Dirty Pool - 1. Chapter 1 Friendship

Dirty Pool

 

 

Chapter 1 Friendship

 

 

“So, are you coming or not? It’s time to leave the barn, little lamb, and mama is getting tired of waiting for your answer.”

“I know, I know. Honestly, Kelly, I’d rather see your new house when there isn’t a party going on. I appreciate you guys being patient, but the idea of facing all those people… the looks and their questions. I’m sorry, but what if I come over the day before and help you get ready…?”

“Oh, no, no, no. Do you really think I need help? Remember who you’re talking to, missy. I am fabulous at organizing.”

Duncan laughed. “Yes, honey, you are. You’re fabulous at whatever you do. It’s how you snagged that hunky man of yours.”

“Sweetie,” Kelly purred, “that had nothing to do with organizing and everything to do with skill.”

He laughed again, and it felt good. “Please, don’t go there. I don’t want another play by play of your seduction techniques.”

“Why not? People would pay good money for what I could teach about reducing a man to mush.”

Stretching out on the bed in his newly-rented condo, Duncan smiled at the ceiling, the phone plastered to his ear. He missed hanging out with Kelly and Martin. He’d almost forgotten what it felt like to be social. He missed… best not to go there… shit… too late.

“Have you talked to Leon?”

Duncan groaned. “No.”

“I think you should. We think you should.”

“I know what you think, but there’s no point. It’s done.”

“But…”

“Kelly, stop. If you don’t, I’m hanging up, and I’m not kidding.” He listened to silence, and knew his friend was struggling to keep his opinions to himself. It was a tossup as to which way he’d go.

A rush of air filled the earpiece. “Fine, I’ll leave it alone. I just hate seeing you so hurt and angry and….”

“That’s not stopping,” he warned, grinning to himself at the man’s predictability.

“You are such a bitch.”

“And you’re a bigger bitch.”

“You got that right, Mary.” They both laughed, the tension gone. No one did ‘camp’ better than Kelly. “So, back to the housewarming. You have to come. Don’t you miss your adoring, little godson? He keeps asking about you.”

Dirty pool. His big-hearted friend was never above resorting to it to get what he wanted. “That’s not fair. Of course I do. I know it’s been two weeks….”

“Three, sugar, and I had to drop him off to you.”

“Really? That long?” His already-present guilt flared. He loved Noah, but he was having a hard time getting past the struggle and acceptance of being on his own again. “I’m sorry, man. It’s been hard to get myself straightened away with… with finding this place, and buying furniture and stuff. Every time I turn around, there’s something else I’m missing.”

“And whose fault is that? You should have at least gone back and taken your belongings. Are you okay? I mean, really okay? It’s been almost three months.”

Duncan winced because he knew they’d get back to this. “All I wanted was my clothes. Look, Kelly… I’ll get there.”

“I know you will.”

He waited for the next lecture, but none came, much to his surprise. The man must be slipping. Knowing when to let up had never been his strong suit.

“So, you’re coming? It starts at noon, and if you don’t want, you won’t have to stay for the whole thing. Noah wants to show you his new room, and it’ll do you good to get out and see people other than Carl. I guarantee you the food is to die for.”

Duncan chuckled at his friend’s persistence. He wasn’t giving up on this at least… but there was no missing the distaste in Kelly’s voice when he mentioned his oldest friend. He never understood why Carl seemed to rub people the wrong way. “Is Leon invited?”

“No, he hasn’t been. Martin and I talked about it, and we thought we’d see what you were going to do first. We want you to be comfortable if you come, so no, we haven’t spoken to him about it. He’s going to take Noah for a sleepover the following Friday, so our little man will get to see both his godfathers in the same week.”

Duncan hesitated. “I don’t want to be the reason he’s not invited, Kel.”

“Oh my God! The next time we won’t invite you. Satisfied?”

Duncan chuckled again at his friend’s exasperated tone. “Am I driving you crazy?”

“Oh, sweet Jesus, yes!”

“Good. I live for that.”

“Bitch.”

“Bigger bitch.”

“So, you’re coming? Say yes.”

Duncan caved with a little groan into the mouthpiece. “Yes, but I’m not staying very long, so don’t harp on me when I get there.”

“Sweetie, would I do that to you?”

“Hell, yes. Kiss Noah for me… and Martin.”

“I’ll kiss Noah, but you’ll have to kiss Martin. It’ll remind him how lucky he is to have me.”

“Bitch.”

“The queen, Mary, the queen.”

Duncan was still smiling long after he hung up. It was time to move past his self-imposed exile.

 

Driving up the rural side-road, he had to maneuver carefully because of all the cars parked along one edge. It wasn’t his first time seeing the house from the outside, but it still surprised him how impressive it looked, sitting at the front of a square acre.

Driving past, he found a spot that would fit his SUV. Duncan had every intention of trading it in for something smaller, but hadn’t gotten around to it yet. There was no reason for a family-sized vehicle anymore, but he still remembered how excited he’d been when he first chose it. Dammit. Stop with the self-pity!

Stepping out into the sunshine, he took a deep breath, steeling himself for his first foray into his old social circle. Nerves had already made him fashionably late when he had to return to the condo, and let his rebellious stomach empty its contents. Breakfast had turned out to be a terrible idea.

Walking back up the road, he rounded a big stand of lilac bushes with a few fragrant blooms still hanging on. He’d always loved that scent for the old family farm memories it brought. The driveway was finely graveled with sand colored stone, and one leg of it led down the side of the house to a separate three-car garage. The other part ran across the front of the house to an open carport, profusely decorated with fresh flower garlands matching ones on the front portico. It was so over-the-top ‘Kelly,’ and seeing it made an amused Duncan loosen up a little.

The property behind the house was lush lawn, and that’s where all the people were. Of course there was a tent with three pinnacles, along with a bouncy castle for the kids. He’d expect nothing less from his friends. He was starting his scary trek down the slight slope when the front door opened and Kelly came rushing out with Noah in hand.

Duncan laughed at the struggle to keep the four-year-old in check until they cleared the stone steps leading to the driveway. Once loose, his godson flew in his direction as fast as his little legs could move.

