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Featured Story: Desert Dropping


Ha! Time to rile up all the lazy Domaholics on the site. This week's featured story is by their missing favorite author Dom Luka, which of course everyone wants out of hiding... well everyone that is except maybe our reviewer....


by DomLuka


published on GA December 27th, 2010.


36 chapters, 389,678 words.

 

It was a tried and true—if overused—premise. The protagonist, a typical closeted teenager named Rory, is thrust into a new environment and family in Arizona, where he finds himself and reconciles with the event to propelled him there (the death of his mother). DomLuka’s well-deserved reputation renders an assessment of the mechanics of the story largely unnecessary. Scene descriptions are written with clear experience, interspersed with the thoughts of the protagonist, and the reader is immediately immersed in Rory’s world.

 

“Desert Dropping” takes place over the course of one summer. While this is an appropriate time frame, it nevertheless falls victim somewhat to monotonous repetition. For instance, there were many, many scenes of swimming and eating that had little to do with the overall plot of the story. The story would have benefitted from research—perhaps into more unique aspects of Arizona—to facilitate further immersion and more excitement. As it stands, all we know about Arizona was that it’s a hot place. Boys seem to prance around shirtless all the time. But the story could have taken place anywhere in the summer.

 

The mechanics of characterization was perhaps the strongest aspect to the story. Unlike many other stories, in which characters come from all-American cookie-cutter molds, characters in Desert Dropping are anything but perfect. Each of the main characters—Rory, Luke, Aaron, Seth, Eddie, Jace—are deeply flawed. These flaws, as well as the characters’ changes in their relationships to each other, make for a nuanced story that continues to keep the reader’s interest. They also facilitate strong emotional reactions throughout the reading. For instance, I at first cringed whenever Aaron or Seth was mentioned, but towards the end, I felt differently as the characters themselves changed. To be able to bait and toy with the emotions of the reader, especially at this level, takes prodigious skill indeed.

 

Yet at the same time, these flaws can be too extreme, and immersion in the life of the very flawed protagonist can backfire. Rory’s annoying childishness and bizarre tantrums, for instance, made me want to physically reach into the pages of the story and strangle him. Worse, the weak and womanish enabling of this behavior by Rory’s father was even more frustrating. Although these molasses-paced exchanges work to nudge the story forward, the lack of plot-driving action means that the story often finds itself mired in gay-angst for hundreds of pages at a time. This is perhaps the most cliché sort of writing and something writers should always try to avoid.

 

Because the plot meanders so much—think of how many times someone says, “we need to talk” or some variation thereof—actual plot devices have diminished effect. Indeed, when Rory’s grandmother (perhaps the only character with any measure of testicular fortitude) shows up at the door, I found myself thinking, “Finally, something is happening…” instead of the more desirable and interesting, “oh look, an unexpected plot twist! I’m so excited to see what will happen!” The final, tortured decision by Rory to stay with his new family after weeks of unbelievable stubbornness also did not win him as many points as it should have with me.

 

Other characters were far more likeable. Luke, for instance, acted as a fine anchor of sanity and maturity in the story when everyone else was frozen in angst. While I was disappointed that he and Rory never developed even an experimentally romantic relationship, I found that this contributed to the mystery of his character. Seth, too, was a consistent sweetheart, and the contrast between him and Aaron, especially in how he displays affection for Rory, was well made.

 

This exposes perhaps the central problem in the story. Why do the perfectly attractive and mature Luke and Seth want anything to do with a whiny and incorrigible child like Rory, who consistently refuses to listen to good advice, and who, at various points in the story treated both of them vindictively? Rory is never “redeemed” the way Aaron was, even though the tragedy at the end was arguably his fault. (OK, maybe this is unfair, but if I were in his position, the thought would at least cross my mind that my refusal to stay was what made Eddie distraught and vulnerable to accident). Instead, everyone, worst of all his father, treats him like a golden child no matter how he acts, and his unpunished bad behavior throughout means I was almost frustrated to see him end up happy.

 

But in the end, good writing can overcome much. Taken as whole, the saga was satisfying and at moments incredibly sweet. The (sadly infrequent) sex scenes are expertly written, and most loose ends are tied, leaving the reader few questions. I would have liked to find out more about Luke’s past, and seen Rory “redeemed”—perhaps by calling Eddie “dad” for the first time. But overall, this story is well worth your time, and well deserving of its status in the GA archives.

