Returning emails to underage readers

[DomLuka]

Okay, so recently I've gotten some feedback from a few readers who obviously ignore disclaimers(which isn't all that uncommon) But, my question is for authors who get feedback from younger readers, who legally shouldnt be in adult sites, is, do you respond?

 

I try to respond to everyone, but when they tell you how old they are(like 12 or 13) I'm not sure if I should respond or not. Some people have told me that it could be considered 'soliciting a minor' even to just say 'thanks.' And for the kids who ask for advice, I feel really bad about not responding.

 

Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but I guess these days you can't be too careful. If anyone has any advice or an opinion on this matter I'd really appreciate it.

 

Smiles, Dom

[movieguy47]

ummm that tricky, how do you know if it really a kid that young and not a older person spying?

 

i never got one yet, so i will let other authors answers this one

 

if you do i would make sure to say thank, but you are not old enough to read the story

that way you cover yourself without sounding like a perv looking for young people in case it a watch dog letters

 

other may have different view and i might like to read them in case i get one

 

i mean you don't want to hurt anyone feeling if they are that young and make them feel like they are not normal, i hope you understand what i mean

 

any other advice out there?

[JulienGregg]

I have gotten many emails from readers claiming to be too young to read my work. I personally opt to stay on the safe side and just delte their emails. I know it is rude, but I can't just won't take any chances with the laws regarding children and pornography.

[Myr]

I reply to everyone. If they mention that they are a minor, I make sure that I don't say anything inappropriate. Some of them would be trolls and some are the real thing. Remember how confusing that age is. If they ask questions about such things, direct them someplace for gay youth. We have set up a lot of links here:

https://www.gayauthors.org/gayteens.html

There are also a lot of other sites.

 

I'd be really careful to remember that the real boys that are reading these stories are in the age group that has the highest suicide rate... They might be reading your story and reaching out thinking that being gay is okay, only to be rebuffed by you. So long as you don't try to meet these people or send them porn or links to porn, then you're fine. If you end up directing them to sites that specialize in helping gay youth, you might save a life.

[Bill W]

I, too, respond to all emails. Most of the time, those boys show up at our sites because they are scared, confused or desperately seeking information. To ignore them or respond that you can't give them an answer would be like slamming a door in the kid's face. Just word your responses carefully, so it does not seem that you are encouraging them or solisiting them. I had one boy I responded to when he was 13 and over the years we've become quite close. He is 18 now and he has sent me Father's Day cards, telling me I was always there for him when his own father wasn't. I hate to think what might have become of this wonderful kid, if I failed to answer his email.

[DomLuka]

Thanks for the advice guys! I guess you can never be too careful. So now I get to go respond by suggesting links for teens and telling them thanks without actually encouraging them to read my story. *sigh*

 

They should have a nifty for younger readers. Maybe they do and I just haven't heard of it yet. I'll have to do some research. Thanks again!

 

Smiles, Dom

[Sparhawk]

Dom, I think that is a wonderful idea!

 

A nifty for young readers. I know that we have several authors that could be very good at writing these type stories.

 

Oh my think of the possiblites,,......maybe even a "Hardy Boys" fanfic.....hehehe

 

By the way that was not poking fun, I really enjoyed the "Hardy Boys" when I was a kid.

 

I think that this is worth thinking about.

 

Anymore input here guys?????

[Myr]

As someone that owns all the Hardy Boys books... I especially enjoyed one of the books where Mom Hardy tells the boys not forget their rubbers when they leave. (I think it meant shoes )

 

We might be able to set something up here if we can find the writers. I've certainly found some published books for gay youth.

[DomLuka]

I've never actually read the hardy boys. Now I feel left out. I'll have to go book shopping and see what I'm missing.

 

Myr, do you have the names of those books for gay teens? I'm trying to add to the list of info I've got going to send to my younger readers. And, I'm curious to know what type of content is in stories that underage readers should be reading. I've been fooling around with some story ideas, but my usual stuff is more adult so I don't know. And I have sort of um, a potty mouth, as my mother calls it.

 

Anyways, the names of any stories that I could recommend and not get into too much trouble for would be helpful.

 

Smiles, Dom

[Myr]

Am I Blue? : Coming Out from the Silence edited by Marion Dane Bauer

Growing Up Gay/Growing Up Lesbian: A Literary Anthology edited by Bennett L. Singer

Two Teenagers in Twenty: Writings by Gay & Lesbian Youth by Ann Heron

 

If you go to amazon, they'll also recommend similar books to those. I've only read Am I Blue? The Title story is written by Bruce Coville of "Jeremy Thatcher, Dragon Hatcher" and "Monster's Ring" kids book fame. It is a good story.