“Uncle Dunk, come see my room. It’s biggest than anything.”

Duncan scooped him up so they were face to face. “I’d love to see your room. Can I say hello to your dad first?”

“No, he’s got pressing matters to do, don’t you, Daddy?”

“Yes, Daddy does, little man.” Leaning over his son, Kelly kissed Duncan’s cheek, his eyes sparkling at his precocious son. “But, I do have time to say hello to Uncle. Can I come with you when you show him your room?”

“Yes, you can come with us. We have to go right now. I have to go play with Charles. He doesn’t know how to swing so I got to teach him. He could do a oops.”

Chuckling, Duncan swung him around, getting those giggles that went straight to his heart. “Well, we wouldn’t want that. Let’s go then. I’ll put you down, and you lead the way, but I need you to hold my hand so I don’t get lost.”

“Don’t worry, Uncle Dunk. I know how to not get lost, but you have to go slow on the stairs, okay?”

“It’s a deal, buddy.” Duncan grinned at Kelly as he was tugged along by his impatient godson.

 

Noah’s room was on the second level of the three story Georgian, right across from his daddies’ master, and it had everything a kid could ask for. Duncan could hear people moving throughout the sprawling house, but he hadn’t had to face anyone yet.

“See, you can see everything. I told you.” Noah’s idea of a tour was walking in the room and back out. “I have to play with Charles now. Will you come with me, Uncle Dunk? You can swing too, but you got to do turns. I’ll be first.” The delightful little boy was in overdrive.

“Of course I will.” He turned to Kelly, and could see the concern in his brown eyes. He swallowed, and let himself be led from the room. Time to face the crowd.

Kelly stopped them at the top of the stairs. “Noah, Nanny’s in the kitchen. Can you go down and ask her to take you out to the swing set. I want to show Uncle the rest of the house.”

Duncan’s stomach unclenched at the little reprieve. “I’ll come see you in a few minutes, okay, little man?”

Noah had already started down the stairs. “Slowly,” Kelly cautioned him.

“Yes, Daddy. I’m going to the swings, Uncle Dunk, but I might be in the bouncy ball castle.”

“All right, buddy.” The sound of little feet running on the polished hardwood dwindled until they heard “Nanny,” followed by something garbled. Duncan was smiling, until he turned and met his friend’s eyes.

“You look like shit, sweetie.”

The words startled him, but he should have expected it. “Thanks. And you look stunning. So does the house.”

Kelly shook his head. “What am I going to do with you? You look about ready to throw up, and sugar, I don’t advise doing that on my carpets.”

“I don’t think I’m ready for this.”

“What are you ready for?” They were still standing in the hallway.

“What do you mean, Kel, and don’t talk in riddles?”

“I’m worried about you. How much weight have you lost?”

“I don’t know, maybe five pounds.”

“Bullshit.”

“Don’t do this, man.”

“Christ, Duncan, I’m just trying to help. You need closure… and that isn’t going to happen until you talk to Leon. This avoidance is slowly killing you.”

Duncan rubbed his short-trimmed stubble with both hands. Dammit, why did he come when he knew a lecture would be coming from his friend… probably from both of them? They just didn’t get that he couldn’t get past his anger. Leon’s betrayal had changed something inside him. “I’m going to go. We’ll do this… the tour… another time.”

“Okay. Okay, you win. I shouldn’t have started in on you. It’s just... I won’t bring it up again.”

“I’m still going to go. I’m sorry. It’s nothing to do with you, though.”

“It’s not?”

“No. I’m used to you being a pushy bitch,” he said with a glimmer of a grin. “I’m not ready for all those people out there.”

“Alright, I understand. But before you go, can I show you my escape room?”

“What the heck is an escape room?” He stopped his turn toward the stairs.

“It’s a little piece of heaven on the third story. Big windows in huge dormers, air conditioned luxury, a wet bar with seating, reading nooks everywhere, and you can see for miles. And, it’s got a spa bathroom. When Noah’s old enough to be on this floor by himself, it’s going to be our master bedroom. It’s the reason we decided on this place over a couple of others.”

“Sure, I’ll take a look. It sounds nice. Lead the way.” He was relieved the Leon thing was dropped, and wanted to leave on a good note. Duncan felt like he might have finally gotten through to his friend, which was a rather miraculous accomplishment. Looking around as they walked down the hall to a second, narrower, slightly steeper stairway, he paid attention to all the original features. What a beautiful place to raise a family. He and Leon had planned to raise a family. Shit… now he was doing it. Forced himself to tune into Kelly’s chatter, they climbed the less grand, but still beautiful, second stairway. A plush oriental runner cushioned their steps. Reaching the top, they stood on a landing with an expansive skylight overhead, a window behind them, and a large white door in front of them.

“Are you ready to be blown away,” Kelly asked with what came across as a nervous smile. The man was never nervous. He must really love this room. Opening the door, they walked into a truly magnificent u-shaped space. “Check out the view first.”

Duncan walked to the window on the far wall, and it was breathtaking. As he stared off into the distant hills, marveling at the vistas presented, he heard Martin’s voice coming from the stairs. He missed the garrulous man, and looked forward to his entrance. He turned from the window to greet him… but… he wasn’t alone. Leon was being ushered into the room ahead of him. Duncan didn’t know who would have appeared more shocked. His ex… or him. His stomach dropped, and his throat felt like it was closing up. They stood about fifteen feet apart from one another, both frozen. He hadn’t seen this man in almost three months… not since the night of that damn party. “What the hell is this… hey?! What are you doing? Kelly? Shit!”

Duncan couldn’t believe what was happening. Kelly and Martin had exited the room and pulled the door closed behind them. The unmistakable click of the old iron lock followed, and he heard the sound of the skeleton key being pulled out.

Looking at Leon, he concluded his surprise was an act. “You! You did this,” he raged. Regaining the use of his legs, Duncan stormed past him to the door, trying the handle. It was the wasted effort he expected it to be. “Kelly! I can’t believe you lied to me. Open this door, now!”

