Unforgivable - 2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Jason leaned back in his chair and rubbed his eyes. The clock on the wall told him he’d been working steadily for hours, and his growling stomach was a reminder he’d skipped lunch. There’d been too much to do today to take a break. He could have ordered something in, but he hadn’t even realized how late it had gotten until it was well past four. By then there was no point in going out, so he poured another cup of coffee, and soldiered on.

“Mr. Sedor? I’ll be on my way if you don’t need anything else.” His clerk, Mara, stood at the door, purse in hand.

“I’m fine. Thank you, Mara.” Jason smiled at the woman who’d been his clerk since he started at the firm a few years ago. She was over ten years his senior, and had been invaluable helping him with his first, daunting court applications, and pleadings. Even now, he wasn’t sure what he would do without her expertise. He was going to miss her when he moved.

“Ok, I’ll see you at the party tonight then?”

Jason tried to hold his smile, but knew he failed when he saw the concern flicker across her face. He took a breath and tried again. “Yes, I’ll be there.” When she raised her eyebrow his smile became less forced. “Really… I’ll be there for 8. I can’t miss my own farewell dinner, right?”

Her look of motherly affection warmed him. “I’ll miss working with you, sir.”

“Jason… please.” He’d tried several times in the beginning to have her address him by his first name, but her ingrained professionalism would never allow it.

“Jason.” She acquiesced, her eyes twinkling with mirth. “I’ll see you in a couple of hours.”

After Mara left, he looked around the empty room. All of his files were memoed, and he’d forwarded his notes to the lawyers who’d be taking over his caseload. There was nothing left to do but spend a few minutes packing the things he hadn’t already taken home. He threw his diplomas, mug and personal files into a box, before locking the door to the office that’d been his since day one. Although he was honored to be chosen to run the new satellite branch in Kingston, especially with more senior lawyers available, he couldn’t help feeling a little melancholy as he rode the elevator to the main floor. When he landed a position with the firm as an articling student, he had aspirations of one day making partner. He’d eventually been hired as a junior lawyer, and the powers that be were impressed with his ambition and work ethic. Being an attractive, successful lawyer didn’t hurt his personal life either. Everything in his world was right on track… until it derailed.

As he walked to the subway station he passed a familiar building. Trudel’s… Luc’s restaurant. It was the trendy ‘it’ place to be for the young, professional set in Toronto. The place was busy, as usual, and Jason knew if he looked inside, Luc would be there, laughing and mingling with the customers. He felt a pang of sadness as he stood in the train, surrounded by men and women in suits, speeding back to their homes and families… something he stupidly let himself believe he could have.

When he’d met Luc Trudel over two years ago, he was immediately drawn to the seductive, handsome older man. At 41, Luc was a successful entrepreneur, owning Trudel’s, as well as having part-ownership in a popular restaurant in his home city of Montreal. Their first months together were a whirlwind of parties, laughter and incredible sex. They’d occasionally invited another man into their bed, and had even attended a few ‘parties’ together, but Jason preferred having Luc one-on-one. With teasing about Jason’s greediness, the ménages and parties gradually stopped.

Eight months into their relationship, Jason was stunned to discover he’d fallen in love with the restaurateur. The realization made him giddy, but also terrified him. With all of the sexual partners he’d had over the years, love had never once entered the picture. Although he was reluctant to admit his feelings to his lover, he allowed himself to get used to the idea of being in love. Having recently landed a lucrative client for the firm, introduced to him by Luc, Jason felt as though life couldn’t get any better.

A couple of months after his self-discovery, Jason still hadn’t said the words out loud. He could never seem to find the right time. Wanting to do something nice for his boyfriend, he invited the man over for a homemade dinner. Dating a restaurant owner, he didn’t get to cook very often, but he enjoyed it. It was Saturday, and they had plans to meet up with friends at their favourite nightclub later. Nerves made him jittery all day, having resolved to finally tell Luc how he felt. How did someone admit they were in love for the first time?

