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What's with the Psychos?


JSmith

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Why is it that every f**king time I try to find a nice guy, I fail. But if by some miracle I do find a nice guy instead of the typical assholes, they turn out to be psychotic.

 

I feel like going into this whole long rant about stupid people and crazy obsessive stalkers and how much it annoys the crap out of me, but I don't know if I'm up to it...

 

Yes I am.

 

So I deliberately didn't post anything in my blog about my boyfriend for the reason that Snowy mentioned... it always f**ked it up and ended quickly. But in this case it didn't happen. Here's a little background info:

 

I met CJ (The boyfriend, not the goat) at the club. To make a long story short, we started dancing and having fun. While dancing Josh comes up out of nowhere to say hi to me. I say hi, hug him, he leaves but stays within 10 feet of us dancing. Whatever. Fastforward to where I leave with my friends. I give him my number, I get his number and we go our seperate ways. I leave the club and get a text from Josh and CJ. CJ wants me to come over to his place, I say no I have to take my friends home. Josh wants to know who CJ is. I pretty much tell him to f**K off.

 

The next night, I went over to CJs. We watched movies, did whatever and went to sleep. I get a message on myspace from Josh asking for CJs Myspace. I told him I didn't have it. I then added CJ to my friends list. Later that day he gets a message from Josh and they start talking. Annoying, but whatever. I'm making this longer than it has to be, and it really doesn't add any to the story, so I'll try and speed it up more. The next 4 days I have to work. I go to work at 5:00pm, get off work at 5:30am, go to CJs house. On one of those 4 days I get a text from CJ saying he's going to a movie with Josh and some friends. I thought it was bullshit because Josh did that to me all the time. He would say lets go to a movie and we never went, and always ended up staying in. Big surprise, he did the same to CJ. They all hung out at a friends place and had a good time and what not. I didn't ask what all went on because at the time, I really didn't want to know.

 

Fast forward to my parents coming into town for 4 or 5 days. They stayed at my house so I couldn't exactly sleep at CJs without then asking questions. This makes him mad and he asks me to move in with him. I hesitate because I don't want to and I know it's too fast. I said I would think about it though because I can't say no. He took that as a yes. While my parents were here, I had to work those 4 nights (including Thanksgiving which sucked!) and it all just got worse as it went on. He finally told me he really wanted me to move in and I said I think we're moving to fast, lets slow down. He didn't want to. On Friday night he was pissed off at me for that so he broke up with me. I said fine and started ignoring him. Well it's hard to ignore someone when they are constantly calling and texting you. I thought my phone was going to blow up so I turned it off. I ignored him all the way until Saturday night. I was at work and talking to Jeff (Nifter) and his bright idea was to send him a text telling him I needed time alone. I listened. Stupid mistake. He sent one back saying he would give me space if I would answer his phone call for just a second. I agreed. Another stupid mistake. Me and my not being able to say no got me back together with him. Yay. I finished my shift, went home and slept for a while and my parents left.

 

Sunday I wake up to a non-stop vibrating phone. 15 missed calls and 23 new texts. CJ was pissed that I wasn't answering my phone. Well SORRY for sleeping. Apparently you aren't allowed to do that in a relationship. f**K him. I go hang out with my friend Michelle. We're on the way to the movies when he won't stop calling me. I finally answer and try to break up with him. He doesn't listen. I try again. Still nothing. I try 16 more times in different ways and then give up. Fine, we're still together. Sunday night a group of friends and I go to the club. Guess who's there. CJ comes up to me and starts saying how much he loves me and misses me and doesn't want to be without me. Fine whatever. I went back to dancing with my friends. I'm outside alone when Josh comes up to talk to me. We talk for a little bit until CJ comes up behind me. I'm assuming he was trying to make Josh jealous because he felt the need to hang all over me and kiss me and what not in front of him while we were trying to talk. Josh gets annoyed, along with me, and he leaves. We go back inside and dance for a while. CJ tells me earlier he made out with Joshs best friend Erik upstairs at the club. I was pissed, but didn't really care too much. We once again go back to dancing. CJ goes off with his friends, I go off with mine. I send Josh a text saying I needed to talk to him. My friends and I are sitting off to the side of the dance floor when Josh and CJ show up at the same time. I tell CJ I'll be right back and drag Josh away to talk to him. I asked Josh about what happened between CJ and Erik and he said he didn't know, he didn't see anything. Then he goes on to lecture me on how psychotic CJ is. As if I hadn't already figured that out when I tried breaking up with him. We're still talking when CJ comes over and interupts us. Josh leaves and CJ is once again glued to my hip. Josh comes back and tells me he's leaving. CJ leaves with his friends a little while after. We stay a few more minutes waiting for Michelle to finish making out with whatever random guy she was with.

