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    Wesley8890
  • Wesley8890
  • Author
  • 10/23/2017
  • 756 Words
  • 3,726 Views
  • 18 Comments
Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

J.A.M. - 12. Chapter 12

J.A.M.

By: Wesley Lewis

 

Entry 36

Today was the visitation for Mr. Ford. It was weird seeing him lying there in the coffin. When mama and daddy died I didn’t get to see their bodies because of the accident. He looked so peaceful. I asked Mrs. Ford if I could put something in the coffin with him. She asked me what it was, and I showed her the lure he taught me to make on our first fishing trip. She told me I could and when I did it felt like he was taking a piece of me with him. I didn’t cry at the visitation. I held it together until I got home then it was like a dam burst. I didn’t eat much that night. Pop and Dad didn’t push me to do so either. I’m glad they aren’t forcing me too either. I surprised Pop tonight telling him I loved him. He cried, I cried, we blew snot out our noses like the men we were. It felt good. The funeral is tomorrow so I better get some sleep. Or at least try to anyway.

Entry 37

Well, today sucked ass. It was so hard saying goodbye to Mr. Ford. For some reason it was harder saying goodbye to him than Mama and Daddy. I guess it may have been contributed to the fact that I was only eight at the time and didn’t fully understand what was happening. I’m glad I got to say goodbye to him. He was the happiest foster home I had until they placed me with Pop and Dad. It’s amazing how far I’ve come in the two weeks. I didn’t have a boyfriend, I didn’t know I was going to have another father. I love both of those guys and I think I’m easily falling in love with Phillip. I’m scared to tell him that though. It’s not that I think he will freak out but it’s more like I’m afraid I will freak out. I don’t know why, but it just seems like something I would do. God, it sucks being in love not knowing what happens next maybe I should talk to someone about that. Maybe I’ll talk to dad about it tomorrow.

Entry 38

Well crap, now I’ve got an appointment after school tomorrow with a quack. OK so maybe I’m being a little harsh there calling him a quack. His name is Dr. Hawk. I think it’s funny because he was Dad’s psychologist after Mama left him. He stopped seeing him after he met Pop. So hopefully he can help me with this problem I’m having. School has been good lately. The great news is that Wesley gets to come back in two weeks.

Entry 39

Well now I’m even more confused than ever. Apparently, I have an abandonment issue brought on by confessions of love. I should explain what that means. The last thing I told Mama and Daddy before they died was I love you. By the time I got to the point to where I was to the point I could say it to Mr. Ford, he had a stroke and I had to leave. Doc said that’s why I’m scared to say it to Phillip. I think that’s total bull honestly. The one constant for the past eight years has been Phillip. He should be the easiest person to tell I love you to. Pop had been a constant factor in my life off and on since birth, but it still took a while for me to say I love you to him. I guess it was easier to say it to Dad after finding out he was my bio-dad. Maybe it’s just hard for me to say I love you to people I’ve known longer. It’s a bunch of psychobabble to me. I’ve asked Dad and Pop what they were going to do for my birthday on Monday, but all they would tell me is that they have something planned and it was a surprise. I guess I’ll have to wait to find out. Phillip said he had an extra special birthday present for me. Now, I’m excited to find out. Usually me and Philip just told each other happy birthday and that’s it. Phillip says that now we’re boyfriends that ain’t going to cut it. He said we should do something more personal for the person. He is so sweet and considerate. I can’t wait to find out what he’s going to get me!!!

Next time: it's a surprise
Copyright © 2017 Wesley8890; All Rights Reserved.
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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Former Member
2 minutes ago, Wesley8890 said:

I love your comments they bring me back to reality after a high:P

The author doesn’t believe that the psychological diagnosis was correct? The diagnosis doesn’t mean that JAM has to be debilitated by abandonment, just that his reactions have a rational, understandable source. JAM can use this information to understand why he reacts the way he does even though it doesn’t make sense to him.

 

I know that I suffer from Cognitive Dissonance. I don’t see things the same way everyone else does. One (straight) friend told me he liked me because I smiled all the time. I denied smiling all the time, but everyone else who was listening agreed with him! When I told my at-the-time-therapist the story, she agreed with him too! Every time I tell the story, everyone agrees with him! I still don’t think I’m smiling all the time, but that at-the-time-therapist did allow that maybe what others see as me smiling is more that I’m not frowning or grimacing all the time like most of the people around me, that I have ‘smiling’ eyes.

Wesley8890
2 minutes ago, droughtquake said:

The author doesn’t believe that the psychological diagnosis was correct? The diagnosis doesn’t mean that JAM has to be debilitated by abandonment, just that his reactions have a rational, understandable source. JAM can use this information to understand why he reacts the way he does even though it doesn’t make sense to him.

 

I know that I suffer from Cognitive Dissonance. I don’t see things the same way everyone else does. One (straight) friend told me he liked me because I smiled all the time. I denied smiling all the time, but everyone else who was listening agreed with him! When I told my at-the-time-therapist the story, she agreed with him too! Every time I tell the story, everyone agrees with him! I still don’t think I’m smiling all the time, but that at-the-time-therapist did allow that maybe what others see as me smiling is more that I’m not frowning or grimacing all the time like most of the people around me, that I have ‘smiling’ eyes.

I do believe in it. I just like how ypou comment on the realness of it and personal experiences as well. You're open and honest 

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Benji
54 minutes ago, Wesley8890 said:

please quote this or like to get a quick response!

 

B)................................Well yeah I would expect some abandonment issues too. First his parents and a couple of unsuccessful foster homes with the last one being great, until the elder foster parent fell ill. At least he has his real father back in his life, but I can't see it being a problem in the relationship Jam has with Phillip.  Nice chapter!

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Wesley8890
20 minutes ago, Benji said:

 

B)................................Well yeah I would expect some abandonment issues too. First his parents and a couple of unsuccessful foster homes with the last one being great, until the elder foster parent fell ill. At least he has his real father back in his life, but I can't see it being a problem in the relationship Jam has with Phillip.  Nice chapter!

He's scared if he tells Phillip he won't get the response back or worse Phillip will want to break up, thus, abandoning Jam.

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Will Hawkins
On 10/23/2017 at 7:47 PM, Wesley8890 said:

please quote this or like to get a quick response!

Speaking of slow replies, I think I take the cake in that area, but then I am reading this series much later than its first publication. I am pleased and honored to have a character named after me. Just wait, however, until I get into my full Troll mood. I think you will be sorry for bestowing that honor then, though I do try to keep my Trollisms under control, or at least polite. I do love following the story. Did I miss a reference to a character named Will or is he in a different (later) chapter, or in a different series?

Will H.

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Wesley8890
16 minutes ago, Will Hawkins said:

Speaking of slow replies, I think I take the cake in that area, but then I am reading this series much later than its first publication. I am pleased and honored to have a character named after me. Just wait, however, until I get into my full Troll mood. I think you will be sorry for bestowing that honor then, though I do try to keep my Trollisms under control, or at least polite. I do love following the story. Did I miss a reference to a character named Will or is he in a different (later) chapter, or in a different series?

Will H.

Wil was originally part of another series but he will appear in the next chapter.

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