Cid (working title) - 12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER TWELVE

Billy’s POV

After he’d hung up on Cid, Billy pitched the phone into his pillows and crumpled onto his bed in a heap of tears. He sobbed for over five minutes before he slowly, painfully realized that this was how things were always going to turn out. Cid was never going to be his, despite Billy telling him the truth about loving him.

Did he really even know what love was? Sure! It was his parents, his grandparents, and every relative that’d stuck together through good times and bad. They made it. Now he’d never have that chance with Cid to ‘make it’. This Christmas was gonna suck.

After hiding for as long as he could and clearing his face of any evidence of crying; he went back out to join his family for dinner. He wasn’t in the best of moods to talk to anyone, but he tried to participate in the small talk. Of course, they knew him so well that he wasn’t fooling anyone.

“Billy?” his mother leaned over to talk to him.

“Yeah?”

“We’re all going out tonight to look at the Christmas lights. Want to join us?”

Ahhh, family traditions. Every year they’d bundle up and get in his father’s sedan and tool around their neighborhood to see who’d put up the most outlandish display this year. At first the appeal just wasn’t there, but he needed to soak up all the love he could. He certainly wasn’t getting it from anyone outside his family.

“I guess.” He shrugged.

“You feeling ok?” his father asked. “You’re pale and haven’t eaten much.”

His sister scooted away. “If you’ve got the flu keep it over there bro. I just got over mine.”

Billy shook his head. “No…I’m alright. I’m not sick anyway.”

“Anything you want to talk about?” his mom asked.

“Not here.” He admitted. “Excuse me. I’m not really hungry.” He pushed himself away from the table and went back to his room and shut the door. He found the biggest stuffed bear he had and held onto it as tight as he could. How he wished that the pain would go away, but that’d just take time. He imagined that Cid had to have been in a helluva lotta pain to be the jackass he was. It almost made him feel sorry for him; no, it did. He hurt and Cid did too, he was sure of it.

A knock was heard on the door and Billy groaned. “What?” he whined.

“It’s mom.”

“Just you?”

“Yes.”

Good. He didn’t really want an audience. She entered the room and put a small envelope on his chair. “A card came for you…” she started.

Billy shut his eyes and wondered for a second if it could’ve come from Cid. Of course not. That’d take consideration, or feeling. Those must’ve been seared out of the artist’s soul long ago. Who cares anyway. He welcomed his mother’s arms as she sat on the bed and hugged him.

“What happened, baby boy?”

She knew, she always knew. Everything.

“He broke up with me. The artist…” he felt tears begin again.

“Shhh, sweetie. I’m so sorry. You said you didn’t really know him though, right?”

Their eyes met briefly as the hug ended.

“True, but I think I loved him, mom. I told him that!”

Her mouth gaped open. “Billy! You weren’t even dating this man…you weren’t sleeping with him were you?”

Holy shit! “No! I never did anything with him, or anyone else mom I swear!” he could tell she was relieved at that news.

“Good. Why were you so desperate to tell him that? You’ve never been in love before…”

How could he explain this to her? She had to know what it was like, right? She was almost 50 years old. She was wise and knew a thing or two. But being a gay boy in college was something that she’d never understand.

“I dunno, but I know I love him, mom. He’s everything I want!”

She took him into her arms again and he got a grip on the tears that threatened to appear again.

“Baby boy. You were infatuated. Cid was older, artistic, mysterious. You’ve never been with anyone else so you were enamored right away. He had an attitude like a bad boy. Trust me, steer clear of boys like that. He broke your heart. That’s all they know how to do, that’s why they’re bad.”

The argument made sense, Billy’s logical mind knew it did make perfect sense; but that didn’t stop the pain much.

“He was so beautiful.” He whispered. “His paintings are amazing.”

She kissed his forehead. “Admire his work then love, but not the artist. Didn’t you say he made a campfire painting?”