 

3.5 (Out of 5)

 

 

 


Heh.. I'm so not releasing the name of the reviewer. If they want to come out of the closet, that is up to them. Needless to say, go read it for yourself to see if you agree, disagree, or want to just plain strangle the reviewer. In the meantime... read, review, review review... and don't forget those like buttons.

  • Like 4

40 Comments


Recommended Comments



  • Site Administrator
Cia

Posted

Well...I'm not the reviewer, but I have to agree with them. Dom's an acknowledged storyteller but, to be honest, this is the only story of his I ever read. While it was well written, the plot was a tad tedious to anyone who isn't stuck in the throes of teenage angst and likes to be. I wanted the characters to grow the hell up and the story to move along, and that is NEVER the mindset I want when reading.

 

As a reader, I want read a story that is flowing so well that my eyes can't move fast enough to read to find out what is happening. I want to feel sad that the story is over and wish there was more to read. While I read Desert Dropping start to finish, I wasn't sad at all to hit the end.

  • Like 1
JOeKEool

Posted

This is my favorite story. I know what you mean,Cia. lot's of angst. At the time I read it I was purging a lot of old teenage angst. It fit my mood well. I think the characters were people I could relate to. A very good story in my opinion. And yes, Dom should at least say hello!

Conner

Posted

Frankly, I found the review rather off-putting. It comes across as a pseudo-intellectual treatment of how the reviewer would have preferred the story to read.

  • Like 2
  • Site Administrator
Cia

Posted

Remember please, this is a review. They pointed out what they thought was well done and what they didn't like and why. This is their opinion. You might agree with part of it, some of it, or none of it. I don't think they were bashing Dom or the story, but giving their honest thoughts. That's what they were asked to do.

 

Please don't bash the reviewer for stating their personal feelings on a story as you state yours.

Andrew Q Gordon

Posted

I read this over the summer - riding the bus in Vancouver - **waves to Conner and Ramon** to and from soccer/football matches at Univ of B.C. I understand what the reviewer said and while I can agree with the 'points' about Rory being unredeemed and why would either Luke or Seth like/lust after him given his behavior, I think that isn't the measure of the story.

 

To me where this was so brilliant was that through it all I DID care about the characters, the fact I was pissed as hell at Rory is an emotion every writer should strive for and which Dom achieved so well in this. Yeah you hate how he treated Eddy, how he was such a prick to Luke and how he was so two faced, etc, but that's not liking what the character is doing. The fact I had those emotions showed that Dom reached out through his words and got me to feel something, to connect - even if negatively at times - with his characters.

 

There was also an element of believability. Rory didn't transform over night, he didn't stop being a prick on a dime and make Seth fall for him, it was a slow gradual evolution and even if he never was punished for his actions, he also didn't step off the plane, meet boy and live happy ever after. So for me, this was a great read for all the feelings and connections it evoked when I was reading it. I think it was worth the 5 stars it has earned.

  • Like 3
Kenny Deheart

Posted

This story was one of the first I read after I discovered good stories on the web. (Before that I though all the sites including nifty were just about sex, not real writting).

 

When I read a story on a site such as this and then read a published paperback I realize something. The only difference with published books is that there is a certain type of editing that dumbs or smoothes a story out. The person who gave this review did so in the style of a profesional editor, it seems to me. They were not trying to say the book was bad, nor were they being mean, they were trying to give an honest critisism for the story. As this story more than likely did not go through a professional pre-publishing edit I think the review was fair.

 

As for me, this is a really good story that I enjoyed. I just wish the author would pop his head up and say hi or something.

  • Like 1
Jasper

Posted

I loved this story. I think DomLuka is a seriously talented guy, and his stories are really immersive. He's great at making relatable, realistic characters.

 

Kind of agree with Cia though... I think all the angst isn't a bad thing except that it's a really long story. So that's a lot of angst. His secondary characters--to me, anyway--seemed more likeable, or more realistic, or more understandable than Rory. There were times when I just wanted Rory to shut the hell up and stop whining.... And yeah, that I felt like that is a sign of a talented writer, but I guess you also reach the point when it's just annoying.

 

That said, DomLuka is still a genius :)

Sara Alva

Posted

I'm a fan of Dom too, and like many others, reading Dom is what led me to this site. I have to say though that this is my least favorite of his. It's just too soap-operaish for my tastes (although some people enjoy those, to be sure.) I really felt a lot more for the characters in his other stories.

