Ice Fairy 4 - 8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

Caleb’s POV

Christmas Day

This sure the fuck wasn’t the way Caleb wanted to spend his Christmas this year. Last year had been so awesome. He and Ryan had just moved in months ago, they were deeply in love and everything had been going great. What changed so drastically to send his man running out the door yesterday morning?

He was worried sick about Ryan to be honest. He tried texting and calling; only to be told sharply by the very angry Mr. Patterson that Ryan was being attended to properly and that Caleb shouldn’t call the house again if he knew what was good for him. One thing he’d learned about Ryan’s dad… never ever piss him off or mistreat his son. Now he had and he was paying for it.

Damn he’d fucked up. There was no other description or words for it. Fucked up. Big time.

Being along yesterday gave him time to really think about what was going on in his head, and more importantly, his heart. He had to shoo Brett and Sam away as quickly as possible. They were part of the problem for sure. A big part.

He was pissed at himself for even suggesting that they started what they had. It all seemed so innocent at first, just to lay together and kiss and touch and share some sweet naked time together. But it sure didn’t stay that way for long. Was it the separation from them that made it worse? Or the fatigue that he and Ryan fought all the time? Maybe their schedules? Shit. This couldn’t go on.

Last night finally clinched it in Caleb’s mind and he knew the truth. Ryan had nearly guessed it. Caleb was in love, but not just with Ryan. He had to make that abundantly clear to himself. His heart belonged to two men. Unfortunately, one of them was engaged and extremely happy with his own man. He dare not break that up or he’d never forgive himself. Ever.

“Shit.” Caleb said aloud to himself as he paced the small apartment. He’d paced the floors all night and turned down an invitation to be with his parents to spend it alone. They were disappointed but insisted he come over today no matter what.

“I have to tell them.” He coached himself. “I have to tell them all.” He knew it’d be shocking to hear, or maybe not. Ryan’s departure was the true surprise. But things had reached the boiling point and he couldn’t let it stay this way.

The other major point was the bone of contention about marriage and the jealousy he felt over Brett and Sam’s engagement. He knew it was a couple’s decision, but he and Ryan had been together longer, lived together, and had plans to marry; just not yet.

The reasons for that decision eluded him now and he grew angrier with each memory. “Such a shithead reason. Chicken. I’m just a big, fat chicken.” He berated himself. Losing Ryan would tear out his soul. He fell in love with him almost on sight three years ago and didn’t ever want him out of his life.

But things weren’t going that way and they wouldn’t unless he came clean.

Crying was something Caleb only remembered doing as a child, and for brief spurts at that. Last night was different. Once Brett and Sam left; he bawled for over an hour at the loss of his Ryan. It was humiliating only to himself and cathartic at the same time. He felt better and worse all at once.

Grabbing his phone, he texted Sam. “We need to talk.”

*

Sam’s POV

Brett’s house

The Zephyr household was awash with holiday sights, sounds, smells, and it nearly overwhelmed Sam’s senses. The usually cold household had been professionally decorated. Meredith left nothing undone. From the 10’ Christmas tree to the greenery out front swirled around the two-story columns. There were lights everywhere, punctuating the line of the house, the beauty of the tree, and the ceiling lines of the house and fireplace.

Sam felt like he’d stepped into a winter wonderland.

It’d be the second Christmas of that day. That morning it was just himself, his mom and his sister huddled around their tree and he treated them to expensive presents this time; things they’d wanted for a long time. Now he had the joy of finally being able to give them what their hearts desired.

For Kim, it was easy. New skates! He bought her a pair of new boots and the best blades on the market. Along with a bigger, monogrammed skate bag too and two new practice dresses. Her dark eyes shined like jewels and she squealed with delight and hugged him for almost a minute.

His mother was another matter. He’d found a repair service to take care of all the items in the house that had gone wrong and was also contracting out to have the kitchen overhauled. With that came new appliances, among them a stand mixer that she’d only dreamt of owning. It was one of the few times he’d seen his mother cry with happiness.

Sam loved having Brett’s strong arm around his shoulders almost the whole time as they watched their families mesh together and he could feel the love in the room. Amber and Colby would be by in a bit. As for Caleb and Ryan… that was anyone’s guess.

“Who wants more cookies?” Meredith asked as another fresh plate of the delectable delights appeared. She’d made enough for an army! They were all assured to be sent home with platefuls of the cookies later on.

