, second floor on the right. No special treatment for me. Good.

Most of the seats were already taken, but there were some empty chairs left at the end where our team leader Anya and her people would be sitting. I grinned. This was almost like school. Nobody wanted to sit in front of the teacher. That was when Carl, the guy I had talked to the other day, waved me over. "Good morning, Jonah. Did Mr. Arnold catch you Friday?"

"Yup."

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah."

“Good.”

So why are you looking at me funny then?

Nine a.m. sharp the door opened and Ren entered the room, directly behind Anya, with a woman I believed was her assistant.

He looked perfect. Black suit, shirt, and tie, his hair pulled back into a simple ponytail. Obviously, he still preferred black for his clothing.

Our eyes met briefly, then Ren’s gaze fell on the man beside me and a smile lit up his face.

I turned my head and when I saw a similar smile on Carl’s face, I couldn’t help but whisper, “So you’re the guy I have to go to when I screw up and need someone to put in a good word for me with the boss.”

“I don’t know about that. We only met a few times in my function as Anya’s PA.” Carl was Anya’s new PA? Suddenly it made so much more sense that I had talked to him before I got the job. “But I have to say Mr. Arnold is a very interesting man.”

Then I saw it: the guy was smitten with my ex.

And why the fuck did this hurt so much? I was momentarily stunned by the strength of my emotions. I knew I needed to pull myself together, though. This was what I had wanted for Ren.

Luckily the whole meet and greet was rather short. After the introductions Anya handed everyone a folder where they could find more details about their respective tasks and the room number of the office they were assigned to. Then Ren talked a little about the possible outlook, should the project be a success.

I stopped hearing what he was saying the second he pointed at something on the screen, and his right hand was suddenly illuminated. My gaze was drawn to his bracelets. His extremely frayed bracelets.

Why was he still wearing them? Was he stubbornly waiting for them to break simply because he said he would?

I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be intruding on what he was building with Carl. Or was I giving myself too much credit?

I should go. No! I wouldn’t run. He himself wanted me for the job. I had signed a contract. It would be unprofessional. Could he be needing me to prove to himself that he was over me?

Or maybe I was just a self-centered asshole who couldn’t accept that I wasn’t all that important anymore.

My eyes were riveted to his wrist. The bracelets could fall apart any minute. Carl wouldn’t have to wait much longer and then Ren would be free for him.

I almost missed the end of the meeting until a guy named Kenny introduced himself and offered to show me the way to the office I would be sharing with him.

The rest of the day we did a lot planning, scheduling meetings, and deadlines. I only saw Ren two or three times and he never talked to me directly.

When I finally sat on the subway on my way home, I thought that it hadn’t been so bad. Ren had been reserved, matter-of-factly, which was exactly how it should be. Perfect.

***

Only one week left, and I was asking myself why I’d made such a big deal out of this. It was one of the best jobs I’d ever had, challenging but manageable, just how I liked it. I felt almost guilty for having snatched it from Val.

Working for Ren was much easier than I had anticipated. After some awkward moments we got along quite well, not too friendly, but not behaving like strangers either. Professional.

Then one day I was walking to the elevators with Kenny and Linda, Kenny’s on-again-off-again girlfriend, when Linda suddenly said, "Ren Arnold really is a hot piece of ass, don't you think, Jonah?"

What?

"Um…"

"Come on, admit it. Everyone wants to tap that, not that you’d stand a chance with him.”

"Oh…?"

And she whispered into my ear, "I heard he was in a bad relationship once; the girl cheated on him or something, and now he's very careful with relationships.” Then she suddenly squealed. “Isn't that romantic ?”

Kenny rolled his eyes, which unfortunately didn’t deter her. On the contrary, she linked her arm with mine and stage-whispered into my ear, “I heard he's waiting for his true love, which I personally think is utter bullshit. A hot guy like him won't go without for long. I mean, women are throwing themselves at him left and right. He wouldn't say no to every one of them, now would he?"

