Casual coming out to strangers

[JJFlame]

When you meet someone new, and you think the potential is there for a friendship, what are your methods to communicating that you are gay to them? Some people might say this is unnecessary but I make a point of it, because I've been burned in the past by people who were quite upset that I didn't mention early on that I was gay, and they felt mislead because they made the assumption that I was straight. I don't like to make a big production out of it and take them aside to have a heart to heart, and tell them I'm gay. Because I don't feel like discussing it in depth with every single new person I meet.

 

My personal favorites are

 

When the conversation comes up, as it usually does, "Do you have a girlfriend" My response is "Yeah and her name is Jeff. Just kidding, I'm single." This leads them to go "OH, you're gay?" Most of the time, anyway.

 

Another way to do it is, when taste in women comes up, and he starts discussing how hot this chick is or that chick is. I like to say, "I'd prefer Daniel Craig, honestly." (or insert celebrity male of your choice)

 

 

 

 

What do you do?

[Thirdeye]

If it comes up I don't hide it, but I don't make a point to tell everyone. I just act like me. I haven't really had any bad reactions. My friend Mike was shocked when he found out and almost fainted and I had a mangers at the place I use too work both make funny comments like, he can't be gay he knows more about football than me or he like hard rock. But nothing bad

[Benji]

When you meet someone new, and you think the potential is there for a friendship, what are your methods to communicating that you are gay to them? Some people might say this is unnecessary but I make a point of it, because I've been burned in the past by people who were quite upset that I didn't mention early on that I was gay, and they felt mislead because they made the assumption that I was straight. I don't like to make a big production out of it and take them aside to have a heart to heart, and tell them I'm gay. Because I don't feel like discussing it in depth with every single new person I meet.

 

My personal favorites are

 

When the conversation comes up, as it usually does, "Do you have a girlfriend" My response is "Yeah and her name is Jeff. Just kidding, I'm single." This leads them to go "OH, you're gay?" Most of the time, anyway.

 

Another way to do it is, when taste in women comes up, and he starts discussing how hot this chick is or that chick is. I like to say, "I'd prefer Daniel Craig, honestly." (or insert celebrity male of your choice)

 

 

 

 

What do you do?

 

......I find it interesting that a gay man has to be upfront on his sexuality to new people. You certainly wouldn't, as a gay person question the same person about his straight sexuality on the onset would you? So you take the leap and pronounce your identity because 'what' you want to be brave and upfront or cutting your loss's right at the beginning? "Hi my name is Jay, and I'm gay' 'Nice to meet you Jay, My name is Steve and I'm a serial killer, but I prefer blond female prostitutes' :wacko:

[JJFlame]

......I find it interesting that a gay man has to be upfront on his sexuality to new people. You certainly wouldn't, as a gay person question the same person about his straight sexuality on the onset would you? So you take the leap and pronounce your identity because 'what' you want to be brave and upfront or cutting your loss's right at the beginning? "Hi my name is Jay, and I'm gay' 'Nice to meet you Jay, My name is Steve and I'm a serial killer, but I prefer blond female prostitutes' :wacko:

 

Essentially yes. If I am meeting someone who seems friendly enough and I realize that this might progress to a friendship, I like to sneak it in there at some point. Not in such an irritating way as, "Hi, I'm Jay, I'm gay." But within a few days of meeting someone they always know I'm gay. Because I don't want to get attached to someone who might be a raging homophobe. Common? No. Common enough to kick you in the ass a few times? Yes. As I said before, it's happened to me where I met someone I thought was nice enough and the subject never came up, and I really got burned when the subject finally did. So I like to avoid a repeat of that by establishing early on that I am gay and if they have a problem with it, we can talk it out or go our seperate ways.

 

And yes, I recognize that straight people don't have to do this, but then again, there aren't 40% of American adults who think that being straight should be illegal so it does become an issue, and often. This is just my own personal way of getting the issue out of the way early.

[Pai-kun]

I always answer honestly if someone ask me if I'm gay. And if someone say "Haha, that's so gay." when I do something, I usually say "Well, yeah. ". Some people get where I'm going with that, some don't. I don't really care either way tbh. I make it a point to make sure guys I'm interested in knows I'm gay though.

[Aeroplane]

I dont know if this is within the context of your topic, but the people who have bad reactions should really just get over it. It isnt their perogative to know, it is your perogative to tell them. They are insensitive if they do not realise this.

 

I usually do try and tell people before I know them too well, because that way if they have a bad reaction I can just say 'Well, F you. Ive only known you a few days so I really don't care about your opinion.' and cut them loose with minimal complications .

[AFriendlyFace]

It sounds to me like you handle the situation really well, JJ!