“I’m sorry, Duncan. I… God forgive me… I can’t do that. You two need to talk. Technically, I didn’t lie… well, I did, but… oh damn. We invited Leon after you said you were coming, so… I can’t watch our best friends in pain any longer. I am sorry, but this door is staying locked for an hour.”

Kelly’s muffled words sounded sad, but Duncan was furious, and dizzy. He had to be careful not to hyperventilate. His heart was pounding like a freight train. “I’ll kick this fucking door down, I swear. Kelly… open it now… you have no right. Stop fucking around! Martin, make him open it… please.”

“Sorry, Duncan. You know I can’t make him do anything, and besides, he happens to be right this time. You guys need to at least try to be friends. This has gone on far too long, and Noah deserves godparents who can be in the same room together.”

“Okay, I’m kicking this down. I warned you.” He took a short kick at the bottom and winced. He actually heard a shriek come from Kelly on the other side of the door.

“Oh, sweetie, don’t. You’ll hurt yourself. These doors are solid oak, and the lock is embedded in the frame. Just give it an hour, please. I’m begging you.” Was that a sob? “Noah is begging you.”

“That’s dirty pool, Kelly. This whole thing is.”

“I know, and you can hate me for it, but we love you both and we didn’t know what else to do. You won’t listen and your anger is going to swallow you up. You can’t ask us to just stand by and watch this.” There. Another sob.

Duncan gripped the door frame and sighed. Why did Kelly have to pull out the tears? “One hour. That’s it. You let me out in one hour and not a second longer.”

“Well, two at the most.”

“What?” Duncan practically roared the word.

“Well, sugar, you can’t just sit in the corner until the time passes. I know you’re capable of it, and that isn’t what this is for. There’s refreshments in that little fridge behind the bar, and there’s snack foods and a plate of sandwiches in there too. We’ll be back to check on you.” He kept stumbling over the words. “We love you guys so much. Please, talk this out… and… and... be honest to yourselves and each other... I'm begging you.” Yeah, he was definitely crying.

Duncan heard them go down the stairs, Martin murmuring comfort to his husband, but he stayed where he was. He wasn’t ready to turn and face the man behind him. Another wave of dizziness hit him.

“Duncan?”

It hurt to hear that voice say his name. He ignored it, focusing on breathing in and out.

“It wasn’t me. I didn’t ask them to do this.”

“Duncan? Do you believe me?”

There was a tumult of emotions surging through Duncan, and he didn’t know which one was going to come out if he opened his mouth. “I have a hard time believing anything you say.”

“I see. I’m really sorry to hear that.”

Duncan heard his footsteps walk over to the other side of the room, and something in him snapped. “You’re sorry to hear that? That’s what you have to say?” He turned with clenched fists and glared at the man he’d lived eighteen months with… planned a whole life with. Planned a family with.

“What should I say? Tell me, please. I would say anything to fix this. Fix us.”

“There is no fixing us.” He meant it to come out angry, vicious even, but to his own ears, it just sounded defeated.

“Why not? What did I do that was unfixable?”

“I… I can’t do this.” He turned away and walked, rather unsteadily, to the furniture grouping in the corner, wishing his breakfast had stayed down. Grabbing the arm of the leather loveseat, he practically fell into it.

“Are you all right? You don’t look very good.”

“I’m fine,” Duncan barked out, and this time he succeeded in sounding angry. He closed his eyes, thankful Leon stayed quiet for a few minutes. He needed time to process being in a room with someone he used to think was perfect. He was still handsome as ever, but the bloom was off the rose. His ex had let him down in the worst way possible.

“You’ve lost weight.”

Duncan opened his eyes and looked over at the man. He was still standing at the large south-facing window. “So have you.” He closed his eyes again. The pain he saw in those brown eyes rattled him, and he didn’t know what to think or feel.

“Can we talk? I know you don’t want to… that’s obvious from your refusal to respond to a single message. But, we’re here now, and I need to understand where it all went so wrong. I would do anything… anything to go back to how we used to be… or somewhere different… even if it’s only friendship.”

“You don’t know where it went wrong?” Duncan sat up straighter. “Try starting with that party. No, start with sleeping in your office, coming home late, missing dinners, working all weekend long, not coming to our bed… start with that. Start with not loving me… start with pretending to want a family when you really didn’t.” The outburst hung there as both men stared at each other, one in anger and one showing confusion.

“I… I don’t know what to say. Not loving you? You were my world. I have never loved anyone like I love you, and that feeling hasn’t gone away… not one bit of it.”

“They’re only words, Leon. Empty, fucking words. You turned away from me, and I told you... fuck... it shouldn’t have been any big surprise.”

“You told me what? You were mad at me all the time, and I tried to understand, but I was working toward our future. I finally had something to work for. I know I put in a lot of hours, but I was doing it for us. When I was dumped into the middle of that class action suit because of Gerald’s heart attack, it was sink or swim, and I explained all that. I figured we could weather the storm, but I was wrong. I had no idea how much damage was done until you lowered the boom before the party, and that’s on me. If I could do it over, I would have quit the firm before I would take any chance of losing you.”

“More empty words, Leon. All water under the bridge now.” Duncan just wanted to be left alone.

“They’re not empty. Please stop saying that. I didn’t turn away from you. I thought I was giving you your space. When I went to bed, you would pull away from me. A few times I went up to our bed, and you were in the spare room.”

Duncan sighed and turned pained eyes back to his ex. “And what did you do then?”

“I… I was too tired to fight, and I thought you needed time to yourself. I took you for granted. I see that know, but I thought we were committed to forever, and it would be worth it in the long run.”

“And was it… worth it?”

“Fuck, no.” Leon hung his head. “I’m selling the house. It’s going on the market next week.”

“Why?”

“Because without you there, it’s a horrible place to be. It’s just a reminder of how I lost something precious; you and the family we were going to have together. I’m giving you half of what I sell it for.”

“It’s your house. I don’t want it.”

“You’re legally entitled, Duncan.”

“I don’t care. I don’t want it. I don’t want anything from you.” Duncan snorted, and it wasn’t a pleasant sound. “I call bullshit on the family thing too. You weren’t interested in having a family with me.”

