The Price of Revelation - 1. Chapter 1

The Price of Revelation
by Tiffani Chin

Chapter 1

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Seeing his father break down caused an unbearable pain in Sean’s chest. Sean fell to the carpet, holding onto the staircase banister as he listened in on the conversation between his father and stepmother.

Sean hadn’t intended on listening to their conversation, but when he heard muffled words, his curiosity was piqued. He listened to the painful words. He let the words wash over him. He let them sink into his brain.

Sean ran to the bathroom. Splashing cold water onto his face, he stared at the mirror, breathing hard. Sean clutched the sink, his fingers turning white.

“What have you done?” Sean asked his reflection. “Sean, what have you done?”

 

The guilt of the past months hit him. All of this was his fault. All of this could have been prevented if he had only listened to everyone that loved him. Instead, Sean had rebelled and walked into a bad situation willingly. Hot tears coursed down his cheeks.

Now his father had done something terrible. Now his father was suffering with his own guilt and turmoil, all because of Sean.

“Sean, what have you done?” Gasping for air, he answered. “You turned your own father into a murderer. It’s your fault.”

 

 

******

“Dad, I’m eighteen! I can date whoever I want!” Sean yelled, staring angrily at his father. “You said I couldn’t see him when I was seventeen, but now I’m eighteen and you can’t tell me not to see him!”

 

“Sean! He’s thirty-five! Why do you want to date a guy that old?” Storm demanded appearing frustrated.

 

“Because I like him!”

 

“Sean, you may be eighteen and a legal adult, but you’re still a kid.”

 

“I am not a kid!” Sean screeched. Storm opened his mouth, but Sean cut him off. “Ever since you married Rachel and had Sammy, I’ve been on my own more and more. You’re just so happy with your new family that I’m left out. Since I’m on my own so much, I think I’m mature enough to make my own decisions, especially choosing who I want to date.”

 

Storm’s face went white and Sean knew he had gone too far. Sean’s stomach clenched and he swallowed hard. Nevertheless, Sean planted his feet firmly on the floor and ground his teeth together, refusing to back down.

“Is that what this is about? You’re getting back at me because you think I abandoned you?” Storm asked, hurt all over his face. “Where is this coming from?” he asked in disbelief. “I don’t understand.”

 

A flush of guilt swept over Sean, but he didn’t say anything.

“You never said anything in the past. I never noticed…” Storm trailed off, frowning as if deep in thought.

 

Sean let out a breath. “It’s stupid, alright? I didn’t really mean it.”

“Sean…”

 

Biting his lip, Sean stared at his father. The things he said were only partially true. When Storm started dating Sean’s current stepmother seriously, Sean was only ten, and it was hard having his father out of the house all the time with someone else.

Then when they got married a year and a half later, Sean had to get adjusted to a mother figure, which he had never really had before. Taking orders from someone other than Sean’s father, grandmother, or uncles was hard to handle. She was a stranger and suddenly Sean was supposed to listen to her, just because she married his father?

But Sean got over that in time when he realized his stepmother wasn’t some evil woman out to get him or steal his father.

Then at thirteen along came Sean’s baby brother, Sammy. A new baby was a whole new adjustment. All the attention was away from Sean during his teen years. He felt isolated. A newborn sucked up all the attention and unknowingly, Storm left Sean alone more often than not.

Sean was a mature kid, overall, but he still needed someone. He couldn’t exactly talk to his grandmother about his feelings, his raging hormones, or his sexuality. Sean had a bunch of gay uncles, but that didn’t make understanding his feelings necessarily any easier. Not to mention they lived in other states.

But the main issue was that Sean didn’t like being told what to do. He had been a good kid: he got good grades, he aced all his AP exams, he was on the Varsity track team for four years in a row, and he worked part time. Sean had worked out his sexuality alone, more or less, and came out four years ago. He didn’t need someone telling him what to do or what to feel. What did his father expect from him? That Sean needed his guidance and advice now? Sean was literally an adult.