"Um…?"

"God, Jonah! You’re a writer; couldn’t you be a little bit more eloquent? You must know something. I heard you know him personally.”

“What? How…”

But she just waved with her hand. “I have my sources. What about this girl who cheated on him? Do you know something about her?"

"No."

"I heard she married another guy…"

I peeled her hand from my arm. I had had enough. "Look Linda, you really shouldn't listen to all this gossip. Sometimes it's just that… gossip, half-truths, bullshit, whatever."

"Jonah, tell meee. You know something, and Anny from--"

"No."

"No, you don't know something, or no you won't te--"

This was the exact moment Ren passed us on his way to the elevator. He was grinning which could only mean he must have walked behind us the whole time. I would have liked to smack him upside his head, but you can't do that to your boss without getting funny looks.

"I'll see you three later at that new beer place, right? My treat."

"Of course, Mr. Arnold," Linda and Kenny answered in unison.

"Tonight? Beer place?" Nobody had told me anything.

***

I sat at a beer-stained table on this awful wooden bench, together with most of my co-workers, and Ren, who was pressed up against me. I could smell him, feel his body heat, and damn it all, a certain body part of mine liked it a lot. If Linda had said, 'Hey, we don't need another table; there is enough space for one more. Or two. Or three’, one more time I’d have killed her.

She was almost sitting on Ren’s lap, constantly giggling and apologizing for bumping into him. Poor Kenny was drinking himself into oblivion while my shoulder was being squished painfully against the wall. Jeez!

Just when I was about to yell at them to get another table, Ren suggested to Kenny the same thing, and finally, finally I had some space. And I so didn’t care that Linda was pouting because now she had no more reason to crowd Ren.

The rest of the evening was rather pleasant. Ren was friendly, but slightly distant. He listened to everyone with interest, but no one could forget he was the boss.

I was content sitting beside him and listening to his voice. Sometimes I absently registered that he still smelled like cinnamon, and… well, Ren.

What? It must be the beer! I better go home now.

Ren apparently thought the same. He collected his stuff, went to pay the bill, and was gone even before me. Carl left shortly after.

***

Wednesday morning. One last meeting and then I could work from home at last. Just as I preferred it. Only the meeting didn’t go as planned when I found myself in a heated discussion with Kenny, Ren and I against Anya. Then she played the experienced team leader card. We didn’t budge. We held together, and it felt damn good. Needless to say, in the end everything was done as we had wanted it.

Anya left the room quickly afterwards and when I had packed my messenger bag it was only Ren and me left in the room. For the first time the distance between us was gone. We grinned at each other and I blurted out, “We should celebrate this. The great Anya Meyer admitted she’d made a mistake.”

I almost slapped my hand over my mouth.

Shit!

He looked at me with raised eyebrows. "Tomorrow, at the beer place?"

To my horror, I said, "Sure. When?"

"Seven?"

"Yeah, seven would be fine." I shouldered my bag, nodded at him, and forced myself to calmly leave the room.

How did this happen? What had I been thinking? There was no such thing as being just good friends with your ex. It just didn’t work that way.

***

Ren wasn’t answering his phone. No space to park the damn car.

Shit, shit, shit!

It was one of those days where everything that could go wrong, went wrong. It started with me spending too much time deciding on what to wear. It just wasn’t me! In the end I even asked a friend! About clothes!

One thing led to another, as it always does, especially when you're nervous as hell and have to do half of the things a second time because of that.

I was late.

Great!

Just when I reached the beer place, I saw Ren going to his car.

Shit! He must think I'm standing him up.

Rolling down the window, I called to him from across the street. "Ren!"

He looked up and smiled.

Wow!

A car peeled out right in front of me and I snatched the spot before anyone else could. It was a bit small for a 1979 Volkswagen Bus, but I managed.

After leashing Sox, I crossed the street to where Ren was waiting for me. "Hey, sorry I'm late. I tried to call, but you didn't answer your phone."

