IceBerg - 12. Chapter 12

The screen was too bright, it almost burned. Rubbing my eyes, I sighed and turned away from the laptop. I went the kitchen, opened the fridge. Inside was that tub filled with left over lasagne. Reaching for it, I tittered at the swirly writing on sticky note on top.

‘Enjoy sweetie!’

Lifting the lid, the cold meat scent hit my nose.

I smiled, ‘Thanks, mum.’

I picked a fork up and started to eat.

‘Cold lasagne. Are you some sort of freak?’ Jake hissed.

I jump stomped along my carpet back to my chair, my spaceman footsteps thundering along the floor, each thud got louder and louder.

Slamming myself into my seat, I ate another forkful of food and continued to do what I had been putting off doing all day.

I stared at blank email addressed to Charlie.

What a way to spend a day off.

Chewing, I glanced on my turned off phone next to me.

Alex was in training all day. But I had told him what Charlie sent me, I mean, of course I did, he was my partner.

I frowned and put my tub down, tapping the mouse then table then back on the mouse Alex was right, he did make a fool of me. Perhaps he was just exploiting the whole ‘hope you are okay’ message I had last sent. I was too nice sometimes.

Kicking forward, my foot caught my hard backpack. I rolled my chair back and tilted my head under the table. I must have thrown it under here from Sunday. I went to lift my head up when I noticed the brown leather bible was sticking out again. Frowning, I quickly slurping up the rest of the pasta into my mouth.

I always said I would pack properly when rushing out of my parents, and I never did.

Reaching forward under the desk, I pulled the book out. It rested in my hand, the warm leather smooth in my palms, the red bookmarker feather trailed down my wrist. The Bible title was in stark black against the brown leather.

‘Hm,’ I stared longer at it.

                                                           ***

‘Sweetheart, what happened to your face?!’ my mum had screeched at me. ‘Oh, my darling,’

‘Mum,’ I pattered her away. ‘Nothing. Just an issue at work, it got resolved.’

‘You should sue, I mean have you seen this? Have you seen this, Harry?’

My father frowned at my face and I couldn’t tell if he was concerned or embarrassed that I was getting the backlash of a beating. Like back in school.

***
I opened the bible up to where the bookmarker was, the spine gave a soft crack.

Biting my bottom lip, I closed the book.

Damn it.

I placed it on the table and reached forward to the keyboard and typed and pressed send.

‘I forgive you Charlie.’

I shovelled the last forkful of food into my mouth, scraping at the bottom of the tub. Swirling around, I stood up to put my tub away. I needed to start paying more attention to sermons. I wasn’t a straight grade A Christian, just a lazy one.

Placing the tub on the kitchen counter, I looked over to the laptop. It was flashing. I sat back down to it.

‘Thank you so much, Nathan, thank you. I don’t deserve it but thank you so much!’

He was messaging me through chat. This was a quick response. He couldn’t have been online waiting all this time just for me to reply? Did he really want a response that bad? Or was it just a coincidence?

I typed, ‘It’s cool.’

I sent it and clenched my fists. Words looked awkward on the screen, almost clumped in a dull voice. Nonchalant.

I unclenched my fists and typed, ‘So, on the scene where Elizabeth is walking up the stadium stairs, is she talking to Graham or Jane?’

‘Graham obviously.’

I smiled at his quick response.

I couldn’t help but reply, ‘Graham? Romance interest?’

‘Between a thirty-year-old and a one-hundred-and-five-year-old? Sure, why not. Sounds kinky.’

I replied, ‘I am all about the kinks in a thriller story.’

                                                             ***

An hour later and it was like the last months were a blur of nothing. We chatted and laughed, commenting on parts of the story to edit.

‘So, you are free next Saturday?’

‘It’s Saturday. Of course, I am free. No overtime this month.’

He paused and he took a while with his reply, ‘Sorry again. About work. Everything else too. I was just a coward. I won’t be like that again. I promise.’

He really was ashamed. I didn’t want him to feel bad.

‘Shut up, Braveheart, you weren’t hanging onto a girl half your age punching waiters.’

‘Yeah. Man. Robertson looked awful, didn’t he? Like he washed up the shores of Blackpool.’

‘Ha! You don’t like Blackpool? It’s an okay town.’

‘Of course, I like Blackpool. They are slick just like their beaches.’

I laughed, ‘To be fair he did smell.’

‘I could smell from miles away! How did you not throw up? It was nice of that athlete guy to help.’

I froze What was I doing? Alex wanted us to be private.

‘He is very handsome, the athlete,’ I merely replied, trying hard to be careful.

‘Well, of course he is, he is six foot something with muscles, a white smile and chiselled face.’

‘You don’t like him?’

‘I am just agreeing with you that he is good looking. He is the definition of good looking. You like him?’

I stifled a laugh, thinking about what I should put.

I typed the obvious, ‘Yes. A lot.’