“Seriously, Dad. I didn’t mean it,” Sean said in a more sincere tone. “I was just saying…something…”

 

Storm studied Sean. “Some of it is true though?”

Sean shrugged. “Sometimes. But I love Rachel and Sammy, okay? Those feelings are in the past. I don’t really feel neglected. I just…I just don’t need you telling me what to do, Dad. I haven’t done anything bad so far, have I? Why can’t you trust me? Don’t I deserve that?”

“Sean, I trust you. I don’t trust him. What does a guy in his mid-thirties want with a high school kid?”

 

“I’m mature for my age,” Sean said in a clipped tone. “We can relate.”

 

“How?” Storm asked through clenched teeth. “Do you guys talk or do other things…” His face contorted angrily.

 

Sean’s eyes widened. “No!” he exclaimed. “No, um, not yet. We haven’t done anything like that.”

“Yet?” Storm nearly shouted. “Are you planning on doing anything physical soon?”

 

“Dad, I’m not going to answer that!” Sean felt his face grow hot.

 

“Sean, Jesus, you’re just,” Storm sputtered. “This isn’t right!” he finished. “You’re about to graduate high school and go off to college. Can’t you date someone closer to your age?”

 

“You’re not even listening to me,” Sean cried out, squeezing the back of his neck.

 

“I always listen to you, Sean. I’m always here for you and I want what’s best for you,” Storm replied. “But you’re the one who won’t listen to me anymore. What’s gotten into you? You’ve never been like this in the past.” Storm stared hard at Sean. “It’s because of him, isn’t it?”

 

“No, Dad. I just found someone I like and connect with and you’re not supporting me.”

 

“Sean, he’s close to my age! He could be my friend, for fuck’s sake!” Storm yelled.

 

“See, I can’t even talk to you. You’re still not listening. Or if you are, you’re not hearing what I’m saying,” Sean said in a controlled tone.

 

Neither of them said another word. They stared at one another until Sean couldn’t take it anymore.

“Dad, Ethan makes me happy. I haven’t been feeling so great lately,” Sean admitted, staring at his hands.

 

“What do you mean?” Storm asked uneasily.

 

“I don’t know if it’s school ending or college starting, but I feel so, so,” Sean searched for the right word. “I don’t know how to explain it. Like I’ve been missing something from life. Like there is more out there and I want to experience it.”

 

“You will, Sean. In college,” Storm said, his jaw clamping down stubbornly.

 

“But I don’t want to wait until then when Ethan is right here. When we met and started talking, he listens to me and he understands me…”

 

“I bet he does,” Storm snapped. “How misunderstood can you be, Sean? You’re eighteen, life hasn’t even begun for you, and you have everything! What kind of stress do you really have?” He started pacing.

 

“Everything you want, I get for you. You’re a spoiled brat, that’s what you are. Name something that you don’t have? Are you really missing out on anything?” Storm demanded.

 

“Yes! I’m unhappy! I’m just bored with my life…”

 

“So Ethan is something fun for you? A way to spice up your life? Someone older to show you the world? Show you the finer things in life? Where is this bullshit coming from, Sean?”

 

“Stop it! Stop mocking me.” Tears came to Sean’s eyes. “I’m trying to tell you I’ve been unhappy for months and you’re making fun of me!”

 

“You’re just feeling bad about high school ending. Everyone is nervous about college, but things will pick up there. You’ll meet new people, new friends, and meet guys,” Storm said. “It’s going to be the time of your life and I really don’t think you should be attached to some older guy.”

 

“But if Ethan is making me feel better now, why should I stop seeing him? College is awhile from now.”

 

“Because I said so! Just stop seeing him!” Storm shouted.

 

“No!” Sean shouted back.

 

“Hey guys.” Sean’s stepmother walked cautiously into the living room, holding Sammy’s hand.

