The Reluctant Master - 11. Chapter 11

Billy

From Billy: How ya doing Al?

From Alan: Fine. Thanks. And you? Haven’t seen you online for a while.

From Billy: Yeah well, I’ve been up to my neck in bullshit. How do I find em?

From Alan: What are you talking about?

From Billy: Guys. Assholes. Whatever you want to call em. They get me hard and then they turn me into a idiot. Just pisses me off.

From Alan: Someone you’ve been seeing for a while? As I said, I haven’t seen you.

From Billy: Cause I haven’t been online. I’m too pissed off. And I’m not seeing anyone. Never am. I’m living in the northwest corner of Bullshit Iowa where no one ever comes so anytime any kind of halfway breathing idiot comes near me I make a complete asshole of myself.

From Alan: Sorry to hear that.

From Billy: Don’t be, its not your fault. I just wish you lived near me and would let me suck your cock everyonce in a while. That’s not asking to much.

From Alan: No. If I let anyone suck it, it would probably be you.

From Billy: Thanx.

From Alan: What happened?

From Billy: You don’t want to know.

From Alan: Might make you feel better.

From Billy: Your cock would make me feel better.

From Alan: Sounds like anyone’s might.

From Billy: No that’s the point. Not just anyones. But both these guys would of been fine.

From Alan: You’re doing threesomes now?

From Billy: One at a time. 2 guys at once would scare the shit out of me.

From Alan: Why?

From Billy: Nother whole story. I wouldn’t know where to look first.. Wouldn’t know what to suck.. Probably have a heart attack.

From Alan: I don’t think so. You’re built like a horse.

From Billy: You like that don’t you? But not enough to get in your car

From Alan: There’s no way I could explain what I was doing in your part of the state. You know that.

From Billy: I couldn’t live anywhere else. I’m no good in cities.

From Alan: Then tell me about the guys.

From Billy: The first one was nothing. Went away faster than you can think. But he still turned me into a jerk.

From Alan: And the second?

From Billy: I’m not finished with the first one yet.

From Alan: OK

From Billy: I kept the whole thing. You know how I am. Never throw anything out.

From Alan: I forget about that.

From Billy: So here’s his description. Calls himself Cautious. 40. White. Average build. 6' -5'’. 205. Blond. Moderately hairy. Eager pig with slave and dog training/experience. Traveling a lot this fall, and likely to be near you, Sirs

From Alan: What did he look like?

From Billy: You always ask that. Bugged the shit out of me for a pic.

From Alan: It was a great photo. Naked and giving me the finger.

From Billy: Wish I’d kept it. I could of sent it to him.

From Alan: I didn’t keep it, either

From Billy: No matter, its probably 5 years old. Hate guys to think I’m lying

From Alan: I know what you mean

From Billy: Anyway the guy didn’t have a pic but the 6-5, blond got to me. You know how I am about tall guys

From Alan: So you keep saying.

From Billy: So I wrote him and I kept this too. I wrote “I’m just your average farmboy with a kinky side that needs to be let out once in a while. Not looking for a long term relationship, just discreet fun with men in my area. Redheads and blonds go to the top of my list. I’m into slim or skinny guys mainly, but I don’t discriminate. Tattoos are a +, the more the better. And I’m always looking for guys who are happy with me on my knees.” And I sent him my drivers license pic so he’d know what I look like.

From Alan: You’re a good-looking man.

From Billy: You say that to everyone.

From Alan: No, I don’t.

From Billy: Told me you do.

From Alan: OK. You’re fuckin’ ugly, and I can’t imagine ever letting you near my dick.

From Billy: You’ve seen me naked, at least the pic.

From Alan: Which I can’t forget.

From Billy: Anyway all the first guy wrote back was “Sir yes Sir”. But I figured that was something so I wrote him again. I said “Thanks for writing. Your description makes you sound good, but I can’t tell a lot from your photo, LOL”. You get that don’t you Al. He didn’t have a photo.

From Alan: I got it.

From Billy: So all he writes back is “Sir yes Sir” again.

From Alan: Why didn’t you drop it there?

From Billy: Cause I’m a moron. And he was 6-5 and blond and my dick was hard. So I write back “If you want to make me happy, send me a photo, naked on your knees. I wanta know what you’re hiding.” And he writes back “Sir yes Sir” but he does send a photo, 3 of em in fact. He’s fully dressed in all of em. You can see the back of his head but never his face. In one he’s kissing a guy’s boot. In the second his face is blocked by some guy’s big dirty bare feet. In the third he’s licking some part of some guy’s hairy body, I never did figure out what.

