The Boy with No Name - 18. Chapter 18

After Jesse was done with his after work shower I went to his room to ask him about coming out like he asked me to do. I walked in a he had no shirt. His body glistened from tiny drops of water that collected on his muscles.

Before I said anything, I walked up to all six feet and two inches of him and wrapped my arms around him. He returned my embrace and kissed the top of my head.

“I’m sorry if I seemed a little offish earlier.” he said still holding me.

“It’s okay. I know that this is hard for you.”

He and I sort of sway left and right as we held each other closely.

“There’s something that I have to tell you.” said Jesse.

“What is it?” I asked.

“I’m not going to dinner tonight. I have a date with Stacy.”

I let go of him and put him at arm’s length. “What?”

“I wanted to make up for cancelling on her yesterday.” said Jesse.

“So, you’re not going to be here when I come out to my mom and grandmother?” I asked. I couldn’t believe he was leaving me.

“I’m sorry. I know that this is important to you.”

“It’s not only important to me Jesse. It’s a major milestone in my life and I want you to be there.”

“I’m sorry, Jamie. I have plans.”

“Yeah, plans with your girlfriend.” I could feel tears starting to come, but I did everything that I could to fight them.

“Jamie, you know that I don’t care about her the way that I care about you.” he tried to touch me, but I pushed his hand away. “Jamie, don’t be like this.”

“How can I not? You’re ditching me during one of the biggest times of my life to go be with someone else.”

“I am not ditching you, Jamie. And if you don’t know how much I care about you by now, I don’t know what else to do to make you see it.”

Jesse put on a shirt and then left the room. He left me in there alone. He left me alone the night I planned to come out to my family.

I heard his truck start and walked to the window to see him leave the ranch. I walked back to my room.

“Hey was that Jesse leaving in his truck. Dinner’s about to be served.” said Timmy.

“It doesn’t matter. He’s having dinner with Stacy.”

“Ouch, and you let him?”

“I have no choice. I can’t make him break up with her if he doesn’t want to.”

“Of course you can. Just make him choose. Tell him it’s either you or Stacy.” said Timmy. “Besides, if he’s going to cheat on you and doesn’t even care enough to keep it from you, he’s not worth it. You should have someone that is devoted to only you.”

“He’s just with her to keep up appearances. He’s not ready to come out yet.”

“Listen, I know you care about this guy, but he’s acting like an asshole.”

“Don’t say that about him. He’s having a hard time with this.”

“Damn, you’re already defending him. You’ve got it bad don’t you?”

I looked at him with my best guilty face, but it wasn’t on purpose. It sort of just happened.

“You love him?” asked Timmy.

“I don’t know. I might.”

“You totally love him…” Timmy teased

“I told you that I’m not sure if I love him or not.”

“Well then you’re in denial because it’s written all over your face.” Timmy paused. “Hey, it’s okay if you’re in love. You’re human. It’s natural.”

“I just don’t know if he feels the same way.”

“Have you asked him?”

“I can’t just ask him. That’s not how it works.”

“You’re such a fag, dude. Be a man. Demand him to choose. It’s either you or Stacy. And if you don’t, I will because I’m not going to keep on letting him treat you like this.”

“You don’t have start getting all protective, Tim.”

“Oh I think I do, because I’m not going to let some jerk treat you like this.”

“I told you that he’s not a jerk. He’s just confused.”

As dinner pressed on, my heart was beating out of my chest. It was sometime between serving my second helping of peas and discussing the weather that I blurted… “I’m gay”

“What did you say?” asked mom.

“I said that I’m gay.”

Anderson excused himself from the table with the excuse that the conversation that was taking place was a family conversation.

“Well, I certainly expected something like this from you, Jamie.” said mom

“What did you expect from me then?” I asked.

“I didn’t expect you to turn into a pervert.”

My heart dropped into my stomach.

“Hey!” my grandma snapped right away. “Michelle, I love you like my own daughter, but if you ever speak to my grandchild like that again, I will slap back into 1974.”

“I’m sorry Linda, but I can’t pretend that I’m okay with this.” said mom. She turned back to me. “How can you be so sure about this? You’re only fifteen years old.”

“Mom, I know. This is who I am. I wouldn’t tell you if I wasn’t sure.”

“Michelle, I think you need to realize how difficult for Jamie to tell us.” said dad.

“Mom, may I say something?” asked Timmy.

“Timmy did you know about this?” asked mom.

“Yes and I encouraged him to come out because this is really who he is. I’ve known for a while and there’s been nothing to make me think that this isn’t who he really is and it’s not perverse. It’s human nature.” said Timmy

“No, this is not natural. It’s a freak show!” yelled mom. I could feel tears streaming down my face.

“That’s it!” My grandma got up and slammed on the table. “Get out! Get out of my house! No one talks to my grandchild like that!”

“Are you crazy?!” asked my mom. “I’m his mother!”

“I don’t care! Out of my house!” grandma yelled again.

“John, are you going to let her send me out?”

“Mom, I don’t think kicking her out is going to solve anything.” said dad to grandma.

“Neither is calling Jamie a freak and a pervert.” said grandma.

“It’s okay grandma. Mom has the right to be upset.” I told her.

“Jamie, you should have to go through prejudice in your own home.” said grandma.