 

I completely agree with everything you've posted in this thread thus far.

 

I generally like to wait for the topic to arise naturally and then "out" myself. The ways you suggested are excellent, and very proactive. I commend you!

 

I'm a bit...insulated from repeat contact with straight people so it doesn't come up a great deal for me. All my friends are GLBT and I tend to socialize in GLBT settings. Thus the new people I meet and might potentially form friendships with are themselves GLBT or very aware that I probably am given the setting in which we met and the people I was with.

 

Obviously I meet many straight people in day to day life, but that tends to be very casually and briefly and I often never see them again, so I don't really bother either way.

 

For the past several years my only sustained, significant contact with straight people has generally been in the workplace. Whenever I start a new job, I just wait for it to come up and then mention it. Then I figure that word will spread as it is apt to do in most workplaces. I avoid working anywhere in the first place that I think might be homophobic and thus far I've never had any bad experiences at a job. I currently work for a very small company and everyone is very much okay with it and supportive of GLBT issues

 

The only other situation would be neighbours I suppose. I don't tend to be overly interested in my neighbours in the first place. If they strike up conversation with me I'll be polite back, but generally a smile and nod is as far as I'm interested in taking the neighbour relationship. It's just never really occurred to me to try to befriend my neighbours. I've got plenty of other friends I know through similar interests and activities, it's always seemed a bit random to me to try to befriend someone simply because you live near them. I've also generally been of the attitude that I very much want to avoid any neighbourhood drama and the best way to do that is to avoid getting to know them. For some reason all my friends and family have typically been surprised that I'm not a very "neighbourly" person. I think the reason is that I like for my home to be a safe, quiet haven. There is enough going on in my personal life and my career life. I'm glad if none of the neighbours talk to me when I get home.

 

One couple that lives near me is very friendly and I always do say hi to them when I see them. LOL, I still don't know there names, even though they've been my "favourite" neighbours for over two years now. I'm pretty sure they are aware of my sexuality though given how many of my GLBT friends they've seen me with over the years (not to mention dates I've taken back to my place ).

 

For the record I'm not simply "heterophobic" when it comes to neighbours. In the last place I lived my neighbours were a gay couple. I guess I had a marginally closer relationship with them since I occasionally ran into them in bars, clubs, and other events, but by and large I still liked the "just friendly" approach. I guess I'm a tad reclusive, but I like it if no one knocks on my door, lol.

 

 

-Kevin

[JamesSavik]

If I feel safe, it's no problem.

 

Otherwise it's nobodies business but my own.

[methodwriter85]

One time I was walking with my friend. Two guys, who were walking with this girl, drunkenly slurred, "Hey, would you guys [explicit slang for sex] this girl?" I looked at them, and replied, "No, man. Because I only [explicit slang for sex] other dudes." The look on their faces? Priceless.

[ashessnow]

Well Im pretty "flaming" (I mean if I was any more gay Id have fire shooting out of my ass) so no one really expects anything other then men for me. Meaning that coming out has never been a problem for me.

[Objectivist]

i have my gay bracelet, my gay card, my gay peace sign on my keys... occasionaly a pin... or a shirt or something...so it tends to be obvious. hahahaha! also... i let my actions speak up for themselves. hehe. so yeah. No need to explain... but sometimes they ask. and so i typically say yes. UNLESS I know the person is homophobic... in which case they tend not to ask... i weasel my way into their poor unsuspecting hearts and make them unhomophobic.... but my technique is neither perfect or confirmed by the American Association of whateverness

 

 

James

[hh5]

i have my gay bracelet, my gay card, my gay peace sign on my keys... occasionaly a pin... or a shirt or something...so it tends to be obvious. hahahaha! also... i let my actions speak up for themselves. hehe. so yeah. No need to explain... but sometimes they ask. and so i typically say yes. UNLESS I know the person is homophobic... in which case they tend not to ask... i weasel my way into their poor unsuspecting hearts and make them unhomophobic.... but my technique is neither perfect or confirmed by the American Association of whateverness

 

 

James

 

mmm how wearing a cap with the colors of the gay flag on it and cupping a cute tight ass and then a french kiss

thats should answer a lot of questions - if their accepting or homophobic

if not quickly giving them the richard nixon peace sign and exit

[Mark Arbour]

(I mean if I was any more gay Id have fire shooting out of my ass)

 

I think they can cure that with antibiotics, so don't worry about it.

[Arpeggio]

I don't mention it until someone directly asks me. I don't feel the need to mention I'm gay to people....unless they are flirting with me.

[Tipdin]

During conversation I try to refer to an ex-boyfriend or my 'husband' so there is an opportunity for questions - or escape...