Cid (working title) - 11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Cid finally messaged Billy three days before Christmas. He’d been working up to it in his mind, to hear Billy’s voice and possibly know that the kid was crying again, all because of him.

He wanted to keep his promise to Roxie, and she called daily with an ever increasingly threatening tone to her voice to call that boy ‘or else’. She even looped in Cid’s other friends to help ‘encourage’ him to do the right thing. Tammy, Brandy, and even Roxie’s own sister, Rikki.

Shit. With that many women breathing down his neck, he had to do something or they’d scratch his eyeballs out with their fake nails.

After taking a long swig of a beer and getting comfy on the sofa, Cid finally dialed up Billy.

“Hey kid, how are you?”

“Hi! I was hoping you’d call. How’s your break going?”

“Going good. Got a painting started already and just chilling out. You?”

“That’s awesome. What’s the painting of?”

Cid took a sip of beer. “I’m still working on that. Sometimes I don’t know until the canvas tells me what it wants.” Which was true, he’d start out with an idea and it’d morph into something else entirely. Right now he wasn’t sure if it would be a landscape or abstract.

“Aw, that’s cool. So, are you all ready for Christmas?”

Was he? Hmmm. His holidays had rarely been ‘normal’. The most picturesque ones was where he and his ex would be huddled at the bar together scoping out mistletoe or having garland strung around them by the girls. Then home again to the little house to celebrate in other ways. Cid shuddered at the thought. That was four years ago that things were good. After that…he couldn’t talk about it to anyone but Roxie.

“Yup.” Was his reply.

“Well, we have a mountain of gifts for our clan, plus my grandparents, uncles and aunts. I think my cousins are coming in too.”

Oh to have a normal perfect family. Cid would never know what that felt like. His parents died when he was young and he was in the foster system ever since. He was happy to bail at 18.

“Me and my friends are getting together.” He mentioned quickly.

“Oh? Cool. Do you have a lot of friends in your town?”

“A few.”

“What’re they like?” Billy pried.

“Good folk.” Cid replied very contritely. He wasn’t a huge talker as it was, but he knew Billy was leaning towards a visit and he wasn’t sure if he could handle that.

“Good deal. I have a few pals left here, plus my new friends. I miss one of them a ton right now.”

There it was…the needy tone. Cid had waited for it.

“Billy…”

“Don’t you miss me at all? Even as a friend?”

Did he? “Sure I do…”

“But?”

“Don’t you have another guy you hang out with?”

“Uh, yeah. Why? Are you trying to tell me something, Cid?”

Oh shit, this was devolving and quickly. “No, I was just asking.”

“Uh huh. You couldn’t bear to meet my friend that last time I tried to reach you. Remember? I could barely eat I was so worried about you because you’re always there. Where’d you get money for lunch all of a sudden? I thought you were broke!” His tone had gone from angry to bitter and now shrill. Cid had to turn this around.

“I am broke! I found a $5 bill and picked up something on my own. Maybe I wasn’t in the mood for company, ok?”

He could hear sniffing on the other end of the line. “Why do you even talk to me?”

Cid shut his eyes and sighed. “I told you. I like you. But don’t expect me to meet all your buddies and be real social. I’m just not.”

“Yet…you have a ton of girls you hang out with?”

Touché! “It’s not like that.”

“Do you even like guys? Are you sure? Maybe you’re bi and that’s ok! But if you’re not into me then spare me, ok? Just…”

Say it Billy…don’t make me be the bad guy. “Just what?” he sat up and waited with baited breath.

“I was really hoping we could be something great together, Cid. You’re the first guy I’ve ever been interested in, sexually. Ever. I’ve never even been kissed yet!”

Cid took a long sip of beer. “Then I’m definitely not the one to break you in. I’m sorry, but I’m just not. I’ve been through hell and back with men and my story would raise the hair on the back of your neck or give you nightmares.”

“You won’t even try?” Billy whimpered. “At all?”

“Billy. We can be friends, but I’m afraid that’s all we can be. I’m too old for you, I’m too damaged.”

“Bullshit!” Billy lashed back as the call paused for a long moment.

“I’m sorry, kid. Please find someone else. I’m not the right one. I’ve been saying this from the start.”

“No! You led me on…dammit. My parents asked if you’ve been stringing me along…you so have! You’re not into commitment because someone hurt you that bad and you don’t think I can handle a relationship with you, am I getting all of this?”

That was the gist of it all, yes. Cid wanted to hold Billy, kiss those sweet virgin lips, and rock that body; but as for the heart? No way.

“I can sleep with you, but I can’t love you.”

“But what if I love you?” Billy whispered and Cid felt his emotions go into overdrive. Dammit, the kid loved him. How did that happen? He’d been as crass and asinine as he could be, and the kid lapped it up.

“My ability to love you back died, Billy. Someone killed it inside of me three years ago.” He felt the need to blink more but tried all he could to stop it.

“I…I don’t know if I can do this, Cid. I love you! You’re hurting me and won’t be anything that I need. I think…please stay away from me for a while, ok? I’ll always love you…but I’ll give you space. You need help if you haven’t gotten it already. Fuck the bastard that did this to you! I hope he’s rotting in hell!”

Cid almost dropped his beer and felt his lip tremble. “I’ll see you at school, Billy. Coffee is always ready.”

“Yea.” Billy hung up and Cid felt his hand lose grip on the phone entirely. It tumbled to the sofa cushions and he felt nauseous. He found the phone again and texted Roxie quickly and told her what happened. He grabbed the throw pillow closest to him and sank his face into it and sobbed deeply.

This Christmas wasn’t going so well. Roxie and Rikki came over with dinner already made. They held him and talked until dawn.