"Yeah, I know. My battery was so low it died. I didn't realize until I looked at it to see if you had called. I was just on my way back to my car to recharge it."

We went over to the entrance and Ren opened the door for me. "Shall we go outside?" He gestured at the benches and tables in the garden of the beer place.

"I’d like that." The view from the terrace was nice and watching the large barges drifting along the river was soothing. Not that I needed that.

"I know."

Yeah, he knows. Of course he knows.

We settled down on the still sun-warmed wooden benches. Sox sniffed at the grass and Ren’s leg before he threw himself under the table, never taking his eyes off him.

Ren wore his hair down and with the setting sun, he almost looked…

Stop it Jonah!

The waiter brought our beer and we sat in silence for quite a while. Then my gaze fell on his hand that was holding the glass. He was still wearing my ring, but now only one frayed bracelet was left on his wrist.

If he noticed my gaze, he didn’t comment on it. He also didn’t try to hide his hand as he did last time. It was almost as if he was saying: This is me. This how I am.

Then there was a sudden gust of wind and I got a look at the tattoo. It was different. No longer was there a chain holding back the dove, it was sitting on some sort of branch, or vine now… I swallowed. I couldn’t have said a word, even if I’d wanted to.

I think he knew I somehow needed a moment so he started to tell me about his trip to Japan. Obviously I hadn’t been the only one who had left the city for a while. When he described the sights, and some of the hikes he did, I almost felt like I was right there with him.

After that everything got easier and next I looked at the time, over two hours had passed. We hadn’t talked like this for a long time… I don't know…without expectations, so…naturally. It had been comfortable. Something I would have never thought could be possible again.

When he walked me to my car he said, "Let’s do this again sometime, Jonah."

I smiled. "I'd like that." There was…something there, not touchable and way too fragile to talk about… yet.

In the next few months we met for coffee, lunch, and dinner, or just to get a beer after work. When I finally told Chris, he muttered something about version 2.0 better be free of bugs while Michael just wanted me happy.

Was I happy?

***

I was staring at my keyboard trying to concentrate on the text I had to finish when my phone started to ring.

Fuck off!

It stopped briefly, only to ring again. Obviously someone didn’t want to leave a message. I grabbed the phone without looking at the caller ID and barked, "What?"

"Am I calling at a bad time?"

I could hear Ren grinning at the other end which made me smile too."Uhm, actually yes, but I could have switched off the phone so… I must have subconsciously wanted a break. Right?"

"Exactly.” I could hear him clicking on his laptop. “How do you feel about going out for breakfast tomorrow? There’s this café at the market place I’ve heard so much about. They have an awesome breakfast buffet…"

"Oh yes, Michael told me about it! Lionel's, right?"

"Yes. You could bring Sox and we could walk him along the river afterwards. What do you think?"

"Cool. He’ll love that. Around ten?"

"Ten is perfect. I'm glad." He hung up and left me wondering why he was in such a hurry all of a sudden. Normally we would talk quite a bit, but maybe he wanted to let me finish my work…

***

Sox was wagging his tail as soon as he saw Ren standing in front of Lionel's. Whether it was because he was just happy seeing Ren again, or it was because of whatever Ren had in those two brown paper bags he was holding, I didn’t know.

"Hey."

Ren smiled at me and then handed me the tray with two coffees to go. "Hey back. They’re extremely busy in there, so I thought I’d get us something to go and we could drive down to the river, maybe to one of the piers and have our breakfast over there. The view would be better, and we um, can t-talk?"

"Okay. Sox loves to be down by the river, although…" I looked up to the sky, where dark clouds were coming up. "…it could start to rain."

"If it really starts raining, we can always open the rear hatch and have breakfast in the back of my car."

