Always - 1. My Name is Nick

My name. That’s the first thing people want to know, right? Nicholas Colin Jacobs. I don’t usually tell people my middle name—too much joke opportunity. Oh yeah—I’m sixteen and a sophomore in high school.

Of course, there are a lot of other things about me that bring on the jokes and the taunting. I was a foster kid. Thought I would always be one. That is until I got called into the office at the group home. Mrs. Cranston, the home director, sat on the lumpy sofa with me and took my hands. She told me that she had just received word that my mother had died in prison.

That made me an orphan. I’ll always be an orphan now. I was afraid that would get me booted from the group home. Not that I particularly loved being there, but I couldn’t think of any other options besides the street. That would suck—totally.

Mrs. C. told me I wouldn’t have to leave. I felt a little better. I guess it’s weird that I didn’t have any real feelings about my mother dying. It’s not like I ever really knew her. My earliest memories of the woman who gave birth to me were of her being wasted on booze and drugs—and the never-ending parade of dudes coming in and out of our shithole apartment.

I would lay in my bed at night with a pillow over my head, trying to drown out the grunting noises coming from her bedroom. Every time it was the same—different dude, same grunting. When it stopped, I could hear them leave.

Then she would yell at me to get out of bed and clean the apartment. If I didn’t move fast enough or do a good enough job, it would mean another beating. Now, the weird thing was I didn’t hate her. It was my life, and for a nine-year-old kid, I totally believed every kid had this kind of life. No, I didn’t hate her—but I didn’t love her, either. I just lived with her.

It was the Saturday of Thanksgiving break when the shit hit the fan. Apparently, she brought a dude in that night that was some kind of undercover cop. As soon as she asked him for money—before she’d let him fuck her—he put her in cuffs, and then three more cops came into the apartment.

They were tearing the shithole apartment apart, and hearing all that from my bedroom was scary as hell. All I could think of was how long it would take to clean up the mess they were making. That was when my bedroom door flew open, and two cops burst in, pointing their guns at me.

Shit. I screamed like a little girl, and as soon as they saw I was just a kid who had just pissed his pajama bottoms from being so scared, they put their guns back in their holsters. One of the cops talked into the radio thing clipped to his shirt.

“Hey, we got a kid in the other bedroom. Probably need to call CPS and get someone here.”

The other cop came over and sat on the edge of the bed. “Hey kid, what’s your name?”

“Nicky.”

“Okay, Nicky. Your mom is in some trouble, and we have to take her away. Now, I don’t want you to be scared anymore. We have someone on the way over to take care of you. Is your dad around? Can we find him for you?”

“I don’t have a dad—never had one.”

“Okay. Hey—Nicky—I’m sorry we scared you so badly. Do you want to change into something you can wear to go out in?”

So, this was a nice cop—hadn’t heard of that sort of thing before.

“I’m sorry I pissed my pants. You guys scared me real bad. Please don’t hit me!”

“No one’s gonna hit you, Nick. I promise you. Hey, if you want to take a shower and clean up, I think we’ll have time for that. What do you think?”

“Yes, please.”

He looked up to the other cop and told him to clear the bathroom so I could get cleaned up.

I remember walking out of my room and seeing her sitting on the chair. Her hands were cuffed behind her. She looked like shit. She looked at me with hateful eyes and spat, “Great—you piss your pants, you little faggot.”

I just stared at her. She meant nothing to me. Neither did her words.

Oh yeah, another thing about me that brings on the jokes and teasing. I am a faggot. For as long as I can remember, I’ve liked boys. The cuter they were, the more I liked them. I’m pretty sure I’ve always known I was gay. There never was this big debate in my mind—no torment. It’s just part of me. Like my blue eyes or my head of black, curly hair. Like my light caramel skin.

“Nick. Nick! Earth to Nick.”

Shit. Mrs. Cranston was still talking, and I completely zoned out on her.

“Did you hear me? Did you hear what I said?”

“I’m sorry, Mrs. C. I was thinking about my mom.”

“I understand. It must be difficult for you.”

“No—not really. I honestly don’t feel anything—good or bad.”

“Well, I was telling you that a couple is coming here this afternoon. They want to meet you, take you to lunch, and see where it goes from there?”

“Really? A couple wants to see me? The undesirable?”

“Nick, you are not undesirable. You are one of the sweetest boys to ever stay in my home.”

