So let's see, here's what I've been up to. I went out of town to meet my mom for dinner as I said in the previous entry. But it was Sunday so I wanted to go to Church. So anyway I figured if I went in the city I was meeting her in, as opposed to my own city, we'd save sometime, since I'd already be there when it was over. Anyway so we met about 5:30 in a church parking lot, with me intending to go to 6:00pm mass. Anyway we wanted to go see "Rent", but the times were 7:00, and 9:50, which didn't work so well because church wouldn't be over till 7:00 so that was out, and 9:50 is kinda late to START a movie considering I still have like an hour drive home afterwards. Anyway so I was like well we'll figure something out, and I also said all I really wanted for dinner was a brownie sundae from the Hershey's store (I don't know if any of you guys have them in your areas, but it's an awesome ice cream/chocolate place), I wasn't really that hungry and if I've only got room for desert or a regular meal,,,,lol it's desert .

Anyway so it's like pouring out, so she pulls me up to the front of the church (by now we're just in one vehicle), and drops me off, and she's like "okay, I'm going to go do some quick shopping while your in there." So anyway I go in, and sit down, getting a few funny looks in the progress. Well I'd hardly sat down when everyone else got up and started singing the FINAL song, and then everyone filed out. Turns out it started at 5:00, NOT 6:00. So anyway I leave, but of course my mom's already gone, so I try to call her, but it's too loud with everyone all huddled under the pavillion talking and stuff, so I've got my umbrella so I figure I'll just step off the sidewalk for a bit. And of course I manage to step in a really big puddle and soak my shoe and pant leg. Anyway it wasn't so bad though, I sometimes go out to "play" in the rain anyway so I don't really mind being wet. Actually it worked out well, I missed church, but I did TRY after all. And since we had the extra time we had time to go get the desert then make the 7:00 pm feature.

Ok so rent was freakin awesome! LOL the only draw back was that I was way more attracted to the two straight guys in the movie (Roger and Mark), than Angel and Collins. MAN it woulda been hot if they'd like swapped the roles or whatever . Who was Roger anyway? that was one seriously beautiful guy!

Actually I found Mimi and Joann kinda hot too, it was a very attractive cast. That said it was such a good movie in every other way too! I mean I really like musicals anyway, it's just appealing to me the whole idea of people just breaking into song and dancing as a way of explaining something. It'd be so cool if that would really happen! I really liked alot of the songs. I think the opening one "rent", then "Light my candle", "Tango Maureen", "La vie Boheme" and "Take me or Leave me" were my favorites, and of course the very sad, poignant "without you". It was really nice that pretty much everyone found someone (except Mark, but he seemed ok with that doing his documentary stuff). I mean how pathetic is it that in that scene (Oh wait I'm about to spoil the moive), well in THAT scene, the really sad scene, where someone was holding someone else while he was in the hospital sick, I was actually thinking "aww that's so sweet, I hope that happens for me someday".....I mean hopefully not for a very long time, and hopefully I'm like an old man dieing of some normal, natural cause, but it'd be really great if my "life partner" were there to hold me while I wasn't doing so well. Or vise-versa. Anyway I guess for the most part it was kinda a sad movie, but I actually found it really inspiring. It's like no matter what your problems are, no matter how long you've got left, it's still worth it, and important to look for love, and to pursue your dreams, and they really did all stand by each other in a sweet, awesome way. So yeah great movie!

Anyway so today I did my Christmas shopping. It went pretty well I got MOST of it done. The only trouble is there's like 5 or 6 people I really enjoy shopping for and could buy them hundreds of things I know they'd like. Then there's like everyone else where I'm stuck desperately looking for ANYTHING I think they MAY like. I kinda copped out and bought them a bunch of gift cards to stores I THINK they'll like. But all in all I really like buying people gifts, I mean I like shopping so 1) it's a good excuse, and 2) it's just really nice to buy for other people as opposed to myself. Sometimes I buy people little random gifts for no reason if I think they'll like it, but while I always INTEND to do it more, I don't do it as much as I'd like.

Anyway so the last place I went was Barns and Noble, I bought a bunch of books and was getting someone a membership card. So I'm standing in line, looking at one of those little tiny books they always put right by the check out lines so you'll buy them impulsively (and it worked I did BTW ). Anyway so the check out guys like "I can help you", and I look up, and he's like really cute. Plus he seems like he's gay, I could kinda tell by the clothes (especially his belt, which is hard to describe, but it definitely didn't seem like a regular straight guy's belt) and his overall behavior, I mean he wasn't rediculously obvious, and I guess I could be wrong but if I had to guess I'd say he was. Anyway so he was cute, and I did my best to make small talk and stuff while he was checking me out (I hope ). LOL anyway I did manage to give him quite a few friendly smiles. I was kicking myself for just wearing bulky winter clothes. My hair was even messy and wind blown, and I didn't shave this morning . Anyway I really wish I'd gone to a bigger effort before I left the house (I gotta get in the habit of doing that everytime before I go out). So anyway I just paid and left, I mean what else can you do really?

Well on the way home I kept thinking of cute, somewhat subtle flirty things I coulda said. I mean for starters he saw me impulsively add the last thing, which was a silly little book I'm hoping my grandma likes. It woulda been lame but I coulda been like "so would you like this if you were my grandmother?". I mean yeah really cheesy and stupid, but it woulda indicated interest right? and it mighta gotten a conversation started. Then when he asked me about getting the membership, I should have definitely said "Sure, do you want my phone number?" Then given him one of my more playful smiles lol. But of course being human, I only thought of this stuff AFTER I'd left. Anyway I'm thinking I may just NOT give up so easy. I mean Barns and Noble is a fun place to hang out, I can always go back (having dressed up a little more), and maybe I can like "return" something. I'd be better prepared the next time lol. And besides I got other people a Christmas presents from there, why not pick myself up something too? OK so that'll probably never work, and I have to remember that while I'm doing better, I'm still somewhat shy. Besides for all I know he could be seeing someone, or even be straight! But at least it gives me something to think about, I'm tired of walking around living my life like some kinda G rated disney character. Not that I'd just "pick him up" or anything (LOL I am NOT putting out unless it's serious ), I'm really only interested in a relationship, but I really need to work on finding one! And you can't start something serious without starting something fun and light first right?

Oh well anyway, thanks for reading yet another one of my long, rambling blogs. I think my New Year's resolution this year is going to be trying to learn to be more concise. Take care everyone, be safe, and have a truly awesome day!

Kevin