What do you do with your exs?

[BeaStKid]

Oh, BK, you're still young! You have time! You probably hear this advice all the time- but don't think about dating. Go out and talk, meet new people, and out of nowhere, someone will appear. That's how it usually happens. Trust me. It doesn't seem that way now, but it really does.

That I do...and I am sure you'd have also heard this a lot of times----> God give me patience......and please be fast with it...

[TalonRider]

As for exes- I find that you can't be friends and usually never talk again. But then again, it depends on your connection. If you were really good friends to begin with, you might try harder to stay connected somehow. Or if you weren't that serious to begin with, you could either never seem them again, or establish a friendship.

I agree that it depends on the connection. My last BF and I were friends first. When we parted ways, we remained friends. We live in different states now and I make a point of going to visit with him when I go home.

[Tiff]

That I do...and I am sure you'd have also heard this a lot of times----> God give me patience......and please be fast with it...

I hope on some random night and by some divine intervention, patience will be bestowed upon you! And very fast- like within 24 hrs.

 

Ever thought of trying an online dating site? LOL. Normally, I'd never recommend that, but hey, it could work for some people. You might have to go through a bunch of crappy frogs before findind someone worthy, but maybe it can be a funny process. AS in having some stories to tell your friends over dinner. One of my friends got engaged to a guy she met online. Try anything! :wacko:

[BeaStKid]

I hope on some random night and by some divine intervention, patience will be bestowed upon you! And very fast- like within 24 hrs.

 

Ever thought of trying an online dating site? LOL. Normally, I'd never recommend that, but hey, it could work for some people. You might have to go through a bunch of crappy frogs before findind someone worthy, but maybe it can be a funny process. AS in having some stories to tell your friends over dinner. One of my friends got engaged to a guy she met online. Try anything! :wacko:

 

India? Dating for gay men?? I guess you should take a look at this before.

 

Well, even if I did post something on an online site, first off, it won't work for me. As most of the guys lie about their ages and I prefer someone closer to my age. Another would be that I like to get to know the person for what he is. Most of the men on these profiles want just one thing and that I am not ready to give without getting to know them first.

 

Nice suggestion, nevertheless. But not for someone living in India.

 

BeaStKid

[Tiger]

I don't have any ex's.

 

I'm still with my first boyfriend. It's been like that for almost five years.

You are lucky in that regard. I hope your luck continues.

 

no ex's...not even a boyfriend yet!!

I'm sure you will find one. Don't give up hope.

 

 

India? Dating for gay men?? I guess you should take a look at this before.

 

Well, even if I did post something on an online site, first off, it won't work for me. As most of the guys lie about their ages and I prefer someone closer to my age. Another would be that I like to get to know the person for what he is. Most of the men on these profiles want just one thing and that I am not ready to give without getting to know them first.

 

Nice suggestion, nevertheless. But not for someone living in India.

 

BeaStKid

There is always the idea of moving to the western world where it is at least a little easier.

[Lugh]

Lugh lives near a salt marsh.

Lugh has no ex's.

Lugh likes the salt marsh.

[TalonRider]

As most of the guys lie about their ages and I prefer someone closer to my age. Most of the men on these profiles want just one thing and that I am not ready to give without getting to know them first.

 

BeaStKid

Add into that, they lie about their location as well. I ran across one guy listed as living in my area only to find out he was lived in the Philipines. Shortly after I returned from a vacation in August, I received an email from a guy who lived in one of the areas that I was in for three days. I replied back to him that he should have contacted me sooner, we could have met at one of the two amusements parks. Turns out, he too, lives in the Philipines.

 

Then you go to really be careful. Some of them want you to help them get to this country to visit you. They are just looking to get some money from you. So be careful of that scam.

 

There are some nice guys outthere, but that's another funny story.