“I’ll just…I’ll just go to my room.” I said. I could no longer hold back my tears and I didn’t want to cry in front of everyone. I left the table and started up the stairs. I looked behind me and saw Timmy. I really wanted to be alone, but I knew that it wouldn’t be easy to talk him into leaving me alone.

I walked into my room and left the door open for Timmy to come in. He closed the door behind him.

“Are you okay?” asked Timmy.

I couldn’t talk. If I tried to talk, my tears would flow without me being able to stop them. But they came anyway, without me saying anything. Timmy sat next to me and put his arm around me. I buckled into his arms.

I heard Jesse’s truck pull up. My crying subsided. Timmy still held me and I let him. Not long after, Jesse came barging into the room along with Stacy.

“My dad said that it was pretty ugly. Are you okay, Jamie?” asked Jesse.

Timmy got up and got in Jesse’s face. I couldn’t say anything.

“How could you bring her here? You’re really are an insensitive fuckhead!” screamed Timmy.

“What’s going on here? Why are you talking to him like that Timmy?” asked Stacy.

Jesse turned to Stacy. “Babe, go to my room. I need to take care of this by myself.”

“Okay, be careful.” said Stacy after and she left and closed the door behind.

“It’s a good thing you were here to comfort him.” said Jesse.

“No, it’s not a good thing.” said Timmy. “The one who should’ve been here is you.” Timmy pushed Jesse with his index finger. “Instead you were out with her! You should’ve been here for my brother to love him and care for him when our mother was calling him a freak and a pervert!”

“Stop, Timmy…” was all I could muster up. “It’s not his fault.”

“Oh stop protecting him, Jamie.” said Timmy, he turned back to Jesse. “He loves you Jesse. My little brother is the best kid in the world and you have his heart. You act like an ass, going out and being with some other girl, and he protects you. He tells me that you’re just scared and confused, but that’s no where near close to the truth. You’re just an everyday asshole that doesn’t care if he breaks my brother’s heart as long as he’s getting his rocks off.”

The tension in the room was at an all time low. Timmy was steaming angry with Jesse and Jesse looked like a scared dog with his tail between his legs.

“Timmy just stop it. I don’t want this. I don’t want you yelling at him like that.” I said. “Can you just leave us alone for a second?”

“Why should I leave you alone with him?” asked Timmy.

“Just do it. I’ll call you if I need you.”

“Just remember,” Timmy whispered to Jesse. “If you break my brother’s heart, your face is going to have a permanent imprint of my fist on it.” Timmy pointed in Jesse’s face.

Timmy left and closed the door behind him. Jesse sat next to me on my bed.

“I’m sorry for Timmy. He’s just really, really protective about me.” I said.

“No, I’m sorry that I wasn’t here for you. I should’ve listened to you. I feel awful that I wasn’t here.” said Jesse. “Did you mom really call you…a freak.”

I sniffled. “Yeah, and a pervert.”

“That’s horrible,” said Jesse. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.” I paused. “Did your dad say anything about it? Did he say how he felt about me being gay?”

“No, he knows that we’re friends and when I talked to him, he said that you would probably need a friend and that there was big scene. He could hear the yelling from his room.”

“Well, I’m okay, you should go be with Stacy. She’s your guest.” I said. I didn’t really mean it. To tell you the truth, I just wanted to see who he would choose.

“Jamie, you’re not okay. You’re eyes are all red and puffy from crying. I’m not leaving you here like this.”

I couldn’t do anything else except for smile. I put my hands on his cheeks and pulled him in close. Our lips met and immediately his tongue snuck into my mouth. Our tongues played tag for a while and his arms went to my lower back and started to lift my t-shirt up. After my t-shirt was off, I remembered and Stacy was in the next room.

“Wait, we can’t do this. Stacy is here. She can come in at any time.”

Jesse sighed, he wasn’t happy. “You’re right. I’m sorry that I brought her here. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“Just do what you need to do. I’ll be here.”

“Okay, I’ll be back soon.” said Jesse. He got up and when he opened the door, there was my mom. Jesse walked beside her and left the room. My mom walked in and closed the door.

“Yes mom?” I asked.

“I’m so disappointed in, you Jamie. I’m so disappointed in what you’ve become.”

“I’m still the same as I always was.” I said. “I was born gay.”

“No, no son of mine is born a pervert.”

“If you’ve come just to insult me, I’d like you to leave.”

“I’m not leaving. I’m not leaving you like this. I’m not leaving until I knock some sense into you.”

My mother lifted her hand and slapped me across the face. It stung like nothing I’ve ever felt. I held my hand on my face. It sort of took the sting away, but not so much.

A few seconds later, she started flailing her hands at me, hitting me as hard as she could. It really hurt, but I was glad that they weren’t fists.

“Mom! Stop, you’re hurting me!”

She kept going, but the next thing that I knew, Jesse knocked pushed the door so hard that it slammed against the wall.

“Get off of him! You’re hurting him!” he screamed as he pulled her off of me. She fell to the floor.

Jesse sat next to me and put me in his arms and started to look me over, making sure that I was okay.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“I’m okay.”

“Are you sure?” he asked

“Yes, yes I’m okay.”

He embraced me tight; tighter than he ever has before.

“What’s this?” my mom asked on the floor.

“That’s what I would like to know.”

Stacy stood at the doorway with her hands on her hips.