So, this is it. In ten hours I'll be on a plane to my new home in Prince George, five hundred kilometers away from everyone and everything that I've grown up with for the last twenty-seven years of my life.
I wish I could say I was excited, because I should be, and on some level I suppose I am. This is a chance for a new start and to erase all of the mistakes I made in Vancouver. No one knows me in Prince George; I don't have to face the stigma of all of the things that people think I am or anything like that. I can be a completely new person and not be held back by my past life. Except that this is my home, the place that feels most comfortable to me in spite of the summer heat wave and the fact that I'm completely persona non grata in the gay world and my political world. I'm utterly alone here, but at least I'm alone with people who love me. I won't have anyone or anything when I get to Prince George.
I wish I knew how things would turn out, or that at least I'd be okay up north. I don't know anything about the culture of the city or even what the food will be like, and I'd hate to think that I spent all this money just to get sick repeatedly and not be able to actually do any of the things I want to do. I'm scared that this will be another stupid detour and waste of my time and money, that I won't be any more employable than I am now and that I really am to be relegated to a pointless existence for the rest of my life. But there are no guarantees, and staying here is nearly a sign of surrender. So I guess I'm off. I don't know what it will accomplish, but I will be back again someday... I think.
Except for GA. I'm not leaving here, you people can't get rid of me that easily.