 

Jan

[Tiger]

Add into that, they lie about their location as well. I ran across one guy listed as living in my area only to find out he was lived in the Philipines. Shortly after I returned from a vacation in August, I received an email from a guy who lived in one of the areas that I was in for three days. I replied back to him that he should have contacted me sooner, we could have met at one of the two amusements parks. Turns out, he too, lives in the Philipines.

 

Then you go to really be careful. Some of them want you to help them get to this country to visit you. They are just looking to get some money from you. So be careful of that scam.

 

There are some nice guys outthere, but that's another funny story.

 

Jan

That scam is even worse for the straight guys. The women actually want to get married to a westerner.

[Tiff]

 

India? Dating for gay men?? I guess you should take a look at this before.

 

Well, even if I did post something on an online site, first off, it won't work for me. As most of the guys lie about their ages and I prefer someone closer to my age. Another would be that I like to get to know the person for what he is. Most of the men on these profiles want just one thing and that I am not ready to give without getting to know them first.

 

Nice suggestion, nevertheless. But not for someone living in India.

 

BeaStKid

Yeah, I take that back. The internet is filled with crazies and I've recently had my share, so I have no idea why I suggested that. Well, only because some people can find luck that way, and it is another way of networking abroad.

 

My friend did the online dating thing and it didn't work out, because they did only want one thing and that wasn't for my friend.

 

So take Tiger's suggestion and one day, when you can, move to a western country. Or study abroad. Or a job oversea. My friend was telling me how he wanted to move to either Canada, Europe, or Australia, in order to work and meet someone new. Not the US though. Not too keen on Americans.

[BeaStKid]

as a matter of fact, I do intend to study abroad. Where, I do not know, but I do intend to. Tiff, if I were to use social networking sites, what better site than the community GA has to offer????

 

Yeah Jan, the lies that these guys tell can be really bad. They even post wrong pics on their profiles.... I would never get involved in such a method!! I'm too much a romantic to go for the online dating way...

 

Thanks everyone, for the comments/suggestions/advice...

[FrenchCanadian]

As for exes- I find that you can't be friends and usually never talk again. But then again, it depends on your connection. If you were really good friends to begin with, you might try harder to stay connected somehow. Or if you weren't that serious to begin with, you could either never seem them again, or establish a friendship.

 

You're right on with that one,, obviously, if you were friends at first, there's chances that you'll still be friends afterwards. If you start going out it a perfect stranger with no connection to you what so ever, well you guys might still talk from time to time, but chances are that you're gonna drift apart.

[Tiff]

as a matter of fact, I do intend to study abroad. Where, I do not know, but I do intend to. Tiff, if I were to use social networking sites, what better site than the community GA has to offer????

 

Yeah Jan, the lies that these guys tell can be really bad. They even post wrong pics on their profiles.... I would never get involved in such a method!! I'm too much a romantic to go for the online dating way...

 

Thanks everyone, for the comments/suggestions/advice...

Good decision on the study abroad. I'm going to be graduating soon- so I missed my chance. I was just too scared to be away from my family, but now they're driving me crazy, so I want to get away.

 

Of course! GA is a great social networking site and a great community to talk/meet people and discuss issues such as these, but as for dating, well, it doesn't have a dating thing included, right?!? Oh check this out: my friend did join an gay online fitness website which also has dating options--I don't know how that works really, but it sounded interesting. And this dating option isn't only about hooking up/sex because there are restrictions- like no nude pictures. Not that that will prevent hooking up, but it kind of keeps things on a certain level, a way to kind of protect their guys.

 

I don't know BK. Dating is hard; you really go through a lot of crazies and crap before finding someone to be happy with. Gay or straight---it's drama all around, man.

[Tiff]

You're right on with that one,, obviously, if you were friends at first, there's chances that you'll still be friends afterwards. If you start going out it a perfect stranger with no connection to you what so ever, well you guys might still talk from time to time, but chances are that you're gonna drift apart.

I always find it a bit sad when couples date for a long time, but then never talk after that. Sure, maybe they weren't friends beforehand, but it just sucks- you wasted a hefty amount of time with them, and you can never enjoy their company again? But maintaining a friendship is hard. Even with people who were friends to begin with, like good friends, it could be awkward and takes a bit of work.