From Alan: Sounds like a guy I’d dream about.

From Billy: Give me a break. I live on a farm.

From Alan: OK, he was probably great looking

From Billy: Anyway I wrote back “Thanks for the pics. You certainly don’t take any risks.” And he wrote back, and I could never write this way “You seem to have an amazing ability to read minds even when such thoughts aren’t in those minds. I assume such smugness is satisfying”.

From Alan: Not even a “Sir yes Sir.”

From Billy: No and that’s when I got pissed off. I wrote “You really don’t get that “Sir yes Sir” shit do you? It means I’m the booted guy and you’re the naked asshole. And just sending you these words doesn’t really let you know how pissed off I am. Tho you’re wrong at reading my mind too. I didn’t even know what “smugness” meant and had to look it up. But if I wanted to be that, I would of done it with a splintery 2 x 4 across your ass”.

From Alan: What did he say to that?

From Billy: Nothing, he never wrote back.

From Alan: Did you have the good sense to let it go?

From Billy: Hell no, I still had this tall blond guy stuck in my head and I was really pissed off. So after 2 days I wrote “From what little I’ve seen of you I think you may be good looking and I’ve got a thing for blonds, especially guys taller than me. And maybe you have a tat or 2 hidden on your butt. That would make me hard. But if I can send you my drivers license pic you sure as shit can send me a pic your face”.

From Alan: Did he answer?

From Billy: No, the asshole!

From Alan: He should have.

From Billy: Tell me about it.

From Alan: Maybe the next one will.

From Billy: I’m not finished yet.

From Alan: You wrote him again?

From Billy: Oh yeah, just something short cause I had to have the last word.

From Alan: What did you say?

From Billy: “You really don’t get it, ASSHOLE!”

From Alan: That should do it.

From Billy: I told you I made a jerk of myself.

From Alan: He was probably worth it. Make him as hot as you can in your mind and then picture him naked, sucking your dick.

From Billy: I pictured him begging me naked while I fucking ignored him.

From Alan: Poor guy. You make me want to get in my car and drive to you tonight.

From Billy: I’ll wait up.

From Alan: I’ll bet you would.

From Billy: You know I mean that.

From Alan: It’s too far. And I’d never leave my family in the middle of the night.

From Billy: You’re too nice a guy with a probably great cock.

From Alan: Lots of guys have good cocks.

From Billy: All I got is porn.

From Alan: And your dick.

From Billy: If I didn’t have that I wouldn’t need the porn.

From Alan: Tell me about the second guy.

From Billy: You’re really torturing me here.

From Alan: You wanted to get it out of your system.

From Billy: Yeah, okay, let me find the file.

From Alan: You really do keep everything.

From Billy: Why not? Sometimes I like the pics and sometimes the guys say something really funny. Okay here it is. This guy wrote me first and sent me a naked pic, not even asked for. And he’s another tall guy but with brown hair.

From Alan: You’ve got your type

From Billy: Yeah, but he didn’t have much of a description when I checked. 35, White, 6'3", 210, brown hair, brown eyes, lives on a farm.

From Alan: You had that in common.

From Billy: And I liked it. And I wrote him “I like men who love and play hard. I expect honesty and man smells and lots of give and take. I love to watch cigarmen smoke and take in the left over cloud. Been looking to expand my bottom side and for the right man will bottom in a second”.

From Alan: I didn’t know that. I thought you didn’t like to get fucked.

From Billy: I’m getting older, what can I say? And he wrote back, and this is the damdest thing, it just goes on and on. He wrote Okay I’m new at this and last night was my first time on the site. I was so happy to have my dick online that I sent pictures to anyone who was still awake at 1:00 a.m. in the morning in Iowa and that was only 8 or 9 guys. But I didn’t know there were rules and I guess I teed one guy off so much that he blocked me. Now I didn’t know someone could do that either. I thought this was one big party where guys showed their dicks off to each other and they all got off on it. But after I got that guy so angry, I spent some time looking at other guy’s pics. I was in too much of a hurry to do that before. Today I took some new pics of me with some of my clothes on and I’ll only send them to guys who ask me or who I ask first. But that’s too bad because I’ve got a great dick and it’s a lot better to look at then the rest of me. As for what I’m doing here, well I really don’t know. My life is kinda complicated. I live in a place where it’s not good to be any different from the people living on the farms next to you. And I live with my folks and they and my older brother and me all run the family farm and work some other farms that we sometimes rent. And I’m married and I have two kids, but I wouldn’t have it any other way, living around here. But I always think about guys and their bodies and I’ve always wanted to be with another man and rub my body against his. Still I can’t see myself ever sneaking off to Sioux Falls to meet some other guy in a motel room”.

