IceBerg - 29. Chapter 29

It has been a few days. Dad explained I had to stay with him until I got better and that I would be able to leave the hospital from tomorrow.

 

‘Hey,’ a light knock on the door grabs my attention.

 

Charlie.

He comes in, peering in, little nervous.

 

I smile, ‘It’s just me in here.’

 

I smile back, my head still a little low.

 

‘I am sorry,’ he says, coming in and shutting the door behind him.

 

What? Why?

 

He rubs the back of his neck, ‘I tried to come in earlier. I wanted to see as soon as I could. I’m just, I’m sorry, every time I came in, I’d always bump into Alex.’

 

I shake my head, and with a weak hand I reach out and touch his. It is only a feather like touch. But he stops fully, watching my hand as if I had such a power over him.

 

‘How’s work?’

 

‘We can talk about work another time, don’t worry about that,’ he says, placing his other warm hand on top of mine.

My heart monitor beeps a little faster and I blush. He sees it beeping; a soft smile creeps onto his face.

 

‘I, um,’ I say, my voice a little scratched. ‘I am wanting to come back on the show next month.’

 

‘Next month, are you sure?’ he sees my face and stammers a little. ‘I mean, I don’t want you to push yourself.’

 

‘I don’t have to push myself, as long as I take regular breaks, with the medication I will be fine.’

 

He pauses, wanting to contradict me, but instead brings out an envelope from his backpack. ‘The cast and crew have signed it. We are all missing you.’

 

‘I hardly did a thing,’ I snort, opening the card up from the envelope.

 

‘You’re the reason for the show even happening,’ he squeezes my hand.

 

I read over the small comments, the kisses and the signatures of the writers. There is a small one from Piper.

 

‘Get back here now Mister! Love Piper.’

 

I chuckle at that.

 

‘It all came from here,’ he taps my head.

 

I shake my head, taking a little breath, ‘It’s not very well at the moment.’

 

‘How so?’ he asks.

 

I click my tongue, running it around my teeth.

 

I look down at my feet, ‘I got diagnosed with schizophrenia. Oli did some research into it. Guess my brain is wired up differently.’

 

‘Oh, Nathanial,’ he reaches over and hugs me. I am startled. The scent of fresh apples. I close my eyes and wrap my arms around him and hug him tight.

 

‘Nathanial,’ his voice wavers a little.

 

‘Don’t get upset. It’s like cancer or anything like that,’ I try and tease rubbing his back.

 

‘I should have known, you’ve been acting off, your behaviour and, and I was thinking of myself,’ he hugs tighter.

 

My heart monitor is going off again, beeping high and fast. I laugh a little shaking my head. Damn thing.

 

‘Well, with this medication I will be on, I will be very lethargic so I will need breaks at work.’

 

‘Of course, of course,’ he pulls back, rubbing at his face, sitting back down.

‘I will be at my dad’s house though. For a while.’ I reach up to rub my head, the spikes of a thick buzzcut coming though.

Oh.

 

‘My new look?’ I wiggle my eyebrows at him, patting my head before resting my hands into my lap.

 

He grins, biting his bottom lip. He reaches over and brushes his hand over my head.

 

‘Feels good to me,’ he says, quietly.

 

It melts me but I giggle and tease, ‘Oh, right? Like a freaky hedgehog?’

 

He takes his hand back, ‘I bet Alex likes it, huh?’

 

The smile falls from my face and I look away.

 

‘Sorry,’ he mutters.

 

‘No,’ I look back at him, braving a smile. ‘I want to grow it back. I want my beard back too.’

 

His face lights up. ‘Why did you get rid of it anyway? Baby face does not suit you.’

 

‘Screw you, pal,’ I laugh. ‘I was, you know. Um, trying out.’

 

I nearly told him the truth of why I shaved it every day.

 

‘I look forward to the return of the beard,’ he wiggles his eyebrows.

 

‘Sounds like an episode of the show,’ I tease.

 

‘Hell yes,’ he grins, leaning forward. ‘If I bring my laptop, we can sketch some ideas of some episodes. I can come around your dad’s.’

 

‘Just message me when you are free from work,’ I smile.

 

He pauses, ‘Will Alex be okay with that?’

 

I should tell him we broke up.

 

‘Don’t worry on that. We need to work on the show,’ I say.

 

Another knock follows on the door.

 

‘Hello, Nathanial,’ a familiar voice.

 

‘Come in, Father,’ I call.

 

He comes in, startled at Charlie before bowing his head, ‘Hello, there.’

 

‘Charlie, this is Father Tom,’ I say. ‘He’s the man who brought me here.’

 

Jumping up to his feet, Charlie is eager to shake his hand, guiding him to the seat next to me.

 

***

 

‘I didn’t realise he would get this big!’ I laugh, kneeling down petting him.

