How do you define love?

[Camilo]

I'm curious to know how you define love. What characteristics do you associate with love for a significant other? is s/he a companion first, a lover second? Does love shift and mold? Does it decay? Does it decay and then blossom once more?

[Rizan]

Well I'm sort of a hopeless romantic, so for me love is that thing that you watch everyone else use, abuse, and toss aside like pure garbage while you emotionally and mentally starve to death.

 

Love is simply a chemical reaction that occurs in the brain, a prolonged infatuation if you may, it's just a system that evolution created in human beings in order to preserve the continuity of the species. However, that doesn't make it pointless. Love is the most important thing in human life. It creates inspiration, joy, it produces happiness and can be positive towards your health; it creates a bond to something (not always a person--you can love a subject, an activity, a career, anything) -- a bond almost as strong as the ones that keep our very cells together; it's like infusing your very essence into another being (or subject, career, art, etc.) -- you become one with it. Under this, you could theorise the possibility of love at first sight, your essence meshes with that of this person, the rest is just solidifying the bond (Moulin Rouge comes to mind). However, while this bond is being re-enforced, it is very vulnerable and quite unstable; our emotions and our actions tie in with its progress and can destroy the bond at any time. As the bond grows, it becomes harder and harder to break (think of people that stay in love for years, or when they're still growing, it becomes harder to let go in the end). I think love evolves just as much as we do, it changes just as we do through our lives; it can decay if you allow it to do so; it's not a perfect and permanent thing that lasts forever, it has to be maintained like a beautiful rose garden; roses don't just plant and grow themselves (well they do, but you get my point)!

 

~Words From A Hopeless Romantic

 

Edit: I've only been in love once, and it was a far more unique sort of love, so I'm probably dead wrong about everything.

 

Okay so that's a little overly dramatic, but yeah. I have a video that pretty much sums up love (it's rather offensive so I don't suggest watching it if you're easily offended and can't take jokes):

 

 

 

Love is a many-splendored thing,

It's the April rose that only grows in the early spring,

Love is nature's way of giving a reason to be living,

The golden crown that makes a man a king.

Once on a high and windy hill,

In the morning mist two lovers kissed and the world stood still,

Then your fingers touched my silent heart and taught it how to sing,

Yes, true love's a many-splendored thing.

~Frank Sinatra

[Former Member]

I don't know that I could define love or what it feels for me, because it varies so much person to person with those I care for, those I love.

 

Whether it's a friend I think is absolutely beautiful inside and out, and to see her...I'm simply in awe of loveliness, her charm, and wit, her strength. And at the same time I love her husband for his wry humor, and the way he looks at someone like they're crazy and then says something perfectly sensible and opposite from what you knew he was thinking.

 

Or the one who can suddenly start dancing in the middle of the city, and smile like a little girl though she's seventy, and literally gives of herself to anyone who needs it, materially, a hug, a stern admonition. Exquisite.

 

 

And then there's the ex-'s I still love, though I sure as hell don't want to be with them anymore. One because he is a complete loon and eternally hopeful while being the most pragmatic and hard-working man you can imagine.

 

Another because he can lay in a field of clover, in rain, and sing though he has patients he needs to see, and not care that he has holes in shoes because he's just rescued another bird as great expense to himself.

 

The bottom line in each and every one, and others I didn't mention, raises in me a fierce protective instinct, a willingness to die for them if necessary, to give whatever I have of myself to them if they needed it.

 

That is very difficult to inspire because I can be a rather cool and reserved person who is extremely wary to reveal emotion, and I am sometimes too jealous of my personal time and need to be alone.

 

To me that is my kind of love, when someone brings me out of that. Doesn't have to be a physical or romantic love, for I love my friends as much or more than I could/would a partner.

[Persinette]

I'll admit now that I'm not exactly what you'd call a staunch romantic...or, well, any kind of romantic, really. Fortunately romance and love are two distinct creatures.

 

Love is work. It's the day in, day out duty of being good to people when you're tired and angry. It's about forgiving and listening and giving for as long as you're able to. Not exhausting yourself by being the eternal, faithful doormat (better to be pissed off than pissed on), but doing what you can and trusting that they will do the same for you.

 

Basically, it's about kindness. And love without kindness is worthless.

[brosentha21]

This is definetly a catch 22. Isn't the answer is that you can't define it. True love is beyond definition. There is no one thing or one way to define it. That is how you know if your truly in love.

[zland666]

when you can't stop thinking about him when your knees go weak in his presence when you wanna be touching him all the time. When there hurt you wanna feel there hurt just to take it away when you would actually want to die for this guy and wanna spend the rest of your life with him.

[Westie]

Well... i dont know whether this is defining love... but i feel something for paya that eclipses every emotion i ever felt...

 

When im alone, I feel empty. Together, i feel fulfilled.

 

My heart leaps when I see his name on my phone. My breath catches when i hear his voice. I think of him and smile for no apparent reason. He - and only he - can make me cry. he can make me laugh in the same second. I loose control with him. I literally whimper when he kisses me with passion.

 

At the same time... when i get home i just want to know about his day... his achievements, his woes... I want to know what he had for lunch... I need to know if he slept ok... and how is his family. How are his friends? I know them like i know my own. Every minutae of his life is thrilling for me.

 

Is this Love? YES!!! Im his completely.