Brett hung around the food a lot. Sam teased him and poked his side.

“Packing on some weight to hibernate?”

A devilish grin was on Brett’s lips. “Only in bed for the rest of the tour. Last night was hell without you.”

For the first time in a while, Sam blushed and ran his finger along his engagement ring.

“Missed you too, baby.”

They kissed softly and heard an ‘aww’ in the room from the women.

“So cute together.” Kim commented with a sigh.

“Thanks, Sis.” He held her close and watched everyone mill about the room. The parents and his sister all together was wonderful. Now just to add their friends and it’d be complete. He knew they had their own families to go to; he simply couldn’t wait to see them.

A holiday tone cut through the calm, and Sam checked his phone. It was a text from Caleb. “We need to talk.”

Sam showed it to Brett and they went upstairs to get some privacy. When they settled in and shut the door, Sam dialed up Caleb.

“Cal? Hey, what’s up? How are you?” his heart was racing for some reason.

“I’m… here. Where are you guys?”

“We’re at Brett’s parent’s house. Please come by. You can’t hide away forever.”

“Don’t make us drag you out.” Brett added in the background.

“Caleb, what’s wrong? Can you tell me over the phone?”

“No…no. In person. I can’t do it any other way and still sleep at night. I barely slept at all last night. Um, look. I’ll be right over. I have to get this off my chest and then go to my folks.”

Sam felt nervous, but agreed of course. “Come on by. Please.”

When he ended the call, he felt shaky. Brett’s arms wrapped around him.

“Hey, you okay?”

“I think so.” He honestly wasn’t sure. He knew something was up and he just knew that their lives and relationships would change in just a little while. Call it a premonition or just a gut feeling; but something big was going to happen and he needed to know how to handle it.

Thank goodness Brett was by his side.

*

Brett’s POV

As soon as Caleb arrived, he and Sam bolted down the steps and met him at the door. He’d never seen the usually pretty together Caleb look so dishelved. His wavy hair was stuff into a hat, but it escaped into long, wispy tendrils around his bearded face. His eyes were watery; likely from the icy wind or the spirit of the season getting under his skin.

Whatever it was, Caleb looked like hell. Of course he did; he didn’t have his man with him and no one knew exactly why except for him maybe. He hoped that mystery would be dispelled in a few minutes.

“Caleb.” Brett greeted him and gave him a warm hug. Sam moved in to do the same, but it looked like he’d been pushed away slightly. It angered Brett a little; but more confused him.

“Guys.”

He looked cold on the outside, but it seemed his insides were even worse off. He looked like he would burst if this news didn’t escape his soul.

Sam looked very concerned and tried to reach for Caleb’s hand but it was denied.

“No. Please don’t.”

Now this was getting weird. Brett invited him inside and they all ran up to his room and locked the door behind them.

“Okay, Caleb you’re spooking us out. What’s going on?” Brett needed to know as badly as Sam wanted to. They’d been worried sick.

Caleb took off his hat and paced the room. “Guys…” he started. “I can’t do this anymore. The whole sharing roomies thing. It was a lot of fun at first and trust me, as much as I love holding you guys and giving the massages; there’s a stopping point and I reached it about a month ago.”

Brett looked confused. “What happened a month ago? We weren’t even here.”

“That’s…when things began to piece together in my mind for me. I started pulling away from Ryan as much as I didn’t want to. What’s changed is that my feelings got involved; I got attached emotionally. Especially to one of you.”

Brett and Sam shared a look together and took their time in answering. Brett could feel his fiancé’s pulse quicken though their clasped hands.

Sam stood and walked over to their friend. “Caleb?” he asked in a whisper. “What’re you saying? That you fell in love with one of us?”

Caleb stared at Sam and the large green eyes looked over at Brett, then back at Sam, and finally just closed.

“Yes. That’s what I’m saying.”

Before Brett could ask the question, he already knew the answer. It was all in the body language. Whether clothed or naked, Brett could always tell that Caleb had grown closer to Sam. Always. It hadn’t bothered him at all but now he wondered all along if it should’ve.

“I’m in love with you too, Sam.” Caleb finally spit out. He barely let the news sink in before he looked like he’d dash out the door if given the chance. “Please, please don’t hate me for it, none of this was planned. None of it. I pulled away from Ryan because I’d figured out my feelings were strong for you too, Sam. That’s why this has to stop, now. Cold turkey. We can never share a bed again in that way. I messed everything up the other night and Ryan had every right to leave me. So I’m coming clean and now I’ll say goodbye.”