Leon walked closer, leaning on the arm of the overstuffed chair across from Duncan. “Why would you even think that, let alone say it, after all the talks we had?” He looked genuinely hurt, but Duncan reminded himself the man had been a good… no… a great actor.

Meeting those baby browns, he felt a coldness at the topic. “It doesn’t matter anymore. It was all talk, and it’s what people do to appease someone. And that’s what you were doing… playing on what I cared about most.” He got up and moved away, over to the elaborate bar. Physically, the tall, lean man still had an effect on him, and he’d been too close. It soon became apparent he… this… wasn’t going away when Leon followed to his side of the room.

“I call bullshit on your bullshit. You have no reason to say that. I always wanted a family with you, and I still do.”

“I won’t be fooled again.”

“Oh my God! Where is this coming from? Do you think it was a walk in the park for me to handle all that pressure with a suit I had to learn inside out? Sixty-six petitioners, and their doctors and therapists, and all those employee records I had to go over with a fine tooth comb. That team was a mess, and the whole thing was falling apart when I took over. If I fucked up even a little, missed one detail, I was screwed. I was over-fucking-whelmed, but it was all so we could have a family.”

“I don’t believe that. You didn’t have time to be my partner… not even my friend, so how could you have been anything close to a father? Kids need time… or is that what I was for? I was to be the stay-at-home mom, and you the distant dad? Fuck you, Leon. That’s not a family.” He couldn’t stop the tears that came out of nowhere… the last thing he wanted to happen in front of this man. It only pissed him off more. He looked away, but felt his ex move closer, and when the hand touched his shoulder, he bolted. “Don’t fucking touch me. You have no right to do that.”

“Fine. I’m sorry. Jesus. You really do hate me.”

He couldn’t help watching as Leon walked back over to the window, wiping at his own eyes, and for a second, Duncan felt remorse for his reaction. He was acting like a child, and this was supposed to be about some sort of resolution for Noah’s sake. He didn’t know what to say next, so he returned to his original seat, staying quiet. When Leon, after a few minutes, turned away from the window, his face was more composed. Damn, he was a good-looking man. Duncan had always responded to the blue-black shadow of his beard, and those thick, sooty lashes.

“Please, I don’t want to fight, but I need you to believe I never pretended anything. Having kids meant as much to me as it did to you. I still feel the same way, and I’m still going to have them.”

“You missed our appointment.” Duncan didn’t even try to hide the hurt in his eyes. There was no being aloof with this subject.

“What appointment? I don’t know what you mean.”

“Our appointment with the adoption agency? You didn’t meet me there, like you were supposed to.” He watched Leon tap fingers on his wrist, something he did when he was thinking hard.

“Do you mean when we were going to go and get some literature, and talk to someone about the ins and outs of adopting through Children’s Aid?”

“Yeah, that one.”

“It wasn’t an appointment, Duncan. We were just going to drop into the center one afternoon, right?”

“Yeah, so? You said you would meet me there, and you didn’t. What do you think that told me?”

“Shit. Is that why you barely spoke to me for a solid week?”

“That was one of the reasons, yeah. You ditched on me, and I had been so pumped to get started. It was pretty obvious you didn’t feel the same. Again, water under the bridge.”

“No, it’s not. I hurt you and I’m sorry. I thought of it as a casual thing, and I figured we could do it another time. That was the week one of the petitioners passed away… a forty-two year old single mother of three. She… her name was Lyla. The asbestosis claimed another victim. I’m sorry, Duncan… I let it slip from my mind, and I should have realized the importance of it to you.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me that… about Lyla?” The pain he’d seen crossing Leon’s face gave him some insight into how tough it must have been at the time.

“I tried, but… I guess I didn’t try hard enough. Why didn’t you tell me how bad I’d screwed up, and how it made you feel?”

Duncan had to look away from the intensity directed at him. “We weren’t very good at communicating, were we?”

“No, we weren’t, but we could have learned. We could have worked on it.”

“That’s just wishful thinking. If two thirty-six year old men couldn’t do it for eighteen months, then I believe that says it all.”

“It wasn’t all bad, was it?”

Duncan hesitated, and for a few seconds loosened his grip on anger. “No, of course not. I couldn’t have been happier in those first few months we lived together. I loved you, loved the house, loved our plans, and loved working from home… I wouldn’t have changed a thing… and then you did your invisibility act, and disappeared a little more every day, and it all fell apart.”

“Loved?”

“Yeah, loved. Past tense.” He swallowed down the vile taste of the lie. It was part of moving on, wasn’t it? Leon looked like he’d been walloped, and Duncan had to avert his eyes.

Finally, the visibly shaken man stammered out, “Would it help for you to know I won my case… that it was settled out of court? I’ve made the firm a shitload of money, and they made me partner, the youngest one ever. I left you a voicemail.”

“I stopped listening to them, Leon. Congratulations. You got what you wanted.” Bitterness welled up and spilled over, and Duncan let it.

“I didn’t get what I wanted. I lost. I lost you.”

“Look, I don’t want to argue about this. The fact is, you do have the career you wanted, the coveted position, and I’m sure that will fill your life up. I’m not interested in someone who is never there. I want a man who puts family first, and that isn’t you. I believed all those things we talked about, and I thought you were that guy, but I was wrong.”

“You weren’t wrong!” It was a plaintive cry from a distraught man, and Duncan couldn’t deflect the impact of it. “That is me, Duncan. I know I fell down in the communication department, but so did you. I have enough confrontation in my work… so I guess I avoided it at home, and took the easy route. I was stupid. Yes, I was wrapped up in a case, but don’t say I wasn’t that guy. Please don’t.”

“Leon, I’m not trying to hurt you. You’re the one who kept texting me about having this kind of meeting, so it’s only right to say how I feel. I never wanted to do this… I’m still too numb, but here we are. You’re right. I closed up on you. I couldn’t handle the disappointment, and there were things I could have done differently. But it was hurt after hurt after hurt. It felt like I was trying and you weren’t.”

“We were trying in different ways. What you said about me not being there is true, but it was only ever going to be temporary. It was goddam exhausting. I took on too much… I know that now.”