From Alan: Talkative man.

From Billy: Yeah well, I get that. No one to talk to on a farm.

From Alan: He has a wife and kids and family.

From Billy: It still can be pretty quiet.

From Alan: Did you write him back?

From Billy: Oh yeah sure. Who wouldn’t? I kept it short and thanked him for his note and told him I lived in Storm Lake.

From Alan: What did he say?

From Billy: He wrote back about 2 minutes later and said “I’m dead north of you and it scares the shit out of me knowing you’re so close. Even writing other guys about sex is the scariest thing I’ve ever done. I like looking at their bodies but I don’t think I’d ever really be able to have sex with them. I just like to think about it when I jerk off”.

From Alan: That’s where I would’ve stopped.

From Billy: That’s cause you don’t live alone.

From Alan: What did you write next?

From Billy: I said that I wasn’t just looking to hook up and that maybe I could help him figure somethings out. And I asked why he picked this website?

From Alan: That’s a great question. How did he even find it?

From Billy: He wrote “I picked this site cause a guy online told me about it and I liked that you could write other guys without using your real address. And I liked that I could send out pictures of my dick.”.

From Alan: Does he have a good one?

From Billy: Oh yeah, why do you think I kept writing him? And the next time I told him that I bet it was pretty tasty.

From Alan: Did he answer that?

From Billy: Oh yeah, there was never any trouble there. I picked a good one.

From Alan: What did he say?

From Billy: First that one he had no idea what a dick tasted like. Second that the one time he was drunk enough to ask his wife she said it pretty much tasted like sucking on your thumb until it squirts.

From Alan: Pretty good answer.

From Billy: His wife must of had some experience.

From Alan: Which I’ll bet you’d trade for.

From Billy: Oh yeah!

From Alan: Did you tell him that?

From Billy: Well he also said something like “I guess you know all about dicks and you’ve had a lot of them in your mouth” so I had to answer that first.

From Alan: This I want to hear.

From Billy: I told him you could never suck enough dicks and that I probably had my share

From Alan: And he said?

From Billy: He said he was probably weird but he didn’t think as much about sucking guys or fucking them as just touching their chests. That’s all he really wanted to do.

From Alan: Nothing wrong with that.

From Billy: I told him so and he said some of the things some of the guys want to do on the site just made him laugh.

From Alan: I think they make us all laugh.

From Billy: I said that too but also said that somethings felt pretty good. And he said “Maybe but I really don’t get the pain”.

From Alan: Either do I.

From Billy: But you know how to use it when that’s what a guy likes.

From Alan: I used to.

From Billy: You don’t forget that.

From Alan: I’m working at it.

From Billy: Anyway I told him I didn’t always agree with some of the guys here either and he sent me another 6 pictures of his dick.

From Alan: How many do you need?

From Billy: Well, these were pretty interesting. It looked like he was trying to do some of the things he’d seen online but without the gear.

From Alan: What do you mean?

From Billy: Like he was tieing off his balls to make them look bigger. And he was tieing off his dick to make it look harder.

From Alan: That must’ve been impressive.

From Billy: Yeah I almost wanted to send him some pics of mine but I hate taking pics. I just wrote him not to hurt himself.

From Alan: Did he send more photos?

From Billy: Not then but he said he took those pics just for me. He said he could picture me looking at then and hoped I didn’t laugh. Well that just made me hard and then I came too fast so I wrote him about that.

From Alan: Is that what put him off?

From Billy: No, he said I had no idea how hard it was for him to take those pics. That if anyone saw him, his wife or his kids or his folks, that there’d be no way for him to explain. I told him I didn’t know it took so much secrecy and he said he couldn’t think of one possible thing he could say if someone saw him taking pictures of his dick.

From Alan: He could say it was a joke.

From Billy: People don’t joke that way around here. Folks in my family still make fun of each other for things that happened 50 years ago. So you can imagine how long it would take him to live that down.