 

He frowns, ‘Dogs get bigger, he eats a lot.’

 

‘I love the factual tone in your voice there, Dad,’ I tease, standing back up to sit at the kitchen table.

 

He smirks a little at me, shaking his head, and lifts a plate and slides it to me.

The crisp bacon and fresh eggs call out to my stomach; the steam of the food is soothing and hot. Dad sits down opposite me, blowing over his cup of coffee. I scrap my fork and knife against the plate as I cut up my food to eat.

Dad pats his leg and John jumps up, wagging his tail, his ears perked up.

 

I want to tell him he doesn’t have to sit here and watch me eat. But I’ve already told him that nearly every day since I’ve been here and it’s been almost two weeks now. He used to say Mum was stubborn but he is just as bad as she was.

‘You took your medication today?’ he asks, rubbing John’s ears, sipping more coffee.

The same thing he asked the day before and the day before that.

 

I nod, swallowing some food, ‘Yeah, um. I took it earlier. Trying to get into a habit of having it in the morning, like before 9am.’

 

‘Doctor said to contact if you have any side effects.’

 

‘Nothing so far. I am a little tired but nothing really to report,’ I smile, cheerful, eating the rest of the food on my plate.

Dad made a decent size portion so I don’t feel overwhelmed. Like the doctor’s recommended.

 

John’s ears are still perked, tongue still wagging, eyes wide and eager. I click my tongue, whistling to him and he trots over to me.

 

‘Good boy,’ I murmur, rubbing his ear, his scent is very familiar, hanging around the house.

It makes me smile now even though when I first came into the house, the dog scent was very strong. Now it’s the ambiance.

 

‘So,’ I look up to my dad who is putting the dishes into the sink. ‘Feeling ready for work?’

 

He shrugs, turning around, ‘I’ll have a shower now then I will head off. Did you say your friend Charlie was coming around today?’

 

‘Not today, no,’ I shake my head. ‘Charlie has taken over a lot at work.’

 

‘Okay,’ Dad nods. ‘You got your writing to do?’

 

‘I’ll do that yes,’ I simply say. ‘Didn’t you say you had some old weights I could use?’

 

‘Oh,’ he looks startled. ‘Yeah,’ he rubs his head. ‘You were asking the other day. I got them out ready for you.’

 

He walks past me, patting my shoulders, nodding at me. I stand up out of my chair and follow.

We walk through to his garage. Dad flickers on the light. Dust particles floating around the light bulb. We go down the weak wooden steps onto the flat hard concrete floor.

I see the weight displays, in a neat pattern, the black still shining against the silver bars. I walk over with him, sitting on the black leather seat as he lifts up one of the weights.

 

‘With this you’ll need someone to spot you, so just use the free weights for now,’ he says, looking at it in his fist. ‘I would recommend doing some sit ups too, push ups, go for a slight jog too.’

 

‘I won’t be pushing myself too much, Dad,’ I tease.

 

Crap. I feel crap now.

 

‘But I want to start getting fit,’ I follow up quick. ‘Eat healthy, exercise. Running sounds good. I can start with weights and push ups today.’

 

‘Today?’ his eyes are startled again. ‘Oh. Yeah. That makes sense. Well, here you go.’

 

He hands me the weight in his hand. I curl my fingers around it, the cold metal feeling strong in my hand.

 

I say, ‘First day of the better me, am I right?’

 

He frowns and comes to the side of me, ‘Like this.’ He positions my arm into a triangle. ‘Lift it like this, make sure your arm is always at this angle.’

 

‘Got you,’ I nod, in a quiet voice, watching him lift my arm. ‘I’ll do this today. I’ll ring up the doctor. Do some writing. I’ll walk John later too.’

 

‘Don’t let him off the lead again,’ Dad shakes his head at me, watching me lift.

 

I pull a face, ‘I know, I learnt that lesson very well. I didn’t think he’d run that fast.’

 

‘Dogs, Nathanial,’ he shrugs his shoulders. ‘Dogs are interesting creatures. Always learning stuff.’

 

Before I can say anything, he whistles up and John swishes down the steps.

 

Dad smiles, and pats John’s head. He leans down and mutters aloud, ‘Look after him today, eh?’

 

I raise an eyebrow before putting the weight down. ‘I think I am doing pretty well.’

 

‘You’re definitely improved a lot,’ dad agrees, standing back up. ‘Your hair is coming back too. Did you want me to cut it or just let it grow for now?’

 

I shrug.

He replies, ‘Right, I am going for a shower then I am heading for work. I’ll be back about six.’

 

                                                              ***

 

‘I appreciate you calling me, Father,’ I say into the phone, ‘John! John!’ I shout, as he runs through the house, his lead still trailing behind. I pant a little, resting against the door. I hate being so unfit. I pant and shout, ‘John! Come back here!’