“Right. That’s why every time I have a meet-and-get-to-know-the-gay-foster-kid afternoon, I always end up right back here and never hear from them again.”

“Well, I have a feeling this time might just be different, Nick. This couple is two men. They have a son who is the same age as you. All three will be here in about an hour, so you might want to clean up and put on some nice clothes. School clothes would be perfect.”

I totally didn’t believe that this visit would be any different than the other three I’ve had since I was moved into Mrs. C’s house. But I still got up and made my way upstairs and to the bathroom. I stripped off my clothes and took a look at myself in the mirror. Not bad. I was 5’10” now. I was starting to look pretty decent with my being on the swim team at Crockett High. We weren’t the best team, but the physical activity was having a good effect on my body.

Okay, I must be some kind of perv. Here I am, standing in the bathroom checking out my body, and I suddenly have just over seven inches of wood sprouting up. Oh well. I get the water nice and hot and step into the shower. I wash my hair and throw in some conditioner, so I can brush through the curls easier. I soap up my body, and as I work my hand between my ass cheeks, I play with my hole a bit.

Yeah, that makes my dick nice and hard, so I take my other soapy hand and stroke out a nice big nut, making sure everything washes down the drain. I dry off, get my hair looking decent, wrap a towel around my waist, and head into the room I share with Evan and Bobby.

Bobby’s asleep, and Evan is reading a book on his Kindle. They’re perfect roommates since I don’t even exist in their worlds. It’s not that they hate me or anything. It’s just we don’t have anything in common worth sharing—except a room.

I decide on a red Polo and my black jeans since they are the only ones that don’t have holes in the knees. I throw on some white socks and slip on my sneakers just as Mrs. C. knocks on the door and tells me my visitors are downstairs. I walk out into the hallway, and she puts her arm around my shoulder and squeezes it.

“I feel good about this, Nick. You deserve to be happy. Promise me you’ll try to have a good time?”

“Yeah. I promise.”

“Just so you know, you’re excused from your chores this afternoon. Don’t worry about having to do anything when you get back.”

“Wow! Thanks, Mrs. C.”

She gave me another squeeze just as we hit the bottom of the stairs and stepped into the living room.

“Nick, this is David and Andrew White and their son Noah. Gentlemen, this is Nick.”

Little did I know that this was the moment that was going to rock my world and change it forever. David White was the first to reach out his hand and shake it.

“Nick, it’s so nice to finally meet you! I’m David, by the way.”

“I’m Nick. Oh God, you know that.” I just looked at the floor and blushed.

Andrew was the next to shake my hand and introduce himself. I didn’t say anything but “hi” this time. I mean—I’m pretty sure if I said something else, it would come out stupid.

And then, the most beautiful boy I’ve ever seen walked up to me and hugged me. I mean, wow! This wasn’t a bro-hug, either. It was a full-on, full-body hug.

“I’m Noah. You look so much better in person than you do in that blurry picture they sent us.” Noah then pulled away, and I looked down to the floor.

“I’m sorry, Nick. I’m kind of a huggy-type person. I forget that not everyone is super-chill with that. I hope I didn’t freak you out or anything.”

“No. It was fine. Really.”

“Whew. I’ll be more careful, promise.” He leaned in and spoke softly into my ear. “I really want this to work out. I’ve been begging for a brother for years now.”

“Cool.”

Andrew announced that it was time to head out since we had reservations for lunch. What the fuck? Reservations? I’ve never been to a restaurant where you needed reservations. I looked at David and asked if I was dressed nice enough for a place that needed reservations. He assured me I was fine just the way I was, and Noah added that I looked perfect. Weird.

We walked out of the house, and I couldn’t believe the car parked in front. It was a silver Mercedes Benz SUV. Jesus, is this some kind of joke? I mean, this isn’t the best neighborhood. I’m surprised the wheels weren’t stolen while they were inside.

Andrew pressed the button on the key fob to unlock the doors. He went over to the driver’s side while David got into the other front seat. Noah opened the passenger door and nodded his head to let me know that I could get in first. I slid in behind the driver’s seat and hooked up my seatbelt as Noah did the same.

Damn, this car had every gadget and gizmo you could imagine. There was a screen on the dashboard with a map. On the seat in front of me was a television—a fucking television! I looked around and caught Noah looking at me and smiling.