[DomLuka]

Am I Blue? : Coming Out from the Silence edited by Marion Dane Bauer

Growing Up Gay/Growing Up Lesbian: A Literary Anthology edited by Bennett L. Singer

Two Teenagers in Twenty: Writings by Gay & Lesbian Youth by Ann Heron

 

If you go to amazon, they'll also recommend similar books to those.  I've only read Am I Blue?  The Title story is written by Bruce Coville of "Jeremy Thatcher, Dragon Hatcher" and "Monster's Ring" kids book fame.  It is a good story.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Thanks! I'll check them out.

 

Smiles, Dom

[miguelsanchez55]

Hi All,

I've had many a young reader email me. When I came out with my story Homeroom Bunch over 75% of my letters were from teens. Some of them were just writing to tell me how much they enjoyed the story, some were looking for a little companionship (a penpal type of thing) and others were looking for guidence because the story hit home for them.

 

I used to have an online group for gay teens and I was able to guide them to an appropriate place so they could get further assistance.

 

Normally I would give them a generic answer like, "Thanks for the kind words. I hope you continue to enjoy the story."

 

I guess we need to judge each email by it's content and I do agree we need to be oh so very careful about what we say but we can reply to these emails without hurting their feelings. If they read our wook and take the time to write us, we should at least write them back thanking them for reading.

 

Take care,

Mike Sanchez :sword:

[Aleric]

Bah, I get sick when I read this

 

I hope this stuff is limited to sick (sorry) countries

like the USA. What is WRONG with people these days?

Don't get me wrong, I am not attacking you guys,

but to read that "you can't even f**king MAIL an

under age back out of fear for whatever!" ARGH!

This really really upsets me to hear it!

 

Kids are people too, and they happen to be the people

that I care the most for (as does everyone or so they claim).

So, when a kid would email me then sure as hell he gets

priority with a reply from me!

 

Now I understand that children do better when not

going into a request to meet someone - because there

are enough sickos out there, so I'd be the last to encourage

them to think that it is ok to meet anyone, ever, by trying

to set up a meeting myself. But I am not aware of a law

that would forbid me to try and set up a meeting with

a kid either. Not that I intend to, but I refuse to a-priory

"promise" not to do that. I think that I have the common

sense to know what is right and wrong - and I won't do

anything wrong, simple as that. "Wrong" here means,

anything bad for someone else.

 

If these kids are reading your stories, and those stories

contain graphic descriptions of sexual acts and other emotional

stuff; then does ANYONE think that it will help those kids

if you tell then they are not allowed to read it? Or shouldn't read it?

Or, God forbids, that they will be punished if they read it?

 

Now, law or no law, I see no harm in reading the type of

stories that we write (although I didn't read all of them of course).

Children are healthy curious, and when they are interested

in this type of story at a young age than I don't give a damn

they read it; there is just ONE thing that matters: they very likely

need a little help, a comforting word, understanding, a pat on

their shoulder. Hey, you're not alone and it is ok, kind of thing.

Sure, in some cases it might better if they had not read it,

but we can't change that. I am not going to try and contact

the parents anyway (I'd never betray a kid like that, except

when it was to save their lifes).

 

Grmbl. Sorry, I suppose you can tell that I am pretty mad about

this pathetic "Oh lets protect the childeren against this EVIL called

sex!", yeah - guess what they will get a trauma of

 

What I want to say is this. If we can't HELP boys, like Myr said,

in the "highest suicide rate" age group, because of some #@!$@$

witch-hunt beep beep beep. Then they can stick their morals in

their beep and beeeepbeeeep beep beep.

 

Now, .. I really don't want to add this, cause I believe that this

site is only read by intelligent people. Sigh, but here it goes:

No, I don't mean that it is ok email them porno graphics texts,

or links there too, or encourage them to do things you wouldn't

encourage your own son to do too. And I also don't think it is

ok to encourage them to do anything (including meeting you) that

you think their parents wouldn't agree with. But we ARE responsible,

we ARE the right people to give them the support they might need.

So just give it when you think they need a friend.

Now, if that still doesn't make you nod in agreement, here are a

few examples what I think is common sense:

1) Boy of 13 reacts to a story with lots of graphic sex in it. He says

he liked it. Reply: Thanks for mailing me John.

2) Boy of 13 reacts to the same and tells you that he is thinking about

committing suicide cause his parents will never ever understand it.

