The Boy with No Name - 21. Chapter 21

When we arrived there, we immediately spotted Jesse sitting on the small hill to the east.

“Do you want me to go with you?” asked grandma.

“No, it’s okay.” I said. I got out and made my way to Jesse. I sat next to him.

“Hey,” he simply said.

“Hey” I said back.

“Jamie, what exactly do you want from me? I mean, you want me to come out, I do. But at school, you don’t want to be near me. It’s fucking tiring trying to figure you out.”

“I know. I’m just a little fucked up is all. It’s nothing personal.”

There was a pause where we both just sat and watched the sun going down for a second. The combination of pink, orange, and yellow in the sky was probably the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

“Listen, I’m sorry for treating you so shitty. Timmy is right. I was being a douche bag.”

“Timmy said that?” asked Jesse.

“Yeah, he actually defended you.”

“You think there’s hope of him actually liking me someday?”

“Maybe, but I wouldn’t count on it being any time soon.” I said.

“You weren’t being a douche bag. You were just being sensitive to my situation.”

“The last thing I want to do is pressure you, Jesse. I don’t want you to do anything you’re not ready for.”

“But the point is that you’re ready and I’m not, right?” asked Jesse.

“I guess. I don’t really know what I want. This is all just as new to me as it is to you.”

“I don’t know about you, but my first time…you know, was in that hotel room in Billings.”

“Really?” asked Jesse.

“Yeah, and it’s just…I’m running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off trying to figure out what I want.”

“Maybe we can figure this out together.” said Jesse. He put his arm around me and I leaned into his body. As soon as I did this, I saw my grandma pull out of the pond and go back home. “Who was that?”

“It was my grandma.” I said. “I guess she figured not that we’ve made up that you would take me home.”

“Well, I don’t know. It depends.” said Jesse.

“On what? You can’t just leave me here.” I said.

“On whether or not you give me a kiss…”

He smiled his invincible smile and I stretched up to kiss him. He held me tight during the kiss and kept his hold as we watched the rest of the sunset.

* * *

“Where in the hell where you?” Anderson asked Jesse as soon as we walked into the house.

“I needed to clear my head.” said Jesse.

“You could’ve let us know that you wouldn’t be home.” said Anderson.

“I know. I’m sorry. I was just really preoccupied.” said Jesse.

“It’s my fault Mr. Clark. I was a real jerk to Jesse. But, I’ve apologized and we’ve worked it out.” I said.

“Well, I’m just glad that you’re home, son.” said Anderson.

I saw my dad in the hallway. I walked up to him.

“Has mom come home yet?” I asked.

“No,” said dad. “I’m sorry, Jamie.”

“It’s okay.” I said. “I guess I’ll be in my room.”

I walked upstairs. My dad called after me, but I didn’t feel like answering. I went into my room and sat on my bed. Timmy came in.

“What’s up Jamie? Why the long face? I thought you just got fixed things with Jesse.” said Timmy.

“Yeah, Timmy, I would really like to be alone right now if you don’t mind.”

“Do you want me to get Jesse?” asked Timmy.

“No, I told you…I want to be alone.”

“What’s wrong?” asked Timmy.

“Fuck off!”

Timmy silently left the room. I just wanted to be alone to sulk in the fact that my mom ditched us because of me. I started to tear, but wiped them when I heard a soft knock at the door.

“Come in” I said. My dad popped his head into my room.

“Hey, kid.” he said.

“Come on in, dad.”

He came in cautiously and sat on Timmy’s bed.

“I know that this thing with your mother is hard for you, but I don’t want you to blame yourself or think that your mother doesn’t love you.”

“She doesn’t. Not anymore.” I said.

“That’s just not true, Jamie. She just has to adjust her expectations of how your life is going to be.”

“What do you mean? It’s my life. She needs to have expectations for her own life.”

“You’ll understand more if you have…” My dad stopped. “I’m sorry”

“Dad, just because I’m gay doesn’t mean that I won’t have kids.”

“Right, sorry.” said dad.

“I just…I just know it’s my fault that she’s gone.”

“It’s not your fault that your mother is ignorant.”

“Dad, this isn’t helping. Can you please…please just leave me alone?”

“You shouldn’t be alone. At least let Jesse come in and be with you.” said dad.

“I don’t know. I don’t want him to see me like this.”

“He cares about you, Jamie and he’ll care about you no matter what mood you’re in. Maybe he can help you climb out of this mood your in.” Dad got up and left the room. After he left, Jesse came in.

I slid over a bit on the bed and Jesse sat next to me.

“What’s up Jamie? You were okay just a few minutes ago.”

“I don’t know. I guess my mom being gone is affecting me more than I thought.”

“Is there anything I can do?” asked Jesse.

“Just tell me I’m not crazy for missing my mom.”

“Of course you’re not crazy.” said Jesse. “Yeah she was pretty awful to you, but she’s your mother. You’ll always love her.” He paused. “My mother cheated on my dad. She hurt us all really bad. But I still love her and I miss her sometimes too.”

Jesse ran his hand softly up and down my back. Then, he moved his hand and put it on top of mine. I instantly felt better.

I fell back onto the bed and Jesse followed me. I took his hand and put it to my chest. My heart was racing.

“I love you too,” said Jesse. He knew what my racing heart meant.

A knock came to the door. “Is everyone decent?” asked Timmy.

Our eyes never parted and we never answered Timmy either, he popped in found our the answer for himself.

“Do you guys mind if I play some video games?” asked Timmy.

“No” I said, still not breaking my mutual stare with Jesse.