Duncan couldn’t help it. He scoffed. “Temporary? Right. And now you’re a partner, and I’m sure that means even more responsibility. Face it. You had your priority, and it was your career. I accept that, but there’s no way I want to be a part of it. Maybe for a year or two, but not for the rest of my life. You made a choice and so did I.” He looked down, feeling drained. He certainly didn’t want to get into the rest of it.

“I know you did. You made that clear the night of Samuel’s party.”

Oh, God. Here comes the ugly stuff. Duncan resigned himself to the fact they were going to keep going whether he wanted to or not.

“I think you have my being a partner in the firm, and what it means, all wrong. I don’t do research anymore. I have flunkies for that. My hours are shorter than a banker’s… I bring in clients, and I advise our teams on cases, shared with the other partners. I work hard, but I don’t bring it home anymore, and that was my goal. Or one of them. The money I made on that CA suit paid off the entire mortgage on our house. I couldn’t be in a better position to be a parent than I am now. It was a means to an end.”

Duncan paid attention to the pleading tone as much as the words, but it still meant little in the whole picture. “Good for you. So, maybe it was worth it. You now own the house outright. I don’t know why you don’t just keep it… it was your dream home.”

“It was once, but like I said, it’s a sad and empty place. I can’t stay there any longer. I’m looking for another house… I’ve already talked to an agent.”

“What about your twink boyfriend?”

“My what?”

“Don’t do that… act all innocent. It’s insulting. The little blond slut from the party. Why don’t you move him into the house? It wouldn’t feel so empty then.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Leon’s voice had risen to a shout for the first time, something he seldom did. “Do you mean the guy I stupidly used to try to make you jealous when you were hanging out with that giant Latino? The one you let pant all over you?”

“Fuck you, Leon. Don’t put this on me. Maybe that guy was interested in me, but I didn’t suck face with him. And don’t say it was to make me jealous. How stupid do you think I am? You were in the kitchen where you thought you were hidden. And you took him home with you, for fuck’s sake, and don’t deny it.”

Leon moved quickly and sat across from him. It startled Duncan. “Let’s get this straight, because obviously you have things screwed up.”

“I don’t have….”

“Stop! I’m going to talk, and you’re going to listen. I drove that guy home… it was the least I could do after what I did to him. I didn’t take him home. And I did know you were there, on your way into the kitchen. I can tell you what Mr. Hot Guy said to you at the doorway. He said he wanted to get you out on a basketball court sometime. Am I right?”

“I don’t remember,” Duncan lied again. He was caught up in the intensity of the face across from him, though, and he was having trouble thinking.

“Yeah, well I do, and since you wouldn’t talk to me… after you said we were through and you didn’t want to ‘do this’ anymore, I panicked. I thought my showing up to the party would make you happy, but you looked pissed off every time I went near you. What was I supposed to do? I loved you… I still love you. I was watching you slip away from me.” He hung his head, but it didn’t prevent Duncan from seeing tears drop to his jean-clad legs.

God this was so hard. He had to search inward to find his resolve. “I’ll tell you what you don’t do,” he uttered softly. Leon looked up. “You don’t ram your tongue down someone else's throat if you wanted to make things better with me.”

“I know… fuck. It was probably the dumbest idea I’ve ever had, and I’m sorry, but there was no tongue… or open mouth, I swear. If you’d stuck around long enough you’d have seen that guy getting ready to belt me. I thought it would make you mad enough to finally talk to me, and get you away from that he-man wolf.” He looked beseechingly at Duncan, begging with his eyes to be believed, but unfortunately, Duncan knew better.

“Okay, so maybe there was no tongue then, but what about since?”

“I’m not following. There’s been no since. What does that mean?”

Duncan felt his temper fire up again. “Come on, Leon. I know all about you and your little boyfriend. You couldn’t find time for me, but you sure found time for him, didn’t you?” He went to get up again.

“Sit! You can’t say shit like this and run away. It’s a fucking habit with you. Now, what the hell are you talking about? I have no boyfriend, and I never saw that guy again after I dropped him off at his house.”

“Fuck! Seriously? I’m calling bullshit again. People have seen you and your party boy all over the city.”

“Jesus! Are you kidding me? I’m calling bullshit because that’s what it is… absolute fucking bullshit! Who are these people who’ve seen me out, because I never leave the goddam house, and I haven’t so much as looked at another guy since you took off out of there that night.” Spit was flying from Leon’s mouth, and Duncan had never seen him like this before. “So, who the hell are these people?”

“Ah… just people.” Duncan was confused. He knew he wasn’t wrong, but the man across from him was putting on a very convincing act. It wasn’t like Leon to get so riled.

“Let me guess. You got this from one person, and his name is Carl? Am I warm?”

“Don’t throw this onto Carl, Leon. You’ve always hated him.”

“You’re right. I do hate him. He’s sneaky and underhanded, and he’s in love with you.”

“Not this again… I’m not going to listen to your paranoia. He’s my friend, and he’s been there for me through all of this.”

“Of course he has, and badmouthing me the whole time, I bet. So is he one of the people?”

Duncan felt like he was being pushed into a corner. He was always defending Carl, and not just to Leon. “So what if he was. His eyes work just fine. He saw you and your boytoy last weekend at Traxx, and for your information, you’re not the only guy he’s doing.”

“And this is the guy from the party, supposedly?”

“Yes, so there’s no denying it.”

“Oh, I’m denying it. And for your information, I went in and met my so-called boytoy’s partner the night I drove him home, and I explained and apologized for what I did. They been together since they were eighteen, so seven years now, and the only reason he wasn’t at the party was because he had bronchitis. He thought it was hilarious, but agreed with the consensus it was a dumb thing to do to try and win you back. I seriously doubt, from what I saw, that guy’s been out partying anywhere. They are a really solid couple… anyone could tell that by looking at them, and I have never stepped foot in Traxx!”

Duncan chewed on the inside of his cheek as he watched Leon pull out his phone. He was really confused. There’s no way Carl would lie to him, was there? “What are you doing?”

