Awaken - 14. Damage

“I don't understand what the problem is then? We both want this.” I let my hands fall back to my sides as I looked up at him. His hands were still in my hair and he pulled my head back. I gasped and his eyes roamed over my face, studying me. He used his grip in my hair to guide me closer and I laid my palms against his chest again. He dipped his head and his lips were on mine. I relaxed into him and one of his hands untangled from my messy hair. It slid down my back, rubbing gently before his fingers moved under my shirt, lightly skimming over the small of my back. I arched into him, opening my mouth once again for his tongue. He groaned and stepped away. He held my hands and as he sat on the bed he brought me with. I bit my lip as he guided me onto his lap, spreading my legs so my knees were on either side of his hips. Talon's mouth found mine and I shuddered as his hands started to roam over my back and hips. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he grinned against my mouth as I kissed him first this time. It was my turn to tug gently on his hair and I gasped softly when his teeth lightly grazed my lower lip. A shock went down my spine straight to my groin as I felt his sharp canines lightly press into my lower lip. He nipped gently as his hands found my hips.

We finally came up for air and his thumbs brushed lightly over my cheekbones, “You're beautiful. I feel like I'm defiling a temple or something.”

I blushed and let my fingers explore the exposed skin on his chest, tracing the tattoos poking out from the mussed fabric, “You're not doing anything I don't want you to.” His eyes were tinted a smokey color as he eyed me and I felt his power nudge gently at the edges of my awareness. I opened myself completely and my nails dug into his chest as I gasped.

I saw him roll us. His hands were everywhere at once as he all but devoured my mouth. He pulled my shirt over my head, breaking the kiss and I watched myself squirm under his gaze as he took in all of my skin. I could feel his emotions as his eyes ran over my body. Sun kissed. So gorgeous. Mine. I watched myself blush and bite my lip as he unlaced my pants before dragging them down my legs. Now totally naked I could see my embarrassment but it was quickly shoved aside by Talon drinking in every inch of my body, his lust filling both of our minds. His fingers ran slowly up my arms and then over my shoulders as he lowered his head. His tongue snaked around my nipple, sucking softly. I watched as he yanked his own shirt over his head, knocking his bun loose so that all of his hair fell around his shoulders, his tattoos on full display.

Talon roughly severed the connection and I suddenly found myself face down in my blankets. Talon was already across the room on one of the couches when I finally pulled myself together. I looked at him confused and hurt. He gave me a sad smile, his head tilting toward the door. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and pushed my hair away from my face as I sat up. I fixed my shirt which was bunched under my armpits and tried to figure out what had happened. My door opened and I felt my stomach drop as Lex let himself in. He smiled at me and then stopped when he noticed Talon.

“What are you doing in here?”

“Talking to Kalian.” Even now his use of my name made my insides all gooey and I looked away from him as I felt Lex's eyes bore into me. I was certain that at any minute he would realize what had happened. He would figure out that what had just previously been rumor now had an inkling of truth. He narrowed his eyes as he looked between the two of us. Talon reclined back on the couch, resting his hands on his stomach. The very picture of unbothered.

“I think it's time you left now Verloren. I don't just mean the room. Your following my fiance around has become too much. It's inappropriate.”

I felt a sharp dangerous pang of hate vibrate over the connection but Talon just gave Lex a winning smile, “I've told you before and I will tell you again. If he wants me to leave I will.”

“I speak for both of us and I'm telling you to go.”

“You do not speak for both of us.” Both pairs of eyes turned to me and a slow smile spread over Talon's face as Lex sneered.

“If you don't mind Lex, I was just telling Talon about my very long day. I'm tired and I don't have the energy to deal with you or play referee.”

“I had hoped we'd talk of your studies. It seems you've already done that though with this stranger. Make no mistake Kalian. He is a stranger. There are plenty of things you don't know about him that I'm sure would send you running for the hills if you knew.”

“There are things about you that I do know that make me want to do that. I told you. I'm not in the mood to argue. If you can't have a descent conversation get out.” I lifted my chin and watched Talon out of the corner of my eye. He was smirking at me and I shuddered as his tongue ran over his top teeth. Lex noticed it too and I watched him go rigid. I saw his mind working. He was processing the change in my behavior and the different way Talon looked at me now. Lex wasn't dumb. I knew that from the moment he had walked in, Talon and I had been exchanging glances. I kept looking to him when my confidence faltered.

