Choices - 18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Liam fidgeted nervously as he surveyed the other patrons of the restaurant. He took a sip of water, and then wrapped his overly warm fingers around the cold glass, trying hard to settle down. Although he tried to assure himself there was no reason to be so tense, he couldn’t seem to tame the butterflies fluttering around in his stomach.

“Li?”

Liam’s head shot up at the sound of Alek’s voice. “Hey, you made it.”

“It sounded important. Is everything all right?”

Liam gestured for Alek to sit. The waiter came over immediately to take Alek’s drink order, quickly leaving them alone again.

“Are you okay? You seem on edge?” Alek asked again. The concern in his expression was touching.

“Yeah, I’m fine... just overthinking.”

“Oh? About school?” Alek’s body visibly relaxed. “I don’t think you have anything to worry about. You’re smart as hell, and Corey will make sure you know the material backwards and forwards.”

Liam managed a weak smile. It was sweet that Alek had so much faith in him. “No, it’s not about school. I was thinking about us… you and me.”

“You were?” Alek appeared uncomfortable as he unfolded and refolded the napkin beside him. “Elena told me she talked to you. I hope she didn’t try to make you feel bad. She can be a little over-protective.”

This time Liam managed a genuine smile. “Elena is fierce for such a little thing, but no, she didn’t make me feel bad.”

“Good. I gave her hell for bothering you. She didn’t have a right to do that. I know our breakup was completely my fault.”

“That’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.”

Alek’s eyes widened, but he didn’t speak, seemingly waiting for Liam to continue.

“I would like us to try to… umm, hang around each other more.”

“Oh… kay,” Alek replied, drawing the word out. “You did say you wanted to try to stay friends.”

Liam nodded. “I’m not guaranteeing anything, and I have no idea what will come of any of this, but I would like to give it a try.”

“Not that I’m not happy for the chance to spend more time with you, but why? Honestly, I thought the friendship offer was just you trying to be nice. You made it clear you wanted to move on, and I respect that. How would the two of us spending time together help you?”

“I miss you,” Liam responded, his voice soft. “I haven’t let myself get close to very many people. You weren’t just my boyfriend, you were one of my best friends.”

“And you were mine.” Alek gave him a sad smile. “I hate how much I fucked up with you. If I had done what you’d asked maybe we’d still be together. I can’t tell you how much I regret what happened, but I can’t go back and change it.” The big man took a deep breath and appeared to steel himself. “Don’t do this because you feel I deserve some sort of reward for finally coming out to my parents. It was something I had to do, for me, not because I was trying to make myself look good or make amends.”

“I know that, and I’m so proud of you, but this isn’t about a reward.” An irritated sound escaped from Liam before he continued. “I’m not saying any of this right.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“I was jealous, okay? I saw that blonde guy hitting on you in the parking lot and wanted to scratch his eyes out.”

Alek jolted as if stung. “Seriously? Why? He was a customer.”

“I know, but it got me thinking. You’re eventually going to start dating again.”

A slow nod met his observation. “I think it’s still too soon, but sure. Eventually.”

“Like I said, I can’t guarantee anything, but I don’t want to shut the door on us completely.” Liam’s heart was beating rapidly, and the butterflies were back with a vengeance as he waited to hear what Alek had to say.

“You’re serious.”

“I am. This isn’t going to be easy, and I may realize I can’t go back again, but if you’re willing, I would like to at least give us a shot.”

“You have to know I would love that, Li. What do you need from me? What would make this easier for you?”

“Honestly, I’m not sure. I’ll need to take things slow… at least for now. Maybe we can start with coffee dates, lunches, that sort of thing, and see where we go from there. I’m not ready for anything physical, and I don’t want to lead you on, so for the time being it will be two friends getting to know each other again.”

“I can live with that.” Alek, although his tone was serious, seemed to glow with pleasure, and Liam worried he might be giving more hope than was realistic.

“This may make me sound like an asshole, but you have to be prepared for me to step back if it gets too much, or if I find I can’t deal with things. You really hurt me, and that’s not going to be easy for me to forgive or forget.”

Some of Alek’s obvious joy faded, but he still looked happy. “The fact you’re willing to let me back into your life in any way is enough right now. I know I don’t deserve another chance, not after everything, but I’ll try my damnedest not to let you down again.”

“Don’t promise anything you can’t give me, Alek. This won’t work if we’re not completely honest with one another. I know you came out to your mom and dad, and that had to have been very difficult, but it’s not easy being out in public too.”

“I’m not too worried about that,” Alek replied with a smile. “I know it’s not going to be a walk in the park, and I haven’t exactly gone around telling everyone I’m gay, but I did tell Rene and Jerome. Jerome was great. He didn’t even bat an eye when I told him. Rene had a hard time with it for a while. He didn’t say anything outright, but he wouldn’t shower at the arena after hockey practice for weeks. We finally had it out a couple of weeks ago, and he’s been better. At least he’s trying. I told him I wasn’t interested in his skinny ass.”

Liam laughed, but sobered quickly. “I’m sure Rene loved that.”

“It broke the tension and got him laughing. I haven’t said anything directly to the rest of the team, but I don’t plan on denying it if anyone asks.”

“That’s quite a change from this time last year.”

“I told you… I’m tired of living a lie.”

“Elena said some of the guys at the garage might be clued in.”

Alek rolled his eyes and shook his head. “That was all Dad. For a guy who doesn’t want a gay son, he was loud enough to make sure the whole damned shop heard him. I think all of the guys know by now.”

“How are they taking it?”

“So far only one driver quit. The rest of them have stayed on, although there were a few awkward days after the blow-up. Even if they have a problem working for a ‘fag,’ I pay well. Money can be a strong motivator to keep your opinions to yourself.”