 

‘You are more than welcome to come to our church, Nathanial, I know it is a far where you are now, but if you ever want to, just know, you are welcomed,’ replies Father Tom.

 

John barks, unobvious to me, done with his walk and wanting his food.

‘We will keep visiting you, Father, don’t worry.’

Father Tom laughs and says, ‘I will speak to you later, Nathanial.’

‘Yes! Of course,’ I say, cheerful, almost nodding, as I pour our John’s food into his bowl and take the lead off him.

 

The minute I end my call; my phone is buzzing loud.

Oli.

 

‘Hey,’ I breeze, watching John chew away.

 

‘I won’t be able to come down today, but I am going to tomorrow,’ his voice is soft. It has been like that since I told him about Alex. ‘Has he tried to contact you?’

 

‘Yeah,’ I say, walking through the kitchen to sit down, my weak legs aching and sore. ‘He wanted to meet up but I said there was nothing to talk about.’

 

‘Have you spoken to Charlie?’

 

‘I’ll tell him later, okay, Oli? It’s just you and my dad that know we broke up for now.’

 

Oli is talking into my ear while I watch John bark and shake his head. He walks off to his bed.

‘You hear that, Waldo?’

 

I pause, ‘You haven’t called me that for a while.’

 

‘I haven’t called you many things, I can start now if you like,’ he giggles.

 

John starts barking again.

‘Silly dog,’ I mutter.

 

‘Ooh, that’s sexy,’ teases Oli. There is a rush of cars in the background.

 

‘Dad’s dog,’ I reply. ‘But we can call you that, too. You’re walking back from work?’

 

‘On my lunch break!’ he replies with cheer. ‘Thought I’d grab a sandwich and give you a ring.’ He eats loudly, ‘By the way, your apartment is still good. David washed some clothes for you. Think you got some letters; I’ll bring it round.’

 

‘David can come too,’ I smile, kicking my shoes off. ‘It’ll be good to see you both, and I also need to thank him for keeping an eye on my place.’

 

‘He is a sweetheart, isn’t he? I would have just left your place to rot.’

 

I roll my eyes, ‘New job going well? We need to celebrate it properly; it’s been long overdue.’

 

‘I am falling in love with it every day,’ he replies, his mouth a little full. ‘Been there a month now, I love it, I get to edit the stupidest stories for the magazine. Yesterday I edited a story about a woman getting engaged to her shed. I freakin’ love it here.’

 

I tease, ‘Any DH follow up?’

 

‘That’s only our thing you know, Waldo,’ he says.

 

‘You saw it with Sharon?’

‘Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy watching it with her. It just wasn’t the same as with you. She actually watched the show. Was weird. I prefer your judgmental comments, believe it or not. She misses you like crazy, she said give Waldo my love!’

‘Why are you making Waldo a trend?’ l laugh.

 

‘You still taking a picture a day?’

 

‘Yes, man,’ I roll my eyes. ‘I don’t see why. I look the same every day.’

 

‘I’ll beg to differ when I see the pictures,’ he scoffs.

 

I snort and say nothing.

 

‘You haven’t spoken to Charlie yet?’

 

Ah. This again.

 

‘Um, well, last we talked, we mentioned about meeting up next week to do some scenes,’ I reply back, lazy, knowing full well that wasn’t the answer Oli wanted. ‘I want to get back into writing, I am going to do some random scenes today, you know, get the writing juices or whatever going again.’

 

           

***

 

The doorbell goes off and John starts barking at it.

I sigh, pulling myself off the sofa and go over to the door.

It is going to be Oli; he said he would be over. To keep me updated of Desperate Housewives of course.

 

‘Hey, Waldo! I got us chicken wigs and beer! Man up for DH time!’ he laughs.

 

My eyes widen, ‘Oli, what?’ I snort out laughing, my hand covering my face. I push an excited John into the house while Oli comes inside.

 

‘Your dad out?’ he asks, calm, shutting the door behind him. He looks at me, wiggling his eyebrows, a smirk on his face. ‘What?’

 

‘What have you done to yourself?’ I laugh, still shocked, running my hand over his almost bare head. ‘You shaved it?’

 

‘This is a good look,’ he pouts, posing with his hands on his hips. ‘Now we’re twins!’

He pats my buzzcut head and his own.

 

I raise an eyebrow, ‘I am sure David loves it.’

 

His eyes sparkle, a grin appearing and he lifts his arms up to buckets of food, ‘Come on, let’s sit and eat and drink and be bitches.’

 

John is trying to jump up at the new person in the house, the food carrier. I manage to push him away, ordering him to sit in his bed. He whines.

Putting the chicken down, Oli then gives John some fussing, stroking his head. John jumps up, loving the attention. I whistle for John and he eventually stops licking and barking at Oli and comes over to sit in his bed again.

 

I reach over and opening up the bucket of chicken. The smell is warm and spicy; I grab one piece out and take a vicious bite.

