I started writing a blog yesterday, but abandoned it as it started to get far too dark and depressing to be something I felt comfortable sharing with the world. In some ways it was reflective of my mood, in other ways it was me lashing out verbally at life.
I enjoy being able to write in that way. For me it is a channel that I use to vent my pent up feelings, order my thoughts, and write down some of the things that are too difficult to say or speak out loud. I guess in this case I ended up writing for me, and while it could have been shared and exposed some really very personal feelings and ideas I have, it served more purpose as a means for me to be able to look over things I can't really deal with right now.
But I did want to blog about something at least. It's been a hard week, and writing is a wonderful escape to get lost in something I love doing and share with those that read, something I consider worthy of discussion. So I got me to thinking, and I decided I was going to blog about a dream I had this week.
Dreams. Oh what wonderful things. I am referring to the mysterious occurrences that are pleasant, not the nightmares of horrorville, the night terrors of fantasy fiction. No, no. These are the wonderful experiences, great tales of spectacular adventures, unrealistic events, and people that have been embedded into our psyche in some measure.
Now at my age, the erotic kind of dream that is more prevalent in the days of our youth is not a common denominator of my world of night time visions, however it seemed that this week, time made up for its absence by granting me a dream that was not just about one person, but three. Imagine that. A threesome that would have been four if you included me in the addition, almost like a row of buses. That age old adage, you spend hours waiting for one, then three come along at the same time.
Unfortunately the dream was not some great big sexual orgy where four characters of my imagination all tangled together in a confusion of flesh and sexual extravagance Nay, it was a lot more sensible and civilised than that. It actually took me back to my younger days, a time when I was more carefree and willing to take a risk. Or was I?
The first person I came across in my dream, I know I came across, as it is the first time I have ever dreamt of this guy in my life, yet he is one of those people that was a key determining factor in my exploration of sexuality and the acceptance that it was men that I preferred.
For the purposes of this blog I will refer to the man as Character X. The sad thing I have to admit is that the exact circumstances of the dream at this time are sketchy and I am not completely sure what we did or why, however I do know that we tangled together, as I recall feeling intensely satisfied in my dream that I'd chosen so well, as he was indeed damn good under the sheets. So while the details of our sexual encounter are not clear, I know that sex was on the menu at that stage of the dream, and that I suppose must be due to the fact that this is the one character of my dream that I actually did have sexual intercourse with in real life.
What was wonderful was too see Character X in life like motion, just as I remember him in my minds eye, clear as the day we spent chatting about everything and nothing. Vivid is not really the word. In my dream, I could feel him, smell him, hear him. It was sublime and fantastical to once more look into those eyes, and see that smile.
This portion of my dream took up considerable time, and I am miffed that I can't remember more of the details of that encounter, but as the dream moved on, the following two encounters are clear in my mind.
At this stage of the dream, I am part of a team of underground coal miners, way back in the days of picks and shovels, long hard days of toil and labour underground, and playing just as hard above ground. As a youthful teen, I am part of the workforce that in those days did not shy away from including child labour, and as such there is a large group of us mid teenage boys.
Now I am not sure how plausible it would be to find a group of boys allowed to enter the pub after a long working day, but this is where I find myself at this stage of the dream. Actually I guess it is more of a working men's club or community hall in which we all congregate and down a pint or three, and it while I am enjoying the ice cold refreshment of a beer that one of my earliest crushes enters the frame. None other than Sean Austin, a hunky rather cute young man that takes a particular interest in me, is really chatty and shares my drink. At some point in the discussion, he leans over and kisses me, another implausibility as in that day and age I am certain that open displays of two men kissing were not an acceptable part of society, however this was my dream, and it lead along its own path.
Damnit, I tell you, if I'd known that Sean Austin could kiss that bloody well, I'd have moved to the USA in a heart beat and made every effort known to man to meet and convert the man to our homosexual way of life. Having said that, it was a wonderful experience, even if it was in the confines of my slumbering mind, to sample those lips, and fulfil that youthful desire to spend but a moment with the man of my teenage desires.
It was only a kiss at that moment of the dream, but oh what a kiss to have had. The dream moves on at this stage, and I find myself in the same era of time, returning somewhat drunk to the place where I rent a room. It just so happens that the room I rent is in a brothel and the landlady's son is a guy that I had a major crush on when I was in my early 20's. One of those typical gay man loves straight man stories, but in my dream, I return to my room, undress for bed and suddenly find that this person enters my room, and promptly undresses and proceeds to join me in bed. Suddenly that wonderful chill of nerves that strikes you the first time you get to be with someone you have desired and wanted for a while overtook me, and it was as if I was a crazy young virgin about to engage in my first sexual experience. The tension in my muscles, the dry mouth, the roaming eyes. OMG does he have a beautiful ass.
He climbs into bed, and it is really quite strange, but I just lie there as he grinds himself into me, touching, exploring and boy do I enjoy the sensations. However it is his bum that is the centre of my attention. The feel of it when it touches me, when he is sitting on me looking down on me, when my hand holds him as he lies beside me panting. That perfect, oh so wonderful mound of his body is the clearest memory I have from this whole dream, and it has left me in the most heightened sexual tension all week since, as whenever I close my eyes, I can only be see this wonderfully perfect image of a man I so wish I'd seen in that state for real. And then....... and then. His mom calls him. Argh. He has to dress and leave my room, and the dream moves on, back to the dark dank mine.
I am not sure in dreams having a meaning, I've never really believed in all that stuff, but heck I'd be interested to find out what all that was meant to mean. Three in one night, and an erotic dream I have not really been familiar with since the days of my teens. Hmmmmmm, I am not complaining at all, I wish I explored my mind a bit more frequently like that, but I can't help but wonder what prompts our dreams and the direction they take. I wish I could remember more of the initial part of my dream too. Why is it that we forget the important stuff so damn fast? lol
Well whatever the reasons, I am glad I had the dream, and figured that heck it was worth sharing. It is good to for a moment take my mind off other matters, smile and think of something nice. Hope you are having a great weekend everyone. Hugs to you all.
Thought for today - "Always desire to learn something useful" - Sophocles
Song for today - Hey Ho by the Lumineers