Cid (working title) - 22. Chapter 22

CHAPTER 21

The fire was extra high and Kellen fixed them a large dinner of steaks, carrots, and potatoes. He’d done research on campfire cuisine, and he loved to test it out. He silently admired the cookware that Billy had bought for Cid; it was very nice stuff. Too bad he didn’t get to use it too; but at least it was getting used.

Cid had been silent again through lunch and had gone to nap. Kellen kept his vigil up and listened for anything unusual. Luckily, there was nothing.

Now, at dinnertime, and with the days light fading, the two men sat around the campfire and ate their food slowly. Cid seemed to just pick at his, while Kellen dove in with gusto.

“Starved.” He commented as he tried to urge Cid to eat too. “Aren’t you?”

“Meh.” Cid replied.

Kellen knew there was a volcano under there just waiting to empty its magma reservoir. He’d done it and he had to use just the right trigger to get Cid to explode.

“Can I tell you a story?”

Cid narrowed his eyes. “What like a ghost story?”

Kellen cocked his head. “Well, almost. It’s about a young man, one that trusted too much and got hurt very badly.”

“Dude why would I wanna hear my own story?”

“Oh? You trusted Kurt?”

Cid’s mouth slammed shut. “What? I…no way! But the other shit happened.”

“Well, we’re not talking about you are we? We haven’t talked at all. Nope, this is about another young man.”

“I don’t wanna hear it.” Cid rebutted.

“Why not?” Kellen pressed.

“I’m not exactly up to it ya know.”

“Like hell. You need to know you’re not alone, Cid!”

“Yes I am.” He mumbled.

“No fucking way.” Kellen countered.

Cid put his plate down on the seat beside him and rocked back and forth in his seat and tucked his hands inside his pockets. “No one wants damaged goods do they? I can’t….I can’t love anymore. Not ever.” He whispered.

“You’re wrong, Cid…”

His temper flared up. “Just how the fuck would you know? Mr. Scottish Pride and soccer star and perfect looks and strong….” He shook his head. “You’ll never know.”

Kellen tossed down his empty plate on the ground, making a loud clank. “I’m damaged goods too, Cid! The story is about me.”

“What?” Cid choked and he stared at his friend.

“Listen to me. You are not the only one who’s been through something like this. I went through it two years ago.” Kellen revealed. “I was fucking raped by a guy that I had a serious crush on and he treated me like garbage. You think that was something easy to get over? That I didn’t question ever being able to love or be with a man again?” The memories were still there and Kellen bowed his head for a moment and felt his eyes fill with tears. He slid off his chair and sat on his haunches. After a long minute, he raised his head at last.

“Kellen…” that was the first time Cid had spoken his name in what seemed like eons. “Omigod…” he took his hands out of his pockets and held Kellen’s hands to his lips and kissed them. “I’m so sorry. I hope that bastard rots in hell.”

He gazed up into Cid’s beautiful eyes. “Thank you, he is I’m sure of it. The point is…just please tell me what happened to you. Both times.”

Cid swallowed and his eyes shifted away. “Both?”

Kellen nodded. “If not both then one at least. I know it isn’t easy to talk about…but you can talk to me. You’re not alone!”

After a deep breath, Cid cleared his throat. “I…you know what happened this last time.”

“No I don’t…I saw you after the fucker ran off. What did he do to you, Cid? Please tell me because I wanna kill him for whatever he did.”

Cid’s face blushed and he shook his head, just as tears started in his eyes. “He tried to rape me. I fought him like a demon. You saw all the scratches on me? He had double that. I nearly broke my leg to push him off of me. You got there right after I’d kicked him in the nuts and he ran off.”

Kellen burst with pride that his man had kicked off his assailant; but he felt horrible for not having been there in the first place. He kept hold of Cid’s hands and wept onto them. “I wasn’t there to protect you. This is all my fault.”

“What? No! You were sick! How could you help that? You can’t be there every second, Kellen!”

“But I let you down and he hurt you. I’m your protector and your friend…dammit, Cid.” He wanted so much to share how he felt, but he still had to be careful.