 

Just my two cents

 

West

 

 

 

 

[paya]

Well... i dont know whether this is defining love... but i feel something for paya that eclipses every emotion i ever felt...

 

When im alone, I feel empty.

[Y_B]

Well... i dont know whether this is defining love... but i feel something for paya that eclipses every emotion i ever felt...

 

When im alone, I feel empty. Together, i feel fulfilled.

 

My heart leaps when I see his name on my phone. My breath catches when i hear his voice. I think of him and smile for no apparent reason. He - and only he - can make me cry. he can make me laugh in the same second. I loose control with him. I literally whimper when he kisses me with passion.

 

At the same time... when i get home i just want to know about his day... his achievements, his woes... I want to know what he had for lunch... I need to know if he slept ok... and how is his family. How are his friends? I know them like i know my own. Every minutae of his life is thrilling for me.

 

Is this Love? YES!!! Im his completely.

 

Just my two cents

 

West

 

 

I don't know, that seems a little much.

 

The thing my mom use to always say (mostly in jest) is that she doesn't need my dad but we are together as a family because we want to be, not because we need to be and I always thought that's something that makes us work so well. So that whole bit of "I feel empty without him/her" or "I don't feel complete without him/her" I'm not sure that's really love. At least not long term. To me, that's more of a desperate craving than selfless love. The minute you start relying on someone to make you feel something, you throw yourself away. Don't undervalue independence. Love is an addition, not a replacement to life, and when I end up with someone, it'll be because I want to, not need to.

 

 

[zland666]

I don't know, that seems a little much

 

Loving a person has no limits

[DragonMando]

I've never really been solid on my definition of love, but I'll give my best shot.

 

Real love is being happy in making your lover happy, even if you need something from them. You'll be content knowing you made them smile. You'll do the little things just because you can: you'll randomly give them small gifts or make breakfast for them, you'll tidy the house/apartment or wash their car. They might not even notice, but it doesn't matter because you love them either way. Love is accepting them for who they are, not what you want them to be. Love is being there for them even if you had a bad day and aren't in the mood. Love is doing your very best to be gentle, even when you're angry. It's doing what you know is right, even when it hurts.

 

Yeah, I'm a hopeless sap

[Tipdin]

Oh boy, this is one of those words that means so much that it's actually difficult to quantify. Love is an emotion so it cannot be standardized. And then emotions, of course, are experienced uniquely by each person. It may be easier to say what love is not. -imho.

 

Although for me, when I felt love, it was a desire or need to be with him when he wasn't around. It was a sense of pride to be seen in public with him, or perhaps a boastful need to show off my prize. It was a sense of safety and confidence that nearly no matter what I did, it would be accepted.

 

I know now that if I feel worse WITH a given person than without that person, then they have got to go. I've had boyfriends that I used to have to be careful with so I didn't set them off or say too much. Those are the ones to DUMP IMMEDIATELY and RUN away from them!

 

You MUST feel better with them - and actually ARE better for being with them.

Edited September 7, 2010 by Tipdin

[Caedus]

Romantic love occurs when you experience an initial surge in Dopamine with a hint of Oxytocin, as well as a drop in Serotonin, giving you that feeling of mental instability when your infatuated with someone. When the Dopamine declines and Serotonin levels are stable,Oxycotin becomes more important because it helps establish the familial, long term bond between people (although it's started with orgasms). Lust is a major part in romantic love, and the process that comes with that infatuation can be extended or even repeated, but it dies eventually. Without the Oxytocin, marriages and LTR's wouldn't last more than 5 year

 

 

Romantic love is the hormonal and cognitive mechanism for the encouragement of human sexual reproduction and temporary cohesion of the family unit.

I also like Yang Bang's definition. IMO, I don't think it's healthy for someone pursuing a LTR to love someone so selfishly, where you think of them as a possession; a prize to win and to own. That may have more to do with the mindsets of early agricultural states, whose men viewed women as a scarce resource to possess for themselves, a contrast from hunter-gatherers who more or less shared their women, but thats besides the point. My point is that if you don't see yourself as an individual in a relationship, if you view yourself as "nothing with her/him", you set a dependence on your partner that is likely to lead to a build up of insecurities and resentments that erode the relationship over time. Repeating earlier sentiments, its important to recognize that what makes your relationship with someone significant isn't the belief that they "complete you" or that you need them to be whole. You don't need him/her and your partner doesn't need you, but the fact your partner chose to be with you anyways is pretty significant all by itself.

</rambling>

Edited September 6, 2010 by Caedus

[Elias Rosine]

Love is something that can occur time and time again. It is, quite simply put, the helpless dedication to serving another individual to make sure that he/she is happy.

[JamesSavik]

Love is an emotional form of addiction. It can cause incredible highs and lows. When you've had it, you always want more, kicking it is painful and difficult and you are always ready to score again even if you haven't had any for years.

 

It makes you unreasonable, emotional and causes your judgment to be shaky. You disregard advice from trusted sources like family and friends. It can cause you to make incredibly bad mistakes and take stupid risks.

 

I'm reasonably sure that if love wasn't an ancient and indivisible part of us that it would be illegal.

[option]

No idea

I have an ASD, I either dont pick up emotions, or get really confused.

[Former Member]

I believe that love it something that can't be explained, only experienced, since I think we all experience it in a different way.

[Tommy_B]

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves.