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Andy's Blog

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May you live in interesting times



Apparently an old Chinese curse "May you live in interesting times"; well I now in very interesting times thank you very much.



My cousin (Nancy) and her boyfriend (David) split towards the end of November, and a few weeks back I found out that David is now going out with another cousin of mine (Sarah). A very bizarre quirk of fate, as neither of my cousins even knew each other until this happened; Nancy is a cousin on my Mum's side and Sarah is a cousin on my Dad's side.


My Mum's family and Dad's family have never really gotten along owing to a huge amount of shit that happened when I was still in diapers, and the whole thing makes the War of Independence look like a lovers spat. It would take dozens of blog entries to go into it all (and I really can't afford the therapy that would go with it); suffice to say, that with two or three exceptions amongst the eldest of them, none of my nine maternal cousins (and their seven kids) know any of my eleven paternal cousins (and their fourteen kids). Even those few of my cousins who did know each other haven't seen each other in over thirty years, so probably wouldn't recognise each other anyway.


When my Mum and Dad are in the same room the explosions are like Guy Fawkes, July 4th and Chinese New Year all rolled into one; I can't even remember the last time they managed to have a civilised conversation that didn't involve lawyers acting as go-betweens.


Anyway, now I'm the shit for one reason and one reason alone.


Since Nancy and David were together for nearly three years, I actually got quite friendly with him (not like that! Please drag your mind out of the gutter), and most of my maternal cousins are also on friendly terms with him and so we all stayed in touch with him (since the split was very amicable with no animosity felt on either side). Now I'm being accused by most of the family as having set up the new couple to try and bring my cousins from both sides of the family closer together in a misguided attempt to try and heal a few old wounds.


Believe me, even I'm not that stupid! That is a major can of worms that even Oprah Winfrey, Jerry Springer, Ricky Lake, and the entire armed forces of the UN all combined wouldn't be able to handle!


Nobody in the family is buying that this was just one of those little curve balls that God likes to throw to stop us all from getting bored; most of my aunts and uncles (on both sides of the family) feel I should have said something to someone to stop this situation from arising.


Today (well technically yesterday as it's now nearly 1AM here), to really compound the issue, and royally piss everyone off, both Nancy and Sarah announced that they are pregnant (Nancy about four and half months along, and Sarah about six weeks); no prizes for correctly guessing who the father of both children is, and definitely no prizes for correctly guessing whose fault this latest development is.

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This is why I'm glad I have a very small family and only interact with my parents. Reading all that made me wish I was one of those people that broke out into cold sweats because that totally deserves one. Good luck in getting through that with as few murder attempts as possible.

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Just tell them all, that as you're gay, if you were going to set David up with anyone, it would have been yourself and then no one would have to worry about any unintended pregnancies (offer to draw pictures if they don't understand this last aspect).

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Okay I will make a civilized response later... right now... lemme ... just.... hehehehehohohohogheeehehehe.... :D

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Thanks guys :hug:


I think we'll get through this without bloodshed, but I'm just not sure about a lot of hurt feelings.


In a lot of ways I'm glad that my Brett never got overly close with my entire family, at least he's been able to keep a more objective stance on this, so I can talk to him without it ending up in a blazing row.


Have you thought about emigrating to New Zealand or Australia?


I was actually planning on asking Mr Branson if he can bring forward his first space shuttle launch and drop me off on the moon :lol:




Okay I will make a civilized response later... right now... lemme ... just.... hehehehehohohohogheeehehehe.... :D


I've had to laugh about this as well, or I'd probably go insane.




(offer to draw pictures if they don't understand this last aspect).


Or I could just show them a few choice photos of me and Brett :)




This is why I'm glad I have a very small family and only interact with my parents.


Oh for the quiet life :)

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Wow Andy.  Let me know if you need a plane ticket to Mississippi and I will see what I can do.  In the meantime keep you head down and dodge the bullets:P

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Poor Andy :hug:


I can't understand why they blame you !?!  Ignore them and their stupid comments that you were trying to bring cousins together and mend wounds!!


Maybe you could teach this David a thing or two about condoms, impregnate two girls in less than six months - good job :thumbup:


I agree with Joann - keep your head down and don't answer phone calls from you idiotic relatives !!

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take the experience, write it up.... send it into eastenders as a script for their latest storyline !  Wow

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Sounds like you have big shoulders Andy and maybe that is why it's you that the finger points at so easily! :P

Chin up buddy, it is a year ending in a 13. Strange things are meant to happen. :)

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Hope things are cold now! People just like blaming others for their own "mischief". Ignore those! Hugs and Chocolates!

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