“What kind of music do you like?”

“I like listening to Sh—no—never mind. It’s weird. Just play whatever you normally listen to.”

David just smiled and asked me if I was sure about that. I nodded and told him I was okay with whatever.

“Showtunes it is, then!”

What the fuck? David pressed a button on the radio and “A Musical” from Something Rotten! fills the car. My eyes widened as a smile grew on my face.

“Dude. When you have two gay dads, you get to listen to a lot of showtunes.”

“No! It’s cool. Great, actually. This is what I was going to say I listened to. Maybe it’s not so weird after all.”

“Or maybe we’re just all a little weird,” Andrew chimed in. “But this is Austin, where weird is a good thing, right?”

In about 10 minutes, we were heading out of the city to a part of town I’ve never been in. The scenery was beautiful with all the rolling hills. Suddenly the music stopped, and I could hear a phone ring.

“Omni Barton Creek, how may I direct your call?”

“Dining room, please.”

“One moment while I connect you.”

There was another ring, which was answered almost immediately. “Hill Country Dining Room, how may I help you?”

“Hi, this is Andrew White. We’re running a little late, but we are about five minutes away. I just wanted to make sure our table was still available.”

“Yessir, Mr. White. I have a table for four by the windows. It’s ready for you now.”

“Great, we’ll see you soon.”

The call must have ended because “My Shot” from Hamilton was filling the car. David, Andrew, and Noah were all singing along as I watched.

“C’mon Nick! Surely you know this!”

“Well, yeah—”

“Then sing with us!”

This was too much! But the three of them were totally into the song, and I found myself joining in—softly—but joining in. By the time we pulled into the street leading to the hotel, I was totally lost in the moment and was singing with just as much enthusiasm as my three companions. Could this be real? I had to be dreaming!

We pulled up to the front of the hotel, and we all got out. Andrew handed the keys to a cute boy who welcomed him—by name, even—and we all walked into the hotel lobby. We made our way to the dining room, where we stopped at a podium.

“Good afternoon, gentlemen. Noah, it’s great to see you again!”

“Thanks, Diana. This is Nick Jacobs. If everything works out, you’ll be seeing more of him, too.”

“Well then, welcome, Nick! I hope you’re having a great day. But if you’re here with the Whites, you most likely are!”

Diana led us through the dining room and to a table by the window. Now let’s talk about the fucking window—it was really a wall of glass. And the view was like something you would see in a movie.

Noah must have noticed the look on my face as I took in the strange surroundings. “You okay, dude?”

“Yeah. I just had no idea this kind of place even existed. I guess I’ve been living some kind of sheltered life or something.” I shook my head and brought myself back to reality—well, their reality. “It’s just a little overwhelming, I guess.”

I looked down at the menu and was surprised to see that there weren’t any prices. As I was scanning, Andrew told me to get whatever I wanted. Noah said that they sometimes made lunch the big meal of the day and had a lighter supper, so they wouldn’t have to go to bed with a full stomach.

All three of the White men ordered steak, so I decided to play it safe and did the same. I had no idea what steak tasted like, but I was looking forward to it! Wow! I was amazed at how good it was! Okay—so far, I was having a great day!

As good as the food was, the conversation was even better. Now, I’m usually the type to play it safe, not speak unless I’m asked a question, and play my cards close to my chest. But there was something about Noah and his dads that just had me opening up and sharing all kinds of shit.

It turns out David is a theatre professor at UT. Andrew’s an attorney, and Noah was a Sophomore at Westlake High School. It looks like Noah and I had quite a bit in common. I’m on the swim team at Crockett High School. Noah’s the quarterback on the JV football team and will be moving up to varsity next year. He’s also on the swim team. We both do theatre, but I’m not nearly as experienced as he is.

Noah told me that he didn’t do much theatre at his school. Instead, he did his theatre at a place called Kids Theatre Company because it didn’t interfere much with the sports schedule. He’s a part of their Elite Ensemble and said he loved it because they did three full musicals a year. He promised to hook me up if things worked out. I looked at David and Andrew, and they were completely on board with that. Yeah—I’m definitely in a dream—a dream I don’t want to wake up from any time soon!

After dinner, the car was delivered to the front of the hotel, and David said we were going to spend the afternoon at their house. We headed back to the main road and made our way up to the top of the hill. We pulled into a gated entrance, and Andrew pressed a button on his visor, opening the gates.

