Steve, I know you're working on a degree, and that should help you in the future. I too have an overall shyness, but that is just part of my personality. You just have to be yourself and be content with it.

These days, "30" may be the new "20" - seriously. Everyone is living later, there is less pressure to immediately achieve.

From high school, I immediately went to a university (UCSC). After 1 1/2 years, I... well, basically was asked to leave - heh. I had only passed 5 of my 9 classes in the first year (3 classes each for 3 quarters) so at the beginning of my 2nd year, my counselor basically said, I needed to pass all 3 classes, especially Core - which was an literature type class that was only offered fall semesters. Well, I passed 2 of 3 - and the administration was nice enough to say come back later when you're ready and we'll mark it down as a student initiated leave of absence (of course - if I didn't agree, it would have been just a administration-based kick anyways).

My mom - well, didn't take it well. But got me to immediately enroll in community college back home. I did that (usually dropping all classes two weeks after starting each semester) and worked food service jobs. Finally, three years of that, I started admiting to myself that I was gay, that Fairfield (where I grew up and was living again) was NOT the place to be out, and that I needed to get out of there. I started getting serious about classes - took 2 1/2 years to not only finish the classes I needed but take some I didn't need just to clean up my transcript and transferred to Sac State.

I got lucky in that a good friend was going through a lot of the same - minus the gay aspect. He also went from high school directly into the marines, got kicked out for a medical condition and worked food service. We both started getting serious about school again at the same time - him just to make more money (econ major), me again, to get out of town. Ironic thing - he (the straight guy) transferred to San Francisco State... We're still friends - two of the few of our group of friends that did get out of Fairfield.

The important thing is not if you take the next step at 18, or 25 or 30 or even 35 - the important thing is that if that is what you want to do, you plan out and achieve it. When I finally got to Sac State - I was about 7 years older than many in my classes - a few others had also waited and so we talked at times. A common thread in those talks was "I'm going to be XX age before I ever finally graduate" and a slight despair. But the flip was "Ya, but if you don't just keep working towards it, you'll be that age and NOT have anything" - doesn't matter how long it takes, if it is something you want, just keep working towards it.

Last thing - you get offers from people who know you because YOU ARE A GREAT PERSON. You are f**kING hot, you have a FANTASTIC personality, you're bright, willing to help out, SOOO very giving of yourself - do you get the picture? A WONDERFUL guy!

And if that is too much for you to take - well, heh - get over yourself because you ARE that good...

<hug>

Steve, you almost make it seem like it's not hard for anyone to step out of their shell of a life. You like being in a comfortable lifestyle, it seems. Anyone can say that you need take a step outside of normality, but few ever do. You have to want something enough to just go for it. It's not like you're dumb, you can do whatever you want, Steve.

Life is what you make it, so think about what you want, think about what makes you happy, what will make you happy. Figure out what it is you can do to get where you want.

M

Hey Steve,

It is easy to get comfortable where you're at. Most people probably would be stagnant. Not everyone is super driven. I'm not, but with Asian parents bearing down on me, I have no choice but to kick it in high gear after I'm done with school.

As for you, it seems like you have an idea of what you want to do, but can't seem to make it to that point. That happens to a lot of people. It's kinda like, "Where do I begin?" or "Can I make it that far?" Whatever issues you had in the past, put it behind you and look at this as a fresh start in which you can succeed. So if you want to achieve something, go get it. Don't let any little doubt get you down. Try to create tunnel vision where you only see your goal. Before you know it, you'll get there!

And everything takes work. Baby steps. Finish JR college and then prepare for university. Unfortunately, nothing is easy and you can't skip steps although we'd all like to. Eventually you'll get there.

Life is scary. It's hard to find any happiness or sense of contentment out of life unless you branch out a little and dig into the unknown. But once you step out, it will be worth it. It's the only way to escape.

Tiff

opting for instant gratification plagues me to no end! the key is to keep your final goal in mind. find some way to remind yourself... a picture or a quote that represents what you're shooting for.

as for motivation... Tiff has it right: small steps. they not only help to get you where you're going, but also allow you to feel a sense of accomplishment along the way. throw the word "but" out of your vocabulary! never say, sure I've completed this class, but I still have thousands more to go. instead, stop before the "but" and enjoy the sense of accomplishment. say, I've completed this class, wahoo!

on being a shut-in and avoiding life itself... one of my best friends from college once told me that I have to trust my friends. I may feel ashamed that my life hasn't advanced as much as theirs, but that really doesn't bother them. they just want my company. I don't know, I'm still struggling to understand this one myself. all I've figured out so far is that when avoiding becomes habit, you almost have to relearn how to participate in life again. totally sucks.