I started run my index finger softly up and down Jesse’s arm. I honestly never realized how cut they were. It must’ve been all of that ranch work.

In the background, I could hear the sound effects of Timmy’s video game, but it was still as if there was nothing else in the world but me and Jesse.

He pecked me a quick kiss and turned to face the other direction. I scooted closer to him, wrapped my arm around him and held his hand in mine.

“I hate to break up this love fest, but if you’re going to ah, get personal, I suggest you do it in Jesse’s room. I don’t want look in the wrong place at the wrong time.” said Timmy.

Without saying anything, we both got up. We got into the hallway and we weren’t really sure if we trusted ourselves to be alone. So, we went downstairs.

“I’m actually kind of hungry,” said Jesse. “I didn’t have any dinner.”

“You want a sandwich or something. I can make you one.” I said.

“Jamie, you don’t have to do that. I’ll make my own.” said Jesse.

“Oh, right. Um, I guess I’ll be in the living room watching TV.” I said

I went into the living room. Anderson and my dad were watching some Cop drama on TV. I sat and they thought nothing of it. Then, Jesse came over and set next to me. He put his arm around me and I rested myself on his body.

I saw both of our dads shift in their seats. I wanted to say something, but I decided to just leave it alone.

The arm that was around me connected with my right hand and once again they shifted in their seats. Jesse ate his sandwich and then took his plate to the kitchen. He came back and we resumed our same positions, but this time, when he sat down he gave me a kiss.

My dad cleared his throat. I knew that they were both really uncomfortable. But, if we stopped or never showed our affection around them, they would never get used to the idea of us being together.

* * *

The next day, I rode with Jesse to school. I knew that neither of were still not ready to be out at school. We walked in together and I immediately ran into Becca in front of the school. We had a quick hug and I introduced Jesse to her.

Then, Paige started to come over and google at Jesse. I really wanted to shut her down, but didn’t of course. Then Emma showed up. Soon after, the bell rang.

“I liked them.” said Jesse. “But what was with that Becca girl?”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I don’t know. Just the way she hugged you, I guess.”

“Oh my God, you’re totally jealous!” I said with a smile.

“No! It’s just…she…she seems weird.”

“Admit it, you’re jealous!”

“Okay, wait…maybe a little.”

“Well, Paige has a crush on you. Supposedly she always has.”

“It’s not like she was flirting with me. Becca was practically groping you.”

We both started to laugh, but I quickly stopped.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Nothing” I said.

“Come on, something’s wrong.”

“We have to get to class.” I said. The truth was that I wanted to kiss him so bad, but quickly got depressed when I realized that I couldn’t.

“Okay, well, are you going to eat lunch with Becca again?”

“Yeah, you can eat with us if you want.”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll see you then.”

And then we parted.

At the beginning of lunch, Becca sat next to me again, of course. It was only the two of us so far.

“So, you and Jesse are good friends right?” asked Becca.

“Yeah, we spent a lot of time on the ranch during the summer.” I said.

“So, that thing about Stacy is true? They broke up?”

“Um…yeah.” I said.

“So, do you think he would go out with Paige?” asked Becca.

Let’s see…NO!!!!

“Um, I don’t know,” was what I actually said.

“Could you ask him for me?” asked Becca. “It would mean a lot to Paige.”

“Um, I don’t know. I don’t really know him that well.” I lied.

“I thought…”

“I mean, yeah we spent some time together on the ranch, but he was working the majority of the time.”

“Please…” she begged.

“Sure…” I sighed. It was the only way I knew that she would shut up.

She let out this very high pitched shriek and wrapped her arms around me. I felt pummeled.

“What’s going on?”

I quickly shoved Becca off of my and turned around. Of course, Jesse was behind me.

“Ah, nothing, I just agreed to tutor her in history.” I said.

“Right,” said Becca.

“Let’s sit.” I said.

Jesse looked at me funny and then sat next to me. A moment later, Timmy sat.

“Why does it feel so awkward?” asked Timmy.

“Ask Jamie.” said Jesse.

“Why me?” I asked.

“No reason” said Jesse. But I knew that he was jealous. I didn’t know whether to be happy that he was jealous or worried that it might lead to a fight.

During sixth period, the last period, Jesse sat next to me.

“So, I was wondering if you wanted to go to Jake’s after school. Or are you going to be too busy hugging Becca?” asked Jesse with that jealous tone.

“Jesse, it wasn’t what it looked like.”

“It looked like Becca was putting her arms around my boyfriend.” Jesse whispered.

“Look, I can’t tell you what she was so happy about right now, but I will on our way to Jake’s.”

“So, you’re going to come with me to Jake’s?” asked Jesse.

“Of course” I said.

Once the bell rang, Jesse and I headed for the parking lot.

“Hey you guys!” Jesse and I heard from behind us. We turned around. Becca and Emma were behind us. We stopped so that way they could catch up.

“A bunch of us were going to head to Jake’s for a couple of sodas and some dancing. Do you guys want to come?” asked Becca.

“Yeah, you guys should come. It’ll be a blast.” said Emma.

“Actually we were going to head over there anyway.” I told them. Jesse stayed silent.

“Cool so we’ll see you there.” said Becca. Becca gave me an unexpected hug and her and Emma both turned around and went to their cars.

I turned to Jesse and his look burned though my skin.

“Don’t look at me like that. They’re just hugs. I swear I haven’t given her any ideas.” I told him.

“I believe you.” said Jesse, even though I still think he really didn’t believe me.

I texted Timmy and told him we would be at Jake’s. He didn’t want to go. He was supposed to have a chat session with his girlfriend on the webcam.