The evening started out great. Luc praised his mushroom ravioli, and things had gotten pretty steamy in the shower before they had to leave. The club was loud and packed with hot, sweaty bodies. They spent hours drinking and dancing, together and with other men they knew. By two in the morning Jason had enough, and was anxious to get back to Luc’s place. Luc was somewhere on the dancefloor so Jason decided to take a leak before grabbing his man and dragging him to bed.

To his horror, when he walked into the bathroom he saw Luc, head thrown back and groaning with pleasure as some pretty, blond boy serviced him. The kid couldn’t have been more than nineteen. Jason was livid, and demanded to know what the fuck was going on. Luc was unapologetic, and even appeared irritated with the interruption, encouraging the flustered boy to continue.

“Jason,” the man snapped, shaking his head in disgust when his trick scurried out of the bathroom. “I thought we understood each other. Your reputation is one of the first things that attracted me to you. I assumed you'd be experienced enough to know how this works. This is supposed to be fun.” The man paused, tilting his head as he stared at Jason for a long moment. “Sweetheart, don’t tell me you thought we were exclusive?” The look of pity on the face of the man he loved was a bigger punch in the gut than anything he’d ever experienced. Numb, he stumbled out of the bar, and wandered aimlessly for hours. He couldn’t remember how he made it home that night.

Jason had been devastated… Luc admitted, in a roundabout way, to having a string of other lovers while they’d been dating. The man called him a few times, but stopped trying after a few days, when his messages went unanswered. Jason wondered if Luc ever cared about him at all, or if he’d just been a convenient bed partner. Not knowing what to do with all of these unfamiliar feelings, he’d thrown himself into his work. He knew he was burning himself out, but needed to keep occupied.

After the breakup he’d indulged in a few meaningless one night stands, but it’d been a couple of months since he’d bothered. A ‘new guy every night’ might have been exciting when he was 20, but not anymore. His experience with Luc had soured him on the bar-hopping lifestyle. It was easier to take care of his physical needs himself, and channel all of his excess energy into his professional life.

Things carried on this way for almost a year, until the partners approached him with an intriguing offer. His firm planned to open a satellite office at the beginning of June, but the chosen lawyer bowed out at the last minute. She’d apparently balked at the idea of downsizing, and accepted a more lucrative position elsewhere. Admittedly, life in the smaller city would be quieter, and it would be hard work getting the office running in such a short period of time, but a change was just what he needed. He jumped at the offer.

Walking into his condo, Jason dodged boxes as he made his way to the bedroom. Although the official opening wasn’t scheduled for another week, he decided that relocating early would give him a few days to settle into the area. Everything was ready for the movers in the morning. The only thing left to do was to suffer through an office farewell dinner tonight.

He was just finishing his shower when his cell phone started ringing in the bedroom. Dripping water on the hardwood, hurried to pick up the call.

“Jason Sedor,” he answered, hitching up his falling towel.

“Jase.” His brother’s excited voice made him groan. He loved the guy, but if his sibling was calling to get him to do one more thing for the wedding… Seriously, why did anyone need so many flowers? The one thing he didn’t mind planning, the bachelor party, was being taken care of by one of his brother’s buddies, since Jason’s move didn’t allow him any time to do it himself.

“Hey, Drew.” He sat carefully on the edge of the bed, trying not to get his duvet wet. “What’s up?”

“I just wanted to see how your last day went. Today was your last day, right?”

“Yep.” Jason squeezed the bridge of his nose with his thumb and finger. “I’m heading out to the farewell dinner soon.”

“I still can’t believe you’re moving to Kingston.”

“I had to get out of the city eventually.” Jason ignored the odd hesitancy in Andrew’s voice.

“Ha!” Drew snorted a laugh. “I was sure your dick would have to fall off before you gave up the bar scene. You do realize that Kingston doesn’t really have any gay bars don’t you?”

Jason grimaced. “There’s more to me than hook-ups, Drew.” He knew his tone was clipped, but he couldn’t suppress his irritation. Did everyone think all he did was find ways to get laid? Okay. He conceded. I guess I earned that reputation.

“Hey, man,” Drew’s said quietly. “I wasn’t trying to insult you. I was just surprised.”