 

Sammy’s short brown hair was damp from his bath and he bounced on his feet. Sean envied how carefree and utterly clueless Sammy was. Sean wondered what it would be like if he was five again? He’d be much happier. It would be just Sean and his dad. And maybe they wouldn’t be fighting nonstop.

“Hi Daddy. Hi Sean,” Sammy said with a small smile.

 

Storm and Sean shot him tight smiles in return.

“Is everything okay?” Rachel asked, although by her expression it was obvious she knew what they were debating. Lately, Storm and Sean seemed to argue a lot more over everything.

 

“We’re fine,” Storm sighed, running his fingers through his hair. “We’re just talking.”

 

“I’m going out,” Sean announced, striding to the door.

 

“Where?” Storm asked, following his son.

 

Sean bristled at the suspicious tone, but kept walking.

“Sean, can I come?” Sammy asked hopefully.

 

The kid wanted to go everywhere with Sean. Sean ignored Sammy and focused on his father’s question. Opening the door, he rolled his eyes and couldn’t hide the snarl on his lips. “To Kessler’s house!”

Slamming the door, Sean quickly got inside his car, and reversed out of the driveway. The blinds in the living room moved. He saw Sammy’s face pressed against the window.

Sean sped away as fast as he could, eager to have some breathing space.

 

******

“Hey man, what’s up?” Kessler asked in his slow way of speaking.

 

Sean had met him freshman year when Kessler moved East from Hawaii to live with his aunt and uncle. Kessler’s dad was in the army and Kessler no longer wanted to bounce around schools. He wanted to settle down at one high school and remain there for the entire four years.

They had bonded instantly. Sean had initially noticed Kessler because of superficial reasons. Kessler didn’t look like any average high school freshman at the time. He had a Filipino mother and a Belgian-German father. People said that Sean was good-looking, with his dark brown hair, hazel eyes, and pale skin, but Kessler Schmidt was the definition of gorgeous.

Tall, tan, and muscular from his love of sports, Kessler wasn’t just some stupid arrogant jock. In fact, he never participated in any high school sports. His looks were balanced with his quiet intellect, and deep brown eyes. His nose was crooked from breaking it several times while surfing. He had the biggest and most genuine smile, and an angular jaw.

Every year he grew a bit more and now he stood at 6’2. Sean wouldn’t be surprised if Kessler grew a few more inches while in college. He had broad shoulders, a developed chest, and toned arms and legs, but was otherwise lean and well proportioned. Nothing too beefy or big about him. Sean felt small and pathetic next to him, at 5’10 and 143 pounds of a thin runner’s build.

The reason they bonded so fast was because they both knew what it was like growing up without a mother. Kessler’s mother had died when he was too young to remember, and Sean had never met his biological mother; she never wanted Sean in the first place. Instant connection.

“You look pissed,” Kessler went on, motioning Sean inside his basement apartment. That’s why Sean loved going over to Kessler’s; the guy really had his privacy. “Something happen at your house? More problems with your Dad?” Kessler guessed.

 

“Lately everything is about my dad,” Sean growled, plopping onto Kessler’s extremely comfortable couch. That couch induced massive napping. “Remember Ethan?”

 

Kessler smirked. “How could I forget? You talk about him a lot.”

Sean shot him a dirty look.

“What? You do. Ever since you met the guy,” Kessler smiled, his full lips curling. “It’s been Ethan this, Ethan that.”

 

Sean felt a little twitch in his jeans as he stared at Kessler’s mouth. What was a gay boy to do? Kessler was hot. Too bad Kessler wasn’t gay. But it didn’t matter anymore; Sean had Ethan now. Mature, sexy, intelligent Ethan who liked art, wrote books, traveled the world, and had amazing stories to tell. No one Sean’s age had that to offer.

“Kessler, don’t give me shit.”

 

“I’m just teasing you, Sean,” Kessler said softly.

 

“I know,” Sean mumbled into the couch. Sean sighed. “I love your couch.”

 

Kessler chuckled. “So I’ve heard. Want anything to eat or drink?”

