Millennium - 9. Chapter 9

November 11, 1999

 

I sat in my office, reading through the latest reports on our divesting strategy. I’d spent the night with Kevin again, and I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. He was the ultimate bottom, made for a guy like me with a big dick. It dawned on me that I really didn’t know much about him at all. We fucked, we enjoyed intimate time together, but we hadn’t talked about our pasts, or about our families, at least beyond what he already knew about mine.

Stef came in with Luke following him, both of them trying not to laugh. “What the fuck is so funny?” I asked them, sensing I was to be the butt of the joke.

“Have you seen the papers, sweetie?” Stef asked.

“What did they say?” I asked with dread.

“Most of them were very good,” Stef said. “Most of them.” Then he and Luke burst into fits of laughter.

I grabbed the papers from them and started to read. The first article was great. “C&S to tackle upstart Amphion.” My favorite line in that one: “Vice Chairman of the Schluter Group, Brad Schluter, accused Amphion of being underfunded, and pointed to the fact that they refused to disclose their financials.” The next one was just as good. “Carruthers and Schluter prepares for funding blitz.” The text was the same. Then came my favorite. “Schluter says Amphion is too small to impact the market.” That should really piss them off.

“These are all good, aren’t they? This is pretty much what we were hoping for.” I didn’t get their humor.

“You did a marvelous job,” Stef said. He was playing this out. “Oh, there is one more we ‘forgot’.” He handed me another paper.

The headline read: “Schluter says God is responsible for the success of their firm.” I looked up at them, stunned and pissed off, and they broke into hysterical fits of laughter.

“I didn’t know you were so religious Brad,” Luke teased. “I mean, I heard you screaming ‘Oh God, Oh God’ but I didn’t know it had deeper meaning.” I frowned at them, but it was hard not to see the humor in it. I ended up smiling and laughing with them.

My views on religion were universally negative. I’d mostly experienced idiots like Robbie’s mom and her pastor, or this bozo at the Calgary Baptist Church. I’d seen the impact of their hate and bigotry on Matt, and on Matt’s parents. To me, religion was something that should be eradicated. It was a tool evil people used to try and force people to do what they wanted, and to hurt innocent people. For me to be associated with religion in any way was laughable, so that’s what I did.

Stef went to take the paper from me. “Oh no you don’t. I’m keeping these. Go get your own.”

“You are stealing my papers? That is not very Christian of you,” Stef teased.

“Watch it. One prayer from me and lightning bolts will be all over you,” I joked.

“Fine, be that way. I have already sent Brandon out to buy several copies. JP will certainly want one.”

“Good thing I’m going home,” I said grouchily. They left me in peace and I read the article. The reporter had taken my comment about God giving us lots of money to begin with and twisted it all around. That’s why I hated reporters. It was obvious I wasn’t saying that.

Grace came in with that smirk that said she was just dying to give me shit. “Go ahead; get it out of your system.”

“I’m just wondering if you hired me because of my name,” she said. Then started laughing.

An analyst poked his head in. “Hey Brad, is it time for prayer circle?”

“Fuck off,” I said. He laughed and left me and Grace alone.

“Will you need anything else?” she asked, now back in professional mode.

“Just the car. I’m going home.” She helped me pack my things up, and I lugged an audit case and my brief case out to the car. It was a quick ride to the plane, and a quick flight back to LA. I slept most of the way. The car was waiting for me, and the crew put my luggage in the trunk. It was early, only 2:00. I had an inspiration.

“Take me to Anders-Hayes,” I told the driver.

“Yes sir,” he said, and took off. It was a good time to go, since there was minimal traffic at this time of day. It was so tempting to buy a house in the hills with a helipad, but I could never leave the beach. I stared at the familiar shape of downtown Los Angeles, watched the buildings of Hollywood roll by, until the car finally pulled up in front of the building Greg Anders had built years ago. It had clean lines, a very modern building, with a very visible yet tasteful sign on it that simply said “Anders-Hayes.” I strolled through the front door and past the receptionist. Or at least I almost did.

She was new, so she stopped me. “Can I help you sir?”

“No thanks, I’m fine,” I said. I knew where I was going.

“You can’t go back there without an employee guide,” she said, almost pleading with me.