[FrenchCanadian]

I always find it a bit sad when couples date for a long time, but then never talk after that. Sure, maybe they weren't friends beforehand, but it just sucks- you wasted a hefty amount of time with them, and you can never enjoy their company again? But maintaining a friendship is hard. Even with people who were friends to begin with, like good friends, it could be awkward and takes a bit of work.

 

It is sad indeed, cause nomatter what, you invest yourself in a relationship,, unless it ends in a real bad way,,,, well it's a shame never to be talking again...

 

About maintaining a friendship,,, well, I'll say what one of my very best friend said to me. "We all got our lives to live, sometimes you just have to let it go. If right now you guys ain't talking anymore, it doesn't mean that you won't talk to him again in the future"

[corvus]

Before I got myself this ex, I would've expected myself to choose "remains friends" or something. Unfortunately, ax murder is the reality. I am rather disappointed in myself (and the other guy) for how things turned out, but I certainly learned a lot about how arseholish people (myself included) can act.

[BeaStKid]

Good decision on the study abroad. I'm going to be graduating soon- so I missed my chance. I was just too scared to be away from my family, but now they're driving me crazy, so I want to get away.

 

Of course! GA is a great social networking site and a great community to talk/meet people and discuss issues such as these, but as for dating, well, it doesn't have a dating thing included, right?!? Oh check this out: my friend did join an gay online fitness website which also has dating options--I don't know how that works really, but it sounded interesting. And this dating option isn't only about hooking up/sex because there are restrictions- like no nude pictures. Not that that will prevent hooking up, but it kind of keeps things on a certain level, a way to kind of protect their guys.

 

I don't know BK. Dating is hard; you really go through a lot of crazies and crap before finding someone to be happy with. Gay or straight---it's drama all around, man.

That it is...

 

Anyways, if and when I do get a boyfriend and god forbid if we do ever break up, I would love to be his friend always. But i know some situations are ideal and if there's one thing that I've learnt in Chemistry, it's that ideal situations do not exist....

[Tiff]

That it is...

 

Anyways, if and when I do get a boyfriend and god forbid if we do ever break up, I would love to be his friend always. But i know some situations are ideal and if there's one thing that I've learnt in Chemistry, it's that ideal situations do not exist....

Of course ideal situations don't exist- otherwise they wouldn't be ideal!!

 

Ideal means it's a good solution or close to perfect solution, and jeez, nothing is perfect. Problems and drama all around!

 

But that's life. Break up, try your best to be friends or not, and then move on. Move on to something better and new because life can be short and you have to snatch up those opportunities.

[BeaStKid]

Of course ideal situations don't exist- otherwise they wouldn't be ideal!!

 

Ideal means it's a good solution or close to perfect solution, and jeez, nothing is perfect. Problems and drama all around!

 

But that's life. Break up, try your best to be friends or not, and then move on. Move on to something better and new because life can be short and you have to snatch up those opportunities.

amen...

[Benji]

That it is...

 

Anyways, if and when I do get a boyfriend and god forbid if we do ever break up, I would love to be his friend always. But i know some situations are ideal and if there's one thing that I've learnt in Chemistry, it's that ideal situations do not exist....

 

 

........I am quite sure in two years time...we will see that;

 

1. Bk is studying at a University abroad.

2. Bk will have a boyfriend

3. Bk will have hit his 10,000th post

[BeaStKid]

........I am quite sure in two years time...we will see that;

 

1. Bk is studying at a University abroad.

2. Bk will have a boyfriend

3. Bk will have hit his 10,000th post

 

1. Check

2. Check.

3. Beep. Wrong!! Never!! Impossible!!

 

Edit:

 

Replying to Tiff---> Will do...

[Tiff]

........I am quite sure in two years time...we will see that;

 

1. Bk is studying at a University abroad.

2. Bk will have a boyfriend

3. Bk will have hit his 10,000th post

I second that.

