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A fond farewell to my home

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Hunter Thomson

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So, this is it. In ten hours I'll be on a plane to my new home in Prince George, five hundred kilometers away from everyone and everything that I've grown up with for the last twenty-seven years of my life. 

 

I wish I could say I was excited, because I should be, and on some level I suppose I am. This is a chance for a new start and to erase all of the mistakes I made in Vancouver. No one knows me in Prince George; I don't have to face the stigma of all of the things that people think I am or anything like that. I can be a completely new person and not be held back by my past life. Except that this is my home, the place that feels most comfortable to me in spite of the summer heat wave and the fact that I'm completely persona non grata in the gay world and my political world. I'm utterly alone here, but at least I'm alone with people who love me. I won't have anyone or anything when I get to Prince George.

 

I wish I knew how things would turn out, or that at least I'd be okay up north. I don't know anything about the culture of the city or even what the food will be like, and I'd hate to think that I spent all this money just to get sick repeatedly and not be able to actually do any of the things I want to do. I'm scared that this will be another stupid detour and waste of my time and money, that I won't be any more employable than I am now and that I really am to be relegated to a pointless existence for the rest of my life. But there are no guarantees, and staying here is nearly a sign of surrender. So I guess I'm off. I don't know what it will accomplish, but I will be back again someday... I think.

 

Except for GA. I'm not leaving here, you people can't get rid of me that easily.

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I'm sending all positive vibes to you. I'm sorry it's rough right now. I found moving away was a empowering experience. A fresh start doesn't have to be bad... Make it what you want it! xoxo

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change, any change, good or bad is stressful. i think moving is in the top 5 of stressors, so everything you are feeling is normal! plus, aren't you starting grad school? another biggie.  Hunter, the thing that struck me is when you state you were alone with people who love you, that has to hurt and hurts more than being alone with strangers. (trust me, i know this :) ).

 

so good luck and remember, we are only a PM, or post away :hug:

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3 minutes ago, BlindAmbition said:

I'm sending all positive vibes to you. I'm sorry it's rough right now. I found moving away was a empowering experience. A fresh start doesn't have to be bad... Make it what you want it! xoxo

In some ways it is a good thing to start new. My reputation is a blank slate now, so I can become something more than the charlatan I've let myself become here in Vancouver. It's just... it's new and it's overwhelming and I can't deal with change very well. And this is a lot of change for me.

 

3 minutes ago, mogwhy said:

change, any change, good or bad is stressful. i think moving is in the top 5 of stressors, so everything you are feeling is normal! plus, aren't you starting grad school? another biggie.  Hunter, the thing that struck me is when you state you were alone with people who love you, that has to hurt and hurts more than being alone with strangers. (trust me, i know this :) ).

 

so good luck and remember, we are only a PM, or post away :hug:

I am starting graduate studies in a place I have only visited once, and then only for a day. I know perhaps three people in the whole city. Two of them are sexual partners, and one is a curling teammate I've spoken to once on a phone. Beyond that, I am utterly without people I can talk to in this new city.

I am alone here as well, in that my professional and personal lives are unlikely to become better by staying. People think I'm a man of ill-repute here, and that I'm sexually precocious. None of the gays want to associate with me because they think I'm only after sex. My professional reputation is likewise in tatters because of my constant need to publicly place principles before party loyalty. I will not succeed here, and thus I am alone. But I have my family, and Josh, and my friends. And that makes all the difference.

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21 minutes ago, mogwhy said:

make this a chance to build a new hunter. be the man you want to be.

We'll see if I can avoid falling into old behaviour patterns.

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We know you here as a writer. When the wheels lift off, that chapter of your life will have ended. Your short flight is the pause. As the wheels touch down, turn to a new page and start the next chapter of your life. You are the author, it can be any and every thing that you want or hope for. You already have many of the main points listed, along with some of the goals you wish to achieve. Nothing is as yet written in stone, changes can still be made. Adapt and react as needed and required. Be true to yourself and honest to others. If plan A fails, go to plan B or any of the remaining 24 plans in the alphabet. Positive thoughts, especially when your feeling down. Keep looking for the bright side things. Now when the wheels touch down and you disembark, step off with your best foot forward into this new chapter of your life. L'chayim.

 

Positive vibes

and faith in youdefault_thumbsupsmileyanim.gif

sandrewn

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I don't know anything about the culture of the city or even what the food will be like, and I'd hate to think that I spent all this money just to get sick repeatedly and not be able to actually do any of the things I want to do.

This makes me laugh. I’m certain I’m taking things out of context, but that’s what I do best!  ;-)

 

It’s not as if Prince George is located in a third world country! I’m sure that all the Canadian regulations that you’re familiar with will keep you from getting sick from unsanitary or dangerous foods! It’s not like you’re moving to the uncharted dangers of Trumpland™ or Putin’s Russian Empire!  ;-)

 

Now go out and win them all over with your witty prose, razor-sharp intellect, and sparkling personality!  ;-)

Edited by droughtquake
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Hunter, I don't know the details of events that have led to your decision to move away from Vancouver.  But I wish you the best of luck in all your future endeavours and send all my positive vibes to you !

