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Andy's Blog

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The in-laws are coming



So we made it through the end of world (big shock) and Christmas has come round again.


This year my in-laws (well, you know what I mean, Brett's parents) are coming to Christmas dinner, and they arrive tomorrow - God help us all.


Now don't get me wrong, I love his mum to bits, but she's just too much for me to handle when I'm cooking.


Our kitchen is a tiny little thing that is just about large enough for an oven, a sink, a fridge and one (count them ONE) cook. His mum is like those annoying people in the car when you're driving. You know the sort; they tell you go faster, to go slower, to turn left, to "OMG watch out for that cyclist!".


Last time she was hanging around in the kitchen when I was cooking, I got injured twice:


My first injury, I ended up with third degree burns. I'd just taken the casserole dish out of the oven, and I nearly tripped over her, splashing myself with gravy.


My second injury, I managed to stab myself in the hand with a paring knife. I was peeling potatoes to go with our casserole, and she backed into me causing my hand to slip.


Now in the grand scheme of things, I've had far worse happen to me in the kitchen over the years. I've still got the burn mark from where I splashed boiling hot toffee on myself when I was eight years old (I think that was the first time I actually used some of the proper grown up swear words ;) ), I managed to break my big toe after dropping a cast iron stewpot on it, and I've sliced my fingers open on my food processor blades more times than I can count.


But I'd just like to get through Christmas Day without needing to use the first aid kit. I plan to park the mother-in-law on the sofa in front of The Queen's Speech with a large glass of sherry where hopefully she'll avoid injuring me :)


I've also never quite known what to make of his dad. He's always been great about us, but he's almost "too great". He's like those parents who try and keep up with their kids, listen to their kids' music, watch the same films as their kids, he's even threatened to start going to Pride with us :lol: I'm just not sure I've ever seen the real him; so I've never really known how to take him.


Still it could be worse I suppose.


It could my parents coming to Christmas dinner.

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I feel your pain, dude!


We also have a tiny kitchen, and the worksurface is taken up by my homemade spice chest in quite large part. So I know how debilitating it can be to share the space.


However, three years ago the guests all decided to come into the kitchen (1 + Gregor :) ), so I aadpted a chant I heard an MC use at a rave once, and when we'd all exchanged hellos and drinks I stood tall and said, "OK, everybody not cooking get out of the fucking kitchen." Worked a treat!

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Don't know why I was picturing Mrs Hyacinth Bucket when you described the "co-driver" part :P I hope you have a very merry Christmas and stay away from sharp knives !! You could let Mrs Bucket do all the cooking :D take care Andy :)

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Some people work well together in tight spaces, but usually it takes a lot of practice.  I suggest you have Bret stand guard over his mum to keep her out of your way.  HO HO HO!

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I have banned Paya's mum from my kitchen.  I have banned my mum from my kitchen.


its bests to be up front and say "this is my kitchen, you are a guest, and I'd be offended if you try to help"

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My kitchen is not tiny, but I don't think any size kitchen would be big enough for anyone with me in it.  I have not problem telling folks to get out of the kitchen. lol Of course my grandson can pull a chair up to the cabinet to help me, and that is completely ok;P


Happy Holidays to you and yours Andy!

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Haha Andy, you're dangerous in the kitchen!


Does sound like you have some great inlaws.


Maybe you could put the mother-in-law to work by sitting her at a table (outside the kitchen) to cut up food or sculpt food art. That should keep her busy. You're lucky your bf isn't Filipino otherwise we'd all be in the kitchen trying to help. :)

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I want to come to your house. Usually I get invited and get sucked into making something and helping out in the kitchen. lol. I agree with sly, because I too had Mrs. Bucket (pronounced Bouquet of course) in my head. Anyway I wish you the best of luck and enjoy the holiday, Andy.

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Am I the only one here who would happily hand over the ladle to anybody willing to take over and go hit the sherry myself? :P

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