Are you listening?

[AFriendlyFace]

So I've been thinking about this a great deal over the past couple of days, and I've decided that conversation is perhaps the single most enjoyable non-solitary activity I can imagine. Other activities have their appeal, but I think they're generally more fleeting, and have a greater tendency to "get old" or just plain repetitive after awhile.

 

Anyway, obviously attentively listening to the other person is a major part of a conversation. I'm the sort of person that gets annoyed if the person I'm speaking with only appears to be paying half-attention. I've realized that this is probably largely responsible for the fact that I insist on turning off/muting the radio or television if I'm speaking or being spoken to, and also the reason that I seldom get on messengers anymore - since the nature of the conversations is often spaced out and casual. I had a really enjoyable chat with someone the other night on MSN, and the reason I enjoyed it so much - other than just liking the person and enjoying his company - was that it really seemed like chatting with each other was the primary thing we were doing versus just being a background or co-activity to other things going on.

 

I also realized that one of the things I enjoyed the most about a friendship I used to have was that the other guy really would listen. There's a difference between pretending to listen - even to the point of fooling the other person, and perhaps yourself, at the time - and really listening. I knew he was listening because I might make a very casual, unimportant comment like "I don't like mayo", and then weeks later we might be somewhere and he'll recommend something and say, "just remember to order it without the mayo". It was little stuff like that that made it clear that he was listening, even with regards to the unimportant, mundane things.

 

Conversely my best friend, whom I'm absolutely crazy about, will periodically obviously zone out when I'm speaking to him. More often though I'll tell him something like three or four times and he still won't remember it. There's nothing wrong with his memory in general, so I'm pretty sure it's just a matter of not paying attention in the first place.

 

Unfortunately though when it comes to listening it seems that most people are more like my best friend and less like my former friend. I've known maybe three or four people who always made me feel like they were listening and then remembered the details later to prove it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be too harsh with the others. Indeed by and large, I know they're trying and that it's just human nature to have your mind wander occasionally. I'm also not saying that they're really all that bad or unacceptable when it comes to listening. They usually seem to be listening (and actually are). It's just there's very few people I would rate as really excellent listeners.

 

I do think I'm a good listener. It's something I pride myself on. Of course I'm sure I have room for improvement, but as I said when someone speaks to me, regardless of the medium, I'm going to do my best to give that person my full attention and push other thoughts and activities out of my head. If I'm busy or just unable or unwilling to focus I'll generally avoid initiating conversations in the first place, and if someone else does, then I'll decide between making myself focus on them or gently letting them know that now isn't a good time. Half paying attention and continuing what I was doing or thinking about doesn't feel like an acceptable option to me.

 

So what kind of a listener do you think you are?

 

Is it important to you that the other person give you their full attention?

 

Take care all and have a great day!

-Kevin

Edited March 14, 2008 by AFriendlyFace

[Menzoberranzen]

It depends on the situation. I loathe boring people, and I tend to think about other things if I'm listening to a boring person. If I'm interested in what they're saying, I'm a good listener with an excellent memory. Of course, most people are boring and so I tend to do a lot of blank staring whilst they share the minutiae of their mundane lives with me. Really, does anybody care about the sweater your mother bought you?

 

I'm a fantastic liar, though, so most people can't tell if I'm genuinely listening or not.

 

Menzo

[BeaStKid]

it depends on the conversation as to whether I pay attention to or not. If it something i find interesting or is something that the other person wants me to know (very badly) I am a good listener. But if it is a random conversation, I may/moy not be as attentive as I should be.

 

I like people to pay attention to what I am saying when I am making a serious point or having a serious discussion. Otherwise, it is fine if he/she pays half-attention.

 

 

BeaStKid

[Michael H]

So I've been thinking about this a great deal over the past couple of days, and I've decided that conversation is perhaps the single most enjoyable non-solitary activity I can imagine. Other activities have their appeal, but I think they're generally more fleeting, and have a greater tendency to "get old" or just plain repetitive after awhile.

 

Anyway, obviously attentively listening to the other person is a major part of a conversation. I'm the sort of person that gets annoyed if the person I'm speaking with only appears to be paying half-attention. I've realized that this is probably largely responsible for the fact that I insist on turning off/muting the radio or television if I'm speaking or being spoken to, and also the reason that I seldom get on messengers anymore - since the nature of the conversations is often spaced out and casual. I had a really enjoyable chat with someone the other night on MSN, and the reason I enjoyed it so much - other than just liking the person and enjoying his company - was that it really seemed like chatting with each other was the primary thing we were doing versus just being a background or co-activity to other things going on.

