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I know the pieces fit....

AFriendlyFace

Entry posted by AFriendlyFace

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because I watched them fall apart.

 

 

Two of my closest friends are breaking up. They were two of the first people I met when I moved to Houston and they were a brand new couple at the time. We were so close because I was their friend. I didn't belong to either one. I had an individual relationship with both, and the three of us had a great dynamic. It was nice, it was...equal. I didn't realize it would make a break up harder. I mean if I was primarily one of them's friend, it would be so nice and easy to just pick a side and write off the other person as the bad guy. I can't really do that here though. I can truly and deeply see each side, and I can see both sets of motivations and feelings...but I can't do anything about it.

 

I just spent the evening watching them hash it out it my own living room. I mean, I was aware things were bad, but I didn't know they were quite as bad as all that. It was so odd, feeling like an intruder in your own house. Yet I somehow felt like my presence as a neutral party might have been helping. Regardless, I was uncomfortable interrupting to say, "excuse me, I should go upstairs and give you your privacy." I thought about doing just that the whole time, and it was pretty much always on the tip of my tongue. Nevertheless, it didn't feel quite right to say. So I sat there, quietly, watching them fall apart.

 

 

On top of that I have other friends feuding, deep schisms in my immediate family, as well as a great deal of serious health problems plaguing my family.

 

 

I sort of feel like I'm watching them all fall apart, and I'm just standing here, in tact. I'm fine, I'm in good health, I'm not struggling with anyone. I am emotionally and physically stable. But what can I do?

 

I know the answer to that; I can do nothing. I can't take sides with my dear friends, the breaking couple, because that would only make things worse and add another layer of complications to the whole thing. As it would if I picked sides with my family or my other friends. I certainly can't make anyone healthy either. All I can do is listen, be supportive, try to remain positive, but neutral.

 

So that's what I'll do, and I won't make this about me, and I won't butt in, and I won't feel guilty about being okay. I'll just watch the pieces fall apart and once it's over I'll see if I can remember where they go.

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8 Comments

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Myk

Myk 172

Posted

:hug:
viv

viv 687

Posted

I think the best thing you can do is be the best friend you can be to whomever is asking it of you at the time. At some point it's likely that you'll get approached by one or both of them for advice or allowance of some idea or behavior.

 

I'm really sorry that your friends are breaking up :( And I'm sorry you're dealing with being unable to actually DO anything to fix things or help. I know the feeling well, and it's not something I wish on anyone. I'll be thinking of you and hoping for the best.

 

Hugs,

Viv

 

PS. I totally freakin' miss you! :hug:

NaperVic

NaperVic 161

Posted

All I can do is listen, be supportive, try to remain positive, but neutral.

Good policy. It's hard to sit there and just let it all happen, but it's probably best for everyone involved.

 

Hopefully a new puzzle will develop from all the pieces :)

Objectivist

Objectivist 1

Posted

It sounds like you just might be the rock that your friends need, and your family need. Ya know? The one person with the level head, and that is stable... if only for this brief moment in time.

 

You want to be there for them, the way that they (friends and family) are going to want to be there for you... when you end up not being as healthy, or as emotionally or physically stable as you are now. That's when your friends and family are going to be there for you, cause thats when you'll need them most.

 

I hope you're able to remember where the pieces fit, and remember, youre part of the puzzle... maybe you're the piece that brings them all together? (IDK)

 

James

W_L

W_L 10,912

Posted

Sometimes life is like a slow disaster that we merely witnesses to; hearing what's been happening to you Kev' reminds me of that famous footage of the Hindenburg as it was engulfed in flames to everyone horror and the paralysis of everyone watching it unfold.

 

Perhaps, there is nothing you can do to fix the issues at hand, but I love it that you are willing to help out afterward. The best we can do in life, when facing oncoming disaster before our eyes without the ability to alter it, is merely observe and learn from it.

 

I hope you grow from everything and everyone including yourself will end up better off than where they started.

 

:hug::hug: :hug: :hug::hug:

Mark Arbour

Mark Arbour 100,699

Posted

Kev,

 

You sound so grounded an on track. I'm proud of you. :wub:

 

And this was probably the shortest blog or post I've ever seen you write. Not sure what the symbolism of that is?

JamesSavik

JamesSavik 24,859

Posted

Cool Tool reference! Way to go Kevin! :)

AFriendlyFace

AFriendlyFace 191

Posted

Thanks everyone :)

 

I really appreciate all the support and kind words!

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