“I’m Brad Schluter. Robbie Hayes is my partner. We haven’t met, which means you must be new,” I said, shaking her hand.

“Oh I’m so sorry,” she said. “Let me announce you.”

“Please don’t. I’ve been gone for days, and I want to surprise him.” She smiled and nodded, and I wondered if that was such a good idea. What if he and Carson were in the middle of an after-lunch quickie? How would I react if I walked in and found them naked, with Carson bent over Robbie’s desk, taking it like a champ? I shrugged. Only one way to find out. It was what it was.

I took the fast elevator up to the top floor. Robbie’s office was right across from the elevator, for convenience more than anything. When it was Greg’s office, it was a different story. Greg had been a control freak, and a micro-manager. He wanted the elevator close so he could get to any person he needed to, fast. I strode up to his assistant, Evelyn Somers. She was a very attractive, very refined woman, and did a great job of keeping Robbie organized.

“Hello Brad!” she said cheerfully and gave me a quick hug. She looked at Robbie’s door nervously. “He’s in a meeting.”

“I’ll interrupt,” I said, winking at her. She shrugged her shoulders and sat back at her desk. I walked up to the double doors, knocked twice, and went in.

“I said I wasn’t to be bothered,” he snapped. He was standing very close to a handsome young man, and clearly they’d been embracing. So this was Carson. Fortunately they both had their clothes on, and they must have just started, because his pants weren’t even tenting.

“I didn’t realize I was a bother,” I said cheerfully.

“You’re home!” Robbie said, and rushed over to give me a big hug and a big kiss. I looked over his shoulder to stare at Carson, who looked back at me with a combination of jealousy and terror. I could see immediately what Robbie saw in him. He was thin, not in a sexy way like Kevin, but in a more skinny way. He had a really cute face, and thick blond hair that looked like silk. He was a little fox, in a dorky kind of way. I almost giggled when I looked at him. He bore a striking resemblance to JP. But he was really nervous now. I demanded that Robbie be nice to Kevin, and I remember Cody exhorting me to avoid drama.

“It’s so good to see you,” I said, and gave Robbie another big kiss. Then I walked over to Carson. “You must be Carson. It’s nice to meet you.”

It was so rewarding to see Robbie and Carson shit a brick at my attitude. “It’s nice to meet you too, Mr. Schluter.”

“You must call me Brad,” I told him. “I’m really sorry to interrupt. I got in early and I wanted to surprise you.” That was directed at Robbie.

“It’s no problem,” he said sheepishly. “Carson and I were just, uh…”

“About to fuck?” I joked, and they looked nervous. Carson was blushing a crimson red.

“Brad!” Robbie admonished.

“I wasn’t judging,” I said, flirting. “I was fishing for an invitation.” They stared at me strangely, then Robbie laughed sincerely, and Carson joined him, forcing his own laughter.

“We weren’t going to fuck. We were just having a nice moment,” Robbie said.

“Just as well,” I said, being extremely playful. “You probably couldn’t handle me anyway,” I said to Carson. He looked at me with a big question on his face. “I’m hung like a horse.” Robbie hadn’t told him about me, evidently. Interesting. Then again, I didn’t talk to Kevin about Robbie much either. I was trying to figure out what he was like. If he would have been a slut, he would have smiled and flirted back. Instead, he looked to Robbie for support. I suddenly felt very sorry for him. He didn’t seem like a home wrecker. He seemed like a pretty shy young guy. Still, Cody had fucked him.

“You’re lucky,” he said shyly. “I’m not.”

“Look, Carson, I’m sure this is really awkward for you, and I’m not trying to embarrass you or make you uncomfortable. Rumor has it you’re a good guy, and I wanted to meet you,” I said sincerely.

“Thanks, Brad. It’s pretty strange; this whole thing is pretty strange. I figured you’d be mad at me, that you’d hate me,” he said.

“Well, you have no commitments or obligations to me, so I really have no reason to be mad at you or bear you ill will,” I told him. “Besides, I’m still hoping for that invitation.”

He smiled at me cutely. “I’ll give you guys some time alone. It was nice to meet you, and I wasn’t sure I’d be able to say that.” I shook his hand warmly and watched him walk out, his cute little ass wiggling as he went. Damn. No wonder Robbie was tempted by him.