He put his cap back on and started to walk away when Sam’s arm shot out and grabbed Caleb’s hand.

“Wait a damn minute! You can’t drop a bombshell like that and expect me to just listen to it.” Sam spat back.

“But there’s nothing else to say. I let myself make the mistake of allowing myself to fall in love with you, Sam. I never should’ve done it and now I’ve lost Ryan because of it. Do you think he’d take me back after this? Would you?” he looked lost and befuddled.

Brett had a tough time figuring out what he wanted to say. He could deck Caleb, but that’d be futile. Of course he couldn’t blame him for falling for Sam. He fell pretty fast for the skater himself; but this was different.

“Is that your big secret, Caleb? The whole truth?” Brett pressed him.

“Yes.” The big man nodded. “Plus I’ve been jealous of you guys the whole time you’ve been engaged. It should’ve been us first, but now I’ve probably wrecked that forever.” He bowed his head and looked like he was near tears.

Brett had never seen Caleb cry, ever. It was a shock to see this big man reduced to tears due to letting his emotions get in the way.

“I thought you guys were waiting.” Sam mentioned. “You’re not competing with us. Do it when the time is right, Caleb.”

“It’ll never be right.” Caleb’s lips quivered and he sniffed and swiped at his face. “Now it’ll never be at all.”

“Stop that.” Brett commanded him. “You don’t know that. Yeah, your feelings got out of control and you love Sam, but did that kill your feelings for Ryan? What do you feel for him?”

He had to turn this back around and get to the heart of things or they’d be going in circles.

“I love Ryan with most of my heart. Sam…” he glanced at his friend. “I told you that very first night I’d had a crush on you and wanted to kiss you. What we did together was so sweet it was tough not to fall for you. I loved every second of it; but the other night I was tired, but because it was you I made the energy. I missed you so much and was so anxious to be with you again.”

Brett remembered that very well. Ryan nearly begged him to make love with him because Caleb wouldn’t anymore. His heart ached for his friends.

“You and Ryan need to work this out. I know he loves you, buddy. I know he does.” Brett reassured him.

“Why? I wouldn’t. I put Sam above him in my heart and that never should’ve happened. That’s why we have to stop and never live together again. The temptation is too great.”

Sam nodded. “I agree.” He swallowed hard. “Brett, I told you of how Caleb and I would curl up on the sofa together? You know everything we’ve done together. We’d be together and cuddle up naked on the sofa and I’d let you run your hands all over me. I loved it, Caleb. Honestly. I had a crush on you too to an extent; but my heart… my truest, truest heart is with Brett. My fiancé. The love of my life. You’re so important to me, Caleb. Really you are. I love you very deeply; but I agree we cannot keep doing what we’re doing.”

Brett wasn’t surprised at all with what Sam had told him. He’d known all about it and he thought Sam was shorting his own feelings; there was a mutual attraction there but it was all playing with fire. Ryan was the one that got burned.

“If I call Ryan and invite him over, will you guys talk? We can lock you up together if need be.” He teased.

“He’ll run as soon as he sees my car…” Caleb insisted.

“Hide it in the garage.” Brett suggested. “Hell, we never use that third spot.”

“Wait…what’ll you tell him?” Sam wondered. “He won’t be happy knowing how you feel about me.”

Caleb shrugged. “Just the truth. I’ll deal with it from there. I’ll tear out my heart and hand it to him. Fuck! I’ll beg if need be just for him to understand that this has hurt me too.”

Sam and Brett both nodded in agreement.

“That sounds like a good plan.” Brett commented. “He’s a good guy and he loves you so much. I think just putting it all out there is the best thing. We’re both here for you. Well, every way except sexually anymore.” Brett stressed.

It was refreshing to see Caleb crack a smile. “Yeah. Hell, it was fun while it lasted. I love giving those massages, but they’ll only be for my Ryan. If he still is that or wants to be…” he sniffed.

“Shhh. He will be. You know it.” Sam hugged him for a quick minute. “Give him all your love, Caleb. I’m your friend for life, but he is yours. You told me you knew it as soon as you saw him. Just make him believe it again.”

Such wisdom was nice to hear from Sam’s lips. Brett agreed completely.

“What he said. All of it.” He readied his phone. “I’m dialing him now.”

Caleb looked nervous. “I’ll go move my car.”