Good Guys Finish Last - 16. Chapter 16

I woke up after a disturbing dream to find myself alone and in a dark unfamiliar and unwelcoming place. I didn’t know what time it was, but I didn’t care. The only thing I wanted to do was get back home. The anger I felt for my Dad growing with every heave of my chest. I didn’t know why I was so upset, but my head started spinning and I had to force myself to stand.

I walked over and turned on the light and looked at the clock seeing that it was just before the sun was due to start rising. I knew the day was going to be a long and unwelcoming one, that I would struggle and knowing I didn’t have to. If I had a Dad that loved me I wouldn’t be going through this. If my stepmother wasn’t such a bitch or my mother was still alive. I never felt so alone and when I walked down the hall to the bathroom I studied myself in the mirror and I was pale.

“Pull yourself together,” I said aloud looking at myself. I needed Derek right now and I couldn’t go to him.

Yesterday was the most stressful day since my Mom’s death and I didn’t think I could survive the day I had coming to me. Whatever the day was, I wasn’t strong enough to face it. I wasn’t strong enough to face anything. Not without Derek or someone else holding my hand and telling me that it was going to be ok.

I hated how weak and dependant I was becoming. Derek and I were both young and this was the first summer we had together. We rushed into things and now we weren’t getting along all that well anymore. Even if we worked things out there would probably be something else to cause a rift between the two of us. I didn’t want to think about us ending up like my Dad and Mom. I know I would never leave Derek, but I didn’t know if Derek would me. I didn’t like being this in love with someone and not knowing for sure. Mom knew that she loved Dad and that didn’t get her anywhere.

I broke down then and slid down the wall of the bathroom into the floor. I curled up into a ball and I started to cry. This was it, I had finally let myself completely break down again. Mom wanted me to be strong, but I should have known I wasn’t capable of something like that. I hadn’t been capable for years now.

I stood when I heard the knock on the front door. I turned the water on and splashed my face noticing that the color was completely drained out of my face still. I walked to the front door and opened it to see McBride standing there.

“You ready?” He asked looking me over.

“I can’t,” I said forcing out the words, “I’m sorry.”

“This is something you don’t have much freedom in Charlie,” he said grabbing his handcuffs.

“Can’t I just go home and mail you the money?” I asked and he frowned, “you don’t know what kind of year I’ve been having.”

“I don’t care about that, son, learn to live with it,” he said and I glared at him.

“My Dad left me and Mom for a slut named Cindy,” I said and he reached for my hands and I jerked them away, “Mom was diagnosed with cancer soon after that.”

“You are under arrest,” he started.

“And she died this summer,” I said interrupting him, “and I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to do now.” What I said caused him to stop what he was doing and I looked away from him when I started crying all over again.

“We had an agreement,” he said and I turned to look at him.

“I know,” I said my voice shaking.

“Go home,” he said then he put back on his shades and put away his handcuffs.

“Thank you,” I said and he leaned against the doorframe.

“If I don’t get the money by the middle of next week there will be a warrant out for your arrest and you will go to jail,” he said and I nodded my head.

“It will be in the mail as soon as I get home,” I said then he turned and walked out of the condo. I turned around and quickly packed up everyone’s things and I made quick trips shoving it all into the back seat of my car before I locked the door and took off back home.

It was a long trip and I drove carefully. I didn’t want to be in anymore trouble and I didn’t want to ever see McBride or this place again. I knew that I was running away and not facing things and that disappointed me too. I was finally calming down from this morning and when I finally got home the sun was shining and I was glad to see it again. Derek’s car was in the driveway and I walked up the sidewalk to the porch and I quickly unlocked the door and opened it. Derek was on the phone when I stepped into the living room, but I didn’t care. I rushed towards him and took the phone out of his hand and hung it up then I started to lean in and kiss him.

“Charlie,” he said holding up his hand to stop me.

“What?” I asked sitting back.

“What’s wrong?” He asked and I looked down at my hands. “What have you done?”

“Nothing,” I answered glancing at him briefly.

“Well that was your Dad, he said he had some news,” Derek said and I frowned then looked up at him.

“Well I don’t fucking care about him anymore,” I hissed crossing my arms.

“No, he said it involved your Mom,” Derek said and I couldn’t think of anything that would still involve her.

“This can’t be good,” I said, “what did he say?”

“He said her lawyer sent over a package,” Derek answered and I stood.

“Well tell him that he can drop it by later, I’m going to go take a shower then I’m going to go sell my car,” I said and Derek stood up.

“Why in hell are you selling your car?” Derek asked following me up the stairs.

“To pay for my fines,” I answered and Derek grabbed my shoulder and turned me around.