There was a long pause as Kellen got his emotions and thoughts in order. He got up on his knees and let go of Cid’s hands. “Please…let me see your hair.” It’d been forever since he’d seen the gorgeous lilac locks and he badly wanted to now.

“I…I had to hide my hair, in case that monster showed up again. I’ve been hiding everything I can.”

Kellen knew that already. “I get it, but please? Let me see?”

After a very long minute ticked by, Cid finally gave in and lowered his hood. The lilac locks had grown out just a little, letting the natural black grow in. But it seemed… shorter? No. It was in a very tight ponytail secured at the back of his head. Not cut, but hidden.

“He tracked me down by my hair. I was this close to shaving it off.” He held his fingers a ¼ “apart and Kellen gasped.

“I’m glad you didn’t!” he reached for Cid’s head slowly and touched the ponytail. It was very touchable, and had a lovely shine to it, even after being hidden for three weeks. “I love your hair.” Kellen admitted softly.

“No way, yours is nice too.” Cid complemented back. Wow, was that a compliment from Cid? A real one?

Kellen stifled a laugh. “I remember you called it garish when we met.”

“Geeez, that’s a long time ago.” Cid replied, his eyes wide. “You remember that?”

“Oh hell yes I remember that.” He reclaimed his seat and let out a sigh.

They sat in sated silence for a minute and Cid pulled out the elastic from his hair and fluffed it out again. Kellen’s mouth went dry as he longed to touch the strands.

“Damn you are a beautiful man.” Kellen spoke wistfully.

Cid laughed. “I was.”

“No. You are. Present tense. That bastard will rot for what he did. As for the other one, I hope he is too.” Kellen reached for Cid’s face and brushed his fingers along the goatee. “You are a rare man, Cid Walker. We share a pain I wouldn’t wish on anyone.”

“Definitely not.” He leaned in and stroked Kellen’s arm. “I’m sorry for what happened to you.”

“Thanks. I finally recuperated enough to live a semi-normal life. I swore off men for a long time…you’re the first I’ve even wanted to get close to in a long time. I know what it’s like to hurt for so long and think you’re not worthy of happiness or love or respect anymore. I know you hate pressure and deadlines and people giving you ultimatums. I didn’t want to do that to you.”

Cid nodded. “That’s how…he was. My ex.” He spit out. “All perfect at first then when he lost his job, I became the object of all of his anger because I pushed him.”

Kellen cocked his head. “Can you tell me what happened with him?”

“I…I need too. I was engaged to him; he considered me his property after a while. I was so blindly in love. He beat me repeatedly but I didn’t leave…I was the needy one, but the night he raped me I finally got the balls to leave him. I stayed with Roxie.” He paused and swiped at his eyes. “I was so needy, just like Billy was with me. I pushed that kid away. He said he loved me and I knew I couldn’t return it. How could that guy handle a guy like me? I’m glad he has Frank now and can know a real love.”

Kellen stood and held Cid to him gently. “I’m so sorry that happened to you at all. Ever. You were lucky to escape!” he massaged Cid’s shoulders and kissed the top of his head. “As for Billy, I’m glad too. I’m sure he wanted to try his damndest, but you’re right, a green kid like that wouldn’t understand the pain we’ve been through. Both of us, Cid. I get it, totally. You know one thing though? I know we are both deserving and totally worthy of love and the best relationship we could dream of. No hurting, no pain, just love and all the ups and downs of life as the journey goes along.”

“Is that even possible?” Cid snorted. “Who’d want me?”

“I want you, you numbskull.” Kellen cupped Cid’s face. “I’ve been chipping away at you every chance I could. Remember the flower I gave you on Valentine’s Day?”

Cid nodded.

“That meant friendship and that I care. I’ve cared about you every second and I’m going to keep on doing it forever.”

“Why? Why do you care about me?” Cid bowed his head and Kellen rolled his eyes and got his friend to look him in the eye again.

“Why not? You’re worth it. You’ve been hurt, and so have I. See this scar?” he pointed to a scar on his wrist. “I wanted to end it after I was raped. I know how you feel, Cid. I know you wanted to run off into the woods and kill yourself.”

