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I'm Coming Out

AFriendlyFace

Entry posted by AFriendlyFace

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For the past several months I've been subconsciously aware of a sort of disparity between my feelings and my professed identity. I mean, I guess the feelings were always there, but I'd gotten into the habit of writing them off as unimportant or irrelevant.

 

That's sort of the best I can do as a means of introduction, and it's still not very accurate. It's not that I only became aware of the feelings a month ago, and it isn't quite that I had written them off either. I always admitted them, both to myself and anyone who cared to ask, but...somehow in the last several months they've become increasingly difficult to marginalize (still not the right word because I still don't really feel like that's what I've been doing).

 

I'm gay, but I'm not homosexual. I'm...well, honestly I'm still largely figuring it out, but given the inherent limitations of the labels I think the best I can do is, "bisexual leaning male."

 

That's right, I've finally said. No more skirting the issue or looking for ways to semantically soften the impact. I could write volumes (which I'm sure no one doubts) about how I define and understand my sexuality and the internal thought processes and attractions of which it consists. Truth be told, I'd rather do that than smack a little label on it and expose myself to all the prejudice and misconceptions. Oh well, screw it:

 

I'M BISEXUAL

 

 

I'm still working out what it means though...

 

 

 

I actually feel kind of isolated and confused about who to turn to. I actually don't feel like this is really the best place. I kinda am expecting most people reading this to shrug it off. I've talked to a few close friends about it...but they're gay and homosexual...and at least one of them is partially biphobic even though I know he doesn't mean to be.

 

It's funny how all of this came about. I subconsciously started becoming more and more interested in bi issues and combating bi-phobia..and gradually I accepted that I had a vested interest. That's actually almost exactly how I came out to myself as gay. On the bright side both experiences mean/meant that I felt comfortable and okay with the new identity I was getting myself mixed up in, but in a lot of ways this is pretty much just as confusing. I suppose there's also the risk that I'll never do anything with it. I mean I don't have to because I'm already living my primary attraction. I dunno, maybe I'll try girls and decide it was just a phase and that it's out of my system now. I kinda doubt it somehow though.

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Cynical Romantic

Cynical Romantic 5

Posted

*Applauds*

 

Don't really have anything beyond that, because like you said, the actual content of the statement matters less than the fact that you felt the need to make it, and you did. This is really not about labels or other people's definitions, it's about what you feel is part of your identity and being. And it's obviously important to you, so kudos to you.

 

As for what you do with it, if anything, well, that's entirely up to you. Maybe something, maybe nothing. You don't actually have to do a whole lot. But we each see the world through a particular prism, and it sounds like you've just changed the colour of the lens a little bit. Hopefully it's clarified your vision.

KJames

KJames 89

Posted

*Applauds*

 

Don't think for a minute that people here won't support you in your decision...being bi- is probably harder than being just gay...hard to explain the difference between the two, for me at this point.... But I don't feel that you should be put down because you find it okay to be intimate with women...and men more often than that.

 

It's the rare breed that is a true bisexual and wants to have sex with both sexes at the same time, or intimate relationships with a member of each sex concurrently, whether sex is a 3-way or one-on-one with each...

 

You will just have to become more comfortable with yourself, now that you know.

Mark Arbour

Mark Arbour 100,699

Posted

How liberating for you Kev! Join the club. :worship: There's a lot of crap that gets thrown at bi guys, even on this site. I've seen Myk go apoplectic a few times over things, and I've done it myself. It gives you more options, frees you up to love whoever you want, regardless of whether or not they have an appendage dangling from their groin. But it comes with a stigma of unreliability, insincerity. The good news is that these stigmas seem to come from the extremes of the sexual scale (mostly straight or mostly gay). Now that you know who you are, it may be easier to find that one person.

 

Wait a minute. I've seen your standards and requirements. Maybe not. :P

Procyon

Procyon 17

Posted

Good on you. :) I can understand that you're confused though, I see a lot of comments here on GA that are biphobic if you think about it -- though I'm sure 95% of those who make those comments aren't even aware of it, and mean no harm -- and I assume it must be like that among the gay people you know, too. So I hope the people you haven't told yet will take it well and be supportive. Good luck! :D

Myk

Myk 172

Posted

Good for you Kev. You are right, I am thinking 'big deal'. Well that is partially a lie, I know it can be hard to reveal something so personal, so good for you!

 

As for Mark's comments...I have been a good boy lately :P

 

:hug:

Greg

Mark Arbour

Mark Arbour 100,699

Posted

Good for you Kev. You are right, I am thinking 'big deal'. Well that is partially a lie, I know it can be hard to reveal something so personal, so good for you!

 

As for Mark's comments...I have been a good boy lately :P

 

:hug:

Greg

 

You're better when you're bad. :devil:

LongGone

LongGone 3

Posted

Love isn't a matter of gender. It's a matter of who you're in love with. To limit it to one gender is closed minded.

Myk

Myk 172

Posted

You're better when you're bad. :devil:

 

LOL I'm not sure kev would agree, he has to put me back into my place :P

W_L

W_L 10,912

Posted

Can I still propose to you? :unsure::wub::wub::wub:

B1ue

B1ue 724

Posted

Welcome to the club. Just remember that Fridays are fish taco nights, and you'll fit right in.

corvus

corvus 146

Posted

Nicely done... more fish in your sea. :)

Tiger

Tiger 1,741

Posted

Good for you Kev! I've been accused, at times, of not being bi friendly, but I am one to see things as case by case. Gay is the label for me, but even I have my curiosities. I see you're beyond that point, and that's great for you. :music:

old bob

old bob 321

Posted

Also welcome to the club ! And dont let you disturb by too much thinking. You said "I'm still working out what it means though." Let you lead by your feelings, enjoy day by day. Bi's have a much larger horizon than others gays. Use it and don

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