“I’m going to go to the bathroom,” I said to Robbie. “I’ll be right back.” I gave him a very affectionate kiss and he responded readily, then I walked into his personal restroom.

I thought about all the guys that walked through these doors that would have let Robbie do anything he wanted to do to them. He’d been hit on by everyone from well-known celebrities to young studs with no job. He’d turned them down. But he hadn’t turned down Carson, and I knew why.

Slutty guys, blatantly flirtatious guys, they made him nervous. He didn’t like them. He always worried about those guys; he was convinced they were only out to get something from him, and they were dangerous. He was probably right. So he’d put up pretty tight screens to make sure they couldn’t get through to him. When Matt had come out to California last year and tried to see Robbie, he’d run into a brick wall. He’d had to set up a formal appointment. What Matt didn’t know was that if he would have had that first meeting with Robbie, there would have been someone else in the room. Robbie had all these reasons why he did it, but I knew the real reason. He was a nice guy, and he was likely to fall for a sob story unless there was someone else there to shoot it apart. That’s what made Evelyn and his other staff members so valuable.

My impression of Carson was that he was a shy, nice, sincere guy. He was cute, and he sure didn’t hide that, but then again, why should he? Bookish, cute, sincere: just the kind of guy that would appeal to Robbie. Cody said he was a good guy, and there was a lot in that statement. He wouldn’t have said that if Carson had purposely set out to seduce Robbie. No, Robbie had worked with the young man, grown to like him, and his attraction had grown to the breaking point. The conflict within him must have been extreme. He’d finally broken, and that’s when he’d made the appointment with David and asked me to join him.

Seeing them together, in that moment when I interrupted their embrace and afterward, it was clear how their relationship was structured. Carson idolized Robbie, and would do anything he wanted, much like any of the other guys. Only Carson wouldn’t do that with everyone else too. And he gave Robbie something else that he craved. He gave him love. Evidently I hadn’t given him enough of that. No, that wasn’t fair. He gave Robbie young love.

Robbie had asked me if we could fuck other people, but that’s not what this was about at all. I was right; this was a relationship, and an important one to him. Was it love, or was it infatuation? If it was love, it would probably rip us slowly apart. If it was infatuation, we would move beyond it. I’d gone on the basis that Carson was some worthless twink and this was a simple power struggle. I’d have to re-evaluate that, and re-evaluate my strategy. I walked back into Robbie’s office, a fake smile plastered on my face.

“I’m sorry about that,” he told me.

“That wasn’t something you have to feel sorry for. He seems like a nice guy. But you haven’t been honest with me,” I told him.

“How haven’t I been honest?” he asked, starting to get mad.

I put my hand on his arm to calm him down. “I’m not trying to start a fight, OK?” He calmed down. “You haven’t been honest about your feelings for him. You care about him a lot more than you told me. He’s not just a fuck to you.”

He looked at me, very guilty. “No, he’s not.”

“Do you love him?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” he said honestly. “I’m sorry Brad. I had this all planned out, that you’d come home tonight, we’d spend time with the kids, and then we’d have some time together to just be with each other.” I gave him an odd look, which he interpreted correctly. “Not to make love, just to be together.”

“We still can’t do that? Why?” I asked.

“You still want to?”

“You’ve been honest with me, finally, so I’ll be honest with you. I was optimistic that we would survive this thing, you and I. I really thought we would. I think the odds of that now are pretty slim.” He looked really worried.

“That’s not true. I love you. You’re the most important thing to me,” he said.

“Then give him up. Walk out there right now and fire him, give him a bunch of money, and send him far away,” I said boldly. He just stared at me. “That’s what I thought.”

“You think this is so black and white,” he said.

“It is, but you know, I’m really tired of this. I already fought this battle once; I’m not doing it again. No matter what, I still want you in my life. You’re my best friend,” I said. I had to bite back the tears when I said that.

“You’re breaking up with me?” he asked, horrified.

“Yeah, I am. Come on home, we’ll hang out with the family, and figure out how this will work,” I told him.

“I can’t believe you’re doing this!” he said, almost outraged.