‘You like him! Ha! You like muscles. Too bad he isn’t gay.’

I bit my lip and glanced down. I could almost see him behind the screen, Charlie sat there on his tablet typing away, sitting on his couch, grinning back at me.

‘People I like always turn out straight after I kiss them anyway.’

He didn’t reply.

Oh, crap. Why did I type that? That wasn’t funny. Too far, rein it back, rein it back.

‘What a stupid joke to make,’ tittered Jake.

‘That was a stupid joke, sorry. I am seeing someone,’ I typed with aggression into the keyboard.

Why the hell did I just type that? That wasn’t any better.

My phone buzzed and I looked over at the black unmoved screen.

Not now, brain.

‘You horn dog! Is that your friend of yours? Oli?’

What? I stared in horror.

‘Hell no! No! Why would you think that?’

‘You’re both gay, right?’

I narrowed my eyes. ‘Still dating your right hand?’

‘Left-handed, dude.’

‘You are cheating on leftie?’

‘Ha!’ he replied. ‘Congrats on your new relationship. How did you guys meet?’

This wasn’t awkward, is it? No. It was not. His words appeared to be cheerful on the screen.

I typed, ‘Online. He is that Anonymous. From the website.’

‘What! Awesome!’ he added a smiley face emoji with this. ‘You meet in real life yet?’

‘Yes. He is very good looking.’

‘No creep?’

‘Of course, no creep,’ I replied. ‘Jerk.’

‘He, he’ he merely replied. ‘Any more news from the website by the way?’

‘I am swimming in gold and comments. Just kidding, I haven’t checked since you messaged.’

Crap, I shouldn’t have brought it up.

In a panic, I typed, ‘Next Saturday? Coffee place again?’

‘Need you ask’ he ended it with a large emoji smiley face.

                                                              ***

We did end up meeting up, face to face. It was not as awkward as I thought it would be. We saw each other, in the café, for a moment, our eye contact was sharp, and my chest froze up.

Then he broke into a smile and waved me over. I sat down and nearly knocked over an empty cup. Charlie caught it in a casual manner. I raised an eyebrow and made a sarcastic comment. Charlie smirked and replied with his own comment.

The ice melted in my chest and with our laptops open, we exchanged ideas, ordered drinks and laughed at each other. We sat opposite each other on the table. He gave a concerned nod at my fading bruise, but I shrugged it off and made jokes about pasta for the script. This was a good space between us, a good line to never cross

                                                           ***

‘Then we sorted the last scene of the fifteenth episode. Charlie says we are rushing by.’

‘Aha.’

Looking over to Alex, I frowned. I turned back to the T.V screen.

We were playing our Xbox game again and I was watching his character give my character fast punches.

‘You beat me again!’ I said, smiling.

‘I guess I did,’ he smiled back but his eyes looked tired.

I paused.

‘Are you mad at me, Alex?’

‘Huh?’ he looked startled.

‘You know I didn’t tell Charlie about us, I just said I was seeing someone, I would only tell him if you wanted me to, I just thought.’

‘Nathanial,’ his fingers brushed over my lips. I stopped.

‘Nathanial,’ he said again. His shoulders drooped and he muttered, ‘Just be careful around him, okay?’

‘I am,’ I replied, glancing down at the controller.

‘I’m going away for a while.’

What?

His finger lingered from my lips to my chin, ‘It’s the practise races. They are in Scotland.’

‘How long?’ I tried not to stutter.

‘It’s for two weeks.’

‘Well, um’ I tried to clear my throat. But his fingers were so gentle and warm. It felt good. I closed my eyes. My voice croaked a little, ‘You better win if you are away that long.’

He chuckled. He paused, ‘I leave next Monday.’

‘Monday!’

‘So, yes, that’s what it is,’ taking his hand away, he turned away from me, staring at his control. His face wasn’t right.

Letting go the Xbox control pad, I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed Alex fully on the lips.

I whispered, ‘You’re going to ace it.’

He smiled, his eyes still dark, ‘I love you so much.’ He kissed me and added, ‘Look after yourself, I will help get some meals in for you, and this tea that helps you sleep better too.’

He was so sweet.

‘He is still distant,’ hissed Jake. ‘He is saying these things because he is jealous. Obviously. He needs to prove to you how good a person he is. That’s how crap a person you are, Nathanial Greystone! Reassure him he doesn’t have to compete! Reassure him! Reassure him! You are a bad partner. A bad partner. You don’t deserve this. Not real, not real.’

Taking a large breath, I leaned my head against him, and I said, ‘If you are worried about Charlie doing something stupid, don’t be. He has a girlfriend.’

Alex looked startled again.

‘Yeah,’ I said, softly, and carried on explaining.

                                                                          ***

‘Yeah, this girl,’ Charlie had said, blowing the steam over his coffee. ‘She’s cute. She works on the show, make up and that.’