Lex nodded slowly, calculating and then gave me a mocking half bow, “Of course, liebe.” I stared in surprise as he turned around, marching himself from my room. Talon's head tilted fractionally in the direction of the door and he waited for a long few minutes. Then he visibly relaxed and stood, moving back to my side. He ran fingers gently through my hair and I looked up at him. I was shaking.

“Breathe. He's gone.” I wrapped my arms around Talon's waist, resting my face against his stomach as those strong fingers combed my hair back away from my face. As proud as I was that I had stood up to Lex, I wondered how much of it was me and how much was Talon being in the room with me? Would I be that strong if I was alone? As if reading my thoughts, Talon sat on the bed, his fingers now running soothingly up and down my spine. I wanted to crawl into his arms and forget the entire world. I wanted to throw away my studies, shrug off my engagement, and run away with him leaving everything behind. I couldn't leave Eon though. I needed my schooling if I was ever going to be more than a burden weighing Talon down. If I made us run it would be him constantly protecting me at the expense of his own safety.

“Hey, hey come back to me.” I looked up at him and with horror, realized there were tears burning at the corner of my eyes, “you're hurting your own feelings.”

“I don't know what to do. I hate him. I'm scared of him and I don't know how to stop this. He's got more standing in court than we do and the king loves him. He can do whatever he wants to me and I'm stuck.” A flare of anger and something else filled my head. Jealously?

“Well, first things first, calm down. You're not going to make any rational decisions if you're panicking or feeling sorry for yourself. Every problem has a solution. We simply have to find this one Sunshine.” I'm not sure why but the switch to one of his nicknames instead of my name hurt a little. We had switched back to the dynamic we'd had as teacher and student. I felt foolish and it seemed like I was being scolded.

“I'm not trying to panic. I'm stuck, though, as far as I can see.”

He stood and stretched his arms above his head and a flash of his earlier thoughts went across his mind. The image of me under him, his shirt being yanked over his head. I bit my lip and he chuckled softly as he relaxed his arms by his sides. “Your emotions flip pretty fast huh?”

I shrugged and got up, trailing my fingers across his abs before bending to pick up the bag he'd drop on the ground. I reached out across the thether to gauge where his mind was. I felt a wall suddenly thrown up between us and I looked back at him questioningly. He ran his fingers through his hair and closed the distance I had put between us. Arms wrapped around my waist as his chin rested on top of my head.

“I don't mind whatever this mental thing we have going on is. That being said, I'm not necessarily a fan of you rifling around in my thoughts whenever you feel like it. Some things should remain private, Kalian.” He held me tighter and I leaned back against him, letting my eyes fall closed as my earlier exhaustion settled back into my bones. I heard him laugh softly, his voice against my ear right before his tongue flicked over the lobe.

“Why are you playing with me?” I had a sudden burst of anger as I pulled myself away, “One second you're scolding me and then you do something like that.”

“I would like to remind you,” He crossed his arms over his chest, “That after he left you're the one who guided the touches in that direction. I was trying to comfort you.”

I felt my anger deflate and realized it hadn't even been meant for him. I sank back onto my bed and let my head fall into my hands, “You're right.”

“Mm say it again. Slower.” I knew if I looked up he'd have that damn smirk on his face and I didn't know if I could handle it right now. My thoughts were scattered all over the place and I didn't want to admit that it bothered me that he'd sealed me off from his mind. I had been enjoying the openness without realizing that maybe being that exposed was awful for him.

“I h-have to study.”

“Are you dismissing me?”

“I'm not sure that I can calm myself down with you here.”

He looked hurt for a moment and I immediately wanted to reach out over the tether. I clamped down instead and pulled my books from the bag. He nodded slowly and I watched him leave the room without another word. My stomach and chest hurt and the last thing I wanted to do was learn about how the earliest Magik users probably blew themselves up at least once. I desperately wanted to follow him. I wanted there to be no wedding inching closer on the horizon. I shook my head and gripped the book. I would learn. I would get better and stronger and then Lex wouldn't be able to force me into things. My will would be stronger and I could stop bending to his. Unfortunately that started with 50 pages of reading and a routine of movements Athel had ordered me to practice.

I didn't get to sleep for three hours.

*

“How was combat training lord?” I sat at the table in Tyren's classroom. For the second day in a row I was beyond tired. I had slept for a good amount of time but it hadn't mattered. My mind was frazzled from taking in too much information and every corner of my body ached. That was completely leaving out the ache in my chest.

“Hard, but I liked it.”

