Elijah

[thatboyChase]

Holy wow. See I was thinking that I would wait until you had a few chapters up and then start reading it, I normally wouldnt have done so but the reviews you were getting were mighty praise indeed and I wanted a good chunk to read.

 

I was blown away. Chase this is amazing I'm totally and completely immersed. I hadn't originally thought that it would contain mystical elements but I was totally wrong. Heh, I'm at a loss for words really.

 

p.s: Uriel, nice little archangel slip in there.

 

Thanks very much. I'm glad you are enjoying it, Chapter 8 is in the works for an update.

 

There are a few historical, classical literature and biblical things I have thrown in there. Some readers have caught on, as have my editors apparently.

[Jack Frost]

This chapter bugs me at the end. Oh lord... Don't get into cliffhangers right now.

[David McLeod]

I think the trick of making a really good reluctant hero is to make him flawed, make him ordinary, make people believe that he is just like them because then, in the reading, as he rises so does the hope that if he can become a hero, so can we. And that is precisely what you are doing.

 

Not only a brilliant observation, but a rule all of us could learn from. It's essential that the reader be able to identify with the hero (and, imho, the villain). There was a television series set in Los Angeles...years ago, don't remember what it was...but the hero always was able to find a parking place. No one who knew the area could identify with him. The series folded quickly.

 

...p.s: Uriel, nice little archangel slip in there.

 

I'm beginning to think that Chase is an 80-year-old, medieval scholar who lives in the reading room of the Library of Congress and slips out at night to Kinkos to post his latest chapter. Lots of classical allusions that enrich the story without slapping in the face those of us who aren't as well educated or as quick witted as you and Chase. I keep a google window open when I'm reading...

 

This chapter bugs me at the end. Oh lord... Don't get into cliffhangers right now. ¬¬

 

 

Cliffhanger? Psychological cliffhanger more like it.

 

Edited September 2, 2009 by David McLeod

[Jack Frost]

We should keep Chase away from CJ stories.

[TalonRider]

We should keep Chase away from CJ stories.

It will give us another candidate for King of Cliffhangers.

[Jack Frost]

Especially when it could takes some more chapters before this cliffhanger will be resolved.

 

I hate you for this, Chase.

[Masked Monkey]

This chapter bugs me at the end. Oh lord... Don't get into cliffhangers right now.

[Conner]

foreshadowing and premonition does not constitute the use of a cliffhanger. It also seems obvious (at least to me) that this dream was not about the main story arc, saving the world and all. Rather, it was about Calebs jealousy over the kiss.

 

That's a rather fine distinction you're making. In my mind, a cliffhanger's purpose is to create a state of anxiety within the reader, which this premonition surely achieves. If, as the story develops, this premonition takes on an element of misdirection, it will nevertheless remain a cliffhanger.

 

Your insight that this premonition is about Caleb's jealousy is brilliant!

[thatboyChase]

The final chapter has arrived. Will all your questions be answered? Read and find out!

 

Slightly sad it has all come to a close because I really enjoyed writing Elijah, but all good things must come to an end. OR DO THEY? I appreciate all the comments and discussion and I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing it.

[MikeL]

Chase, congratulations on the completion of Elijah. It's a great story. The ending contains fair measures of action, justice, mystery and even a hint of romance. I think your readers appreciate your efforts and will look forward to reading your other stories. Please keep up the good work.

[Benji]

The final chapter has arrived. Will all your questions be answered? Read and find out!

 

Slightly sad it has all come to a close because I really enjoyed writing Elijah, but all good things must come to an end. OR DO THEY? I appreciate all the comments and discussion and I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing it.

 

.................True all good things must come to an end, but I seriously think you rushed that one out too quick, leaving a lot of unanswered questions. And leaving us with Jeremy being worshiped by the nether realm while being sought out by Braden in the aftermath of the great battle. I doubt a sequel could keep the interest as this one did, without just becoming a romance story.

[Jack Frost]

<.<

>.>

>.<

 

Well, it didn't end like I nearly had thought

[Marco Polo]

Very entertaining, quite an impressive first story I must say. Guess it's time for me to practise some more.

 

Plus I'm looking forward to future works. I personally think a sequel or series or whatever you intend to do would actually keep interest, contrary to Benji's comment. There are a lot of different way's it could go and I think the world of Elijah is vastly unmapped. I would like to see the places mentioned but otherwise untravelled.

 

But, as you said, that is another story. Thanks Chase

[Conner]

I believe the most compeling aspect of this story, and its saving grace, were the principal characters. I was quite taken with Caleb right from the get go. He had a passion within him, a singularity of purpose, a fearsomeness that was quite admirable

 

Thanks, Chase.

[thatboyChase]

Very entertaining, quite an impressive first story I must say. Guess it's time for me to practise some more.

 

Plus I'm looking forward to future works. I personally think a sequel or series or whatever you intend to do would actually keep interest, contrary to Benji's comment. There are a lot of different way's it could go and I think the world of Elijah is vastly unmapped. I would like to see the places mentioned but otherwise untravelled.

 

But, as you said, that is another story. Thanks Chase

 

Actually, I've sketched out the country of Elijah and the surrounding countries and even islands across The Dividing Sea (is what I've named it) Places uncharted, forgotten by Elijah. Ever heard of isolationists? There ya go. There is alot more in Gildet - the actual name of the 'world' if you will. And if anybody knows of a program where I can actually draw out the map, I'd like to know. Just for my own nerdish endeavors.

 

So this is only a brief excerpt of a bigger picture.

 

Connor:

 

 

I agree - but I felt that his passion and fire was only to attain the crown later. Braden did what was right, what he thought was good for the country and maybe a bit of him wanted to put Jeremy out of immediate danger. He was still honored by being buried below The Tree, a rite usually reserved for the king.

 

 

Benji and Jack: I know it was short, but I did not want to drag it out into one of those 42 chapter long stories you see on this site. I wanted it focused on a short period of time with lots of things to think about. Not all the stories need to have romance per-say. I know for a fact in the future any stories pertaining to Elijah and beyond will be longer. Romance is everywhere, just need to notice it. Ew that was mushy.

 

Glad the rest of you enjoyed it. Thanks MikeL too for awesome editing. Props to David McLeod too.

[Former Member]

Bravo Chase. I missed my train stop because I was so wrapped up in this story. More from me after I find my way home!

[Nephylim]

Bravo Chase. I missed my train stop because I was so wrapped up in this story. More from me after I find my way home!

 

 

That sounds like something I would do. I have been late for work more than once

[David McLeod]

The world Chase created was complex and rich. Caleb and Braden were well-developed and interesting characters. The notion, early expressed, that "chance no longer plays a role in Elijah," suggesting that forces of destiny and greater are at work, is brilliant. However, the best part of the story is the character, Jeremy: the boy from "the other side of the tracks," who had little knowledge and no interest in the goings-on of royalty, politics, and current events, but who is thrust into that milieu. He vacillates between loving and hating his position. He feels at one moment a pawn, at the next an active participant, and at the next, a driving force. That is character development at its best.