“I’ve done none of this. This is all you. You created the problem, you made it worse, and you made the final choice. Now you get to live with it, and so do I. Only I just have to go through this hell once. You’ll have to do this again, and again, and again.” I was being calm and logical, and it was driving him crazy.

“Why will I have to do this over and over again?” he demanded.

“Were you happy with me? Think back six months ago, four months ago, two months ago, one month ago. Were you happy with me?” I demanded.

“Yeah, I was,” he said.

“Yet you still did this.” He just stared at me. “You think you can give me a ride home?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he said. “Let’s go.” We walked out of the office with a minimum of words and a minimum of hassle. He led me out to the parking lot, to a brand new Ferrari 360 Spyder.

“This is nice,” I said, trying not to laugh, but I couldn’t hold back. Talk about announcing to the world that you were having a mid-life crisis. I finally broke down, laughing really hard.

“What’s so funny?” he demanded.

“When did you get this?” I asked.

“On Tuesday,” he said. “It’s nice. I like it. I always liked yours.” He fired it up.

“I like it too. It won’t make you any younger though,” I said. He glared at me, but I kept smiling at him, and he eventually melted and smiled back at me.

“Yeah, but I get lots of attention from cute guys.” He headed toward Malibu and we did get some pretty intense looks. I’d just ended the most important relationship in my life. I should be devastated, distraught, but I wasn’t. I couldn’t figure out why. In the end, I decided that it had to be one of two things. Either I was so sick of all the fucking drama and of being miserable that I refused to go back there, or I wasn’t convinced that we were actually over. Regardless, I didn’t want to be sad and miserable. I resolved to enjoy myself, no matter what. My attitude seemed to really freak Robbie out, which only made it that much more satisfying.

“This is an awesome ride,” I told him. He smiled at me. Unbelievably enough, I was actually having a great time. We pulled into the garage and I got ready to jump out. He stopped me.

“I don’t think you’re being fair about this.”

He’d timed it perfectly. I was in too good of a mood to get pissed off that quickly. “How am I not being fair?”

“You said you were ending us, and you promised we’d have a month, until December 3.”

“You spend too much time around fucking lawyers,” I said, smiling at him. “Alright, I’ll wait three weeks to dump you.”

“You’re in an awfully good mood,” he said.

“I’m really tired of being miserable, and I’m really happy to see you. I just don’t want to ruin it by fighting, OK?” I said. I meant it. “Play your cards right and you still might get laid tonight.”

“The deck is stacked,” he said mysteriously. We walked into the house and the kids were thrilled to see me, and thrilled to see us. This kind of shit wasn’t easy on them. I remembered Sam and JP’s breakup when I was older, and I remember when Jeff died. Those kinds of traumas stayed with you.

“Wanna hit the waves?” Will asked, desperate to get me off to himself.

“Absolutely not,” I said, and then smiled. “I have to spend the whole weekend in Hawaii surfing with you.”

“When are we leaving?” he asked excitedly.

“Tomorrow after school,” I said. “You guys can come too,” I said to Darius and JJ.

“I’ve got a date,” Darius said, with the cocky air of a very popular 17–year-old.

“Well, I’d go on a date instead of spending time with me if I were you,” I said. He rolled his eyes at me. “What about you JJ?”

“I’ve got skating practice,” he said.

“I’m sure you could miss a few sessions if you want to go,” I said. He was really dedicated, but I didn’t want him to feel pressured to be this uber-skater.

“No, I can’t. Not if I’m going to compete next year,” he said. “Tiffany thinks I can win the junior competition.”

“That’s really impressive,” I told him. Skating had done wonders for him. It had given him a confidence and a focus he’d lacked before. The only downside is that he’d lost some of his playfulness. It was like skating was making him grow up before he had to.

“I see you remembered where you live,” Jeanine said as she breezed into the room. She gave me a friendly kiss on the cheek. We had a strange relationship. We lived in the same house and we were friends, but I guess I’d always hoped I’d have a tight relationship with her like JP did with Isidore. We didn’t. She lived her life, and I lived mine. We rarely did anything together outside of the house. It was like she was still a nanny, not a partner in raising the kids. I made sure she had lots of money, and she watched out for the boys. It was strange, but it seemed to work. If I were going to be honest, I’d admit that she actually got along better with Robbie than with me. I knew they met for lunch once in a while, and she even went to parties or functions with him when I wasn’t around, or at least she used to. I figured Carson would fill that role now.