“You didn’t run away did you?” Derek asked, “that’s a felony.”

“No, he let me go,” I answered not wanting to talk about it anymore.

“What did you do?” Derek asked holding onto me with a firm grip.

“I just told him what kind of life I’ve been living lately and he let me go,” I answered. I was starting to feel ashamed that I couldn’t do what was asked, that I let my own sad life get me out of trouble. Facing consequences was too difficult for me to do right now.

“Let’s go talk to your dad, you can shower when we get back,” Derek said offering me a small smile. He let go of my shoulder then and I sighed.

“I don’t want to,” I said leaning against the wall, “I’ve had a bad morning.”

“I know,” Derek said reaching up to wipe off another tear that was traveling down my face, “maybe it’s something good from your mother.”

“Fine, we’ll go,” I said caving in. Derek led me down the stairs and then he slipped on some flip-flops while I opened the front door locking it. He followed me outside shutting the door behind him.

“I’m driving,” Derek said, “you’ve had a rough day.”

“I can drive Derek,” I countered walking over to the driver’s side door and opening it.

“When we get back we’re going to have a long talk,” he said before he opened the passenger’s side door and getting in.

“Yeah,” I said, “I’d like a long talk.” The short drive to Dad’s house was excruciating. I knew as soon as I walked through the front door I would lose my temper. Part of me wanted to lash out at him and tell him what has happened. The other part of me though wanted to turn around and drive back home forgetting the whole mess I was in. When we arrived we both got out of the car and Dad opened the front door when we were on the porch. He stepped aside and let us in and again we were standing in the middle his large living room. I could hear Cindy talking on the phone from another room and I looked at Dad expectantly.

“Do you need anything?” Dad asked and I crossed my arms.

“Oh, so today you’re in a giving mood,” I snapped, “no thanks.”

“Charlie,” he started.

“No, Dad, I had the worst fucking morning ever since Mom died and it all happened because you and your slut Cindy didn’t pay my fines,” I hissed and he took a step back.

“Maybe you should go home and cool off,” Dad said as Cindy walked into the living room.

“Charlie, I will not tolerate you calling me names,” she said and I looked at her.

“Just go whine to your mommy,” I said waving her off, “Dad give me what came for me, because I’m not ever stepping foot back into this house.”

“Your Mom put the house up for sale,” Dad said and my heart jumped.

“What do you mean?” I asked and Dad showed me what the lawyer dropped by for him. What he had for me was still in an unopened envelope and I dreaded what news she still had left for me. “You can’t sell our home.”

“We don’t have a choice in the matter,” Dad said and I had enough of this. Everything kept getting worse, I was backed into a wall and I just need a break from it all. I grabbed my keys dropped the envelope and ran outside. I didn’t wait for Derek, he would just make things worse right now. I started the car, locked the doors, and slammed the car into drive. I didn’t know where to go, but driving was always a way for me to relax and to clear my head. When the car swerved I tried to gain control over it, but I couldn’t. I took the curve too fast and I slammed on to the breaks then I felt the car lift off the road and head for the guardrail. I had been going way too fast, but everything felt like it was in slow motion until the car hit the guardrail and for some reason I knew I wouldn’t live through this so I closed my eyes to let the end begin.

Epilogue

As I looked at all the people assembled looking at me and wondering why I was here I let out a long sigh. It was before the service and I was standing in the front looking for any sign of Charlie’s Dad who was supposed to speak first. Here though, a lot of the same people that were assembled here before, for his Mother’s funeral. Charlie was supposed to be here, being the best man at Matthew and Becky’s wedding. He was supposed to be here for his Father’s really fancy wedding that I would have dragged him to kicking and screaming. He was here now though and won’t be here anymore.

In the first row there was a note on the pew reserved for immediate family. That bench was empty and when I looked back at the filled to capacity church it just made the first pew even more empty. Julie, Matt, Rick, Sara, and Becky were all sitting together in the second row their parents sitting behind them. Julie was a wreck and had been since the accident. I had a lot of talks with her as I slept on her floor. I didn’t want to sleep with her on her bed. Charlie’s Father kicked me out when he put the house up for sale.

This wasn’t the summer before college I had in mind. I was running away from my parents and their life for me and I found someone that took me in and befriended me in a time in both our lives where neither of us expected such a thing to happen. I have friends that are really my friends now. I finally found someone that I loved and loved me back. I was finally happy and not a lot of his extended family and friends knew that.

The people around us were starting to get impatient and looked at me standing and waiting for his Dad to show. I looked up at the preacher standing at his pulpit and he motioned for me to come to where he was.

“What do you need?” I asked in a whisper.