 

I also realized that one of the things I enjoyed the most about a friendship I used to have was that the other guy really would listen. There's a difference between pretending to listen - even to the point of fooling the other person, and perhaps yourself, at the time - and really listening. I knew he was listening because I might make a very casual, unimportant comment like "I don't like mayo", and then weeks later we might be somewhere and he'll recommend something and say, "just remember to order it without the mayo". It was little stuff like that that made it clear that he was listening, even with regards to the unimportant, mundane things.

 

Conversely my best friend, whom I'm absolutely crazy about, will periodically obviously zone out when I'm speaking to him. More often though I'll tell him something like three or four times and he still won't remember it. There's nothing wrong with his memory in general, so I'm pretty sure it's just a matter of not paying attention in the first place.

 

Unfortunately though when it comes to listening it seems that most people are more like my best friend and less like my former friend. I've known maybe three or four people who always made me feel like they were listening and then remembered the details later to prove it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be too harsh with the others. Indeed by and large, I know they're trying and that it's just human nature to have your mind wander occasionally. I'm also not saying that they're really all that bad or unacceptable when it comes to listening. They usually seem to be listening (and actually are). It's just there's very few people I would rate as really excellent listeners.

 

I do think I'm a good listener. It's something I pride myself on. Of course I'm sure I have room for improvement, but as I said when someone speaks to me, regardless of the medium, I'm going to do my best to give that person my full attention and push other thoughts and activities out of my head. If I'm busy or just unable or unwilling to focus I'll generally avoid initiating conversations in the first place, and if someone else does, then I'll decide between making myself focus on them or gently letting them know that now isn't a good time. Half paying attention and continuing what I was doing or thinking about doesn't feel like an acceptable option to me.

 

So what kind of a listener do you think you are?

 

Is it important to you that the other person give you their full attention?

 

Take care all and have a great day!

-Kevin

 

It depends on the subject discussed. I don't care much for small talk. If the subject interests me I'll join in and be attentive to everyone. If the topic is not one I can get into I don't join in and therefore am not prone to zoning out. I also avoid confrontation. No one enjoys having his / her nose rubbed in a slip of the tongue or even an odious position firmly held. The downside of that is sometimes I get tagged as a snob. I'm not, but if I've nothing to substantive add why say anything? To paraphrase Calvin Coolidge, You don't have to explain something you never said. This doesn't mean I haven't had my share of people telling me off in no uncertain terms. Of course they will be sorry when I'm king!

 

M

[Tiger]

I try to listen when others speak. Usually, I can, but there are times when I feel annoyed or put off by another's rantings. I am more likely to listen if the conversation is friendly, and I like the subject. The way I see it people need to also speak well. If the listener becomes bored, the whole speech is moot.

[rknapp]

Dude, I zone out like it's nobody's business! My roommate once had a five minute conversation with me, and when he was done speaking I said, "Huh?" Although that's partly because we were in our then-lounge and I was watching the TV. But, I tend to zone out completely within the first few seconds of any given conversation. I'll miss an hours worth of lecture in class because of zoning out. Just last week I was waiting in line for service at student records. Eventually, the girl behind me tapped my shoulder and pointed to the service window, where a woman was waving her hands at me lmfao. Last night, my friend/neighbor Debbie was ringing the bell to get into our building since she had forgotten her ID. Nobody heard the bell, but I found her as I was coming down the stairs to get a Silverchair CD from my car. Later on she apparently came into my room to thank me, which she did four times until my roommates girlfriend yelled, "ROB!!!" to snap me back into reality (I guess I was just that into GA hahaha).

 

Sometimes I start to wonder if I have an illness... ten minutes later I snap back into reality and start wondering again. lol

[AFriendlyFace]

Well, so far it sounds like the 5 people that have responded are pretty typical listeners! They have the potential to do a really good job, but may zone off if the subject is boring are the person speaks for too long. I think this definitely sums up how most of humanity approaches the activity of listening.

 

Also, it made me consider my own ideas about how skillful a listener I am. I admit that it might be pretty difficult for me to pay attention for more than a couple of minutes about someone discussing sports or automotives for example. I also had a friend that was into programming and sometimes he would go into details about things I simply didn't understand and couldn't conceptualize because of my own limited experience in the field. In these instances I guess I am guilty of "zoning out" like the rest of the world.