“I’m going to prove that son-of-a-bitch is lying.”

“Leon….”

He stopped what he was doing, and spoke quietly but emotionally. “Even if you never want to see me again, this is important. I need you to know the truth. I understand how it all looked to you at the party, but it was never what you thought.” He held up a hand as the call went through.

“Sammy. It’s Leon. Yeah, thanks… it’s been rough. Listen. I need a favor and I’m on a timeclock. Do you by any chance have that guy’s number from your party a few months back… the one… yeah, that one? I know it was stupid. Yeah, they’re really nice, I need to talk to them. What was his name? Danny? Right, that’s it. I should have remembered that name. And Stuart. Okay, thanks. Yup, got it. I really appreciate it. No, just trying to figure something out. I will… thanks, buddy… you too.”

Duncan watched him punch numbers into his phone. “Leon, I don’t need you to do this. This is all really fucked up.”

“Are you saying you believe me?”

“I… I don’t know. None of this makes any sense.”

“That’s why I’m doing this. Maybe it’s the lawyer in me, but I have to show you irrefutable proof.”

 

“Danny?”

“Yeah. Who’s this?”

“I don’t know if you’ll remember me, but we met about three months ago… at Samuel’s party. Leon?”

“The guy who kissed me? Of course. I’m still trying to live it down. Stuart tells everyone that damn story.”

“Yeah, I am sorry about that. Can I put you on speakerphone?”

Duncan could already hear clearly, with the phone held away from Leon’s ear, but he said nothing.

“I guess. Why?’

“Hold on. There, you’re on speaker, and I just wanted to clear something up if you don’t mind?”

“I don’t mind. Who’s listening?”

“Remember the person we talked about?”

“Of course. Your partner… don’t remember his name.”

“Yeah, unfortunately, ex-partner, now.”

“Ah, sorry to hear that man. Hey dude. I saw you, but we never actually met.”

Leon looked at Duncan, urging him with his eyes.

“Um, hi. My name’s Duncan.”

“Hey. So that boneheaded move didn’t work, I take it?”

Leon answered. “No, you were right… it just made it worse, which is why I’m calling. Could you do me a favor and explain to Duncan what happened.”

“Not much to tell. You were foaming at the mouth over that tall, good-looking dude hanging on your partner… ex-partner… they came in the kitchen. You planted one on me to make him jealous, without warning me, I might add, and he took off out the front door. You apologized to me and then went after him, but he poached someone’s cab and took off. Then you came back and said how sorry you were again, and I told you that you needed to grovel to… ah, Duncan… big time. Oh, yeah, and then you drove me home and apologized to my partner. Stuart still thinks it was funny. He says I’m never allowed out by myself again. That’s about it.”

“Duncan, anything you want to ask Danny?”

“No… no… um, actually, yeah. Danny, do you ever go to Traxx?”

“The bar?”

“Yeah, the one on Yonge.”

“We’re not bar people, dude. If we do go to one, it’s not a seedy place like that dive. Heard lots about it, but never been there. Good enough?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

“Thanks, Danny. I really appreciate you doing this.” Leon lifted his eyebrows to Duncan, and he nodded in response.

“No problem. Are you guys trying to work things out?”

Leon looked at Duncan before answering. “It’s too early to tell, but I hope so.”

Duncan put his head down, not able to meet those expressive eyes and what he saw in them.

“Okay. Good luck, guys. If you find something good, you should never let it go… just saying. Ciao.”

“Thanks, again.”

 

Neither man spoke. Duncan kept his eyes averted as he tried to come to terms with this different version of events. He’d been so sure he knew what had transpired that night, and after. The rug hadn’t been pulled out from under him; the entire fucking floor had.

Thinking back, he remembered every word Carl had said when he told Duncan he found out Leon had gone home with the ‘twink slut.’ Another friend had backed him up, saying he saw the two of them leave the party together. That part was true, but it wasn’t what it had looked like. Danny, it turned out, was no twink, nor a slut, and Carl had either lied his ass off, or he was mistaken.

Who was he kidding? Carl couldn’t have been mistaken about so many instances. According to him, Leon had been seen out with Danny on numerous occasions, which was the reason he never gave him the time of day. He hadn’t answered a single message, and it hit him how unfair that had been, and how stupid. He wanted to crawl away and hide from eyes he knew were focused on him. Leon had never betrayed him… or fallen out of love with him… he should have trusted the man.

Why did it feel like there was no going back? Had too much damage been done? Numbness started to overtake him, but so did shame. When it had felt like Leon was pulling away from him, he’d turned to Carl, using his shoulder to whine on. Had it all been skewed by Carl’s input? He’d been used to Leon and Carl’s mutual dislike of one another… maybe he should have taken it into account when he listened to his friend’s all-too-willing advice. Fuck! Was he a gullible fool? Yes! He stood up before meeting those eyes.

There was nothing in them but concern, and maybe something akin to hope. There was no judgement, no satisfaction, no gloating… nothing at all negative. It shouldn’t have surprised him, because that was the Leon he knew so well. He’d forgotten that person. “I’m going to call Carl.”

Leon opened his mouth as if to speak, but nodded instead, staying in the same position in his chair. Duncan walked over to the window as he waited for Carl to pick up. It took three rings. He didn’t tell Carl he was on speaker, but he figured he owed it to Leon to let him listen in.

 

“Hey, man. How’s the housewarming?”

“Yeah, it’s okay. Lots of people. Nice house.” His turned to see Leon watching from his seat.

“Did the asshole show up?”

Duncan could feel himself going red. “Ah, yeah he’s around somewhere.”

“That sucks. Are you staying?”

“Don’t know yet.”

“Did he bring the twink with him?”

It was what Duncan was waiting for. “Not that I’ve seen. You know, I saw a few old friends, and they said Leon wasn’t seeing anyone. That he hasn’t been the whole time.”

“What do you expect? They’re covering for him, and they don’t want to make you feel bad.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

“I’m telling you, man. I’ve seen them out together a few times and so have other people.”

“Were you the one who saw them at Traxx on the weekend?”

“Yeah, I saw them there. You already know this. What’s going on?”