:hug:

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You are being waaaay too hard on yourself. Have some faith in you and the people of Prince George. And as droughtquake said, you're not heading to an unknown country.. city yes, but it's in the same Province.  So breathe. 

 

If you ever need straightening out, Michael says to contact him, He'll be happy to give you a talking to!!  And you know you can PM either of us anytime!

 

xo

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3 hours ago, sandrewn said:

We know you here as a writer. When the wheels lift off, that chapter of your life will have ended. Your short flight is the pause. As the wheels touch down, turn to a new page and start the next chapter of your life. You are the author, it can be any and every thing that you want or hope for. You already have many of the main points listed, along with some of the goals you wish to achieve. Nothing is as yet written in stone, changes can still be made. Adapt and react as needed and required. Be true to yourself and honest to others. If plan A fails, go to plan B or any of the remaining 24 plans in the alphabet. Positive thoughts, especially when your feeling down. Keep looking for the bright side things. Now when the wheels touch down and you disembark, step off with your best foot forward into this new chapter of your life. L'chayim.

 

Positive vibes

and faith in youdefault_thumbsupsmileyanim.gif

sandrewn

Thank you for the kind words of inspiration, I hope they shall serve me well in this new, undiscovered country that is to be my new home.

 

3 hours ago, droughtquake said:

This makes me laugh. I’m certain I’m taking things out of context, but that’s what I do best!  ;-)

 

It’s not as if Prince George is located in a third world country! I’m sure that all the Canadian regulations that you’re familiar with will keep you from getting sick from unsanitary or dangerous foods! It’s not like you’re moving to the uncharted dangers of Trumpland™ or Putin’s Russian Empire!  ;-)

 

Now go out and win them all over with your witty prose, razor-sharp intellect, and sparkling personality!  ;-)

Prince George is a whole other universe as far as I'm concerned. It's much more rural, and it's much further inland as well. So I'll be avoiding fish for the duration of my stay. Inland fish is just asking for trouble...

The area is much less gay-friendly as well, so I have some serious thinking to do about how out I am for the next year.

 

1 hour ago, hohochan657 said:

Hunter, I don't know the details of events that have led to your decision to move away from Vancouver.  But I wish you the best of luck in all your future endeavours and send all my positive vibes to you !

:hug:

It's just for graduate studies. I will return, I've sworn too many oaths to that effect already.

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20 minutes ago, Mikiesboy said:

You are being waaaay too hard on yourself. Have some faith in you and the people of Prince George. And as droughtquake said, you're not heading to an unknown country.. city yes, but it's in the same Province.  So breathe. 

 

If you ever need straightening out, Michael says to contact him, He'll be happy to give you a talking to!!  And you know you can PM either of us anytime!

 

xo

Thank you tim, I shall keep it in mind if I need to be put back on the right path.

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Good luck with your move to Prince George, Hunter. I hope it will be a great and wonderful adventure for you. :hug: 

 

PS: I know the feeling of not liking change. I think no matter the circumstances that lead you to this, you're very brave in undertaking this journey to an unknown place. 

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Good luck in the new place. I hope it's a fulfilling, and rewarding time in your life.

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Everything the others have said pretty much covers the advice with one exception.

 

One day at a time.  If that is overwhelming at first, one hour, one task.  There is a reason the 12 step programs live by this motto. 

 

Based on the time stamps you are now at the airport.  Let yourself enjoy the flight.  You are moving into the next chapter.  Don't let yourself stare at the title and be afraid to turn that page.

 

Likewise the rest of your day.  I assume you have lodging arranged? So, next step is obvious. The plane lands, you get a bus or cab or Uber or what ever and go there. Two tasks complete.  Now get familiar with the new digs. Settle in.  Call your family and tell them how well things have gone so far and you are safe in your new home.  Go for groceries. That's two tasks all by itself. You also learn where to buy em!

 

At the end of the day look back at all you have accomplished. Is there more to do? Sure, but there is ALWAYS more.  Don't let the length of the to do list intimidate you.

 

Now, I am going to paraphrase dugh here.  As for being alone, what are we? Chop liver?

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42 minutes ago, Reader1810 said:

Good luck with your move to Prince George, Hunter. I hope it will be a great and wonderful adventure for you. :hug: 

 

PS: I know the feeling of not liking change. I think no matter the circumstances that lead you to this, you're very brave in undertaking this journey to an unknown place. 

Thank you @Reader1810. I don't necessarily feel brave right now, but everything will get better once I'm there, I think.