 

I think the main thing I try to do though is see how the subject affects the person discussing it and pay attention to that. For example if a friend wanted to sit and tell me all about the basketball game he'd just finished watching, for the majority of it I probably would tune out, even if I tried not to, however I would try to remember key things like how he felt about the outcome (was he disappointed? Excited?), and what was going to happen next (Can the team turn things around and go on to win? Are they eliminated?). I'd probably ignore all the technical stuff and the play by plays, but I'd try to get a handle on what personally mattered to him. I would feel like a bad listener and a disappointing friend if a week or so later he asked, "You remember that game I was telling you about?" and I couldn't at least vaguely recall having the conversation and whether or not he was pleased or disappointed with the outcome.

 

I'd also probably ask questions that were at least slightly relevant and interesting to me so that I'd have an easier time paying attention and would recall at least something. Like maybe "oh, where's that team from?", "how's their record this season?", "who was favoured to win?". I probably could remember things like that later on. I can usually work up some enthusiasm for the most basic aspects of almost any topic.

 

-Kevin

Edited March 14, 2008 by AFriendlyFace

[S.L. Lewis]

For me, I may not look like I'm not listening, because I'm doing something or have a spaced out look on my face, but I am.

I do listen to whatever they say. You never know what you'll learn from the little things. I just don't look like I am, because of my mind. To focus, I need to do something mundane. Anyways, I do listen and I do believe it is important to listen to the little things.

[GaryK]

What a great topic Kevin!

 

For me it largely depends on where the conversation is taking place and what we're talking about.

 

If we're in a restaurant or bar it doesn't matter how serious the conversation is. I will always be distracted by any eye-candy that passes by me. This annoys my father to no end when we have brunch on Sunday mornings at a Jewish deli across the street from the University of Miami. Those college guys are so hot I can't avoid being distracted. Even if my father and I are having a serious discussion about the usual topics: politics and history.

 

In a more casual setting it depends upon the discussion. If it's serious then you'll get my undivided attention. That's the respectful thing to do. If we're just hanging out and doing other stuff then I'll pay attention while continuing to do other stuff.

 

When it's via IM it depends on the person and the subject. I've got one author I chat with frequently. He's always in an 18-wheeler and his keyboard is a moving target. So it takes him a long time to type a short sentence. I'll usually do something else while waiting for his reply. In other cases when I know the person is paying 100% attention to me they'll get my undivided attention. I had a fascinating conversation with BK this afternoon that lasted over an hour. He had my dedicated attention the entire time. Tim and I tend to chat on and off all the time.

 

So I guess in summary it's hard to apply one rule since there are so many variables.

Edited March 14, 2008 by GaryInMiami

[YaP]

I think i am a good listener. As for others, it does depend a bit on location and subject, and my mood. If i realize i am not really paying attention, it does make me feel strange. If it is a group of people talking about something, and i realize i zone out (and it is because i am not really interested in the topic), then i usually step back a bit to indicate that i am not actually part of the discussion.

If it is one person that is telling me something, especially in person (not over the phone or on chat), i do listen. If somebody calls me on the phone just to chat, and i am not really in the mood, or my mind is busy with other things, i usually say so (in a polite way). I don't like the feeling when somebody tells me something and i am not really paying attention. Which at the same time states that this does happen at times (otherwise I wouldn't know about the bad feeling ). I suppose it happens to all of us that sometimes you are just not in the proper mood to listen.

[NickolasJames8]

I tend to listen to somone if they're lookign me in the eye. Otherwise, I get distracted by other things around me....I guess that's kinda ADHD, but I can't help it. If my dad's talking, and he isn'r yelling or something, I actually start to nod off. I'm not kidding, He just has one of those voices that has a low hum to it or something, and my eyes get heavy from hearing it. It happens to other people too. A lot of my family has admitted that he's a hard person to have a long, drawn out conversation with because of the tone of his voice.

[Tiger]

I tend to listen to somone if they're lookign me in the eye. Otherwise, I get distracted by other things around me....I guess that's kinda ADHD, but I can't help it. If my dad's talking, and he isn'r yelling or something, I actually start to nod off. I'm not kidding, He just has one of those voices that has a low hum to it or something, and my eyes get heavy from hearing it. It happens to other people too. A lot of my family has admitted that he's a hard person to have a long, drawn out conversation with because of the tone of his voice.