Reply: Send him a long, understanding mail in which you explain that

things might look bad now but that suicide is not a solution. Remind him

that his parents love him and will always love him, and give him a few

real good links to sites for further help. Most importantly, make it clear

that you are there for him whenever he needs you to be, and that he is

welcome to mail you anytime he feels like it.

 

Ok, I hope I made my point clear . Common sense thus.

 

Aleric

[Myr]

I think the situation is thus that people watch witch hunts like this Michael Jackson thing and others and they want to avoid the possibility. I still say that as long as you make no attempt to meet someone you think is underage and you avoid getting into graphic discussions of sex, you're fine. If they are asking about sex, direct them to a few informative sites for youngsters. And as Aleric says, kids are people too.

[dkstories]

I've had a few e-mails from underage people myself. I'm actually more worried about violence content for the young in some of my stories more than the sexual, although at times they go hand in hand.

 

When I was twelve, my own Aunt Carol gave me the book Dhalgren by Samuel R. Delaney. Considering the main character is a black bi-sexual and the story is very violent, and the sex with men and women is somewhat graphic, my parents would have had a heart attack if they'd read the book. As it was, it provided many visual fantasies for me.

 

Could the author of that book been brought up on charges of contributing to the delinquency of a minor, or just my aunt who provided the access? Does a minor who accesses our stories on a website where there is a general disclaimer incur the possibility of a charge againt the author and website owner or his parents for providing the internet access? So far, I'm unaware of any actual charges being pressed against authors or websites or even civil lawsuits.

 

There is adult content on this site as far as text, but there are appropriate age disclaimers, etc, and the pornography sections of the 1996 Internet Security Act were thrown out by the Supreme Court. E-mail responses are a little more dangerous in that if you're trying to arrange a specific meeting with an underage individual, discussing sex, etc, you can expect the door to be knocked down.

 

However, merely responding to a message with a Thank you won't do that. If they make you aware they are underage and reading the work, a reminder that the work is intended for people over 18 might be wise. For instance, I usually respond with something like "I really appreciate your writing to tell me you enjoy the story. Jut a reminder, the story is meant for people of legal age." If they ask questions about the story, or life in general I respond, but sexually-related questions and so forth are referred to one of the sites mentioned by the others. I try to be as encouraging as possible to the ones dealing with severe problems, especially those with very problematical parents. If they are having problems with parents, or others, or are expressing suicidal thoughts, I recommend they see a professional for help, and have even gone so far as to find a licensed therapist who lives in their area who might be able to help them.

 

Yes, when any adult deals with minor children, there are rules, laws, and customs that must be carefully considered and followed. That does not mean you can't talk to them without fear of arrest. In fact, if you don't respond to someone who has expressed suicidal thoughts or you don't encourage them to get PROFESSIONAL help, you can be facing some serious problems.

 

Yes, you have to be careful, but slamming the door in their face is much more damaging in the long run.

[PeaceKeeper]

I am not an author, but I do read lots of stories on Nifty and other sites when I hear of them. If I like a story, I always send a comment to the author, no matter what his or her age (if, indeed, you can tell an author's age by the writing style). I don't always get an acknowledgement from that author, and that does bother me. Also, I enjoy email pen-pal relationships and encourage them without regard to age.

 

Clearly, I am intelligent enough not to make any comment or suggestion that would cause a government entity to put me under arrest for an inappropriate contact with a minor.

 

Given the opinions already expressed in this subject, I would like to add my two cents on the side of responding to anyone that sends you comments about your story. If nothing else, it is the courteous thing to do.

 

I also agree that there are an inordinate number of gay teen suicides and if there is any opportunity for anyone to possibly thwart an attempt by keeping in touch with someone that writes to you, go for it - it may save a life.

 

Until next time, PK

[Guest AF1]

First post here, and I finally got around to registering especially to respond to this question.

 

A lot of young people use the Net as their one resource for the "You Are Not Alone" sensation that enables them to keep going on. They're resilient, but they have their breaking points.

 

When one of them has taken the risk to write, you owe them a response.

 

I can understand questions of legal liability arising -- but there's a really simple way to deal with that:

 

"I'm obliged to remind you that, depending on the laws where you live, you may be legally barred from reading sexually explicit stories such as _____." Then go on with thanks, advice, commiseration, etc., as appropriate.

 

Any young person is aware that the laws prohibit him from doing things that he may wish to do until he is older. And none of them is interested in putting the author in a legal bind. They will understand the purport of your reminder, and not be put off by it.

 

By including that, however, you have dealt with the legalities of the situation. You are not encouraging them to break the law; in fact, you have reminded them of its requirements. Having done so, showing caring towards a troubled teen, or one finding self-acceptance, is well within what you can reasonably do.