I'm curious about what he replied. I've been on my male friends about men needing to discuss their gender role as much as women have. No matter what you chose, it's important for people to have a real choice. Why should it matter? That's a very good question.

Have y'all discussed how those attitudes are ingrained by family and society? I find plenty of grown men and women, even here on GA, who have certain assumptions about gender role and spout off comments based on those notions.

My pet peeve is the number of readers who review a story and expect a relationship to develop based on constructs which are heterocentric and bear no relation whatsover to the reality of gay men in the real world.

So, if supposedly enlightened and accepting men and women follow the dictates of 'society',when reading gay fiction, I'm not surprised someone like your buddy would say boys don't draw hearts. He probably doesn't even realize he's doing it!

When did all of this become such a big deal? Growing up, I would smack a soft ball, slide into home plate, and then dust off my jeans to go play with my dolls. I would play house, go built a shelter in the woods, and then challenge my brother to a game of army crawl down the living room stairs. I loved the color pink and twirled a baton. I've even climbed telephone poles for a living. I hung out with the guys and told a slew of dirty jokes without shame. I'd go home, put on my fuzzy slippers, and cry while watching "The Imitation of Life." lol

Who cares if a boy draws hearts, or if a girl drives a tank and shoots a 50 cal. Life is too damn short to be worried about gender roles. You can either ignore folks like 'boys don't draw hearts guy,' or you can try to educate him. If he refuses your wisdom, then all you can do is let him continue to walk the world ignorant. 

Hopefully this quote will make you smile: I believe gender is a spectrum, and I fall somewhere between Channing Tatum and Winnie the Pooh ~~ Steve Colbert

Oh, one more thing---sorry for the rant. 

Boys don't draw hearts smacks of boys don't cry. I don't know why gender roles have to be so structured. In my life I've worked for men and women and can say it doesn't matter which sex they were because you get good and bad bosses independent of what sex they are. If I watch a sad or highly emotional movie, I cry, can't help it. On my left shoulder I have a lizard with an ankh on its head and on my right shoulder I have a pink gardenia floating in a pool of water. (My next tat will be a yellow rose under the gardenia.)

I'm curious about what he replied. I've been on my male friends about men needing to discuss their gender role as much as women have. No matter what you chose, it's important for people to have a real choice. Why should it matter? That's a very good question.

We didn't really get any further in the discussion after that. I was last to present that day so we had to stop.

Have y'all discussed how those attitudes are ingrained by family and society? I find plenty of grown men and women, even here on GA, who have certain assumptions about gender role and spout off comments based on those notions.

 

My pet peeve is the number of readers who review a story and expect a relationship to develop based on constructs which are heterocentric and bear no relation whatsover to the reality of gay men in the real world.

 

So, if supposedly enlightened and accepting men and women follow the dictates of 'society',when reading gay fiction, I'm not surprised someone like your buddy would say boys don't draw hearts. He probably doesn't even realize he's doing it!

He's said a lot of ignorant shit as far as gender is concerned in the past. A lot of 'women are like this' comments to which the women in group have gone, 'um, no we're not.' I remember him saying a while back that women don't like men who show emotion, that they want guys to be stoic, and every woman there was like, no, we like dudes who are in touch with their feelings and aren't scared to show them. He might not be aware that he's doing it, but he doesn't seem to listen when corrected, either.

He's kind of narcissistic, has a tendency to use things other people talk about to pull the focus onto himself, that kind of thing, especially if it's a woman. A woman talks about body image issues, he starts talking about what he likes in a woman, as though her body image issues have anything at all to do with him and his desires. 

When did all of this become such a big deal? Growing up, I would smack a soft ball, slide into home plate, and then dust off my jeans to go play with my dolls. I would play house, go built a shelter in the woods, and then challenge my brother to a game of army crawl down the living room stairs. I loved the color pink and twirled a baton. I've even climbed telephone poles for a living. I hung out with the guys and told a slew of dirty jokes without shame. I'd go home, put on my fuzzy slippers, and cry while watching "The Imitation of Life." lol

 

Who cares if a boy draws hearts, or if a girl drives a tank and shoots a 50 cal. Life is too damn short to be worried about gender roles. You can either ignore folks like 'boys don't draw hearts guy,' or you can try to educate him. If he refuses your wisdom, then all you can do is let him continue to walk the world ignorant. 

