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OF LIGHT AND DARK

DragonFire

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DragonFire Journeyman Scribe

DragonFire

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Hi guys,

 

Well, as I said before this is my first attempt at fiction, so would really appreciate it if you could let me know what you think.

All comments good, bad or indifferent welcome. :D

 

Thanks.

 

DF

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DragonFire Journeyman Scribe

DragonFire

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Bravo on your first story and an excellent first chapter! When I first read the titled I thought It would be what it actually is about (don't want to give spoilers) then the end confirmed it. Very good beginning to your story! I'm looking forward to Chapter 2!

 

:lol: Thanks, glad you enjoyed it.

Yeah the title is a liitle bit of a giveaway, but there is a little more to it than that as you will see in Chapter 2.

 

On a side note, CH1 did go out without me having an editor & I know it shows in a few places. It will be revised soon & chapter 2 should be up within a week, editing permitting.

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David McLeod Heroic Scribe

David McLeod

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You'll find my comments in the review of Chapter 1. I gather from your last post that you've found an editor. On the other hand, if you will permit a suggestion, a very productive thing to do is set your work aside for a week or two, and then read it aloud. I think you'll be surprised by how well that helps an author "self-edit." Keep up the good work.

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DragonFire Journeyman Scribe

DragonFire

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You'll find my comments in the review of Chapter 1. I gather from your last post that you've found an editor. On the other hand, if you will permit a suggestion, a very productive thing to do is set your work aside for a week or two, and then read it aloud. I think you'll be surprised by how well that helps an author "self-edit." Keep up the good work.

 

Thanks for the comments, appreciated. I will try that technique because sometimes I can be so totally blinded I fail to see blatant errors. As for the editor, yeah I do have one now, so chapter 2 will go out as I really want it.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Sir Galahad Initiate Scribe

Sir Galahad

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Dragon, are you going for the cliffhanger award or what? :lol: What I like about this story, especially after this chapter, is how you have totally thrown the vampire handbook out the window. I never guessed the light walker thing at all, with the extras attached. Now the title makes sense.

I like the soul bonded element, rather than boy meets boy & falls instantly in love, very well done. I was worried for a second it was going to be stereotypical.

Katrina has me intrigued I have to say, you keep teasing us with that side, but still I'm hanging on wanting more.

All in all, I think for your first attempt you are doing exceptionally well.

I demand the next chapter...you want a beta reader? :P

Edited by Sir Galahad
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DragonFire Journeyman Scribe

DragonFire

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Hey Gal, thanks for the comments, good to know someone's enjoying the story.

The whole point of this was to do something different and unexpected, and I hope in that part, I have a least been successful. That also included the soul bonding, which I thought was an interesting concept. That part also explains as well, Gary's acceptance of what he's become, rather than all the inner turmoil I was tempted to put in. In the end it just didn't sit right.

Sorry for the cliff-hanger, but I promise not to do it too often. B)

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DragonFire Journeyman Scribe

DragonFire

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:P In other words then, MORE cliffhangers?! :2hands: Prepare to do battle evil Dragon! ;)

:2hands: On guard

 

Chapter 3 hopefully, barring disaster, will be up either Friday evening or Saturday morning.

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Zeoanne Journeyman Scribe

Zeoanne

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Haven't these people ever heard of Tic Tacs? LOL! Wow, that chapter was intense!! and what is the mystery. that thing that is inside Gary that he's not aware of? I loved the battle scene, the way you described his rage, his moves, and his pain. AWESOME!!!!! :hug:

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DragonFire Journeyman Scribe

DragonFire

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Thanks for the comments guys. I have to say that this was my favourite chapter to write so far, it just seemed to flow right off the keyboard. The "thing" inside Gary will be revealed in chapter 4, along with a few other surprises, and then the real action begins. :D

The feeding I have to say, was the one thing I was worried about. At the end of the day, it's akin to a starving man who will latch onto the first piece of food regardless of what it is, just to quell the hunger. It was no different here. As to whether he's lost his humanity, that's a tough one. I think that anyone who kills somebody loses part of themselves, so Gary is no different. Has he lost it entirely? Time will tell.

I'm not sure how that cliff-hanger got in there though, I blame my editor!! :P

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Sir Galahad Initiate Scribe

Sir Galahad

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I'm not sure how that cliff-hanger got in there though, I blame my editor!! :P

:lmao: I'm sure!!!

 

I bet the Viscount isn't going to be pleased with a car in the front of his house! :lol: Nice way for him to introduce himself. :P

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David McLeod Heroic Scribe

David McLeod

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Just when I thought this was a modern story, I find swords, viscounts, and a seneschal in a blazer (probably wearing an Eaton tie, too). Just kidding: I like the mix of modern and medieval. The modern grounds the story, the medieval provides the mystique (as in "framework of doctrine, ideas, etc."). A nice combination, nicely implemented.

Edited by David McLeod
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DragonFire Journeyman Scribe

DragonFire

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Hey! Don't go all CJ-ish on me... :P:D:lol:

:lol: As if? 0:)

 

Just when I thought this was a modern story, I find swords, viscounts, and a seneschal in a blazer (probably wearing an Eaton tie, too). Just kidding: I like the mix of modern and medieval. The modern grounds the story, the medieval provides the mystique (as in "framework of doctrine, ideas, etc."). A nice combination, nicely implemented.

:lol: No Eaton tie I'm afraid. However, I felt it was important to the story to keep a sense of history there for the reasons you pointed out. Plus it allows me to delve into one of my favourite subjects a little later on in the story.

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DragonFire Journeyman Scribe

DragonFire

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There will be slight delay with Chapter 4, basically because it's not finished yet!! :lol: My muse has been back and forth like you wouldn't believe, but it's almost done.

 

I will get it posted hopefully week commencing 25 May.

 

I have altered chapter 1 slightly, nothing that you would notice straight away. But I think it reads easier now.

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wildone Master Scribe

wildone

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Just discovered your story and loving it so far :2thumbs: .

 

I guess I could be clumped into the category that have read enough Vamp stories to be reluctant to start a new one. You have not only added a modern spin to it, but you have made your characters personable and relateable as well.

 

I'm really enjoying your descriptive writing. It is drawing me into the story so that it seems like you know what they are feeling and experiencing first hand.

 

Looking for much, much more :P .

 

Thanks for sharing :worship:

 

Steve B)

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DragonFire Journeyman Scribe

DragonFire

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Thanks Steve, it's always good to know that people are enjoying it. :)

 

I felt the same as you regarding the Vamp stories, that's why I tried to make this as different as I could. There are however, a few more surprises on the way! :P

 

Hopefully, chapter 4 will be up by the weekend.

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wildone Master Scribe

wildone

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Thanks Steve, it's always good to know that people are enjoying it. :)

 

I felt the same as you regarding the Vamp stories, that's why I tried to make this as different as I could. There are however, a few more surprises on the way! :P

 

Hopefully, chapter 4 will be up by the weekend.

 

 

You are a tease :P , underlining the word Hopefully made me think there was a link to chapter 4 :D .

 

Oh well, I'm sure I can wait, lol.

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