 

35 minutes ago, BHopper2 said:

Good luck in the new place. I hope it's a fulfilling, and rewarding time in your life.

It'll be a different, unusual journey to be sure. Too many things are still up in the air right now.

 

30 minutes ago, Kitt said:

Everything the others have said pretty much covers the advice with one exception.

 

One day at a time.  If that is overwhelming at first, one hour, one task.  There is a reason the 12 step programs live by this motto. 

 

Based on the time stamps you are now at the airport.  Let yourself enjoy the flight.  You are moving into the next chapter.  Don't let yourself stare at the title and be afraid to turn that page.

 

Likewise the rest of your day.  I assume you have lodging arranged? So, next step is obvious. The plane lands, you get a bus or cab or Uber or what ever and go there. Two tasks complete.  Now get familiar with the new digs. Settle in.  Call your family and tell them how well things have gone so far and you are safe in your new home.  Go for groceries. That's two tasks all by itself. You also learn where to buy em!

 

At the end of the day look back at all you have accomplished. Is there more to do? Sure, but there is ALWAYS more.  Don't let the length of the to do list intimidate you.

 

Now, I am going to paraphrase dugh here.  As for being alone, what are we? Chop liver?

I am indeed at the airport right now, waiting for my flight and to see if I'm even on the flight (yay standby passengers). Everything is prepared, I just have to go and do it now.

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20 minutes ago, Hunter Thomson said:

This is a good start. It's raining.

yep, good start. washing everything clean, and leaving puddles to jump in. its rain wonderful!. gotta look for rainbows

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There’s a saying that always seemed to be very British (to a person who has grown up in a very dry region): Right as Rain!  ;-)

 

Rain keeps British California green! Otherwise you’d be looking at yellow-brown hills like American California or Baja California! Rain also washes away dust, pollen, and pollutants leaving everything cleaner.

 

When you do your grocery shopping, try to find a cheesecake. Give yourself a treat! You know you deserve it!  ;-)

 

I was once advised to think of going to a new and scary place as if it were a sociological experiment. Gather data, ask questions, be curious, explore. Those were all very difficult things for me to do since I’m Risk Averse and have Social Anxiety. But I was able to survive and find new friends in a scary place and time in my life. I’m sure a homeless shelter run by fundamentalist religious fanatics is much more frightening than Prince George could ever be.

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I shan't be doing any grocery shopping. I bought myself an unlimited pass to the school cafeteria, so I'll indulge in their unending food tomorrow when I actually arrive. ;)

 

I have been using the grindr app to question campus gays about life in the area. I am pleased that they are capable of coherent conversation instead of simply assaulting me with unsolicited photos.

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14 hours ago, droughtquake said:

This makes me laugh. I’m certain I’m taking things out of context, but that’s what I do best!  ;-)

 

It’s not as if Prince George is located in a third world country! I’m sure that all the Canadian regulations that you’re familiar with will keep you from getting sick from unsanitary or dangerous foods! It’s not like you’re moving to the uncharted dangers of Trumpland™ or Putin’s Russian Empire!  ;-)

 

Now go out and win them all over with your witty prose, razor-sharp intellect, and sparkling personality!  ;-)

 

You've never been to Prince George :gikkle:

 

Actually, no, Prince George is not a 3rd world country. It is a nice, small city in the interior of B.C.

 

I"ve stopped twice there and seems okay. As far as the 'gay' culture and acceptance, yes, there may be a stereotype that it is rural rednecks but you got to remember all the towns along the Caribou Trail all have small Pride Parades to encourage gay people to visit year round. I know (and yes, I've experienced it) I was unsure and worried about moving to a smaller bible belt town for 10 years, turned out I loved it and met many great friends, straight and gay!

 

Rain!!! YAY. The fact that you are getting rain is great in that area. With still the phenomenal amount of forest fires in the area, every drop is precious.

 

Hunter, all I can say is yes, you are getting a new start :) Take every day and every opportunity as that, an opportunity. You will amaze yourself in a year at how you have changed and adapted. If you fall into your self diagnosed bad habits, maybe they aren't as bad as you are labeling them.

 

Hang in there and yes, remember you always have us here :hug:

 

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Everyone going through bad experiences due to their location and past deserves a fresh start. It can take a lot of courage to venture out of your safe zone and I applaud you for taking the leap. I hope the new life you build is better than the one you leave behind. I'm afraid you'll still have to put up with us here, but that's a good thing.   :)

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32 minutes ago, drpaladin said:

Everyone going through bad experiences due to their location and past deserves a fresh start. It can take a lot of courage to venture out of your safe zone and I applaud you for taking the leap. I hope the new life you build is better than the one you leave behind. I'm afraid you'll still have to put up with us here, but that's a good thing.   :)

It will take some doing to not implode my life the way I did down south. Here's hoping I manage to keep my mouth shut.

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