TrevorTime

Posted

I'll agree with Andy, the way Rory Norick evolved over the length of the story is what made it such a good read.

 

"As it stands, all we know about Arizona was that it’s a hot place. Boys seem to prance around shirtless all the time"

 

Ummm yeah, but it's the truth (I just happen to be from there, so I have personal experience). Summers in Phoenix are hot during the day AND at night, so wearing a shirt is rather pointless.

  • Like 2
Conner

Posted

In examining Rory's behaviour, perhaps I have placed too much weight on the fact that he was grieving the loss of his mother and his home and then thrust into a house full of strangers.

How dare he act out!

  • Like 2
NaperVic

Posted

Jase is spelled with an 'S' not a 'C'

Andrew Q Gordon

Posted

Jase is spelled with an 'S' not a 'C'

You go Vic! :P

  • Site Administrator
Cia

Posted

Seriously? C'mon... people misspell my character's names all the time. Then again, they're often quite unusual. No one was questioning the validity of Rory's behavior to some extent, but when you face reading about a teenager acting out again and again...it can get tedious even when the story is otherwise excellent.

 

No one has said it wasn't a good story. Story arc issue aside, Dom appears to be a great writer and consider his fans have their own name, he's well liked. That doesn't mean his story can't have flaws in the minds of some readers. If you think otherwise, actually state your case.

Tiger

Posted

I happen to agree with the reviewer. Rory did annoy the shit out of me sometimes. He was so clueless, more stubborn than I am (and that's pretty effing bad), and treated other characters like shit. It did make it hard for me to have a good rapport with the protagonist at the beginning. Then again, I wrote a story in which the protagonist was a psychopath, so I guess all protagonists have to have some flaws at least.

  • Like 1
Mark Arbour

Posted

You guys can say what you want, but this review is a bunch of crap. If it wasn't, why would the reviewer hide behind the wall of anonymity? If you're going to post reviews, the credibility of the reviewer is paramount to valuing the review itself. This reviewer has no face, and no credibility.

 

His or her review is pretentious: it sounds like something that you'd hear over at awesomedude. And the spelling is important. If you're going to do a review and slam the writer, you better get your own act together, and that means spelling the character's names correctly.

 

What a disappointment for our GA News blog, which has been excellent up until this point.

Lugh

Posted

the reviewer didn't request to have their name withheld... I didn't post it. And two editors missed that spelling error... so sorry deal with it, ok?

  • Site Administrator
wildone

Posted

Well, DD was the reason I found GA, so I say AOKAY :)

 

The thing I remember the most of the story is that the angst while annoying at times, was what made the story flow for me. When I was so pissed off at Rory, I was motivated to read on to get further into the story. If that was Dom's true intentions, then I say Bravo, good on you.

 

It was also a story, that I even believe Dom has admitted, is full of spelling and grammatical errors. To me I am more than willing to overlook those if the storyline and characters are strong enough to intrigue me. And Desert Droppings definitely did that.

 

If I were reading for the first time right now, I would still be rating it a 5/5.

 

Lastly, don't think we need to defend the reviewer. They are exactly that, a reviewer. I'm sure they know that people will agree and disagree with them. So I think it is better to comment on what the story meant to you, not what how the reviewer was wrong or right.

 

I do have to admit, that I'm surprised Vic hasn't rode in on his silver horse waving a white sword defending Dom :P Love you Vic :hug:

NaperVic

Posted

I do have to admit, that I'm surprised Vic hasn't rode in on his silver horse waving a white sword defending Dom :P Love you Vic :hug:

LOL.

 

Don't get me wrong, I don't begrudge the reviewer his opinion.

 

But if he/she/other rated Desert Dropping a 3.5 (on a 5 scale), then I'd be curious how the reviewer rated other stories here on GA.

 

Personally, I think of Desert Dropping is in the top 10% of stories on GA.

  • Site Administrator
Cia

Posted

What a disappointment for our GA News blog, which has been excellent up until this point.

 

I think you might be missing the point on the purpose of this blog. It is not to toot the horn of authors or stories on the site. We started this to get the writing and reading community MOVING. No matter your feelings for this review, it did exactly that, garnering the most comments to date.