He stood, staring out his window, his back to me. Today he wore silver robes, tied in the middle with a sash of copper and gold. “It will only get harder. As will all the things you're responsible for learning. But it will be okay because you will get stronger at the same time. You'll be able to handle all the things we throw at you and more. These first few days will seem like they were hardly even a challenge. Now, we spent yesterday discussing the where and how Magik first came to be. This morning I'd like to talk about how we molded it into what it is today. Page 101.”

I turned and Tyren began much like he had yesterday, “So when it first became known to us, Magik was wild, untamed. It didn't like to bend to our will. Only through time and a careful understanding were we able to fully harness it to do our bidding. Can you guess some of the ways we might have done that?”

I thought for a moment, my mind entirely blank before blurting out, “spells?”

Tyren gave a wide smile, “I trust that the Shadow Summoner's influence may be responsible for that answer. You're right. Among a few other tools, spells were some of the first ways we nurtured our newfound power.”

“Then why are spells considered so dangerous and wrong now?” I asked the question but my mind was focused on what he’d called Talon. Shadow Summoner. Is that what he was known as? I had never heard that name before.

“Misunderstanding mostly. Spells have existed far longer than the stigma against them. That's a new school of thought that's only sprung up in the last, maybe, three hundred years. Can you think of another thing Talon may have shown you that whispers of the old world?”

I ran my fingers gently over the book's pages, frowning softly as my thoughts centered around Talon, “He mentioned alchemy briefly?”

“Yes! Very good. Maybe he wasn't such a useless teacher after all. Alchemy and spells are very old forms and uses for our Magik. Whereas most spells haven't been adapted to the new world, alchemy is forever changing. I'm sure he told you it started as a way to simply alter and change metals correct?”

“Yes like iron to gold or along those lines.”

“Of course. Everyone always wants gold. There are so many more practical uses however. Medicines, tonics, ointments, alchemy is even used to produce some perfumes and colognes. It's uses are endless.”

“Is it more...accepted than spells?”

“Excellant question my lord. Correct. I believe that since alchemy has changed with the times, as I said, it's not such an unknown like spells. Spell work is a lost art and not many know it's true potential. Much of that knowledge has been lost to us.”

“Is it because it's in dead languages?”

Tyren looked down at me, surprised and then I was awarded with another smile, “Right again young lord. I'm beginning to think you should hold onto Talon at all costs.” I tried to ignore the way his comment twisted my stomach. I didn't want to think about how difficult it was going to be for me to do just that. I had a sinking feeling Talon wasn't a fan of being held on to. Even with the recent development in our relationship.

*

Athel was sick of me. I'd been on the training ground not 15 minutes before she made me aware of that fact. I'd done one of her tasks too slow and now I was being punished. I remember when I had thought Talon was too tough on me. I almost laughed at the thought. Athel was downright cruel. Any time my stance was weak she kicked my legs out from under me. Or she'd sock me in the stomach when I didn't hold it strong enough or my breathing wasn't controlled. Her favorite punishment was running and I subconsciously wondered if it was the universal punishment for a student who displeased you.

“No think, boy. Run!” She barked and I ran across the yard to a white line painted on the ground. I turned clumsily while still moving, and ran back to the other side where she was waiting. I repeated this about 20 times before she loudly sighed.

“Slow. So slow. You move through pudding?” I gripped my knees, my breath dragging roughly in and out of my lungs. My sides ached and a bead of sweat ran from my forehead to drip off the end of my nose. “I not tell you to stop! Go! Go! Or you run rest of day!” I gathered myself back up and tried to ignore my stomach's protests as I started running again.

A half hour later and I truly felt like I might die. I was crouched in a fighting stance, my hands up to guard my face. Athel walked around me, nudging her foot at mine and adjusting how high I held my arms, “Weak, weak. Work on stance tonight. I want perfect tomorrow.” I nodded as she motioned for me to drop it, wiping my forehead with the back of my arm.

“Now you threw light in circle yesterday. Not your movement. You copy from someone else.” I blinked in shock. How could she know that? Luckily Athel was direct and explained, “It not come to you naturally. I see you think about it. Hesitate. Hesitating get you killed. We find more...organic movements. Ones that become second nature. You are not huge, smaller like Athel. Smaller equals smaller moves. Short arms, less range. You get closer to attacker until your power is stronger and it reach out for you.” I watched as she held her palms out in front of her, her foot sliding back and her other knee bending. She had slid so smoothly into her stance that I was marveling at how easy it had looked. She moved her hands slowly and in unison, her palms creating a wave like pattern. She kept one palm raised in front of her as she tucked the other arm's elbow into her side, that hand becoming a fist. She made sure I was watching before stepping forward quickly and twisting her hips, the bent arm springing forward in a punch. As I watch her other palm circled quickly and she jabbed her fingers out. I would go on to practice a much sloppier version of this the rest of the day. I wondered when I would actually start using my Magik. With Tyren it had all been about theories and reasons why. Never actually casting. The same was true of Athel's training. I wasn't given weapons or allowed to use my power. In fact she'd tied a purple leather strap around my wrist that announced this to everyone.

