Return to Sender - 11. Chapter 11 - Adam

CHAPTER 11 - Adam

A lot of work got done the following day. By 10am, I’d rented the bed for Kai (in my mind, the most important item on my list) and arranged its transport here on Thursday by the latest. The next was contacting an agency for a nurse to come by every day. I didn’t know the times, so I contacted Kai for those. We spent three quarters of an hour on the phone, talking for maybe five minutes about the times I called about (he only required help with showering, and he preferred at 7am on Monday, Wednesday and Friday - he didn’t need help on the other days or with dressing) and the rest just lost in conversation again. It was so easy to talk to him! So much to ask still, and to answer in return. I called the agency back with the times.

Arranging a car service to bring him - and pick him up - from Walter Reed during weekdays for therapy - required another call to Kai - I didn’t know those times either. We spent another half hour getting lost in conversation again.

After lunch, I went for a nice long walk with Arya and then took her in the car to town for a visit to the carpet store where I chose the carpet for all rooms upstairs, opting for the same color (Beige) I’d had laid in my bedroom (it was the same store so they had the type on file) to be put in all other rooms (and redoing the landing), paying double just to get it done this week. They practically ran to the cash register, confirming for Wednesday.

I’m certainly not a gazillionaire but Nan had always taught me - ‘Earn enough to be able to quit when you’re forty, then live comfortably for the rest of your days and not have to ever worry about a penny’ -
I ended up with a sizable amount more than I’d aimed for, due to the success of my books, which now enabled me to do as I wished. Apparently I wished a lot today and people ran to make it happen. The paint store was next, and again I paid double to have them come in tomorrow, Tuesday, so they wouldn’t get in the way of the carpet people. They’d be arriving at 7am, sharp. I wanted Hunter Green for Kai’s room, the Forest Room - Butterscotch for the spare room, the Garden Room - Pine Green for Kellan’s old room - the Pine Room and Burgundy for the Rose Room, Megan’s old room. Cream on the walls on the landing. The doors would be painted white, and each would get a small icon, right above the door handle, in the color of what room it represented. A nice little touch, dreamed up by the son of the owner of the store, a nice young man who turned out to be learning the ropes so he could take over one day. A keeper, in my book!

The bathroom upstairs I really wanted to have retiled but that would just not be possible at this schedule I insisted on - that’d have to be done in August at the earliest. I made an appointment for it. I did pick out very nice patterned tiles for the walls and cream non-slip ones for the floor. I liked those so much that I also wanted those in the bathroom in my own room, making an appointment for that two weeks later so I wouldn't be without amenities upstairs due to construction. That was quite a smart decision, I thought. We celebrated that with a coffee on a terrace and an extra treat for Arya.

Then it was on to the furniture store, to select beds. The first two they showed me were a definite no. I did settle on queen size for all rooms, including my own, but these two were not it. The reason I wanted all beds to be the same was simply one of convenience - I’d need the same size sheets and blankets for all of them. The third bed, though - bingo! Arya jumped onto it and that sealed the deal: she liked it, so I liked it. I looked very kooky, making that the deciding factor, but I liked that it seemed that way (one of the employees tapped her forehead to another when she thought I wasn’t looking. No tip for you, Missy!). Nor would I pay double for all this. They could deliver these whenever they were ready to ship them. Well, to be honest, I did consider it when they mentioned a 12-week window of delivery. But then I remembered that Kai would have the rented hospital bed so - no. Three months was fine.

And that was it! It was 4pm by then, so a workday well spent, and the rest - that’s what my mini-holidays were for. Also, I figured that Kai might want some alone-time. What better way to arrange that than with me going on my trips, scouring the countryside for paraphernalia, while he could go and do his own thing. Receive his family and slowly get back into normal life, which he’d had to forego for so long?

**********

My plan was…nixed. That was the word Kai used when I told him about the arrangements I’d made during the day and my plan to go touring around with Arya on the hunt once the rooms had been painted, the carpet laid.

He called after dinner. Arya was noisily killing a waffle which I’d made before starting on the dishes.

“Yeah, you can nix that. You’re not leaving me behind while you go cavorting around the countryside - I wanna come with!”

Cavorting? I don’t cavort.

“But…”

“Nuh-uh! No can do, Mister. I love antique hunting.”

“Oh…but your family….”

“Family schmamily. They can go take a hike - I’m comin’ with!”

“Okay,” I chuckled. I hadn’t known he was into antiquing. Oh, but that would be great, doing that together. Two pairs of eyes see more than one and it’s nice to share the experience.

And then he told me about his own idea - that he’d been thinking about a new goal in life: The Navy was over for him. He’d been thinking about working in construction or woodwork, the former probably not feasible for him, because heavy lifting wasn’t in his cards, for the foreseeable future. That left woodwork, which he enjoyed and certainly wanted to pick up at some point. But then I, and I’ll use his word here - yapped - about antique hunting and my mini-vacations in my letter. And that the idea of perhaps starting an antique store had taken root.