I agree about eye contact. If the discussion is important, there must be eye contact. That is not limited to those with ADHD. Most take eye contact as a sign of importance. I know I do.

[Krista]

For the conversations I have for MSN, I sadly do find myself paying more attention to some people more so than I do others. I do like to talk, so I pretty much am attentive when it comes to conversations, but there are a few where I give 100% of my attention to.

 

For my conversations in general with people, I just can't have one for very long if I cannot keep eye contact with the other person. That's the only way I know that the conversation is still going on and that the other person actually cares to half way listen to me. Some people can make eye-contact and not hear a word being said, but at least on my part it seems like they are. So eye contact is important, I only break it when something unexpected interrupts the conversation, like a loud sudden noise or another person butting into the conversation.. like a brat tugging on the shirt or something..

 

Anyway, I do expect people to be just as attentive to the conversation as I am, I think that's one of the things most extroverted people expect when they're having conversations. I do realize when I'm talking to someone who is introverted that eye contact may not be returned so I do have to adjust and kind of pay more attention to keep listening to the person talking to me.

 

I do get annoyed when people don't listen to me and I really hate to repeat myself more than twice.

[Tiff]

I'm a good listener if my head's in the right place at that given moment.

 

If I'm distracted or busy with something, then no, I can't really focus and pay attention. If it's a good friend, or family, or something important, I'll make it a point to block the environment out (ex: crowded restaurant) and focus 100% and maintain eye contact, nod along, add my opinion.

 

If I'm at my best friend's house and we're both on our laptops, then yeah, I might not catch everything she says and vice versa. We're just shooting the shit, really.

 

Oh and if you really don't like the person, yeah, we'll tend to tune them out, and fake listening to be polite.

 

And I agree with Krista, I hate repeating myself too much, especially if it was important and they were blatantly not listening. 'Cause sometimes, you know, my parents have bad hearing and I need to say things twice....or four times.

[Tarin]

I agree about eye contact. If the discussion is important, there must be eye contact. That is not limited to those with ADHD. Most take eye contact as a sign of importance. I know I do.

I fear I agree more with Rose on this one. I have trouble maintaining eye contact, even when I am paying full attention. Usually I find the other person's gaze...boring. So I tune my eyes to something interesting, fiddle with something in my hands, and listen intently to the person.

Unfortunately this is all to obviousin

[BeaStKid]

I think the main thing I try to do though is see how the subject affects the person discussing it and pay attention to that. For example if a friend wanted to sit and tell me all about the basketball game he'd just finished watching, for the majority of it I probably would tune out, even if I tried not to, however I would try to remember key things like how he felt about the outcome (was he disappointed? Excited?), and what was going to happen next (Can the team turn things around and go on to win? Are they eliminated?). I'd probably ignore all the technical stuff and the play by plays, but I'd try to get a handle on what personally mattered to him. I would feel like a bad listener and a disappointing friend if a week or so later he asked, "You remember that game I was telling you about?" and I couldn't at least vaguely recall having the conversation and whether or not he was pleased or disappointed with the outcome.

 

I'd also probably ask questions that were at least slightly relevant and interesting to me so that I'd have an easier time paying attention and would recall at least something. Like maybe "oh, where's that team from?", "how's their record this season?", "who was favoured to win?". I probably could remember things like that later on. I can usually work up some enthusiasm for the most basic aspects of almost any topic.

 

-Kevin

I completely agree with you Kevin. If the topic being discussed is important to the discusser, I think I will try my best to pay attention and remember the basic and the most important points discussed even if the discussion is not interesting/not of a topic that I like...

 

[PlugInMatty]

I tend to use eye contact as a weapon.

 

if somebody is really cute, engaging or funny, then we can talk for hours and hardly break eye contact. if they're interesting or we have common interests, then I'll just keep feeding them questions all night and see where things go. we'll talk for ages, I'll find out all this stuff about them and they'll walk away feeling like they've made a new friend.

 

and if you asked them to describe me to a stranger? they wouldn't have a f**king clue haha.

 

I think it's an artform, actually.

 

on the flipside, if somebody is talking at me, I will stare them down. no questions asked (literally). and if you're ever in an uncomfortable situation like that, a fail-safe way to make somebody uncomfortable is to stare directly at the tip of their nose. try on somebody one day, it works.

 

either way, eye contact is a weapon.