Holy Fuck. These weren’t houses. We were driving by fucking mansion after fucking mansion. My stomach was in knots. This was sooooo out of my league! This will never work out.

We finally pulled into a driveway at the other end of the neighborhood and pulled into a garage with two other cars—and easily could have fit a fourth. I was literally shaking in my sneakers as we got out of the car and walked into the house. David punched numbers into a keypad inside the door, and that stopped the obnoxious beeping.

We walked into the kitchen. Holy shit! It was like one of those giant kitchens you see on TV. It had a ginormous island in the middle with four stools. The island also had a sink and a stovetop. But there was another stove—a huge stove—along one of the walls. There also was the biggest refrigerator that I had ever seen—and it had glass doors. I’ve never seen anything like it.

There was a sliding glass door opposite the island. Noah opened it and led me outside. There was another kitchen outside! There was a table for eating, and all that overlooked an awesome swimming pool that looked like it didn’t have a wall at the end. The water just ended at a view of the hills that was even more amazing than the one at the restaurant. At the end of the pool, closest to the house, was a square area. Noah said it was a hot tub. Sweet!

We walked back into the house, and Noah announced he was going to give me the grand tour. David and Andrew were sitting at the island going through the mail and reading the newspaper.

So, this house—no—this fucking mansion—was like nothing I’ve ever seen before. The kitchen, dining room, and living room were all open—like one gigantic room. Fuck me! Mrs. C.’s entire house would fit in that space alone.

At one end of the living room, there was a staircase and a double door. Noah led me to the double door and shouted, “Dads! I’m showing Nick your room! That okay?”

“Yes, Noah,” shouted David.

“Stay out of the drawers!” shouted Andrew.

Noah giggled and spoke into my ear, “Kinda makes you wonder what kind of kinky shit they have in their drawers, huh?”

“Ewww. Not even gonna go there!” We both giggled and smiled at each other.

The master bedroom was amazing. The bed was humongous—bigger than a king-size. There was a fireplace and a huge bathroom. It had a double door at the end of the room that opened out to a private deck—with another fucking hot tub! Damn! Soooo out of my league!

Noah then took me upstairs. There was a huge open space with a pool table. Off of that space were two bedrooms and—fuck me—a movie theatre. It had three leather sofas, each one elevated above the one in front of it. The entire wall in front of the sofas was a screen, and there was a projector hanging from the ceiling. It even had a fucking popcorn machine!

“This is my second favorite room in the house.”

“What’s your favorite?”

“That’s the next stop.”

Noah led me back downstairs and across the living and dining rooms. He opened a door off the dining room, and that led us into a hallway. At the end of the hall was the door to the garage where we came into the house. Halfway down the hall, there was another door.

“Ta-da!”

Noah led me into his room. Wow! Just. Wow! It looked like it was just as large as his dads’ room. He had two double beds, two humongous walk-in closets, a desk, and a monster television hanging on the wall. There was an X-Box and a PlayStation. Noah also had a monster bathroom with a jacuzzi tub and a walk-in shower that could hold a small party.

“So, this is my favorite room. I usually don’t come out of it when I’m home—except to eat.”

Noah flashed a cheeky grin at me just as there was a bell-like tone. “Hey boys, we’re gonna set up the net in the pool. Wanna join us for some volleyball?”

Noah looked at me with a hopeful look, and I just nodded. Only thing—I didn’t bring a suit with me.

“No worries, dude. I have plenty of suits.” He turned toward the speaker thing by the door. “Yeah, Pop. We’ll be right there as soon as we change.”

Noah walked over to his dresser and opened a drawer. “Speedo okay? That’s all I have with swim team and all.”

“That’s cool.”

He tossed me a blue speedo with a white and red “W” on the side. He pulled an identical one out for himself and started to strip down right there in front of me. Damn, he’s hot. Too hot. I took mine and went into the bathroom to change since the last thing I needed was to pop wood in front of Noah.

I stripped down and slid the suit up my legs. Thank God I keep my pubes trimmed down to a narrow strip just above my dick! It would have sucked to have my bush showing over the top of the suit.

I gathered up my clothes and walked out into the bedroom. I folded them and placed them on one of the beds. While I was doing that, I could feel Noah’s eyes checking me out.