 

Amazing things can/will happen in a mere two years.

 

Must keep everyone here updated!

[AFriendlyFace]

It's good to remain friends with you exes but I think it can also cause some serious trouble. A very good friend of mine has this cycle of breaking up with her girlfriend, they stay in each other's lives, then eventually get back together...then they do it all again, but it's torture for her every time it happens, and I really don't think it'll ever work out, so they're both just hurting themselves and each other.

 

I really wish they wouldn't remain friends or talk at all

[Krista]

hmm.. It depends on what happened to end the relationship. I know I've not remained close with too many of them. I haven't talked to Adam since we broke up and I've not really been around Jared after his... girlfriend made it perfectly clear that I wasn't welcome around him.. lol. If they cheat on me then I usually break the contact completely for a while, but since I went to High School with most of my exboyfriends and none of the relationships weren't all that serious we usually end up being friendly, but I don't hold them all that important in my life..

 

Some though, are some friends that I talk to maybe once a week or so and that I'll look forward to during parties or reunions.

[Tristan Thinks]

I generally don't stay in touch with ex-boyfriends but that's usually because they did something that didn't respect me, like cheating or whatever. That said, I'm still okay chatting online with my last BF and I caught him red-handed with another guy in bed!

 

A while back I had an 18-month on-off relationship with a guy and it was wonderful a lot of the time, but he was confused about what he really wanted so when it ended there was some vindicative stuff we said and did to each other that took a long time to heal. I had basically forgotten about him a couple years later when something unusual happened that made me contact him again.

 

I was browsing profiles on gaydar and found a photo of him that I'd taken when we were together, on the London Eye. The profile was asking if anyone knew the guy in the photo, which I thought was odd since only my ex and me had copies of the photo.

So I sent a message, the guy replied and then we switched to MSN. The guy said he knew my ex and was trying to trace him since he'd recently moved back to his parents and he didn't know where that was. He was also pumping me for information about my ex and assumed from what I said about how we broke up that I hated my ex.

 

I might have hurt feelings about most of my exes but I'd never wish them ill, so I took it upon myself to phone my ex, even though we hadn't spoken in over two years. He was surprised to hear from me to put it mildly but when I explained why I called he got really upset and said he'd have to call me later that night when he got home.

 

So he calls me, asks if he can come over and see me right away. I was beginning to wonder what the hell I was getting myself into since I wasn't sure I wanted to see him face to face - I knew my old feelings for him would be reignited.

 

Anyhow, he came over and we spent a long night talking. It didn't help that he looked as hot as I remembered him. It turned out that my ex had, whilst living in London, got interested in another guy that lived in Birmingham and they'd been getting into each other over six months or so, but then recently this guy had started blackmailing my ex.

 

My ex should have known better because he'd never actually met this other guy, or seen him on camera, but he'd done some 'sex' shows for the guy via webcam on MSN and it turned out the guy had recorded them and was now threatening to send them to my ex's work and to his parents. I know that his parents would have been really upset and it would destroy their relationship so you can imagine my ex was in a living hell.

 

My ex's best mate in London, a middle-aged podgy balding guy, had tried to help him out. They tried to figure out who this blackmailer was but couldn't find anything out. His best-mate was trying to give him emotional support but it was too much for my ex and he'd resigned his job in London and moved back to live with his parents near Leicester, about 120 miles north of London.

 

The blackmailer guy was basically saying if my ex didn't do everything he told him he'd send these videos, so my ex was continuing to do stuff even though he was petrified. He was in a really fragile state, scared every day that something was going to arrive in the mail for his parents.

 

My heart really went out to my ex, and I could tell he was having similar rekindled feelings for me, because I'd always looked after him. We were looking at each other and talking like we did when we were together, and although it felt good as we did it, the realisation a few minutes later that it couldn't happen was really upsetting.

 

Anyhow, I promised to do what I could to find out who the blackmailer was so we could deal with him.