[rich_e]

I strive to be a really good listener. I absolutely hate it when people don't remember things I've told them numerous times, so I would hate to be that person that's always forgetting. There's no better way to show someone that they're not important to you than to not remember little details here or there. When I'm in a stressful situation, though, I'm the worst listener in the world. It's actually freaky how it happens. I just focus in on one thing and shut out everything around me. It's not until minutes later that I realize that someone was talking and I completely ignored them. I hate when this happens!

[AFriendlyFace]

For me, I may not look like I'm not listening, because I'm doing something or have a spaced out look on my face, but I am.

I do listen to whatever they say. You never know what you'll learn from the little things. I just don't look like I am, because of my mind. To focus, I need to do something mundane. Anyways, I do listen and I do believe it is important to listen to the little things.

The former friend I referenced above as being an example of a really good listener was like that. At first in our relationship I was convinced he wasn't listening, and I would often ask if he was listening or imply that he wasn't. Each time I did that he proceeded to rattle off the last several things I'd just said - either paraphrased or nearly verbatim - plus he did remember the little things, so I soon got used to it and realized he really was listening.

 

When it's via IM it depends on the person and the subject. I've got one author I chat with frequently. He's always in an 18-wheeler and his keyboard is a moving target. So it takes him a long time to type a short sentence. I'll usually do something else while waiting for his reply.

That sounds very dangerous!

 

If it is a group of people talking about something, and i realize i zone out (and it is because i am not really interested in the topic), then i usually step back a bit to indicate that i am not actually part of the discussion.

That's actually the only time I don't feel bad about zoning out and not listening. If it's this big group discussion, and for whatever reason I'm just not particularly interested, I really don't feel responsible for having to listen and interact anyway, so I do sometimes zone out guilt free. I figure it'll be able to get along just fine without me.

 

Anyway, I do expect people to be just as attentive to the conversation as I am, I think that's one of the things most extroverted people expect when they're having conversations. I do realize when I'm talking to someone who is introverted that eye contact may not be returned so I do have to adjust and kind of pay more attention to keep listening to the person talking to me.

That's a very interesting point!! I'm half tempted to start another topic just to discuss whether in general people think introverted or extroverted people are better listeners! What do you guys think about this?

 

I am getting better, and it is now mostly habbit to look someone in the eye, but I don't know what eye to look into. Does it matter? Or should I look at the bridge of the nose?

I find myself moving back and forth from lips to eyes, and bridge of the nose.

That's a very interesting question, Tarin! I've never really given any thought about the best way to make eye contact...I just always figured it sorta happened on its own. Of course that's a sill thing to think on my part if it isn't natural for some people, like yourself for example. It sounds to me like the method you're employing would work okay. I just sort of would say, look at their face in general but don't like stare through them. Just sorta meet their eyes - both eyes I guess - mostly just try to catch their gaze.

 

Too much eye contact can be a bit creepy though, and can come off as a challenge or something. Don't like stare into their eyes directly and refuse to break the gaze for long periods of time, make the contact, hold it for a few seconds, then slightly move your eyes to relieve the constant staring thing. A pretty natural way is to like move your hold head ever so slightly, or just glance briefly at a cup you might be drinking from or some other "prop" and then glance back at them and meet their eyes again.

 

It's sorta hard to explain, but it sounds like you're doing a good job, and I commend you for trying

That said, when I do manage to have a good conversation, I tend to remember things quite well. However I don't tend to display what I do remember, I'm often accused of being pedantic and creepy with what I remember about people, so I usually just sit back and play dumb.

Oh I know what you mean! I have an excellent memory for social situations. I usually remember all the details. Yesterday I was having a conversation with a couple of friends and one of them started to tell us this story. He'd already told me the story before about 2 months ago, but I assumed he was doing it for the benefit of our third friend, so I just went along with it and was like "right, I remember that". He looked surprised and he said, "Oh I told you this already?", and I was like "yeah", in disbelief he said "really??".

 

LOL so since he didn't seem to believe me, I proceeded to tell him exactly when it was (2 months ago, between about 9 and 11 pm), at a particular diner with a different mutual friend. Then I told him what each of us was wearing, where in the diner we were sitting, and what we'd ordered.

 

I did of course remember all the details of the actual story as well. I didn't even realized I remembered all that until the more I thought about the more I realized I did. Then thinking about it somemore I realized that I can almost always remember place, time, who was there, and clothing choices for almost any given conversation. Well as long as it's been within the last couple of years. After that I may forget things like clothing, and I may only be able to give a rough estimate about time (day or night for example), but I can usually still remember who was there and where the conversation took place, as well as the main points of course.