“Lookin’ good, Nick!” I turned around and smiled at my new friend.

“Not so bad yourself, Noah!” Holy fuck! He looked amazing. We had similar builds, but he was way more defined. His shoulders were a little broader and more solid than mine, and his totally smooth skin had a nice tan.

“Ready? Let’s go kick some dad ass!”

He flashed another grin at me, dimples and all. Geez! Could he be any cuter? All I could do was smile back at him as we headed out to the pool.

The game was more fun than I’ve had in ages. It didn’t take long for me to be clowning around and laughing with the rest of the guys. It was like I belonged. And yes, Noah and I beat the dads two out of three games. It was fucking awesome!

After the game, Noah and I sat in the hot tub section of the pool while David took down the net and Andrew pulled a couple of towels out of the cabinet on the patio. He also offered some iced tea and brought it out to us, setting them on the pool deck next to where Noah and I were sitting.

After the dads left the patio, I found myself returning the smile that Noah was throwing my way.

“So—whaddya think? You like it here?”

“God, Noah—I don’t remember having such a good time for so long a stretch—like ever? You and your dads are fucking awesome. You’ve made me feel so welcome, and it doesn’t feel like you’re trying hard to do it. I think that’s the difference. It’s just who you guys are.”

“Well, you are a pretty easy dude to welcome into our home—Hell, into our lives, when it all comes down to it.”

“But at the same time—and this has nothing to do with you or your dads—but I feel like I’m a fish out of water. This entire afternoon is so far out of what I ever could have dreamed of. I have to tell ya—it’s kinda freaked me out a couple of times.”

“So, you’re saying you wouldn’t want to give us a try?”

“Oh, no. I think that would be awesome. I just don’t want to be a disappointment to your dads—or you—especially you.

“I think we all are grown up enough to realize that your coming into our family will come with some bumps in the road. And just so you know, the three of us have talked a lot about this—and you. I know your background, I know what you’ve been through, I know you’re gay, none of that matters any more than the color of your eyes or hair. Speaking for myself, I think you’re pretty awesome. And having you as a brother would be so fucking incredible.”

I couldn’t speak. I mean, my mouth opened to say something anything—but nothing came out, except for tears. No one has ever said anything like that to me before. I felt my lower lip start to tremble as more tears fell from my eyes. Noah leaned over to me and wrapped his arms around me.

“Nick. It’s okay to cry, ya know. We do a lot of that around here. But I mean it when I tell you that you are so much more than I could have dreamed of when I begged my dads for a brother. I know you feel it. We have a bond already. And if you decide to give us a shot, I just know that bond is going to get stronger and tighter.”

“Noah, can I be honest with you?”

“Of course, Nick. That’s kinda how we roll around this house.”

“Okay. Now I’m not having a pity party or anything, but I’ve learned my whole life not to wish—or want—or hope for anything. Mainly ‘cause I never get it. Yeah, I’ve had probably the best day of my entire life. You and your dads never once judged me. You just accepted my backward, ignorant self at face value. But there’s nothing for me to decide. I just can’t let myself be in that position.”

“Nick. Now it’s my turn to be honest. I’ve been asking my dads for a brother since I was a little kid. They would always just change the subject or tell me it would just be too much at the moment. So, it was back in February—Ash Wednesday. We were at church, and the pastor was talking about the whole giving up shit for Lent. Only this time, she asked us to skip the usual things like chocolate or alcohol—you know, the usual stuff people give up for Lent.

“What she did ask us to consider was that we give up the comfortableness in our lives. She challenged us to do something life-changing that would change our world and make life better for someone else. When we were on the way home, I asked the dads what they thought about the pastor’s message. They really didn’t say much at all about it, so I thought I would try one more time.

“I told them they should look into fostering a kid. Even better, they should foster a kid that everybody says can’t be fostered. Maybe because they are too old or might be on the Autism Spectrum, or maybe it would be a gay kid. You know, those kids nobody seems to want.”

“Yeah, that would be me—an older gay kid. And you’re right. Nobody’s ever really wanted me. But I don’t want to be brought into a home because someone feels sorry for me—or because it’s some kind of challenge. I think you and I both know that it would never really work out in the long run, and I’d just end up back at the group home.”

