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- 11/22/2013
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you.
Letting Go - 15. Chapter 15
Elliot leaned in Jasper’s shoulder, time seemed to have stopped and he wanted this moment to last for eternity, everything seemed to be frozen except his heart was pounding painfully against his chest, all the memories buried deep surfaced again, bringing out both pain and warmth, and killed Elliot gently from inside.
“Where are we?” Elliot finally stopped his tears and asked.
“In our world.” Answered Jasper.
“Our world?”
“Yes, it’s our world, the one you have created, the one we have been living in.” Jasper's voice was full of sadness but with no blame.
Elliot looked around, the color did not change, still the dull black and gray, he felt suffocated at the surroundings, so lifeless, so depressing.
“I’m sorry.” Elliot’s voice broke again when he said these words, he couldn't remember how many times he had murmured these words silently to Jasper's photo, “I’m sorry for what happened to you, to us, I’m sorry I did not come to your funeral, I’m sorry I did not say goodbye, I can’t say goodbye, I can’t let you go. Why did it happen to us, it's so unfair, we had the whole world of hope in front of us before that day, and it was all taken from us within that second. How could I know the moment you put on your helmet it was the last time I could see your smile, the last time I could feel your breath, the last time everything mattered to you, feelings, emotions, love, hope, me...”
Jasper touched Elliot’s face softly, Elliot covered his hand on Jasper’s. He closed his eyes and tried to remember this moment, this touch.
“You have always mattered to me, and still continue to be, but you need to let me go.” Said Jasper. “Baby I love you and I will always do, but you need to let me go now and live your life.”
“I can’t, I can’t...” Elliot shook his head in tears, still holding on Jasper’s hand.
“Okay.” Jasper said softly. “Do you want to have a walk with me?”
*
Keith sat down next to Elliot and took Elliot’s hand in his and kissed it gently. His tears make the bandage on Elliot’s hand wet, so he wept his tears away but they kept on coming out of his eyes.
“Why are you so silly,” Keith said to Elliot in pain, “why could not you tell me. I would understand and I would walk the journey with you. Why did you have to push me away? Why does everyone I love have to push me away? You wanted to tell me yesterday, didn't you? You wanted to tell me your story, you wanted to save us, you wanted to save me. I’m sorry Elliot, I’m so sorry, I was so stupid and blind, I was not aware of the pain inside you, you are so brave, please come back to me, please let me see your smile again, I miss your smile, I miss you, I miss every second with you. I felt you were distant, but now I see you were trying so hard to be close, why was I so blind, I was not supportive enough, I did not focus on you enough, please come back and let me make it up for us. You did not say goodbye to Jasper, do you want to leave me without saying goodbye also? I have enough people in my life who leave me without saying goodbye, don't you dare to be one of them. Please come back to me, please wake up, baby I will listen to you, I will stand by your side, I will take care of you and support you, please don’t give up, please don’t let go...”
*
Elliot walked with Jasper in the dead field, they returned to the gravel road and just followed the road.
“It’s so gray here.” Elliot said.
“It is, isn't it?” Jasper smiled, “But it does not have to be.”
“Why are you here?” Elliot asked. He knew Jasper was dead, he knew this was not real, but he wished it could be.
“You kept me here.” Jasper said after a long silence.
“Me?” Elliot looked at Jasper, full of confusion.
“Yes, because you could not let me go.” Jasper stopped walking at where they were.
Elliot became silent. For a long time he did not say anything. Then they just continued to walk.
After a while Elliot looked affront, suddenly noticed a flower in different color, it was a bright blue flower, standing conspicuously among all the dead black flowers.
“Look!” Elliot exclaimed and pointed Jasper to the bright blue flower, but suddenly a black butterfly appeared from nowhere and landed on the bright blue one, almost instantly the colour faded away and the bright blue flower became dead black just like all the others.
“This blue flower is called hope,” Jasper said to Elliot, “and that butterfly is called grief. Those black flowers are called guilt. If hope attracts grief, it becomes guilt and withers and easily broken.”
Elliot stared at the once bright blue but now dead black flower, and then looked at Jasper.
“Do you hate me?”
“I do not.” Jasper said, “I never did.”
“How can you not?!” Elliot became emotional, “We were in love, everything was so great, and then you are gone, we never said goodbye to each other, and now I fall in love again with Keith, but it is never finished between you and me! I’m being torn apart between the memories with you and the days with him, I feel I’m betraying our love, and I feel I’m betraying Keith, I love Keith, but I can’t let go of you!”
Jasper still smiled at Elliot as if everything Elliot had said was expected. “But look around,” Jasper said to Elliot, “This is what happens when you can’t let me go. I love you Elliot, always did, always will, but you need to let me go, free me from this colourless world, free yourself from the darkness. You are not betraying love, you are extending love, I have never hated you or blamed you for anything, I was taken away from you, there was nothing we could do, I don’t wish to see you bury more seeds of guilt, I wish you happy and strong.”
“I’m not strong, I can not even pretend to be strong,” Elliot broke into tears again, “I came down to see you in the racing track, and there you were, lying in blood and flesh, oh gosh, you were dead, everything you once loved, and every emotion you once felt became no more, death was never so real to me until that second, you were just lying there in your crashed car with no sign of life. I can’t let go of that day, this image, I’m not ready to say goodbye, but everything was taken away from me in that splash of second, I can’t move on, I can’t convince myself to do that, I can’t step out of our past.”
Jasper’s eyes were filled with sorrow when he looked at Elliot. “I’m sorry I put you in this.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“It’s not your fault either.” Jasper held Elliot in his arms, “But you can’t go on like this. You can’t keep living in the past, our memories should bring you love, not sorrow, it should give you strength, not guilt. I’m happy that you have found new love, but if you don’t let go of the past, you will not be able to grasp the future. And eventually that guilt will be sent to me. Look at the sky.” Jasper held up Elliot’s shoulder.
Elliot looked up and saw soft bright stars had shown up, and more were appearing the moment he looked up.
“Stars.” Elliot said blankly.
“Those are not stars.” Said Jasper, “Those are tears.”
“Tears.” Elliot was surprised.
“Yes, tears from the one who loves you, tears from the one you have tried to create new love with.”
“Keith?” Elliot stared at the stars and his eyes softened. “Keith is crying?”
“Yes,” Said Jasper, “If you love him also, offer him the whole of you, including the past and the pain, you can’t just break yourself into pieces and choose the share the part you feel comfortable with. We were great together but that was taken away from us by that accident, it’s tragic, we can not hold on to it, we are building a prison for ourselves with grief, free yourself, and free me. We don’t have any more chance, but you still have with Keith, grab it, don’t let that go.”
-
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you.
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