“Such nice manners, Kessler. What a woman you are.”

 

A cushion was chucked at Sean’s head and he giggled, snuggling into the couch.

“Want to nap?” Kessler asked.

 

“No, but this couch is addictive,” Sean groaned, forcing himself into a sitting position. Sean closed his eyes. “I need to get away. Away from home and all this bullshit and fighting. I hate fighting with my dad. I never fought with him in the past. At least nothing as big as this. It seems as if we don’t even get along anymore and I’ve always gotten along with my dad,” he said in a small voice.

 

“You still get along with your dad, Sean. You’re hitting a rough patch at the moment. Lots of people our age clash with their parents, especially over who they’re dating,” Kessler assured.

 

“I know, but…”

 

“But what?” Kessler prodded.

 

“But this is the first time I ever really hated my dad, like sometimes after a bad fight. This is the first time I wanted to be away from him, and just not see his face.” Sean’s anger mounted.

 

“What did he say about Ethan this time?” Kessler asked quietly.

 

“Same old shit as before, except that I’m finally eighteen and legally I can date Ethan now,” Sean said. “My dad has a problem with that. I think he was hoping I’d suddenly stop liking him.”

 

“But you continued to email and call him, even when your dad told you to stop seeing him. At least until you turned eighteen.”

 

“I wasn’t ‘seeing’ Ethan,” Sean smirked. “I was conversing and corresponding with him.”

 

Kessler snorted. “Smart ass.” He cocked his head at Sean. “What do you like about Ethan anyway?” he asked. “You’re not bad looking, Sean. I’m sure you can find another guy your own age.”

“That’s not the point,” Sean said in exasperation. “Besides, any cool gay guys at school?”

 

Kessler grinned. “Merril Mancuso.”

Sean groaned. “Kess, I said ‘cool’ and ‘guy.’”

“Merril is a guy!”

 

“He’s so flamboyant, he may as well be a girl. He wears lip gloss and eye makeup and Uggs and skinny jeans and belly tops!” Sean cried out. “The other day he had on false eyelashes and hot pink nail polish. Dude, I draw the line there.”

 

Kessler and Sean burst into laughter.

“Wait, wait, he’s a nice guy,” Kessler pointed out. “Really smart, too. We had a great talk the other day about ways to save the environment.”

 

“He is nice and smart,” Sean agreed. “Nothing against him, but he’s not my type. Besides, he has a boyfriend.”

 

“You like them butch?” Kessler asked. “You know, Sean, some guys might consider you feminine.”

 

“What!” Sean shrieked.

 

Kessler broke into a fit of laughter. “Come on, Sean. You’re skinny, you have skin smoother and paler than a baby’s ass. And your hands…”

“My hands? What about my hands?”

 

“They’re so slender and delicate looking. The prettiest hands I’ve ever seen on a guy.”

 

“I can’t help how my hands look,” Sean said folding his arms, tucking his hands under his armpits.

 

“You have pretty features. A little child-like. It’s your eyes. The bigger and rounder the eyes, the more feminine you supposedly look. Same with the face shape. You kind of have an oval face shape.” He studied Sean. “Wait, maybe heart shaped? It’s not really round.” Kessler shrugged. “Anyway, you don’t have the structure of a rugged manly man.”

 

“So I look like a kid? A girl?”

 

“Sean,” Kessler rolled his eyes. “Don’t be so dramatic. You look good. How many girls have hit on you?”

 

“Because of my brains, charm, and sensitivity,” Sean quipped.

 

Kessler laughed. “And your narcissistic ways, of course.”

“Whatever.” Sean stuck his tongue out. “I might meet some guys in college who I click with, but that’s nearly three months from now. Why end something good?”

 

“How good is it?” Kessler pressed. “You don’t even know him.”

 

“Our long emails and phone calls helped us get to know one another. Some might say our bond is even deeper because of our communication, rather than just fucking on the first date.”

 

“Sean, I say do whatever makes you happy. But be careful.”