From Alan: I didn’t think of that.

From Billy: So I told him not to take chances and that I already had enough pictures of his dick and he surprised me by saying “You know I’m getting interested in you? You’re a really nice guy”.

From Alan: You are.

From Billy: And I told him I appreciated that and he wrote back saying that he was really trying to think of a way we could meet. Well that set me thinking. There was probably no way he could ever get into Storm Lake without someone seeing him and talking. And the thing is I never go to Sioux Falls, I always go to Sioux City. So if anyone saw me heading in that direction you can bet they’d talk about that. The guys I’ve been with before have always been guys like me. Guys with no families and empty houses.

From Alan: And I can understand avoiding motels.

From Billy: Anyway I wrote him that and he answered “I want to see you naked and touch you all over and be naked with you for as long as I can. But I’m really not interested in fucking or sucking or anything like that. Is that a problem?”

From Alan: Was it?

From Billy: In a normal case maybe. In a normal case sure. But I was hard for the guy.

From Alan: This where you started making a fool of yourself?

From Billy: Not yet. I wrote him that he might be thinking too much of the touching because that’s all he could imagine. But once we were actually naked all kind of things could happen.

From Alan: That scare him off?

From Billy: Still not yet. He wrote that.....no let me get this right. I got the message right here. He wrote “Over-thinking isn’t something I do a lot of according to my wife. Rushing into things and fixing them up later is more like it. And being with you would be fun and noone ever accused me of not taking chances. But I honestly don’t do a lot of things with my mouth already in bed and I bet I wouldn’t change that much if I was with you. Mostly I’d be touching you and feeling you and trying not to get hard and embarrassing myself though I know you think that’s suppose to happen. But I really wouldn’t want to ejaculate and I wouldn’t want you to either. And the thing is, and maybe this isn’t going to sound so funny to you, but I’m really thinking of letting this whole thing go. You probably have been having sex all your life but you showed me how hard it is to do that with guys and I don’t mean just sneaking around”.

From Alan: That kind of wrecks the whole thing.

From Billy: See you get that right off. So you can see why I got so mad.

From Alan: Your dick was still hard.

From Billy: I kind of worked the shit out of it for a couple of days.

From Alan: You’ve got to be careful.

From Billy: Better than yelling at an asshole whose no brighter than my dick.

From Alan: He couldn’t understand.

From Billy: He’s old enough.

From Alan: How old? I forget.

From Billy: 35.

From Alan: So that’s the last you heard from him?

From Billy: Almost. I was real good about it. I didn’t block him. So he just kept writing me.

From Alan: Saying?

From Billy: That he couldn’t understand why I stopped writing him. And he asked Was I okay? or Was I busy? or Did he accidentally break another one of those rules?

From Alan: Sounds like a nice guy.

From Billy: He was writing me 2 or 3 times a day. It just pissed me off more.

From Alan: And you finally blew?

From Billy: I really let him have it. I said “See this is why I’ve been keeping my distance. You’ve got a nice dick and you might even have a good face but I’ll never know cause you don’t even have the balls to show it. But if you want your wife and you want your kids and you want to hide in your tiny town then you gotta stop thinking about guys. You can’t just get us hard by sending us pics and thinking about us naked whenever its good for you. I might have even got you interested enough to take the chance and meet me somewhere. But if I can’t get you to take my dick down your throat or stick your dick up my butt well whats the point? You don’t understand that theres a whole kind of pleasure that’s beyond touching, Thats too far past you. But its normal and I need it and its something I really like to do. And now I’m gonna shut up because I’ve gone on for too long and you’ve gotten me really pissed off.”

From Alan: You didn’t make a jerk of yourself. You were almost dignified.

From Billy: Well he wrote back and said he didn’t even know that I was mad. So I didn’t answer.

From Alan: Did he drop it?

From Billy: No. He just kept writing that he was sorry and that I had to remember that he was new at this and there was so much he was trying to learn.

From Alan: Again, he sounds nice.

From Billy: Yeah the kind of nice that busts you balls and breaks your heart.

From Alan: I’m sorry.

From Billy: Don’t get me mad at you.

From Alan: I’m... Shit, there’s nothing I can say...

(No answer)

From Alan: Did he finally quit writing?

From Billy: No. Well only after I ignored him for another week. Then I wrote back “I didn’t quit writing you cause I was still pissed off. I didn’t stay pissed for more than a minute, in fact I pretty well gave up on you before I went to sleep that nite”.