And that was exactly what we did as it started to pour down the minute we got there. I leaned against the back rest of the rear seats and looked out of the open hatch at the river. The rain was getting heavier; it was pelting on the car roof. It felt like we were sitting in our own world. Sox chewed on the rest of his beef sausage and I played with my empty coffee cup. Only a few minutes ago we had been talking about normal stuff: sports, a movie we both had seen, but then Ren’s answers had gotten more and more monosyllabic.

He suddenly wadded up the empty paper bags, only to throw them on the floor and jump out of the car where he started pacing in the fucking rain!

"Ren! What are you doing? You're getting all wet!"

He didn’t answer and I was about to go after him when he lifted his hand to stop me. “I’m sorry, but I just can't sit patiently in the car with you right now..."

What?

He stood in the heavy rain with his back to me, looking at the river for several minutes. I sat inside the car with my arms around Sox, barely keeping myself from going out there anyway.

When Ren finally turned around, his long black hair was plastered against his face and shoulders. He lifted his arm and showed me his bare wrist. "This morning on my way to you I lost the other bracelet.”

My heart sank. This was it. He would let me go. He was ready to move on. Everything was clear then, clear like it had never been before. He was ready, but I was not. All my talking had been utter bullshit. Not only his hope, but mine also had been woven into those bracelets and now it was gone.

He talked to me, but I didn’t hear him over the rain drumming down on the car…Kenny had said that there had never been anything between Carl and Ren, and it hadn’t been for lack of trying on Carl’s part. It didn’t matter anymore, though,…anyone who would get Ren eventually would be so damn lucky.

And it wasn’t going to be me.

A firm hand on my shoulder brought me back from my inner rant. "I made a promise to you. I wouldn't contact you, and I didn't. I avoided places I knew you’d go. The few times we actually met, I wanted to talk to you so badly, but I didn’t do that either. It helped that I only ever saw you with Chris, Michael, and Sox of course. It gave me hope that you hadn’t moved on, that we still had a chance.”

“I told you to forget me. I’m bad for you.”

He ignored me. “When the agency called me and told me who was going to replace Val Winters, I started to believe in fate, karma, you name it. Because we couldn’t avoid seeing each other, talking to each other if we had to work together. My first thought was to chance it, see what you’d do when you saw me there. Of course I immediately knew it was a bad idea. But at least I had a reason to call you now, if only to offer for you to resign your contract. But you didn’t. I was so relieved when you agreed to work for us. And then…these last weeks…encouraged me and I have to try this one last time.”

He grabbed my hand. “Jonah… I love you. I know we can be good together. We made grave mistakes, but we learned something from them. Right? We can do it. You and me."

He let my hand go. “Or say you don’t love me anymore, here and now.”

I stared at him as he was standing there in the pelting rain. Challenging me to say I didn’t love him. Challenging me to lie. I had lied to myself enough, though.

"We probably should get you into a hot shower and dry clothes, because I really do not want to play nurse. I don't want to make you tea or cook hot chicken soup for you, because you caught a cold standing out here in the rain all this time."

"Jonah?"

"Yes?"

"You'd make me tea and hot chicken soup?"

"If I must. I'd even buy you cold meds, read you a goodnight story, get myself a second nipple piercing, and kiss you to make you all better. If I must."

***

I had Matteo on the phone, he was telling me of a new recipe he wanted to try out later, while I looked over to the couch where my man was sleeping peacefully together with Sox.

He moved in with me four months ago. Our friends and family said it was too early to jump right back into a relationship, but we knew it wasn't. I knew it wasn't. We’ll fight, we’ll argue, but we’ll never stop talking to each other again. He’ll be a possessive ass, and he’ll be generous to a fault, he’ll be protective of me also and I’ll have to tell him off for that. But then we’ll make love, and all will be good.

I'm wearing his ring because I love him, just him. And yes, I’m fucking sure! No dragon tattoo to cover my dove!

The end.

 

‘Baby Looks Good on You’ by Jon. C. Davis

‘Trying not to Love You’ by Nickelback