 

Hopefully this quote will make you smile: I believe gender is a spectrum, and I fall somewhere between Channing Tatum and Winnie the Pooh ~~ Steve Colbert

 

Oh, one more thing---sorry for the rant. 

I agree that it shouldn't matter. The problem is that, in the grand scheme, it kind of does. A person will always be judged according to the gender they present, and as long as people like boys don't draw hearts guy are free to walk around spreading their ignorance, it's never gonna stop. It wouldn't be a problem if it was just a couple of people, just like racism wouldn't be a problem if it was just a couple of rednecks in a trailer park mouthing off, but that isn't the case. It's systemic and ingrained in society, and that makes it very hard to just shrug off. Sexism affects everyone negatively, men and women and most especially those who identify as both or neither, and is also the root of most homophobia. You say life is too short to worry about it, I say life is too short to just let that shit slide. I'll have maybe 90 years total to spend on this miserable little planet, and I intend to do as much as I can to change the world around me for the better while I'm here. 

Boys don't draw hearts smacks of boys don't cry. I don't know why gender roles have to be so structured. In my life I've worked for men and women and can say it doesn't matter which sex they were because you get good and bad bosses independent of what sex they are. If I watch a sad or highly emotional movie, I cry, can't help it. On my left shoulder I have a lizard with an ankh on its head and on my right shoulder I have a pink gardenia floating in a pool of water. (My next tat will be a yellow rose under the gardenia.)

Boys don't cry is an extremely harmful ideal that fucks up the emotional health of so many boys and men. The irony here is that part of the reason why boys don't draw hearts guy is in the therapy group in the first place is that very ideal and how it's stunted him emotionally. While he's now getting past that, it's astounding how he can't see that he's perpetuating the same harmful stereotypes that fucked him up in the first place.

Thanks for all your comments, guys!

If I spent my entire life trying to stop folks from hating me because of the color of my skin, I would have probably died from the stress of it all by now. Believe me, I know all about racism, and have experienced it on many levels. I have a brother in-law who has never spoken to me. I have been in a relationship with the hateful man's brother for 32 years now. We have had nigger lover hollered out at us in public. I once had an old white lady tell me that what my husband and I were doing is a downright sin. lol You see, I am not trying to sugarcoat the issue, but seriously...life is too short for spending my time worrying about what some ignorant fool thinks of my interracial marriage. That old bitty's shoes don't go under my bed at night, so she means nothing to me. I concern myself with the bigger issues, like police officers slaughtering black men and women. Racist teachers refusing to give time to a black student, preventing him/her from receiving their education. I am concerned when a person is beaten, or killed for being who they are. The small stuff, name calling and blowing smoke up my ass, is just that, small stuff. 

I was not trying to be argumentative, and if I came across that way, well...I apologize. To make the world a better place, people need to begin by raising their children to see beyond gender, age, and race. That is the key. As long as you surround yourself with others who feel the way you do, you will always have strength in numbers to combat those who spread hatred. Hatred has been around since man, and unfortunately it always will be. All we can do is try to educate others. What I refuse to do is spend what's left of my years, allowing the ignorant to cast a shadow over my sunshine. 

Once more, I apologize if I gave you the impression that I was being snide or argumentative. 

The worst part of all this is that the man may not have been doing all this consciously. Growing up he has seen his role-models act in this derogatory manner towards women and picked up the norm. I think with the changing times that we are going through, men especially need to look at their gender roles and how it affects others around them, both men and women.

Have to disagree with you. Earth is most definitely not a "miserable little planet". It is the most beautiful body in the Solar System - probably the whole cosmos - whether seen from space, in the air, on land or in the oceans. The only thing that creates misery is humanity.