Robbie and I went over to see Cody and Max. Cody gave me a nice kiss, his way of telling Robbie he thought I was hot. It irritated Robbie, and that made my mood even better. Max gave me a nice kiss too. He was such a sweet guy. It was hard to be in this situation now and to wonder if I’d made the wrong decision all those years ago at Yale, when I’d chosen Robbie over Max. Max would never have done this kind of shit to me. He’d be as loyal as a dead dog. Maybe that was part of the problem. Maybe he wasn’t a challenge, and Robbie was. I made a mental note to think, later on, about my need to create a constant adrenaline rush in my personal life.

“How did your press conference go?” Cody asked, grinning.

“Who did you talk to?” I demanded.

“What makes you think I talked to anyone?”

“Fucker,” I said, smiling.

“What happened?” Robbie asked.

“Apparently Brad’s run off and become religious on us,” Cody joked.

“The press misinterpreted my smart-ass comment on purpose,” I said. I went to our house and got the article, then took it back over and handed it to Robbie. “She asked me if we were liquidating assets because we were in trouble, you know, since we’re fags incurring God’s wrath.”

“And what did you tell her?” Max asked.

“I told her that if God hated us so much, why did he give us money in the first place.” Robbie looked at the headline and busted up, then handed it to Max, who had the same reaction.

“Father Brad. You joining the priesthood?” Cody joked.

“Nope. I like my men a little bit older than that,” I said, making fun of the sex scandals in the Catholic Church.

“Not that much older,” Robbie joked very daringly. “Didn’t you say Kevin is only 20?”

“Twenty years old and driving a new car,” Cody said. “Sounds like he found a sugar daddy.”

“You bought Kevin a car?” Robbie asked.

“Yeah, but not a Ferrari,” I said.

“No, only a Porsche,” Cody shot back.

“You bought Kevin a Porsche?” Robbie asked, incredulous.

I controlled my anger. “Yeah, but it was the cheap one, the Boxster. He was driving a four-door Buick, and he’s much too cute for that.”

“Matt says there’s a hockey player that keeps asking about you. We’re trying to figure out if he fucked you.” Cody was really playing this out, and it was working. Robbie was so jealous he was fuming.

“What are you, the forensic expert on my love life? I’m sure he just enjoyed my charming company.”

“Maybe he wants you to buy him a car too,” Robbie said, and couldn’t keep the bitterness out of his voice.

“No, I think he just wants me to suck his dick.” That cracked Cody and Max up.

“You didn’t sleep with Matt did you?” Robbie asked, trying to make it a joke.

“No, he’s off limits as long as you and I are together,” I said. His eyes bulged. “If we’re not, I figure then it won’t be incest. I’m leaving that taboo to Stef and JP.”

“You about ready to go?” Robbie asked. This had not been a fun conversation for him.

“Go where?” I asked innocently.

“Out,” he said. He led me back to our house and to the Ferrari.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“It’s a surprise,” he said.

“I have to be back by tomorrow at 3:00,” I told him.

“We’ll be back in time,” he said. He drove us to the airport, and there was traffic, but we were both used to that. He pulled up to the Falcon, where the guys were waiting for us.

“You could have saved a lot of time just staying here,” the pilot joked. His name was Keith, and he was cute, just like all of Stef’s pilots.

“Next time I will,” I said, mildly flirting, then turned my attention back to Robbie. “Stef let you borrow the plane, eh?” I teased.

“I had to beg,” Robbie told me, joking. The Falcon took off and I relaxed back in the seat, smiling at him. I didn’t ask him where we were going; I let him set the pace. I moved over into the seat next to him and leaned into him, my back against his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me on the neck. “Why are you with me?”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I’m so fucked up. I’ve been that way for years. Yet you stay with me, and put up with me. Why?”

“I’m not perfect either. You have so many great qualities, and up until last week, you made me really happy.”

“Yeah, but now I’m making you miserable,” he said.

“You are, and there’s a finite amount of shit I’m willing to put up with, but at times like this, when we’re together, just the two of us, I remember how much I love you. It’s really going to hurt to lose you.” He kissed my neck again, and I felt the plane starting to descend.