“It all seems so hard to believe.”

“I can imagine.” Alek reached across the table and cupped Liam’s cheek. “I should have done it a long time ago. It took almost having you die in that accident for me to get my head out of my ass, and I will regret that for the rest of my life.”

“I do wish you had done it a long time ago, but better late than never, right?”

The waiter approached to take their orders, and both men laughed, realizing they had been so caught up in their conversation that they’d forgotten to open their menus. After quickly scanning the options, they ordered, and the young server left with an amused smile. He returned in no time with their appetizers.

“What are you doing this weekend?” Liam asked as he dug into his complimentary salad. “Maybe we could meet up for lunch or coffee or something?”

“I would love to, but I have a hockey tournament this weekend. It’s the last one of the season.”

“That’s right. I remember it from last year. You were away the whole weekend with games and functions.” This particular tournament had been a bone of contention with Liam the winter before. Alek had essentially disappeared for the weekend, hanging out with his buddies and going to the bar in the evenings. Although he hadn’t forbidden Liam from attending, the man had appeared uncomfortable with the idea.

Alek looked thoughtful for a moment before meeting his gaze. “Would you like to come to the games?”

“Are you sure?” Liam asked, surprised.

“Very sure. I know you used to like to watch me play, and it would be great to have you there cheering me on. If you’re able to come on Friday, I can take you out after, and we can celebrate your acceptance at Queen’s.”

He stared at the other man, trying to gauge how serious he was. “Okay. That sounds like fun. Maybe Corey and Jason will be around and can come with me.”

“Sure. The more the merrier. I bet Corey wouldn’t mind celebrating your acceptance again.”

Both men chuckled, as Liam nodded in agreement. “I swear he hasn’t stopped talking about it since he heard.”

“He’s just happy for you.”

“I know, and I do appreciate how supportive he’s been. Did you know he even offered to help me cover the cost of school?”

“He did? I knew he was a great guy, but that must have shocked you.”

“You have no idea,” Liam snorted a laugh. “I tried to turn him down, but he insisted.”

“Corey seems pretty insistent. I don’t think you stood a chance.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Liam saw the waiter approaching with their steaks and thanked the young man. The two men tucked into their meals and had made a significant dent before anyone spoke again.

“This is great, but your steak is still the best,” Liam said, chewing the flavourful meat.

Alek’s eyes were bright as he smiled. “Maybe I’ll have a chance to make it for you again sometime?”

“Maybe.” Liam couldn’t help his smile as he took another bite.

The rest of the meal was spent catching up on Liam’s return to work, Marty’s impending move, and Alek’s continued hunt for qualified mechanics. It was… comfortable. Liam missed hanging out with Alek and talking about their respective days.

Throwing his napkin on the table, Alek asked Liam if he would be interested in a walk along the boardwalk. It was a chilly night, but Liam readily agreed. They strolled quietly for several minutes before Liam broke the silence.

“I know you’ve made a lot of changes, but this feels surreal.”

“I know,” Alek responded, peering sideways at Liam. “I took me a long time to get the courage to come out of the closet, and I let you walk away.”

“That hurt more than anything I’ve ever felt before. I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t important enough….”

Alek stopped and turned to face Liam. “None of that was about you. It was all me. I loved you… I still love you, but I was scared. My parents have never been shy about their opinions, and I knew telling them I was gay would mean being disowned.” Walking a few feet away he stared at the water and took a deep breath. “This is going to sound bad, but I kept stalling because I thought I had plenty of time. Even after we broke up, I felt like you would always be there. It’s awful to admit, but I took you for granted. I was an idiot.”

Liam blinked away the moisture in his eyes. “You thought I would wait for you.”

“Part of me did, yes. I know that makes me sound like an asshole, and I was. You deserved better than that.”

“What if Nathan had been more than just a friend? I had a chance with him, you know.”

Alek sighed and looked over his shoulder at Liam. “I know, and he would have been damned lucky to have you. If your accident showed me anything, it’s that you can lose everything in a second. No one has the luxury of infinity.”

“It’s incredible you did it, even thinking I was with Nathan.”

“The lying was destroying me and everything I ever cared about. So what if my parents were proud. They were proud of someone they didn’t know. Now they know me, and they can choose to have me in their life, or not.”

“Do you still think you can just win me back?”

Alek took Liam’s hand in his larger, warm one. “I won’t lie. I want you back, but I know it’s a miracle you’re even speaking to me after the way I treated you. If the shoe was on the other foot, I don’t know if I could’ve been as patient or forgiving.”

“I don’t know if I am that forgiving,” Liam replied softly. “This may not go anywhere. You know that, right?”

“Believe me,” Alek responded, squeezing his hand. “I know I have a lot to prove.”

“We should head back.” Liam felt bad when he saw a flicker of disappointment on Alek’s face, but he needed time and space to process what they’d talked about tonight.

“Yeah, you’re probably right.”

They’d made it to the parking lot before Liam realized they were still holding hands. Sheepish, he quickly released his grip and stepped back. “Sorry about that. I don’t think anyone saw.”

With a soft kiss against Liam’s temple Alek whispered, “I don’t care if they did,” before walking across the lot to his truck. Stunned, he could only stare as Alek waved and drove away. Who the hell was that man, and what did he do with skittish Alek? This would take some getting used to, but Liam felt suddenly warm in the cold of the evening. May it wasn’t Alek’s hope he should be worrying about?

I apologize for the delay in posting this chapter.  My family emergency has now been resolved and I hope there won't be any more delays  
 
A big thank you goes out to my editor/beta and friend, Gary for his unwavering support.   Thank you to all of you who read and support this story.