“It’s ok,” Jason said with a sigh. He didn’t mean to take his frustration out on his brother. “This move will be good for me. I need the change.”

“Is everything all right?” The concern in Drew’s voice was clear… as was the unspoken question. His family knew something happened to him last year, but he’d never confided in anyone about Luc… too embarrassed by his own stupidity. As far as they knew, the restaurant owner was just another fling.

“I’m fine, bro. Don’t worry so much. You’re turning into a chick.”

“Fuck you.” Andrew laughed, and the tension between them broke. “Ok, you go and get dolled up for your party. I’ll see you in a few weeks. Liz and I should be back home on the 13^th so we can get some last minute shit done before the wedding.”

Jason grinned. It would be good to see his little brother again. It’d been too long. “I’ll be back for the bachelor party on the 17^th. Please tell me your straight friends didn’t convince you to hit up a strip club?”

“Even if we are, I’m not saying a word.” Drew laughed loudly. “I actually want you, Pierre, and Corey to show up.”

The smile on Jason’s face faded. Pierre… God he was such an ass to him.

“I’d better get ready, I’m dripping water everywhere.” Saying a hasty goodbye, he hung up the phone. He didn’t want to remember how much of a prick he’d been all those years ago, but there was no denying how much he’d hurt the redhead. At the time he thought it was all part of being a young, horny male.

Deciding he’d had more than enough introspection for one day, he quickly changed, and hailed a cab to take him to the restaurant. The party wasn’t as bad as he’d feared. Overall it was a nice way to end his time in the city. He’d have to come back once in a while for conferences and meetings, and would still report to the senior partners, but he was working on his own until the office became viable enough to bring in additional counsel. It was perfect.

Later as he lay in bed, with his life packed away in boxes, his mind wandered to the upcoming wedding. Corey and Pierre would both be there. Saying their reunion was going to be awkward would be an understatement. When the three friends walked in on him with one of his fuckbuddies he’d lost more than a boyfriend. Corey’s smiling face appeared in his mind’s eye. He didn’t realize how much he would miss the guy, until the furious brunette stormed out of his house, and out of his life. The reaction from his brother hadn’t been much better. It killed him to see the censure in Drew’s eyes… knowing he’d let his little brother down. It took a couple of years before they’d been able to rebuild their relationship to something close to what it had been, although their easy camaraderie had never been the same.

The memory of what he said to Pierre that night made him cringe. Back then, he’d really believed he hadn’t done anything that bad. Yeah, he knew he was screwing around, but he justified his behaviour by telling himself he’d never actually made any promises to the boy. It was a shitty excuse, and in retrospect he knew he’d handled things badly. Starting something with the cute redhead was a terrible idea, but Pierre wasn’t a casual sex kind of guy, and horny twenty-year-olds don’t always make the best decisions. He hadn’t cheated on another person since that summer, but was honest enough with himself to admit it had more to do with avoiding the messy drama of serious relationships than any kind of strict moral code. Luc hadn’t been mistaken about his reputation.

It’d been nearly 8 years since he’d spoken to either of Drew’s friends. The separation made him realize how much he’d enjoyed his friendship with Corey, and how much he missed it when it was taken away. The green-eyed brunette might have been two years younger than him, but he was smart, and funny, and had become one of Jason’s favourite people to hang out with. For years they’d spent evenings heckling B horror movies, much to Drew’s annoyance, or, as they got older, talking about school, and their plans for the future. Corey had an uninterested father and no siblings, so Jason had been the one to teach him how to give a proper check in hockey, and how to make your strike zone smaller in baseball. After all this time, he still missed his friend.

Would he have made the same choices if he’d known how much thinking with his dick would cost him? It was something he’d wondered off and on, especially since Drew told him about his engagement. He honestly didn’t know the answer, but since the Luc experience, he had a better idea what the pain he’d caused felt like. Sighing, he punched his pillow, and tried to get comfortable. I guess what people say is true… karma is a bitch.

Thank you to my awesome editor, Gary, for all of your help and guidance.     Thank you too all of you who read and support this story.