 

We go eat, and I take them home. Then I go to CJs house for the night. I got there around 5 and went to sleep. We wake up, do whatever, and go back to sleep, wake up again, he goes to work and I take a nap. I wake up, write him a breakup letter, grab all my shit, leave the letter on his door, and drove home. I turned my phone off so it wouldn't explode from the calls and texts. I came home and went to sleep. I woke up to Tina and Michelle coming in the door looking for me. Apparently you can't leave your phone off or your friends come looking for you. They say CJ is driving up and down the street looking for my car. He doesn't know where I live thank god. So we manage to dodge his car and we go to Tina's to decorate her house for Christmas. Actually, they decorated while I read a book. I turned my phone on and saw a massive amount of texts and calls. I ignored most of them. Tina went to work and Michelle and I went to a movie. CJ then started to harass Michelle and tried to get her to talk to me and whatnot.

 

While I've been writing this I've gotten 4 calls from him. I realize that a lot of that doesn't make sense, and most of it was unnecessary, but it feels better to get it all out.

 

And I swear if the next guy I find is as much of a stalker as Zac and CJ were, then I'm turning straight.

 

Joe

(Who just wants to take a nap in peace!)

16 Comments


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Trust your instincts... they're usually right, especially if you tell a guy he's moving too fast, and then he reacts by moving even faster...

 

And from what I've heard - doesn't matter if you're straight or gay - can still happen with girls too.

 

One problem gay men in their early 20's though (on a serious note) is that many have never developed any dating skills in high school - so all the awkwardness of first dates, etc hasn't really been experienced. They think their first experience with a guy is "the real thing", often without any idea of what that guy is really like.

 

Good luck in finding someone right for you - it WILL happen (especially since you are pretty good in your own right and deserve it)... but sorry to say, it may take a bit before you do find him.

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Well, I'd take it as a compliment that so many guys find you attractive and it appears that they can't seem to live without you.

 

I think you are going along the right track...telling him you need space. What you could do is tell him that if he can go one week without calling or bugging you, to give you both a chance to think, that you MIGHT consider going back out with him.

 

In all honestly, you won't really consider it, but tell him that anyway B) . Hopefully in the one week you'll have a chance to rest, and hopefully it will give him a chance to de-obsess about you and find someone else to stalk.

 

Anywhoo, good luck with the crazies.

 

Vic

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I'm so sorry, Joe :(

 

Trebs has given some good advice and an astute observation regarding some young gay guys. Some seem to fall in love way too fast -- I've chatted with one who seemed to be in love with a new boyfriend (or back with an old boyfriend) every couple of weeks.

 

You've got a good head on your shoulders. From what I've been told, you're good looking. For the right guy, that's a killer combination :) so I'm absolutely sure that you will find someone. You just have to be patient and deal with the ones who need to grow up in the meantime.

 

And in the interest of saving you from straighthood, I'd offer to set you up with a nice Aussie guy, but I'm the only gay Aussie guy I know personally, and I'm taken 0:) I won't comment on whether or not I'm nice :P

 

Seriously -- give it time. There is someone out there who will appreciate you for who you are, and will treat you appropriately.

 

:hug:

 

Good luck!