Mark Arbour

Posted

The issue of a blind review is important. At what other site are reviews posted by unknown people slamming the works of the authors that site hosts? Where's the precedent? Anonymous or Blind reviews are vital in the academic world, but those reviews are shared ONLY with the author. If someone is going to publicly state their opinion about a story, they should be required to disclose who they are. You can't even post anonymous reviews to stories here, so why should a feature article allow them?

 

I'm not advocating or even asking that you release the name of this reviewer. I'd just like to know that for future reviews, if someone's going to post their ideas, they have to post them under their own name. If they have to take responsibility for what they say, they may be more responsible about how they say it.

Lugh

Posted

I've approved this review. I take responsiblity for it. I did not write it. The point of who did it moot.

  • Like 2
Adam Phillips

Posted

My original response to this piece was mean-spirited, as clumber notes below. The idea of taking shots at a hard-working author from behind the wall of anonymity galled me so much, I went after the reviewer, when all along it's been made clear that the reviewer wasn't the one who made the decision to hide.

 

I'll continue to maintain, though, that in a review of a piece of writing, the reviewer's own writing needs to be beyond reproach.

  • Like 1
clumber

Posted

Well I can see why Lugh decided the hide the name of the reviewer - protect them from people who might behave badly.

 

Now, two points:

 

Anonymous reviews are NOT worthless. They allow views to be given without fear of later penalisation or attacks on the reviewer. And no, this doesn't make them a coward - it just means they don't want to be hounded by a story's fanboys / girls.

 

 

As for "the point of a review of a piece of writing is to offer a critical assessment of that writing."

...Reviews are for readers. They are for a person to say what they thought of a story and why. The reviewer did this. Seriously, what exactly are you asking for?

 

Critical analysis and reviews do have a lot of crossover but they are different things.

 

 

As for the review, my main thought at the moment is that they really should put their sexism away. Nobody wants to see it. ('testicular fortitude'? Really?)

 

 

Martin

  • Like 1
Deathboi69

Posted

This story was dramtastic .... I don’t feel it should matter if the reviewer is nameless or not being shared you people are too literal ROFL

 

I mean you take offence to something just because they did not like the story that much but don’t we read reviews about TV shows and movies that bash or belittle what they are talking about ???

 

Censorship is what it is and most of you are being a little hateful. Censorship is what you’re asking for and this is the net do you really want censorship?? I mean really?? I can think of a lot of stories that would be taken down if that was what you wanted........

 

It’s a review the person who felt they would review it is titled to their opinion but you should not be worried about that and be worried if you like the story or felt she/he could be right bashing others is just stupid :) and I would hate to know I can’t express my opinion when I feel I want to

 

oh and I did not like this story I felt a little let down I was looking for more with such a read as it is but it never came... dom is amazing with his words and writes them to captivate his readers but the story was just not for me ..

sat8997

Posted

I, for one, love serialized fiction. Those of us who had the pleasure of following Desert Dropping from its inception were so involved in the story, so not patiently waiting for the next installment, and so busy speculating in the Domaholics forum about what may or may not happen next that any perceived drag in the plot wasn’t noticeable. Reading the story in one sitting, as our reviewer probably did, wouldn’t produce the same drama as installment reading did for the rest of us. And, of course, it’s full of teenage angst. It is supposed to be. Dom is, and will always be, the King of Teenage Angst.

 

Anyone who reviews a story is certainly entitled to his or her opinion. That’s the beauty of fiction. It’s subjective based on a reader’s wants, feelings, desires. My opinion of a story doesn’t have to match your opinion to give that story value.

 

Desert Dropping isn’t my favorite Dom story. Rory has to be the whineiest little shit ever created. Somewhere buried in a thread in his forum, Dom even said Rory was the most annoying character he’d created. But to be able to create a character that causes your readers to want to reach through their computer screen and strangle is a magical skill. Not all authors have it; it’s not something that can be taught. Dom had the ability to make it look easy.

*As a side note to management: I disliked the way this review was presented. Lugh knew exactly what he was doing by withholding the reviewer’s identity and, with his opening gambit, intentionally baiting a portion of this site’s membership while Cia stood by with her ruler smacking anyone’s knuckles that responded just the way Lugh wanted. It’s like some twisted version of good cop, bad cop. Other author reviews have been handled in a straightforward manner. This one wasn’t just to make a point. I have never understood that fine line of utter contempt this site shows toward one of its best and most popular authors.

  • Like 4

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