*

I came home in much the same way I had the day before. When I got to my room, Eon was snoozing on one of the couches. He laid on his side and I smiled softly before covering him with a blanket. Right now, he was the only one in my life that didn't want or need something from me. I sat on my bed and began my daily reading, only stopping to eat dinner brought in by Dima. She avoided my eyes entirely and that for some reason made me nervous. She set our trays on the small table and I joined Eon on the couch. He'd woken up when she came in, but was still rubbing sleep from his eyes. Even just two days later his head looked so much better. His eyes were even back to being more focused and I said as much.

“The days we were on the road after the attack I felt like I was in a fog. My head wasn't moving fast enough. I could barely get words out and keep myself awake. I'm wondering just how hard that guy hit me.” He laughed and spooned some meat and sauce onto a piece of soft bread, taking a bite.

“I'm glad you're feeling better. I was very worried.”

“I know. Thank you for taking care of me. The doctor said he thinks that you stopping us more frequently so I could rest helped with my healing. Along with Talon's strange concoction.”

I frowned at his name and picked at my food, my appetite gone, “I haven't seen him all day.”

“I...should tell you something. You're not going to like it though.”

I closed my eyes, I knew what was coming, “I saw him following Dima through the house earlier hand-in-hand. I don't know for a fact that anything happened, but I can't keep this from you.” I had known. A small part of me. The first red flag had been when he didn't seek me out. I hadn't felt anything all day from our connection and that almost hurt more. It was special. As far as I knew, no one else could do this. But he still found a way to keep me out. I had thought, for a moment, that he was going to let me in. I had been stupid. I was another conquest for him, nothing more. I supposed I should be flattered that he thought I was worth seducing, given how beautiful his other targets were.

“Are you going to talk to him? Bring it up? Who knows, it could have been innocent?”

“Yes, I'm sure she was showing him the kitchen,” I spit the words out and pushed my food away, resting my face in my hands.

“Kalian. It doesn't mean he bedded her. All I saw was them walking together.”

“Yes, holding hands.”

“Ah yes, because holding hands is the new sex.” We both jerked our attention to where Talon was leaning against the door frame, “It's much easier for me now. I’m a master. I don't have to go through all the motions and acrobatics of normal sex. I hold a hand in just the right way and it's all over.” Eon looked chastised and speared another piece of meat on his fork.

I lifted my chin defiantly as I met Talon's glare, “You act like this is the first time you've been caught with someone. Why so defensive?”

“Caught? Caught! You act like I've done something wrong. You're doing it again. We talked about this. I grow tired of your jealousy. Was I not here last night? With you?” Eon's eyes widened and he looked between the two of us before deciding that a potato was the most interesting thing in the world.

“You left. You cut me off. Forgive me if I'm a little upset.”

“You're always a little upset.”

“I'm sorry, would you like me to be more upset?” I was on my feet now and Talon had marched himself into the room. We stood toe to toe and stared each other down.

“Knowing what you're feeling without divulging my deepest darkest memories is nice. I'll admit it.”

“I didn't ask for the connection and I didn't create it.”

“Oh no, but you used it didn't you? As much as you could. Ripping things from me that I would never tell you.”

“Maybe I wouldn't have to do that if you talked to me and opened up like a regular person!” I shoved his shoulder and anger flashed in his eyes. Eon slowly rose, frowning as if he didn't know who to stop.

“A regular person? Like you? You think you're suddenly less damaged than me because you got accepted into the king's school and you have power? I'm not the only one here with trauma lordling. I just have more practice handling it.” I lost my anger almost as suddenly as it had flared up. I turned away from him, wrapping my arms around myself and cursing the tears that welled in my eyes.

“I think you two are done for the night. You've both said enough.” Eon rested a hand on my shoulder and I watched him frown sadly at Talon. I heard footsteps receding before my bedroom door slammed and I jumped. As Eon wrapped his arms around me, I hated knowing that he was right. That again, it was my jealousy that had caused a rift between us.