“Ooooh! Oh, I’ll be your best customer!”

“See? Client #1 already! You know, I used to have an antique desk in my room, but I have no idea where it went. I meant to ask Megan but I keep forgetting.”

“That was a lovely desk.”

“You’ve seen it?”

“It was here when I virtually toured the place with the realtor. It was gone when I moved in. I remember it because I…”

I stopped talking, catching myself.

“Because you what…?

I felt a bit embarrassed because I’d fantasized about him sitting there, writing.

“It’s nothing.”

“Adam?” He said, chidingly, “I asked this before - please don’t do that. Be real. Don’t evade. You can say and tell me anything. I want to know. It’s not nothing if it’s in your thoughts.”

“I…I imagined you sitting there, writing letters. It was after that first letter came. I was curious which room had been yours, so I looked around and remembered it. And could see you sitting there.”
He softly chuckled.

“I have - many long evenings. Not many letters but a ton of homework. That desk had been my grandpa’s. They gave it to me because I liked it and the desk that I had was a shoddy piece of barely held together plywood.”

“Did you smoke in your room?”

“I did, yes. I wasn’t allowed, and in summer that’s easy, you just open a window, but in the winter; that’s a whole different can of beans. So I always had a can of air freshener in my room.” He laughed at the memory.

“Do you still smoke cigarettes?”

“Nope, I quit those over two decades ago. I smoke the cigars and only when I’m in the mood. Do you smoke?”

“No.” I told him about the cigar I lit up and got a coughing fit, and Arya’s look at me, then.

“Hah! Dumbass. You’re not supposed to inhale!”

“That’s what she said!”

“She? Who…”

“Arya! She looked at me as if she was saying - dumbass!”

He expelled the loudest roar of laughter I'd ever heard from him since we’d begun calling. It sounded like pure joy. I chuckled. Alright, it’d been funny.

“Ow. Man, don’t do that. God, you’re adorable.”

“Thank you,” I snickered. “Serves you right for laughing at me.” That was nice, hearing that he thought that. He dropped that in from time to time and I never tired of it.

“Well, don’t make me laugh then.”

“Laughter is good for the soul.”

“So is talking to you.”

Just inhaling deeply, I closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling that answer gave me. “I like that you say such things.”

“I can’t wait to tell you that in person,” his voice lowering an octave. “You need to see the eyes of someone, so you can see that they mean it.”

“Most men don’t dare - afraid to show themselves.”

“How would you know what I feel if I don’t tell you? Keep you guessing? That’s the root of all problems. You, then, assume that I may not love you and start to pull back yourself. Such things are the small beginnings of the end.”

No one’s ever said they loved me. Well, my nan of course, but no ex’s. None. To be fair - I never said it to them, either - the relationships never lasted long enough for those feelings to develop..

And I knew what he was saying - he wasn’t saying he loved me, not right this minute. But it was so lovely to hear. I also enjoyed his unabashed speech, having absolutely no problem speaking about his emotions.

“That’s very true.”

“Adam…can we make a deal? That we’ll always say what we feel, no matter what? Even if, after we meet, it doesn’t feel the same as when we write?”

“I’ll accept that deal,” I smiled.

“The option to go to Megan is still there. If it’s awkward or weird for me, or you - just say it. There’s no harm in being honest.”

“Deal.”

“You agreed to that way too fast,” he chuckled.

“Maybe I did - because I don’t think that’s going to happen.” I really didn’t think it would.

“I don’t think so either.”

“It feels like we’ve known each other for longer than three months. Like…like I’ve seen you for years, from a distance - I just couldn’t get to you.” Once I said that, it felt true to me. But it stayed quiet on the other end for a long, long time.

“I wish I could reach through the phone, right now, and hug you.”

I smiled.

“Just a hug?”

“Oh, a little more than that,” he promised. “Quite a bit more.”

**********

That night, I dreamed.

I dreamed of an evening in twilight. The doors to the balcony in the bedroom were open, net curtains billowing slightly in a warm breeze coming off the lake. On the bed two naked men lay - spooning, moaning, grinding. One raised himself up onto his elbow and looked down on the other while they moved in lust. Then he slowly lowered his head for a long wonderful kiss. But right as their lips touched, he whispered I love you.

I woke up with a gasp and moan.

Wow! What a wonderful dream! So vivid and real yet already dissipating from my mind. I enjoyed the memory of it as I lay there, basking in the intense pleasure as my body relaxed, ignoring my spill as it slowly trickled down.

Once the dream evaporated, and I discovered I’d made quite a mess, dreamily rubbing my stomach, I got out of bed and washed, then changed the sullied sheet. Climbing back in, I hoped that the dream would soon repeat.

Or maybe become real.