 

Graeme

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Other than what I told you on MSN I only have a few things to add:

 

  1. "Me and my not being able to say no" pretty much sums it up ... think about that. How much pain or awkwardness have you really saved anyone by not being able to say that.
  2. even though I said it on MSN I will say it again, doing "whatever" is NOT the right way to break up with someone ... while he may be crazy, I know it when I see it, you also sent the wrong (and mixed) messages.
  3. "Apparently you can't leave your phone off or your friends come looking for you" Wish I had friends like that.
  4. "I swear if the next guy I find is as much of a stalker as Zac and CJ were, then I'm turning straight." ok, I have several responses to this

  • I'm sure I could arrange for you to be the next "Amazingly Hot Boyfriend".

  • Graeme is right ... or was it trebs ... anyway ... women are no better. But then I managed to not be able to say "no" to a particularly crazy one.

  • Don't make Steven, Jeff, Viv (+1) and myself come and put you into an ex-breeder program.

"(Who just wants to take a nap in peace!)"

 

Am I the only one who wants to snuggle with Joe now 0:):wub:

 

:king: Dr. Mr. Snow "Snoopy" Dog

(P.S. Yes, I have been working on too many proposals lately)

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Other than what I told you on MSN I only have a few things to add:
  • I'm sure I could arrange for you to be the next "Amazingly Hot Boyfriend".
now that is just wrong!

Graeme is right ... or was it trebs ... anyway ... women are no better. But then I managed to not be able to say "no" to a particularly crazy one.
Trust me some of them are down right bonkers, but thats a long story best saved for a twelve pack... and then some.

Don't make Steven, Jeff, Viv (+1) and myself come and put you into an ex-breeder program.
See I'd just call it deprogramming and break out a twsiter mat
:P

Am I the only one who wants to snuggle with Joe now 0:):wub:

 

I'm going to go with the obvious answer and say no.

 

Hang in there Joe; you'll find someone. I'd say when you stop looking but that hasn't worked over here just yet, so I'll keep that advice to myself.

 

Okay now I have to run off and post something about only when I get paid.... ^_^

 

Steve

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I met CJ (The boyfriend, not the goat)

 

Given Mr. Stalker's choice in names, I figured I'd better highlight that bit. :)

 

Joe, all I can say is.. ouch. That stinks. The guy sure does sound like he's a few bricks short of a full load. He was IMHO going WAY too fast; if I read that right, you'd known him less than a week and he is pressing you to move in? Yipes. Then that huge volume of messages.. Whoa, and the rest is just icing on the cake.

 

I agree with Trebs; Gay men in their late teens and early twenties, especially the recently-closeted, have zero dating skills. However, i think this guy goes way beyond that problem.

 

Just be careful, and don't you dare turn straight :)

 

Speaking of being careful; please watch out around this guy; sometimes people like him can get really weird when they feel they've been rejected. Don't take anything for granted.

 

CJ (the crazy one, but not the stalker...).

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I think I've finally managed to get him off my back. He wouldn't stop calling me so finally last night when he sent me a text saying, "I just have one question and then I'll leave you alone." I answered the phone. It didn't help that Tina and Michelle were in the car and were laughing their asses off, but I took the call anyways.

 

And one question my ass! He kept going on and on. He asked me if things I said about him were true and asked if I told Josh that he was sad and pathetic. Which I never did. I implied it and I think Josh said those actual words, but I never directly told him that. And then he goes in and says, "Well did you have this whole plan to get back together with me, screw around that night and then break up with me the next day just to hurt me even more?" At that point I got pissed and told him I wouldn't have that conversation with him and hung up. He sent me a text with some bullshit after that that I didn't really read, but oh well.

 

Anyways, I'm off to yet ANOTHER class (I have 3 on Mondays and Wednesdays... what a bitch).

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Awww I'm sorry Joe :(

 

Guys are crazy! They seriously are! I've had quite enough of gay boy drama to last me and it sounds like you're getting BOTH barrels!

 

Good luck! :hug:

-Kevin

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I just thought of something Joe. No more telling your BF's about GA until after 6 months of successful dating. We don't need the extra drama here when you break their hearts. :P

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I just thought of something Joe. No more telling your BF's about GA until after 6 months of successful dating. We don't need the extra drama here when you break their hearts. :P

Geeze vic, if we followed that rule for you (or me :wacko: ) we wouldn't be posting 'til 2018

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Joe-

 

Beware of guys that hang with fag-hags: they pick up very bad and annoying habits from them- like NOT knowing when to leave well enough alone or when to shut the f**K up. I tried be str8 but women were just too damned annoying and that is the LAST thing I'm looking for in a man.