 

That even sorta extends to GA. For example I can usually remember who said what, and in which thread.

 

either way, eye contact is a weapon.

I never realized conversation was such a battle

 

 

Anyway, back to the main thing I was curious about in this post. Do you guys think that as a whole extroverts make better listeners than introverts, or visa versa?

 

Take care all and have an awesome day!

Kevin

[GaryK]

That sounds very dangerous!

I guess I should have mentioned he team drives with his boyfriend. Tom drives at night and his boyfriend handles the day shift. Tom and I only IM when he is not driving. However the truck bounces around a lot therefore the keyboard is a moving target; the backspace key is the one most frequently used.

[Tristan Thinks]

Kevin, fantastic topic - over the years it's been a real annoyance to me so it's great to find someone that thinks and acts the same way I do! I had begun to think I was unusual in showing respect by paying attention to the person no matter what the topic of conversation.

 

When I'm on instant messenger I always pay exclusive attention to the person and I get very annoyed when I know from the pauses they aren't doing the same to me - I just treat it like if I were stood in front of them, in which case, it would be seen as extremely rude if they kept interrrupting our conversation to have simultaneous conversations with other people at the same time. I rarely have more than one conversation going at once, and if I do get several I warn them and try to close out all but the most involved.

 

For me, it's a simple issue of respect, or lack thereof. It's ironic that the people who do the most ignoring/multitasking are usually very self-centered and would get upset if they were being ignored or not treated seriously when they wanted to talk.

 

If the topic is something I'm not interested in, or don't want to talk about, I simply say so. I don't let the person believe I'm interested and paying attention unless I really am - again, that's simply a lack of respect.

 

As you said you look out for clues that inconsequential things have been noted. I pay particular attention to that myself, both in demonstrating to others by things I say, ask, or do and by looking out for the same signs from them. In fact, I use this as a basis for deciding if someone is worth becoming close friends with.

[glomph]

I would be a good listener, but I have entirely too much to say, and everything reminds me of something else, so the other person doesn't get much time till I come up for air. I guess I usually listen fairly well if they get a chance to say something.

[S.L. Lewis]

The former friend I referenced above as being an example of a really good listener was like that. At first in our relationship I was convinced he wasn't listening, and I would often ask if he was listening or imply that he wasn't. Each time I did that he proceeded to rattle off the last several things I'd just said - either paraphrased or nearly verbatim - plus he did remember the little things, so I soon got used to it and realized he really was listening.

 

That's actually the only time I don't feel bad about zoning out and not listening. If it's this big group discussion, and for whatever reason I'm just not particularly interested, I really don't feel responsible for having to listen and interact anyway, so I do sometimes zone out guilt free. I figure it'll be able to get along just fine without me.

 

*snickers* When I do it, it still drives my friends up a wall, because I'm usually staring at something or just hum every so often and not really say anything. I usually end up going over what they have said, like your friend did, a few times. That's why I find it easier to IM or text when talking with someone.

As to when it's a group discussion, I really don't pay attention unless it's interesting, like you said. I do keep an ear on the conversation just in case someone asks me something, I know what the hell they're talking about. It's funny, in it's own way.

[AFriendlyFace]

I guess I should have mentioned he team drives with his boyfriend. Tom drives at night and his boyfriend handles the day shift. Tom and I only IM when he is not driving. However the truck bounces around a lot therefore the keyboard is a moving target; the backspace key is the one most frequently used.

Ohh, Whew! That's not so bad then!

 

When I'm on instant messenger I always pay exclusive attention to the person and I get very annoyed when I know from the pauses they aren't doing the same to me - I just treat it like if I were stood in front of them, in which case, it would be seen as extremely rude if they kept interrrupting our conversation to have simultaneous conversations with other people at the same time. I rarely have more than one conversation going at once, and if I do get several I warn them and try to close out all but the most involved.

Yes exactly!

 

I would be a good listener, but I have entirely too much to say, and everything reminds me of something else, so the other person doesn't get much time till I come up for air. I guess I usually listen fairly well if they get a chance to say something.

LOL, I know what you mean! My biggest challenge is often just shutting up as well.

[BeaStKid]

LOL, I know what you mean! My biggest challenge is often just shutting up as well.

Mine Too!! Mine Too!! Points at his post counter... lol