 

Sean frowned.

“I don’t know Ethan, so I’m not going to judge, but most older guys don’t go for high school kids. I mean, anything is possible, and you’re more mature than most people our age, I’ll give you that. But you’re not that mature,” Kessler smirked. “Just don’t let him sway you into anything.”

 

“Like what? I can handle myself,” Sean challenged. “Don’t be so suspicious, Kessler.”

 

“I’m not. People have to earn trust. They’re not just given it. Also, you never know if someone has an ulterior motive,” Kessler pointed out.

 

Sean narrowed his eyes at Kessler.

“So, you guys planning on having sex now that you’re finally legal?” Kessler changed the subject. “How does that work exactly?” he asked. “Top or bottom? Being a bottom sounds painful. Ouch. Good luck with that.”

 

“Kessler!” Sean blushed furiously.

 

“If he hurts you, I’ll kick his ass,” Kessler stated.

 

Sean stared at his friend. “Don’t worry, Kessler. I can handle myself. Really. I know what I’m doing.”

“Still. If he hurts you, I’m coming after him,” Kessler repeated. “I said the same thing to Charlotte when she started dating that basketball player. The same goes for you.”

 

Sean smiled. “Thanks, Kess.”

“That’s what friends do. We threaten friend’s significant others with bodily harm.” Kessler flexed his bicep and a large ball of muscle popped up.

 

Sean laughed. “Get me some food, you ass! What kind of host are you?”

Kessler swatted Sean’s head before moving to his small kitchen. Seconds later Kessler returned with a bag of chips and two cans of soda.

Sean eagerly opened the bag of chips, stuffing a handful into his mouth while Kessler opened the sodas.

“It’s such a turnoff watching you eat,” Kessler commented.

 

“I only eat like this in front of you,” Sean said with his mouth full. “I have no one to impress.”

 

Kessler smiled as he sipped his soda. Sean stared at him, as he thought about Kessler and life in general.

It seemed everyone in school had a boyfriend or girlfriend. Ever since Sean had come out, he had felt increasingly left out and alone. Kessler was still single, but dated occasionally. Charlotte had her basketball player boyfriend. Tyler, Charlotte’s twin brother, had been with the same girl since the eighth grade. Even Merril Mancuso had a hot boyfriend in college. Everyone had someone. Everyone except Sean.

There were times Sean resented being gay, because it made dating that much harder. How the hell was he supposed to know if a guy was gay or not? They didn’t exactly wear signs. It would be helpful if they did. And what was with that gaydar bullshit and where could Sean buy one?

Before Ethan, Sean wondered if he would ever find someone to be with, someone to connect with, and have serious talks with. Sean’s uncles all advised him to wait patiently, that when Sean least expected it, he would find someone special. But how long was Sean supposed to wait? It was slim pickings in his town. At this rate, Sean would be a virgin forever.

Like any other teenager, Sean was horny and wanted sex, but at the same time he also wanted more. Sean sometimes felt older than his years and contrary to what his dad thought, Sean did feel misunderstood. He felt isolated from his peers.

“What are you thinking about?” Kessler’s voice broke into Sean’s thoughts.

 

Sean craned his neck to look at Kessler then shifted around, getting comfortable on the couch. He closed his eyes. “Kess, are you happy?”

“Sure.”

 

“No. Are you happy with life?” Sean asked. He opened his eyes when he didn’t get an immediate answer. Kessler looked thoughtful.

 

“I’m happy where I’m at right now. How else can I judge my life?” Kessler said with an easy going smile. “The problem with you, Sean, is that you think too far ahead instead of enjoying life in the moment. You worry about what you don’t have now, but you also worry you won’t have it in the future. Yet how can you accomplish anything without moving forward and finding out?”

 

“I don’t understand.” Sean frowned.

 

“I know you pretty well, Sean. I haven’t been friends with you as long as Tyler or Charlotte or Dwayne, but I can see how your mind works. I see the look on your face when you see a couple holding hands in the hallway. Your shoulders sag when you see a girl getting flowers, or couples hugging and kissing in between classes. You want that, right?”