I nudged him and laughed, ‘You sound so smitten! Congrats, man! You needed this after your ex, what was it, ah, Karly?’

‘Karly? No, it … Ah! I see what you did there!’

We both laughed.

                                                                                ***

As I told Alex this, he was smiling, his eyes were relaxed and I smiled back, my teeth clenched into it. I told him the only person I ever had eyes for were for Alex and Alex alone.

I should have told Alex that when Charlie told me about his girlfriend, my stomach felt odd like there was cotton wool inside, twirling and twining and that my tongue was suddenly feeling dry. I had never felt like that before. It was probably nothing. Just some weird feeling from how quickly things moved.

Wrapping my hands around Alex’s lips, I kissed him, rougher than usual. Alex took a sharp sudden intake of breath and swooped his arms around my back to pull me closer to him. The T.V. hollered on in the background, our characters bouncing for our attention with their bright colours.

I knew in my heart I was not interested in Charlie Conray. Why would I be? I was not going to be some straight guys ‘project of experiment’ even if he was single. Even if I was single. But I was not. I was with an angel; a glorious angel and I was the luckiest man on Earth. This would go soon.

                                                                      ***

Alex and I were having out last day together, eating food on the beach before he left when a loud buzz came from my pocket. Sliding my hand into my pocket, I reached out my phone and tapped the screen. Someone was really messaging me this time. My brain was behaving that day.

‘You free to talk?’ It was from Charlie. I frowned and bit my lip. Alex raised an eyebrow

‘One second, it’s Charlie,’ I muttered as I typed into my phone.

Placing it to my ear, I heard three rings before the muffled noises of Charlie picking up.

‘What’s up?’ I asked. Alex took the empty food containers out of my hand walked away to the bin.

‘You sure you are free to talk?’ his voice sounded shaky and weak.

‘What’s happened?’ I asked.

‘Sarah broke up with me last night,’ he sniffed.

‘Oh, man. Oh, man, I. I am so sorry.’

‘Aha, things happen,’ he chuckled, his voice gruff.

‘Well, she was just a rebound anyway, the first ones always are, you did need it,’ I tried to suggest.

‘I just suck at relationships is all,’ he grumbled.

‘Now you are definitely being too harsh on yourself,’ I said. Alex came back and sat next to me.

‘What are up to tomorrow?’ I asked Charlie.

‘I don’t know. Probably just working on the show and having a singles wine party for one later. Why?’

‘Why don’t I come over tomorrow evening? Or we could go to a bar? Or we could just watch a show, drink some beer?’

‘Thanks Nathan, but I like to be on my own for these things.’

‘You said that last,’ I trailed off, remembering what happened last time. I cleared my throat and said, ‘I’ll be over for an hour.’ I saw Alex’s face turn pale and added on to Charlie, ‘Just to make sure you’re okay, I’ll be driving so I won’t drink. Then I will leave you to your wine party.’

‘Why?’

‘Have your other friends been in touch?’

‘I, um, haven’t told them yet. I will in a few days.’

‘Few days?’

‘It’s just a bit embarrassing, okay, Nathan? Anyway, how does your partner feel about you, coming over to mine?’

Glancing over at Alex I said, ‘It’s fine. I will see you tomorrow.’

‘See you later, Nathanial,’ his voice softened as he said my name.

I stared at the phone, for a few more seconds after hanging up, almost scared to look up.

‘You should tell him about us.’

Snapping my head up, I saw Alex smiling a little.

‘You should tell Charlie about you and I, tomorrow,’ he said. ‘I want him to know… scratch that. I need him to know.’

Putting my phone away, I said, ‘You do realise you are the hot one, right? You don’t need to be insecure. That is my party trick.’

Bowing his head down, he muttered, ‘I’m not insecure.’ He looked up, a little smile escaping his lips. ‘I’m the hot one?’

I loved the huge grin spilling out onto his face. He tried to hide it, bowing his head down, but seeing it made me beam inside.

‘You are the best thing to happen to me,’ I said. ‘Why couldn’t you have come into my life years ago?’

He stuck his tongue out.

‘Excuse me, are you Alex W. Scott?’

We both looked up at a woman and her young daughter.

Alex flashed his white teeth at them, ‘Yes. Would you like a?’

‘I knew it!’ the young girl almost jumped up with a screech. ‘Mr. Scott, you are so amazing! We just wanted to wish you luck tomorrow.’

‘Why, thank you,’ he smiled at her. ‘Are you thinking of becoming a swimmer?’

‘I try but I will never be as fast as you!’

The woman and Alex chuckled at her.

‘You just got to keep training,’ he smiled. ‘Look after yourself, work hard. Usual boring stuff. It does work though.’

The girl giggled as her mother reached into her bag and got out a phone.

Moving off the bench, I let the girl and her mother squeeze onto the bench and take a selfie picture of themselves with Alex.

‘Is this even real?’ muttered Jake. ‘Look at them. You don’t belong.’