 

‘David just didn’t think chicken was a good thing to bring round, said it looked stereotypically.’

 

‘I love that you don’t care,’ I grin, taking another bite out of chicken.

 

‘Have you been taking photos every day like I said?’

 

I roll my eyes.

 

‘I will check your phone!’

 

‘Yes mother!’ I scowl. Mother. Mum.

 

‘Medication too?’

 

I blink at him. Oh.

 

‘Yeah, it’s not been too bad,’ I reply, crossing my arms. ‘I get a little tired, but honestly, it is actually really helpful, I feel like I have more energy and control, you know?’

 

‘I don’t, but I can get that,’ he sits next to me and punches my arm. He then picks up the remote and searches for the show. ‘I am so glad your mental state and physical is getting to peak top. So, this episode is where Sharon and I were left off at,’ he replies. ‘She misses you like crazy at your work, all she does is talk about you, she sends her love. The other day she said she could turn you straight.’

 

‘Wow,’ I can’t help but give a wide grin. ‘Ha! That’s a pretty big claim to have. That’s adorable.’

 

‘Isn’t it,’ he wiggles his eyebrows at me.

 

My phone goes off.

 

‘Oh, is he still messaging?’ he asks. ‘Are you guys going public with the split yet?’

 

I shrug, ‘We will soon. Online he pretends we are civil but I hardly talked to him since.’

 

‘Still not told Charlie,’ He teases, nudging me. But I can tell his annoyance in his tone.

 

‘I haven’t really spoken to him much,’ I reply, trying to be casual. ‘But I am seeing him next week. I am going to pick him up and we are driving to work together.’

 

‘D’aw!’ Oli makes a heart shape with his hands.

                                                              

I shake my head, and lean over to press the remote.

 

‘Oh, got you!’

 

I look up and there is a flash.

 

Oli giggles at his phone. He turns it around to me, and there is a picture of us, Oli grinning wild eyed at the camera with his tongue sticking out and, me, mouth half open, looking above the camera, looking confused.

 

 

 

                                                 ***

 

‘Work, okay?’ I ask.

 

‘Fine,’ Dad kicks his boots off. He stops and stands up straight, his back to me, while he unfastens his coat. ‘Work was fine.’

 

‘Good,’ I say. ‘Office is still regular?’

 

‘Yes,’ he says. ‘I’ll be out this evening.’

 

‘Okay,’ I reply, watching him.

 

‘I, um,’ he rubs his hands together. ‘If someone calls, it’s for me.’

 

‘Same person you are meeting this evening?’ I suggest.

 

‘It’s not that,’ he sighs. He turns around and pulls up a chair. He sits opposite me across the table, placing his hands in front of him. ‘I am seeing someone. A therapist.’

 

I try not to let my eyebrows shoot up.

 

A therapist. My Dad.

 

‘Good,’ I reply, watching my dad stare hard at the table. We don’t do feelings so I try to gather up questions. ‘How long you been going?’

 

‘I started going when you came back from the hospital. Seeing you like that made me realise I had to face my own issues too.’

 

That’s pretty deep.

           

‘Is it helping at all?’ I ask.

 

‘Meh,’ he shrugs. ‘Some sessions are useful, some are not. She is giving me a lot of useful techniques to use in certain situations. I prefer those sessions.’

 

‘Not the sessions where you are forced to talk about how you felt months ago,’ I say, instantly understanding.

 

‘Well, actually, seeing you in hospital unwell was an eye opener.’

 

‘Seeing me all messed up,’ I reply.

 

‘No, that was not it at all,’ he snaps. He sighs, ‘The way you took everything in your stride. You were told you had a serve mental health condition and you focused on getting better, you were accepting, you focused forward. I haven’t done that for a while.’

 

I am stumped. Dad was inspired by me?

 

‘You got to remember, son,’ he chuckles a little, patting his leg. John strides in and sits next to him, dropping his toy on the ground. ‘I woke up with your mum not breathing next to me.’

 

‘Must have been the worst thing to go through,’ I murmur.

 

‘You acknowledging how you are, just made me read up on my own thoughts,’ he waves his hand around. ‘I spoke to the Father Tom a bit. It was him who offered to go to the first session with me.’

 

‘He’s great that Father Tom.’

 

‘Well, I am going to get my laptop,’ he stands up. ‘I am only using for the google at the moment. Been gathering a lot of information. The medication you’re on at the moment, you know there are other kinds, like injections you can have once every month in case you are not wanting to take the tablets daily. If you wanted to change.’

 

I smile, ‘Let’s see how these do first.’

 

As he leaves, I get my phone out and skip the photo I took today. The selfie in the mirror after my little work out. I look pale and pathetic. I grit my teeth staring.

 

Force myself to look at this photo.

I will not stay like this forever. This is just the start.