 

Sean nodded, blushing.

“But you can’t, because you haven’t found another gay guy you like. Even if you did, you can’t really do all the same things as straight couples. Not to mention that the other guy might not be out or comfortable enough with his sexuality.”

 

Sean nodded again.

“You’re also incredibly dumb for someone so brilliant,” Kessler finished.

 

“Hey!” Sean protested.

 

Kessler grinned. “I have no doubt in my mind you’ll find someone special to be with one day. Just don’t go rushing to the first guy that likes you.”

“I’m not,” Sean said defensively. Why did everyone think that about him?

 

“I can see how Ethan is attractive, being older and confident, completely comfortable in his own skin, but make sure he is what you really want. Nothing wrong with dating someone older, but it has to be for the right reasons.”

 

“You sound like my dad,” Sean muttered.

 

“I care about you like your dad does. And I met your dad. He’s a cool guy, so I take that as a compliment.”

 

Sean let out a groan and flopped on his back, covering his eyes with his hands.

 

******

“Thanks, Sean!” Sammy squealed, grabbing the peanut butter cookie from Sean’s hand and taking a large bite.

 

“Sammy! Dinner is in ten minutes. Put that cookie away!” Rachel exclaimed.

 

Sammy chomped down another bite before putting the cookie back in the small brown paper bag. Sean couldn’t help smiling. He had stopped by Barnes & Noble on the way home from Kessler’s. While there, Sean saw the dessert display and had to get something for Sammy. He recalled Sammy’s little face pressed against the window as Sean drove off. Although Sean got annoyed easily, it wasn’t Sammy’s fault. He was just a kid.

Sammy grinned as he chewed and possessively took Sean’s hand. Sean lifted Sammy into his arms. Sammy wrapped his small legs around Sean’s stomach.

Sean bounced him gently. “Sorry about leaving you before, Sammy. I had a bad day.”

“Okay,” Sammy said with a big smile. “Daddy say you mad.” Sammy kissed Sean’s mouth. “Be happy.” He leaned back and looked up at Sean expectantly, as if all Sean’s problems were solved with his kiss.

 

Sean laughed and kissed Sammy back. He stared into Sammy’s big brown eyes and brushed Sammy’s soft hair with his fingers.

“Guys, dinner is ready.”

 

Walking into the kitchen, Sean met his father’s eyes. Storm looked tired and stressed. Sean looked away as he placed Sammy on a chair.

“Dad,” Sean began. Storm looked at him. “I’m, uh, I’m sorry about before. I didn’t mean to yell.”

 

Storm sighed. “I’m sorry, too.”

Rachel was cautiously placing dishes on the table. Sammy looked around with a goofy smile on his face. Sean grinned inwardly. That child was always smiling, his head somewhere in the clouds.

“Sean, I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Not now. Not here. But you have to understand that this is hard for me to accept. I can’t just let it go.”

 

“Why not?” Sean’s annoyance flared up instantly.

 

“Because you’re my kid!” Storm burst out. Sammy jumped in his chair at the volume of Storm’s voice. Storm sighed again. “You don’t just stop worrying about your kids. It doesn’t work that way. If you think I’m ever going to be okay with you dating someone practically my age, then you’re clearly not thinking straight.”

 

“Guys,” Rachel started.

 

Storm cleared his throat, picking up his fork. “We’ll talk about this later.”

“Great,” Sean muttered under his breath. “Can’t wait.”

 

“Watch it, Sean,” Storm warned. “You’re not all powerful now that you’re eighteen. You don’t get to brush me or your mother aside. You still live under…”

 

Sean tuned the rest of it out, having heard the same speech repeatedly in the past month or so.

The four of them ate the meal in relative silence.

 

---

 

Thanks to Frances for editing! And a special thanks to Pete and Mike for beta-reading and giving me feedback and encouragement.