 

Over the next few days I continued to chat to the blackmailer, him not aware I'd met with my ex or anything. Being a bit of an Internet guru I set up a honey-trap for the blackmailer to capture some personal data about him. I was then able to trace his Internet connection and through my connections found out the blackmailer wasn't in Birmingham at all, but in London.

 

I did a whole load of cross-referencing of various bits of data I was pulling together and started to get suspicions. I asked my ex to get his best-mate to join us in a three-way conference on MSN so we could discuss strategies and ideas. Then I put some stuff on my web-site for them to look at.

 

We did a bit more talking then I made my excuses and left them to it.

 

What my ex's best-mate didn't know was, I wanted him to visit my server so I could get his IP address. As I had suspected, it was the same one that the blackmailer had used when I'd set the honey-trap!

 

I did a bit more research and got the entire run-down on this creep in London, and then invited my ex over to my place, not telling him why I wanted to see him.

 

When he came over, I asked him to tell me about the best-mate, and one thing that came out of that was the guy was really sweet, and had wanted to get in a relationship with my ex, but my ex didn't have feelings for him and had said they could only be friends.

 

I asked my ex when he'd first started talking to this blackmailer guy, and it turned out the blackmailer had contacted him first soon after he'd turned down the relationship with his best-mate in London.

 

I then told my ex that the blackmailer was his supposed best-mate in London. The look on his face was indescribable. He thought about it some and then said, in that quiet, surprised, voice of his, "It's all starting to make sense now" - well, duh!

 

So, we then plotted what to do. I told him he had to carry on like he knew nothing whilst I arranged some things.

 

First off I recommend my ex contact the police and make it official, because this blackmailer was dangerous. My ex eventually decided he didn't want to do that because of the risk of publicity plus the humiliation of it all.

 

I then got one of my cop friends involved and he offered to go call on this blackmailer and put the frighteners on him, big style.

 

Eventually, my ex decided he would confront his best-mate, threaten him with the cops unless the videos were handed over and the guy had nothing more to do with him.

 

So, that's what he did. I witnessed the MSN conversation and it was amazing. The 'best-mate' was so shocked but we laid it out how much we knew and he caved.

 

First he cried and whined and apologised and basically tried to get my ex to forgive him. I made sure *that* didn't happen.

 

Then he pleaded with us not to involve the cops, so we made sure he understood that if anything ever happened with those videos being distributed the transcript of our conversations plus all the evidence would be given to the cops immediately. By this point it was me doing the talking and the guy knew I didn't mess about.

 

Then he started threatening to kill himself, so we said well don't just threaten, go do it

 

A few hours after he'd gone my ex got a series of text messages from the now ex-best-mate saying goodbye, he had taken an overdose. We heard nothing more.

 

A few days later my ex noticed that the last access date of the ex-best-mate's gaydar profile had miraculously changed, so he sent the guy a text saying he was amazed that they had Internet access in Hell

 

We never heard anything more and so far as I know, the videos are no longer a threat.

 

Obviously, after the intensity of dealing with the whole thing me and my ex were feeling pretty close. After all, he'd had to reveal stuff to me he hadn't previously dared tell anyone else, and his feelings of relief were focused on me since he still couldn't tell anyone else what had happened. Over the next weeks it seemed to me like he was trying to re-establish something between us, he was getting touchy-feely, but I thought if he could still get himself in messes like the one I'd just sorted out, I really didn't want to be involved with him again so I stopped taking his calls and blocked him on MSN.

 

It was and still is pretty painful to think about at times, because I know we could have developed a long-term relationship, even allowing for bumps in the road, but the whole thought of our history just made me move on despite the wishful thinking.

 

Tris.

[AFriendlyFace]

Wow! That's quite a story!

 

In response to the question "What do you do with your exs?"

 

I strongly suspect you're the only person on here who'll respond with "nab blackmailers"

 

 

Thanks for sharing and I'm glad it all worked out

 

-Kevin