“I just wondered if you were sure it was the same guy that was at Samuel’s party.”

“Yeah, same guy. Everyone knows the little slut. I don’t know what Leon’s thinking, but I guess you never really know someone, do you?”

“No, you sure don’t.”

“Carl?”

“Yeah?”

“Why are you lying to me?”

“What do you mean? I would never lie to you. What’s going on, Duncan? Did that asshole get to you?”

“We talked.”

“Oh, hell. You know you can’t trust the guy. He proved it to you when you caught him kissing that little tramp.”

“Funny thing, that. I talked to the little tramp today. His name’s Danny, he has a partner he’s been with since he was eighteen, and he’s never been to Traxx. How is that possible when you saw him there yourself? Carl?”

“I don’t know. Maybe it was a different guy… one who looks like him.”

“But you said you were sure. You just said everyone knows the little slut.”

“What’s with the third degree, Duncan? Are you going to take his word over mine? The guy probably has a few partners hidden away.”

“Samuel knows him, Carl. He’s not the person you say he is. Are you going to keep making shit up? Or are you going to explain why you have?”

“You came to me, remember? You’re the one who showed up at my door in tears because of that prick. He doesn’t deserve you. He never did, Duncan. You and me, we’re a good fit. Can’t you see that? We’ve always been a good fit.”

“Carl, we tried for two weeks ten fucking years ago. We were never a good fit.”

“But… you have to know how I feel about you? I love you, man. Please don’t tell me you’re going back to him.”

“I don’t know what I’m doing, thanks to you fucking with my mind and my life. You don’t do that to someone you love, so I call bullshit on that. You just want what you can’t have. I should have seen through you a long time ago.”

“I’m not the one mind-fucking you. It’s that asshole.”

“Don’t call him that. He isn’t the asshole here. And lose my number, Carl. We’re done.”

“Just like that?”

“Yup. Just like that.”

 

He ended the call, and was hit by a wave of nausea followed by a wave of dizziness. Christ. He needed to eat something right away. Leon was staring at him, and he froze mid-stride. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“I… I don’t know. I have to eat. Blood sugar.”

“Oh, God. Me too.” He jumped up and headed behind the bar and opened the fridge. “Sandwiches… yup, here they are.”

Duncan stayed where he was and watched him, caught up in remembering how good this man was. How did he lose sight of that? He’d been an idiot.

“Hey, are you going to eat?” Leon asked around a mouthful of sandwich.

Duncan smiled at the adorable expression he knew so well. “Yeah. Any ham and cheese?”

“Right here. Already on your plate.”

Duncan walked over and sat on one of the high-backed stools. Man, this ‘escape’ room had it all. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Just a little something I whipped up,” he joked.

“You always were good at conjuring up a quick meal.”

“I was, wasn’t I? Glad to be able to do it again.” There was life back in those eyes. “Juice?”

“Yes, please. Orange.”

“I know,” Leon said with a grin. “Mind if I join you?”

“Sure. Pull up a stool.”

When Leon came around the bar and sat down, their knees pressed together, but Duncan didn’t pull away this time. They ate in silence, and he smiled ever so slightly at the familiar appreciative noises his ex was making. When Leon pushed his plate away, so did Duncan.

“So, have you figured out what you’re sorry for?”

“I know one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“I’m sorry I lied.”

Leon kept his eyes on his empty plate, moving crumbs around with his finger. “What did you lie about?

“I... I wasn't telling the truth when I said past tense.” He needed to come clean, no matter where it might take them. Brown eyes focused on him once more, and he met them with his blue ones, feeling as vulnerable as he’d ever felt.

“Do you mean it? You still love me?”

“Yes. Do you think it’s too late for us, Leon?”

“God, no. Do you?”

“I’m not sure. Sometimes love isn’t enough. I don’t have any doubts about what happened, and I understand a lot more than I did, but we had some real problems.”

“Yes, we did. The biggest one was because I had my priorities screwed up, and I’m sorry for that.”

“No, I don’t think that’s completely true. It was our lack of communication. I should have been more patient, and I should have had faith in what we had. I was too quick to jump ship.”

“So, we both screwed up then.”

“I think so, yeah. It really hurt when I saw you kissing Danny, but if I was to be completely honest, I did want to make you jealous, and that tall guy played right into it. I was the one who started down such a dangerous path. I’m sorry for that too. I’ve learned a lesson about holding things in, and playing games.”

“I’ve learned a few lessons myself. If you give me another chance, I will never take the easy way again. I’ll always make sure you know where my head’s at… and I would never accept you sleeping in another room.”

Duncan’s lips curled up at the corners. “You really want another chance after the way I shut you out?”

“There’s nothing I want more… nothing, except to maybe share our lives with a few kids of our own. Do you still want that?”

“Same as you. More than anything. Look at what Noah has come to mean for Kelly and Martin over the last couple of years.”

“And us.”

“Yeah, and us. I love that little guy, and he makes me want my own so bad.”

“Good. I want to show you something.” He fiddled with his phone and passed it over.

Duncan found himself looking at the picture of a young Latino-looking kid, a boy of about seven or eight, with a shy smile and brown eyes the same light shade as Leon’s. “Who is this?”

“His name is Danny, funny enough, and he’s going to be eight in a couple of months. He’s in foster care right now, but I’m starting proceedings on Monday to adopt him. Originally, he was from Haiti, and his only relative was his grandfather, who passed away recently. The man did a good job of raising the boy… it really shows. So, Danny became a ward of the crown, and Sophia, his worker, notified me. I’d been sending feelers out about any available kids. I’ve already passed all the checks, and the home visit was done last Tuesday. He loves sports and he’s perfectly healthy except for one thing.”

Duncan took his eyes from the picture for the first time. “What’s that?”

“He has only thirty percent vision in his left eye.”

“So?”

Leon laughed. “That’s what I said. What do you think?”

“I think he’s beautiful. I’m already in love.”

Leon laughed again. “I was hoping you’d feel that way. So, do you want to be his other dad? Share him with me?”

Duncan went from staring at the photo to surveying this beautiful man who was stirring up a multitude of feelings in him. “Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?”