From Alan: You were lying.

From Billy: Yeah but he didn’t need to know that. And I told him I wasn’t answering him because he kept apologizing. I said that didn’t mean a whole lot to me. I said I was writing cause I had to be done with this and I told him that he probably didn’t think of himself as an asshole and that he probably thought of himself as a pretty decent guy. But the real decent guys like me had to learn over and over to stay away from fuckheads like him. And that guys that want to have it both ways because they’ve got big dicks or good bodies or good faces can usually get anything they need. But the rest of us can’t. SO FUCK OFF!!!!!

From Alan: That’s still not really rude.

From Billy: It made me feel like shit afterwards

From Alan: You know you could have been talking about me. You do understand that.

From Billy: No you’ve always been honest about yourself. I know that if someday I turned up in Cedar Rapids after writing you all these years that you’d spend the afternoon with me and let me suck you off.

From Alan: Bet your ass.

From Billy: That’s what I mean about being honest.

From Alan: Thanks.

From Billy: But I called him a whole lot of other names and tried to make him feel as crappy as he’d been making me.

From Alan: That’s where you went too heavy.

From Billy: It’s where I fucked up.

From Alan: Did he block you?

From Billy: No he wrote back saying that “I’ll take down my pictures. And I didn’t mean to be that kind of asshole. I was just trying to have a little fun”. After that I felt even shittier.

From Alan: Why?

From Billy: Because he was just trying to have fun and I ruined it. And I felt like writing him back to tell him to try with some other guys cause all guys are different and some might not feel the way I do. But that would of been telling him more than I wanted so I just let it go.

From Alan: I’m sorry.

From Billy: I told you, don’t get me mad at you Al.

From Alan: I’m sorry.

From Billy: Yeah well I am too. Cause you know the truth. You know how much I want to be with someone. You know how lonely I get and how missing sex is only a little part of it. And you know I probably could be happy with a guy who just wanted to rub up against me every night if I could be sure he’d be there every night. So I was just as angry at me for being suckered as I was at him. And I’m getting too old for this.

From Alan: You’re not that old, Bill.

From Billy: 42.

From Alan: That’s not old.

From Billy: But you’re married and have kids and all I have is my farm.

From Alan: You have a farm in one of the best places in Iowa. If you ever sold your land, you’d probably have more money than I’ll ever see in my life.

From Billy: I couldn’t give up the farm. Its been in my family for 180 years.

From Alan: I didn’t know it was that long.

From Billy: Since before there was an Iowa.

From Alan: I didn’t know that, either.

From Billy: And I’m not gonna lose it just because I want to live with some guy in a place where guys don’t live together. At least not that way.

From Alan: I don’t know what to say.

From Billy: I’m just like you Al. You made a choice. We can’t have it both ways.

From Alan: You could take a break. Give yourself a vacation.

From Billy: You don’t take a vacation from a farm. Not unless you have kids to take over.

From Alan: At least, you’re not a hypocrite.

From Billy: Is that why you got married?

From Alan: You know it isn’t.

From Billy: Yeah, I know.

From Alan: And I don’t want to leave you down like this. But it’s late.

From Billy: I’m just going to sleep.

From Alan: You seemed so happy to see me online.

From Billy: I was. And I still am. And I’m happy I told someone the whole mess.

From Alan: I’m glad it was me.

From Billy: Yeah.

From Alan: Any time. You know that. If there’s anything I can do...

From Billy: Other than sharing your dick.

From Alan: Besides that.

From Billy: Thanks Al.

From Alan: You’re welcome.

From Billy: You’re a great guy.

From Alan: You’re gonna make me throw up.

From Billy: That would be fun. Then I’d have you roll in it. Naked.

From Alan: Gross.

From Billy: Serve you right for getting married..

From Alan: Good night.

From Billy: Come visit me some time.

From Alan: If there’s ever a conference in Sioux Falls.

From Billy: Sioux City.

From Alan: I can never remember.

From Billy: Neither can anyone whose not from here. Maybe that’s why I stay.

From Alan: Take care.

From Billy: Yeah. And don’t worry about me. I’m fine. I always am. I’m always too busy around here to stay pissed.

From Alan: Chat with you again..

From Billy: Yeah. Goodnight.

From Alan: ‘Night.

From Billy: Dream of dicks.

From Alan: But not assholes.

From Billy: No.