 

OK- horibly sexist rant over.

 

On average, young gay men 18-22, are typically well behind their str8 counterparts in dating skills. Most of them don't come out until their junior/senior year in high school. Then many don't begin to "date" until they are 18 or older and out of the house.

 

In comparison, Str8 kids may start dating, going to dances, etc as early as junior high.

 

At your age, you are going to run into a lot of guys who simply have no idea how to act. It's not so much a matter of them being psycho as being horribly inexperienced while trying to be super-cool. This usually the formula for acting like a jack@ss.

 

You have a choice. You can either: pick one of these awkward, annoying oafs that shows potential and hope he grows up or you can hold out for Mr. Perfect.

 

If you thought that immature and inexperienced were annoying, just wait till you get a load of Mr. Perfect.

 

 

 

James

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Beware of guys that hang with fag-hags: they pick up very bad and annoying habits from them- like NOT knowing when to leave well enough alone or when to shut the f**K up. I tried be str8 but women were just too damned annoying and that is the LAST thing I'm looking for in a man.

 

I believe Joe has his own hag, only he calls her a 'friend'

 

awkward, annoying oafs

 

Some of us never outgrow the awkward and annoying ... I don't know if I was ever an "oaf". Anyway, there is a HUGE difference between "annoying and awkward" and "manipulative and controlling". I will grant you that SOME of CJ's (not the goat, well, maybe him too, but I have no authority to speak on that one) behaviour may be lain at the feet of inexperience with personal relationships, but you don't have to have any "experience" to be able to restrain yourself from sending dozens of unanswered text messages.

 

Of course, as I have said many times, doing, whatever, is not the best way to break up with someone.

 

:king: Dr. Mr. Snow "Snoopy" Dog

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Beware of guys that hang with fag-hags: they pick up very bad and annoying habits from them- like NOT knowing when to leave well enough alone or when to shut the f**K up. I tried be str8 but women were just too damned annoying and that is the LAST thing I'm looking for in a man.

 

I believe Joe has his own hag, only he calls her a 'friend'

I agree, I love straight girls :wub: Lesbians are lotsa fun too!

awkward, annoying oafs

 

Some of us never outgrow the awkward and annoying ... I don't know if I was ever an "oaf". Anyway, there is a HUGE difference between "annoying and awkward" and "manipulative and controlling". I will grant you that SOME of CJ's (not the goat, well, maybe him too, but I have no authority to speak on that one) behaviour may be lain at the feet of inexperience with personal relationships, but you don't have to have any "experience" to be able to restrain yourself from sending dozens of unanswered text messages.

Well said, If you can't take the hint after all that you mustn't have any experience at human relationships.

 

I guess that may be harsh, but I've had a few guys come on way too strong too, and it's definitely a turn off :thumbdown:

 

Of course, as I have said many times, doing, whatever, is not the best way to break up with someone.

*sigh* also very true.

 

-Kevin

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Though, finding someone to just do, whatever, with occasionally, can sometimes help take the edge off... and let you relax and be patient enough to find "Mr. Perfect"...

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Though, finding someone to just do, whatever, with occasionally, can sometimes help take the edge off... and let you relax and be patient enough to find "Mr. Perfect"...

Never said it wasn't, just don't pick someone who is crazier than my wife

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Ick, Have a guy that used to be on our shift, he just went to 1st, he's really nice guy. but his gf bleh. she's an absoulte control freak, even when she wasn't there, whined and bitch to go outside to text her. worked for just a bit at our work place, would really let him laugh, had no sense of humor. once he moved, she stop e texting one of my friends. course just to check up on him, now she's pregnant, there both just 20.

 

For guys trebs is right esp the closet ones that don't know how to act never dated.

 

Next time try not to find another guy to date at a club, please keep an open mind about dating girls and guys, both can be wacko's and control freaks.

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