Cid gasped. “Wh…how did you…are you snooping in my bag?”

Kellen frowned. “Then I am right. You brought your gun, didn’t you?”

“I…” Cid froze and nodded. “Death is the only thing that’ll make it better.”

“No it isn’t! Love is the thing that heals all wounds! I guarantee you that. My family and therapist got me through that hell. Their love, their concern.”

Cid frowned. “I don’t have a family. My friends are all back home. They don’t even know.”

Kellen caught Cid’s hands again. “Listen to me, I offer my love to you, ok?”

“What?” Cid looked Kellen up and down.

“Are you deaf under that pretty hair? I love you, Cid Walker…and we will go slow until you hopefully feel the same way. I’m not pushing, I’m just telling you how I feel. The day that you were attacked I thought my heart would beat out of my chest. Something told me things were off and I found you.”

“Thank goodness you did. You’re my protector.”

“I try to be.” Kellen admitted. “Anything else it needs to be mutual. I won’t stop caring about you. You’re in my heart, Cid.”

A long pause passed between them before Cid spoke again. “I…I think we need to goto sleep. I’m exhausted.”

Kellen nodded. “Sounds good, I’m beat.” He got up and started towards his tent, but Cid stopped him.

“Wait…Kell? I…I was hoping you’d stay with me? I didn’t sleep much last night.”

A bright smile formed on Kellen’s lips. “I’d love it. I’ll be there as quick as I can.”

* * * *

Cid didn’t think it was possible, but he’d started to feel a little better. He didn’t want to kill himself anymore; at least not at the moment. Three years ago it took the combined forces of Roxie, Rikki, and everyone else to stop him from pulling the trigger.

This time, it was much easier, because Kellen knew and he knew that the redhead cared for him. The oddest thing was that he cared back. Billy had meant something too; but he was too needy, too much. Cid was needy too, so two needy people make a very bad relationship. Kellen was what he needed, and wanted. He couldn’t deny his real attraction and desire for his friend. Oh it was there bigtime. Now to take things at a pace they could both handle.

Knowing the Kellen had been attacked too only deepened their bond and he wanted to fight the bastard whomever he was. Plus when they were fishing, knowing that Kellen refused to hurt even a fish, told him how gentle this guy really was. His heart was gold and Cid just had to crack his open or thaw it out just a little more to let that love shine in.

“Ok, I’m all set.” Kellen appeared, carrying his pillow. He climbed inside and Cid scooted over and let his friend sit beside him.

“Get comfy. We might be up all night again.” Cid warned.

“No way, I’m bushed. I’m about as tired as I knew I could get.” He popped up again and exited the tent. “Be right back!”

Cid adjusted his pillow. The tent was warm and comfortable with the large air mattress under him. Plus three fleece blankets. He hoped Kellen wouldn’t suffocate due to how hot he could get.

“Ah, back again.” Kellen carried in the cooler from the boat. “I figured we might get hungry later on. You never finished your dinner.”

“Oh shit…I forgot all about that.” Cid slapped his forehead and remembered the plate he let sit out on the stoop. “I’m sure the ants are loving it by now.”

“They’re all over it. I’ll let them have their fill and wash it out in the morning.” Kellen opened up the cooler and reached inside. Cid sat up to see what he was fussing with.

“Don’t tell me you’re hungry already.” He teased.

“Nope. Not yet.” He turned and faced his friend, holding two roses. “But I wanted to give you these, now that you know how I really feel.”

Cid laid his eyes on two gorgeous roses; one was yellow with a red tips to it, and the other was pure red. They both had water vials attached at the stems so they could live a long while. He grinned and reached for them, he wanted to sniff them and touch their petals again. “What do the colors mean this time?”

Kellen closed the cooler and sat on the mattress beside Cid and leaned in close enough to hear him breathe. “The red is obvious, love. The yellow with red means friendship but falling in love. I…didn’t plan on telling you just yet but I wanted to.”

They both sniffed the flowers and Cid looked Kellen up and down, eyeing his lips most of all. “They’re awesome, and I’m sure, with your help, maybe you can thaw out my heart again.”