“Are there any word on his father’s late arrival?” He asked looking at me, I could tell that he was becoming uncomfortable. “There is an evening service here or I would be more than welcome to wait a little longer.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know about his Dad,” I answered then I looked at the Director of Charlie’s funeral and she was nervous as well.

“Do you think he’ll show up?” He asked making me look at the clock. He was a little over an hour late and it was only a few minutes drive from his house. Nothing could keep him away this long, not unless he was his own reason. I didn’t think it was my decision though.

“Ask his family,” I said, “I have no problems not waiting.”

“Actually, I think you’re the perfect person to ask,” he countered and I looked at him as he smiled at me.

“Ok, then, start,” I said then I stepped down from the pulpit where we were standing and I walked back to the pews. I didn’t know where I belonged and people were looking at me as if I were lost or didn’t belong. I removed the reserved seating note and I sat down. The preacher cleared his throat to get everyone’s attention.

“We’re gathered here,” he started.

“Sir, what are you doing?” Asked Sharon, the funeral Director.

“We’re starting Sharon,” he said and a few family members in the back whispered and talked amongst themselves causing a low rumble. I didn’t want this day to be about his father not showing up at his funeral, but it was looking that way. It’s hard enough to be here. Knowing that everything I had thought about was stopped suddenly. I hadn’t started picking up the loose ends from that day.

“His father isn’t here, sir,” she countered walking up to the pulpit, “He’s the first to speak as well.” I couldn’t hear what else was said. I was paying attention to his family thinking that I had made a mistake.

“We’re gathering here today honoring Charles Williams,” the preacher said. It abruptly stopped all of the whispering and I heard people ruffling in their seats turning back around to pay attention. “This was a special young man. Most of you know him as a sports star and an outstanding student preparing for college, a life just now branching out into the greater milestone of Adulthood. Stay with us as we celebrate Charlie.” He then stepped back at the pulpit and nodded his head over to Sharon who looked lost.

“Well uh, his father was supposed to be here to speak, so to pass some time who wants to speak right now?” Sharon asked and I looked over my shoulder to see if there were any volunteers. I wanted to be respectful to them I was just a friend. They didn’t want to speak first either. I was nervous and out of place. I reached into my coat pocket and I pulled out the envelope containing his mother’s letter and my speech I had wrote. I wasn’t even scheduled to speak, but I was going to volunteer when asked.

“I’ll do it,” Julie said sniffling. She was crying and stood on shaky legs. She didn’t care that her makeup was running or that her eyes and face was read. She walked up and instead of heading to the pulpit she stopped and looked down at Charlie then turned to face everyone else. “I’m not prepared to speak at all.”

“It’s ok Julie,” Sharon said stepping down to hand Julie another tissue.

“Well, I was Charlie’s friend,” Julie started then paused looking down as she tore the tissue in half, “In the halls it was me and him you saw, and both of us laughed to ourselves when people called us a cute couple. We were and always will be best friends. To me Charlie was the person that I couldn’t wait to see in the morning and was the last person I talked to when I went to bed at night. We helped each other succeed in school and we knew how to have fun. We are friends for life, and I can’t see me fully enjoying my life as much with out him physically in it. He brought out the life in me and he didn’t know it. I was selfish with him, I didn’t want to share my best friend with everyone and I hurt a lot of people when I did that as he is a rare true friend.” Julie’s legs buckled beneath her then and she fell on her knees bursting out into uncontrollable crying. “I uh, I loved him so much, and he’s not here anymore smiling at me. Not here to make fun of me when I do something stupid. Call me late at night when he had a problem he couldn’t sleep on. He won’t see my kids grow up or correct me when I’ve went too far. He’s not here…”

I stood and I grabbed her hands and helped her to her feet when she fell silent, but kept crying. Sharon helped me take her to her seat where Becky and Sara started comforting her by rubbing her arms and whispering to her.

“Thank you so much Julie,” Sharon said stepping up to the pulpit again. She was waiting patiently for someone else to volunteer and the longer the wait the more my heart rushed.

These were the hardest times of my life. I wasn’t supposed to lose someone I was going to fight to the end to keep. Then to look at his extended family and have most of them wondering why I’m sitting up here where his family is supposed to me. A family that wasn’t here and a family that hardly even existed anymore. The silence stung me and I rubbed my fingers across the envelope glancing down at it. I felt myself wanting to stand and when I heard Sharon start to talk, I stood.