“Honestly, I didn’t want it to influence you. I thought about it, but I didn’t want to win you back by using Danny. You deserve better, and so does he. I didn’t know what was wrong, but if it was going to happen, I needed it to be about us, and it was. So are you going to answer the question or do you need some time to think about it?”

Duncan smiled slowly. “I don’t need time to think about anything… us or Danny. I’m all in, like I should have been all along. Maybe we should seal the deal?” He moved his head closer and their lips found each other. It was like it had been years since they kissed, yet, at the same time, it seemed like only yesterday. It was a sweet kiss of promise, but there was passion underneath, simmering.

“That was nice.”

“I missed that. I missed you.” Duncan experienced a warmth only this man had ever produced. “Tell me about him.”

“I missed you too… every minute of every day. Ah… Danny… yeah, he’s a real sweetheart, and he loves sports, all sports, but especially soccer. You and I need to read up on all his soccer heroes,” he said with a grin that gave a glimpse of his joy. “Because of his reduced vision, though, no organizations will allow him to play. Too much risk apparently.”

“Is there any way to….”

“Already on it, babe. Children’s Aid let me take him to a laser eye clinic on King Street, and after all their tests, the surgeon says he can almost guarantee about eighty per-cent vision in the weak eye, and he thinks it could well be higher. It will take two separate treatments most likely, but the first one will make the big improvement. The second one is more about fine tuning, if there’s any blurriness. I have the reports at home, and they explain it all. With ten years of insurance, the estimate was eighty-five hundred. He might need extra follow-up because of his age.”

“Sounds like a bargain to me. I have enough to cover that, easily.”

“That’s what I thought. It’s well worth the money, and he’d be allowed to play organized sports then. He’s pretty excited about the possibility.” He leaned in for a soft little peck on smiling lips. “We’ll be the only ones petitioning for him, and it won’t take long to do your checks. The agency has assured me there will be no hiccups, with them in our corner, but it’ll be a better application with both of us.”

“When can I meet him?”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if Sophia could arrange something for tomorrow. She’s really cool, and she loves Danny to bits. It will be great if we can get you two together before Monday. His foster parents are easy-going. They’re an older couple, and they don’t mind me dropping in, but we should contact Sophia first. I ah… I told Danny about you.”

“You did? How come?”

“He opened up to me so I opened up to him. He asked me if I loved anyone, and I said yes. He is one inquisitive little boy. You get one question answered and he has five more ready. He knows you have blond hair and blue eyes, and that you like tennis and hockey, and he knows your favorite food is pasta… anything Italian, and a whole bunch of other stuff.”

While Duncan listened, he kept the photo lit up, pushing the button every time it dimmed. Leon laughingly coaxed the phone from him despite his protests. He worked for ten seconds and sent the photo to Duncan’s phone. “There, now you have your own copy.”

“Thanks. So, you and me and Danny; we’re really doing this?”

“Well, if you change your mind I’m going to be disappointed.”

“I won’t be changing my mind, Leon. This is what I’ve always wanted. It hurt like hell when I thought I’d lost it… lost you.”

“I know the feeling.” He chuckled with an exaggerated grimace. “You know we’re going to have to thank Kelly for doing this, right?”

Duncan snorted. “Yeah, that’s the only bad part. He’s going to lord it over us for the rest of our lives.”

“Small price to pay, isn’t it? Come on.” Leon pulled Duncan to his feet, and this time they shared a longer, more intimate kiss.

It was a struggle to let go, but Duncan finally pulled back. “Should we try to get out of here? It’s been a lot longer than an hour, and we have stuff to do.”

“Oh yeah? What stuff?”

“We have to get everything ready for Danny. We’re not selling the house, right?”

“No way. With you in it, it’s my dream home again.”

“Our dream home. What have you done for his bedroom?”

“Nothing really, because I’d planned to move us soon… once the adoption was official. It didn’t make much sense to change anything.”

“Well, it does now. What’s his favorite color? Do you know?”

“I do, as a matter of fact. His favorite soccer team is Brazil, and he likes the green on their uniforms. You need to slow down a bit,” Leon said with glowing amusement.

“I can’t,” Duncan admitted. “We’re going to be dads, and we need to get out of here and start working on our son’s room… we need to buy some paint, and I have to start moving my clothes and stuff back home.”

Leon chuckled. “You weren’t kidding about being all in, were you?”

“Nope. I love you, I love us, and I already love Danny.”

“I love you too, and I’m so happy I could burst.”

“Me too. Just don’t burst all over Kelly’s floors,” he warned with a grin and an eye roll. “Come on… let’s go home.”

Leon beamed. “Yeah, home. Sounds good to me. Okay. I heard someone come up the stairs when you were on the phone to Carl, so I think they’ve been checking on us. We can try yelling through the door, and if that doesn’t work, we’ll phone one of their cells.”

They walked to the door, hand-in-hand, and Duncan called Kelly’s name. He smiled when he heard the hurried run up the stairs. A second set was close behind. They must have been sitting at the bottom, waiting. Imagine that, with a party going on. “Can we come out now?”

“Is everything settled between you two?”

“Yes, Kelly. We’ve agreed to be friends for Noah’s sake. We can do this.” He winked at Leon, who winked back.

The door slowly opened, just a crack, and Kelly peered in. His eyes went from their faces to their joined hands, and he squealed. It was ear-piercing, the way only a Kelly squeal could be. “Please tell me you worked things out? You did, didn’t you?”

“Yes, we did. That doesn’t mean you had the right to lock us in here like prisoners, though.” He had to let go of Leon who was engulfed in a hug from Martin.

“Oh, sweetie, you weren’t really locked in. If you’d pulled hard enough, the door would have popped right open. You know Mama Kelly is always gonna watch out for you, so stop being an ungrateful little bitch.” He held open his arms, and Duncan stepped into them.

Now this was a real friend, someone who always had his best interests at heart. “Thank you, bigger bitch,” he whispered into his ear. “I know I’m going to regret saying this, but I owe you big time, buddy.”

“Oh, sugar, you have no idea.”