“Yeah, he did.” Billy nodded and remembered seeing it. “It’s so awesome. I want that painting. I know he did it, but at least I gave him one nice memory, huh? Before he decided to break up with me.” He punched at his leg. “How can it be a break up when we weren’t dating? He wouldn’t even make us official!”

Mrs. Shultz tsked and played with her son’s hair. “You had puppy love, darling. He was interesting and wild and different. But he’s not the right guy for you.”

That’s just what Cid had been trying to tell him from the beginning, but he liked to torture himself and think they had a chance.

“You sound just like him. He warned me, over and over that we weren’t right for each other. Frank warned me too, a lot. He tried to point out all the things Cid didn’t do.” He caught his breath and cleared his face. “I really screwed up for my first puppy love, huh?”

She kissed his cheek. “Sweety, you are hardly the first person this happens to. My first ignored me completely but I was smitten! Wrote him love notes and hung around his door until his mother shooed me off. He never did ask me out or really acknowledge me at all.”

Wow, she knew? At least a taste. “We’d have coffee together a lot, and lunch. So we could never hang out unless there was food involved I guess.” He rolled his eyes.

“Billy, you’ve had a hard, fast lesson about relationships. I want you to remember this feeling, ok? Try to not repeat it because you’ll just get hurt over and over.”

Sound, sage advice from the woman he adored. Billy hugged her tight. “I will. Thanks, mom!”

He calmed down and patted the teddy bear. “Ol Sebastian is still great for helping out.”

She smiled at the bear and stroked his soft fur. “You’ve had this bear forever. He’s in such good shape despite you hugging the stuffing out of him.” She teased.

Billy felt a smile form on his lips and his eyes began to dry at last. “Yeah. He’s been my buddy besides you guys.” He glanced over at his chair and vaguely remember a mention about a card?

“Mom?”

“Yes?”

“You said there was a card or something?”

“Oh! Yes indeed. “ she hopped off the bed and retrieved the card and handed it to him.

The envelope was bright red, with two cheery Christmas stickers, one on the front, and another holding it sealed. It was fairly legible handwriting, but Billy actually hoped that it wasn’t from Cid. He wasn’t sure he could handle it right now.”

“Well open it.” His mom playfully commanded.

Billy took a deep breath and used his thumb to break the seal. He slowly slid the card out and looked at the picture on the front. It was a tall snowman, complete with stovepipe hat, carrot nose, and coal buttons. Just like he used to make as a kid with his sister.

He smiled a little at the memories of snowmen and read the words on the front of the card. “Happy Holidays” and he opened up the inside. “Wishing you a happy and peaceful season”. It was a generic card, but Billy liked the thought that it was just for him. There was a handwritten note on the left side and he read it silently:

“Dear Billy,

It’s been a blast getting to know you this school year! We are stomping asses in business class and will rule the world! I know things have sucked ass lately and I just wanna let you know I’ll be there for you, however you wanna call the shots. I’ve loved our friendship so far and know we’d be great at the next level.

I’d never have the balls to tell you this in person but I think you’re smoking hot, sweet, caring, and an awesome guy that I’d love to take on a date.

Take care, man! See you when school’s back in session

Love, Frank”

What was this? Did Frank love him? He had a crush on him? How? When did all this happen?

“What did it say, hon?” his mom asked.

Billy gave her the cleaned up version. “Uh, it’s from Frank. He says he really likes me and wants to take me out.”

His mother smiled wide. “That’s wonderful! See! You have an admirer who seems like a fine young man. Not someone who’ll string you along forever for nothing in return.”

“Yeah.” Billy couldn’t help but look over the word ‘love’ over and over. His gears shifted to Frank; his looks, his smile, his words of wisdom. Had he been too harsh? Had he been like Cid was to him?

The craziness had to end and he’d put a firm stop to it. He nodded to himself and looked up at his mother.

“I…I think next year might start out better.”