“I’ll say a few things Sharon,” I said waving my hand slightly to get her attention. She looked relieved and stepped aside. I passed her on the way up to the pulpit and I opened the envelope and took out the hand written letter. “I’m going to read a letter that Charlie didn’t get a chance to read.” I paused as I unfolded the letter and looked over the lightly pressed blue letters filling the notebook paper. “To my little boy, you grew up too fast. So much has happened to you and I’m sorry if you’re mad at me right now. I know you so well I knew you would never leave unless you were pushed. I didn’t want our home put up for sale to hurt you. I wanted you to learn to live with and to love your father again. To stop being an adult and be a young man. I wanted you to live free from regrets and strings holding you back. I wanted you to experience things that you wouldn’t, waiting around in this town and in our home. You will forgive me in time dear I know you will. I love you, but I don’t want to stop you like I already have. So go back into the room with your father and tell him you’re moving in. Then go to college, the one you want to go to. Be a gentleman and never take anything for granted. Hold on to me. I love you.” I looked up and saw mixed emotions as I scanned the crowd. Some were crying and others were still looking up at me expectantly. I tentatively took out my speech from my envelope and swallowed hard. I was now about to read my words and feelings. Not the words of his mother.

“Go ahead and finish sweetheart,” Sharon said offering me a smile. I nodded my head then cleared the tight feeling I had in my throat.

“Well looking up at me may have some of you confused. I’m not someone that grew up here. Charlie didn’t know how important he was to me. I was running from my parents’ expectations. I didn’t really have anywhere to go and I didn’t really have anything planned this summer. So this is how I met Charlie, I was actually taking someone I really didn’t need as a friend to the hospital. It was after graduation and I met Charlie in the park near the hospital. He was there letting his Mom see how good he looked in his cap and gown. Then he took me into his home and I really got to know who he was. A lot of you probably would have thought he was stupid for letting someone he barely knew stay with him and he did too at times. I was here when his mother died and I was there when he didn’t think he was living up to what his Mom wanted. I helped him bury Lucy and I was there when he started living again. I didn’t know what I was getting into when I befriended him, but I gained so much. He may have thought that he was the one needing helped, but I was too. He showed me that I could have friends that mattered. That it was ok to disagree with my Dad. I had I future that I wanted now and only a few of you in here will understand how important Charlie was to me.”

My eyes blurred and I frowned when tears started dripping and being absorbed into the paper that I had prepared. It would be the only way that I could get what I wanted to say out. When I couldn’t get the rest of what I had, spoken I looked up at the people looking back at me. I then looked down at Charlie and smiled when I looked down and saw my tie laying parallel to his chest. He was wearing a black suit and my red tie. His high school jersey was framed and put on a stand above his head next to a large vase with an assortment of flowers. There were a few scratches across his forehead that I could see from where I was standing. Overall the church was dimly lit and the only shadows in the room were cast by sunlight flowing in from the stain glass windows. In the entrance there was a small collage of family photos that Julie and I picked out and I wasn’t in any of those. We didn’t have anything shared that other people could know. No one will know that I belonged to someone. Sharon rubbed my shoulders then and I stepped down and took my seat. When they played the school song from his high school Matt, Becky, Julie, Sara, Rick, and I carried Charlie out to his spot next to his mother. Then it was over.

Matt and Becky were married that summer and Becky announced that she was pregnant with their first child. They had a beautiful wedding, though there wasn’t any physical best man standing behind Matt. They told everyone that whatever the baby was that his or her name would be Charlie. Rick was drunk at the reception and Julie and I kept getting him out of trouble. He and Sara started dating, but it didn’t last long. He left for college early so that he could get a good recommendation to join some fraternity. She and Julie talk and get along now.

Julie and I will live in apartment together we both decided that we’d go to Stanford and luckily we both got in. I haven’t stopped loving him, his smile, even if elusive most of the time that I knew him was the part of him I envisioned the most.

“Do you want to stop in and say goodbye?” Julie asked and I looked at her, but she already turned into the cemetery. We both stepped out of the car and I motioned for her to go first and I stood back and waited for her to get finished. When she returned to me she leaned into me and I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her tight against me. Her hair was tickling my face as the wind blown her hair across it. When she let me go and stepped back I stepped around her and I glanced over my shoulder to see her watching me as I approached the place I found myself visiting a lot. I sat down on the bench and looked forward reading the name.

“You know I’ll come back and talk to you as soon as I can, I’m sure I’ll have a lot of stuff to tell you Charlie. I wish I could hold you and kiss you and feel you laying next to me in our room. I wish we would be planning a small service on some beach next summer. I know you think I’m crazy for buying a ring, but I had to do it. I love you Charlie, goodbye for now.” I looked down at the ring on my left ring finger and I rubbed it with my thumb. I let the air around me dry my tears before I stood and rejoined Julie at the car.