“You don’t get it, do you? Yeah, maybe you were picked because you were gay—and an older kid. But I can tell you—and I probably shouldn’t—and I’ll deny it to my dying breath if you ever tell them I told you this—”

“Geez, Noah. Is it that bad?”

“No. Not at all bad, Nick. When you got up to use the restroom during lunch, the dads started giggling and jumping around like seventh-grade girls. They fell—no—we fell in love with you almost immediately. So, when the dads ask you if you would like to make things more permanent when they take you ho—no—back to the group home, just act surprised, okay?”

“Thanks for saying all that. But you have to understand. I can’t get excited or hopeful until something actually happens. I’ve been in the system long enough to know that nothing happens overnight. It’s not that I don’t want it to happen or that I’ve not thought about it more than once this afternoon. It’s just that I’ve learned that I have to protect my heart.”

“C’mere, Nick.”

Nick slid over and was right next to me in the hot tub. He put his arm around my shoulder and asked me to lean my head on his shoulder. We stayed just like that for a few minutes. There wasn’t anything sexual about it. I’m like 99% sure he wasn’t hitting on me. Dammit!

“This feels nice, doesn’t it?”

I sighed and just relaxed into my friend. “Yeah—it feels nice. So relaxing.”

“This is what I want, Nick. I want to be the brother you’ve never had. I want to be the brother who can take away some of the hurt you’ve had in the past. I want to help you through some of the fear you might have right now. I know I’m probably one of the luckiest boys on the planet with the life I’ve been given and the parents I have. But most important, I want to share my life with you and show you that you deserve every awesome thing my dads can give you.”

“Yeah, but what’s in it for you, Noah?”

“Honestly?”

“Since that’s how you roll in this house, yeah.” I smiled first this time.

“Fine, you dork! What’s in it for me—is you. Plain and simple.”

“Oh, that’s some prize! You need to rethink your priorities, dude.”

“No, I’m serious. Being with you for just a few hours has shown me so much. You have taught me more than you could ever imagine.”

“I hope you brought enough of whatever you’re smokin’ to share!”

“Stop it, Nick. I’m serious. Watching you today—watching your reaction to everything the dads and I literally have grown to just take for granted—has made me appreciate just how blessed my family is. How blessed I am. And yeah, how blessed I’d be to share this life with you.”

The tears started to flow down my face and onto Noah’s shoulder. But no, he couldn’t stop—he had to keep going.

“You gotta know this one thing. In just one afternoon, you’ve changed my life—no, our lives. You are a remarkable boy, but the decision to join our family gets to come from all four of us. That’s another way things roll around here—family decisions are made by the whole family—and as of today, that includes you, if you’ll have us.”

I was bawling like a baby now. “I think—I really think I know what having a real brother feels like. I’ve never had someone in my life who I knew had my back. I just hope that someday I’ll be able to have yours.”

Noah turned around and made a motion. Apparently, David and Andrew were sitting at the island watching us talk. I turned around and saw the dads walk out to the patio.

Noah took charge of things. “Okay, White family. All in favor of making this awesome boy named Nick Jacobs a part of this family, raise their right hand!”

I was stunned to see three hands shoot up in the air so quickly. The tears started flowing again but stopped when Noah smacked me on the side of the head. “Dude! You gonna vote or not?”

I slowly raised my hand, with my smile getting bigger the higher my hand went up. Noah wrapped his arms around me and stood us up. We stepped out of the hot tub, and the dads came up and wrapped both of us in their arms, soaking their clothes.

Andrew told us that we needed to shower and get ready to take me back to the group home. He said that David had already spoken with Mrs. C. and told her that they wanted me to join the family, but the final decision had to come from me.

I don’t think I’ve ever showered as fast as I did that afternoon. Before I knew it, we were back at the group home. Noah was upstairs with me, packing up my clothes and the few belongings I had. While we were doing that, David and Andrew were in the office with Mrs. C., filling out the paperwork.

Sadly, it didn’t take long to pack everything. Noah and I picked up the shopping bags that held everything, and we headed out of the room and downstairs. Just as I was about to walk out into the hallway, Evan shouted, “Jacobs!”

I turned around. “Yeah, Evan?”

“See ya soon, Jacobs.”

“Nope, don’t think so.”

“Yeah, we will. It never works out for us. We always come back. Always.”

“Whatever.” I turned around and followed Noah down the stairs. Fuck! I couldn’t get that damned word out of my head—

Always.