The Boy with No Name - 17. Chapter 17

I sat on my bed with my sketchbook, trying to think of something to sketch when I look out of my window and saw my dad working alone in the stalls. I looked passed him into the sheep grazing area and saw Jesse and Anderson with the sheep.

I put my sketchbook down, left the house and walked towards the stables. When I got there, dad was clearing a stall, Max’s stall to be exact; the one where Jesse and I had sex. I cleared my throat so that way my dad would know that I’m there. He came out of the stall.

“Oh, hey Jamie, what’s up?” asked dad. “Did you want to go for a ride or something?”

“No, actually, I was wondering if you had a minute to talk.”

“Hey, I work for myself. I always have a minute.” said dad.

“Good, um…I, ah…I’ve wanted to tell you something for a while, but didn’t really know how to bring it up.”

“Son, you can tell me anything. Just say it.”

“I’m gay” I spit it out. I decided it was better than beating around the bush.

My dad took a deep breath and put down the hey shovel he had in his hand. He sat on a stool that was up against the closest closed stall door.

“Are you okay, dad?”

“Yeah, I, ah, I think.”

“I know that this might be hard but. I’m sure that this is who I am. I’m too young. I’m not confused. I’ve thought this over really thoroughly.”

“It sounds like you gone over this very responsibly.” said dad. “That’s good…I’m, I’m glad that you told me.”

“Really?” I asked. I didn’t know what I had expected, but that sure wasn’t it.

“Yes, I am because I know that it couldn’t have been easy for you.”

“No, it really wasn’t.”

“Does anyone else know about this?” asked dad.

“Uh, Timmy knows. That’s it.”

“That’s good. That’s that good that you had someone to lean on, especially your brother.” said dad. “Are you going to tell your mother?”

“Yes, I was thinking about telling her today at dinner.”

“In front of everyone?” he asked.

“Well, if I’m going to come out, I might as well go though the whole enchilada.” I said.

“Whatever you’re comfortable with.” said dad. “It might take time for me to get used to it, but…you’re my son and I love you just the way you are. I always will.”

“Thanks dad.” I said.

My dad got up and gave me a hug. It’s the first hug he’s given me in a while.

I walked back up to the house and ran into Jesse taking a drink of water in the kitchen.

“Hey,” I said.

“Hey,” he said back.

“I told my father.”

“How did he take it?” asked Jesse.

“Okay. It seemed to bother him, but he tried not to show it.” I said. “But he said he was glad that I told him and he even gave me a hug.”

“That’s great,” he didn’t seem too excited for me.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“I just…I just wish I could be as brave as you are.”

We both sat at the kitchen table.

“There’s no rush for you to come out, Jesse. Speak up when you’re ready, no sooner.”

“Thanks. I don’t think that any of this coming out stuff would be happening without you to help me through it.” said Jesse.

I looked at him in his dirty, sweaty tank top and tight jeans.

“Have I ever told you how hot you look all sweaty and dirty like this?” I asked.

“Just about everyday after I’m done with work.” answered Jesse with a smile. “Speaking of work, I have to get back to it.”

I sighed. “Okay, if you must.”

“Listen, there’s this big tree on the edge of your grandmother’s property. My dad and I built a tree house on it a few years back. I haven’t been there in a while. We could go and watch the sunset there.”

“That sounds great. I might need some time with you after dinner.”

“Is there a reason?” Jesse asked.

“I’m going to come out to my mom at dinner.”

“In front of everyone?”

“Yeah, I just thought I would kill a few birds with one stone.” Jesse stayed silent. “You don’t have a problem with it do you?”

“No…I don’t.” Jesse answered.

“Because if you are uncomfortable with it, I won’t do it.”

“I don’t know. Come to me before dinner and I’ll tell you what I think. I’ve got to get back to work.”

Jesse left the table and brushed his hand on my shoulder before he left. I went upstairs to my room. Timmy was playing video games again.

“Do you ever do anything besides playing video games?” I asked.

“Excuse me, Jamie. We can’t all have hot summer affairs to bide our time.”

“I’m not in the mood for your cracks, Timmy.”

“Why? What happened?” asked Timmy.

“I told dad that I’m gay.”

“Oh shit, you did? What did he say?”

“He was cool with it, I guess. He didn’t really say much.”

“Shit, what does Jesse say about this? Is he okay with you coming out?”

“I guess he’s okay with it. He didn’t say much either.” I told him.

“You don’t think he’s mad about it do you?”

“I don’t know. I doubt that he would tell me if he was.”

“Trouble in paradise, eh?”

“Ya know, sometimes it’s so frustrating when he doesn’t tell me how he’s feeling. He doesn’t…he just doesn’t say anything if he upset or angry. He just runs away.”

“But eventually he tells you what he’s feeling right?”

“Yeah, after I beat it out of him.”

“Listen, you know what I think?”

“What?”

“I think you’re trying to create problems between you and Jesse so that way if this coming out thing doesn’t work out, he’s not hurt by it.”

As soon as he said this, I knew he was right. I really didn’t want Jesse to have to go through something he wasn’t ready for because of me. So, if we weren’t together, maybe he wouldn’t have to go through it.