“I’ll help you all I can. Swear on Scotland.” He crossed his heart in the design of the Scottish flag.

Cid smiled, a real genuine one and felt happier than he’d been in a long, long time. He had a genuine guy that would look out for him. It wasn’t his fault he wasn’t there, he was sick! But he was there after and picked him up and took him home.

“My protector.”

Kellen nodded and pulled the blankets over his legs. “As long as you want me to be.”

They joined hands and Cid eyed Kellen’s lips again and slowly inched forward. “I…haven’t kissed anyone for three years…” he warned.

“We’re both out of practice on that. Let’s see if we remember anything.” He edged closer and cupped Cid’s face and gently pressed their lips together in a soft, sweet kiss.

“That was nice.” Cid admitted. “I think we’ll need a lot more practice though.” He put the roses down on the ground next to him and held Kellen’s handsome face in his hands and pulled him down closer and they kissed again.

“We’re getting better at this again I think.” Kellen agreed and reached up to stroke Cid’s hair. “Can I stroke your hair?”

One of the walls Cid kept up was his hair. He kept the beanie on all the time to discourage people from wanting to; but it was off now and he wanted Kellen to touch his hair, and to be honest, every other part of him too. He knew the man would be gentle and not force himself anywhere.

“Yes.” He whispered and looked into Kellen’s green eyes. His touch was soft and gentle and Cid curled into Kellen’s side. He felt safe, and loved for the first time in eons. Could he call this man his boyfriend?

“Kell?”

“Yeah?”

“Are we….what are we now?”

“What do you want me to be? I think we’re more than just friends.”

Easily they were. Cid kissed Kellen’s wrist and held it close. “Boyfriends?”

Kellen grinned. “I’d love it.”

Cid nodded. “So would I.” he shuddered a little. “There’s still a lot you don’t know about me…”

“So then we learn about each other. I want you to meet my family, when you’re up to it.”

Oh wow, the parents and all? Cid felt a shock of nerves. But it was a good shock.

“I want you to meet Roxie and her sister and my other friends.” He agreed. “I’ve told them about you a little bit, but we’re on a whole new level now.”

“Yeah we are, and it’s the happiest night I’ve had in years.” Kellen said with a grin. “Cid Walker you’ve changed my whole life around and I couldn’t be happier.”

They kissed for a while, soft, sweet kisses. Cid loved Kellen’s hair and the feel of him. They were both clothed; but it was becoming obvious that both were aroused as Cid felt Kellen’s cock push against his groin.

Cid didn’t want to jump into a sexual relationship just yet; he was too afraid. Plus he was still injured from the Kurt attack.

Kellen stopped kissing him and pulled back. “It’s hot in here now.” He commented with a big smile on his lips. “I…usually don’t wear anything when I sleep.”

The phrase made Cid’s mouth go dry and his loins burn. “I…” his voice squeaked. “I do too. I mean, I don’t.” he tripped over his words and admonished himself internally. But his new boyfriend laughed and dropped a kiss on his head.

“No worries. I love and trust you, Cid Walker. How about a show of good faith?” Kellen began to remove his clothing and Cid watched the whole, tantalizing, all too short show. He wanted Kellen, badly, but just not yet.

Kellen got back into bed with him and Cid’s fingers couldn’t resist the exposed flesh. His fingers drank in his new man and they began to kiss again. But it wasn’t long before Cid had to stop too.

“Fairness. Always.” He hopped up and stripped off his clothing as well; revealing all of his scratches and scars. Kellen had seen them before, but the bruises were still there. “Total honesty is best.” He said as he climbed back into bed.

“Do you still hurt?” Kellen asked quietly.

Cid nodded.

“Can I just hold you?”

That’s exactly what he wanted. “Yes. Please?” Cid said the rarest word in his vocabulary. They scooted together and entangled their limbs. He felt Kellen’s warm body against his and held on while the redhead softly stroked his back and ran his palms over the injured areas. They kissed gently and their breathing synchronized.

Soon, Cid found himself falling asleep. He laid his head down on Kellen’s shoulder and drifted off to a blissful slumber for the first time in weeks.