Gay Dating sites

[Wynter]

So, I came out to my friends about a year ago, maybe a but more now. My family are still in the dark and shall remain so for a while yet I hope.

 

While I've grown much more comfortable with telling people and controlling my paranoia, I've still yet to really delve into relationships and such. Partly because I just didn't know where to find other gay guys. The local gay bar isn't much help for finding the type of guy I like and the only ones you can really spot are the stereotypical types which I don't really go for anyway. So I decided to venture onto the internet and try these so called 'dating' sites. I've noticed a couple of things.

 

1) There are a LOT more of us around than I would have dreamed.

2) If you want a decent service expect to pay for it. Also expect the most expensive ones to have fewer people on them.

3) The name of the site tells you A LOT. But at the same time, the dirty looking ones often have lots of normal people who aren't interested in hook-ups or orgies or other things that don't bear mentioning.

4) There are many, many people just looking for friends which is a bit sad really. Although, it is a great way for closeted people to reach out and maybe gain come confidence. I've made a couple of new friends myself which has been great because my only gay friends are Lesbians.

5) Lots of the profiles specify an interest in 'straight acting' or masculine men. Which seems to indicate I'm not alone in having difficulty finding like minded gay guys. It also says a lot about the power of stereotypes and the visibility of a small minority; are the stereotypes completely wrong? I'd always sort of seen myself as unusual.

 

So far, I've made a couple of MSN friends and another guy I'm quietly excited about that I hope to meet sometime soon.

 

SO that's my experience. I thought I'd post about it because other people might find it useful and/or have some insight into the stuff I mentioned above. Anyone else care to share?

[Former Member]

So, I came out to my friends about a year ago, maybe a but more now. My family are still in the dark and shall remain so for a while yet I hope.

 

While I've grown much more comfortable with telling people and controlling my paranoia, I've still yet to really delve into relationships and such. Partly because I just didn't know where to find other gay guys. The local gay bar isn't much help for finding the type of guy I like and the only ones you can really spot are the stereotypical types which I don't really go for anyway. So I decided to venture onto the internet and try these so called 'dating' sites. I've noticed a couple of things.

 

1) There are a LOT more of us around than I would have dreamed.

2) If you want a decent service expect to pay for it. Also expect the most expensive ones to have fewer people on them.

3) The name of the site tells you A LOT. But at the same time, the dirty looking ones often have lots of normal people who aren't interested in hook-ups or orgies or other things that don't bear mentioning.

4) There are many, many people just looking for friends which is a bit sad really. Although, it is a great way for closeted people to reach out and maybe gain come confidence. I've made a couple of new friends myself which has been great because my only gay friends are Lesbians.

5) Lots of the profiles specify an interest in 'straight acting' or masculine men. Which seems to indicate I'm not alone in having difficulty finding like minded gay guys. It also says a lot about the power of stereotypes and the visibility of a small minority; are the stereotypes completely wrong? I'd always sort of seen myself as unusual.

 

So far, I've made a couple of MSN friends and another guy I'm quietly excited about that I hope to meet sometime soon.

 

SO that's my experience. I thought I'd post about it because other people might find it useful and/or have some insight into the stuff I mentioned above. Anyone else care to share?

 

Regarding no.2, it depends on the country. I use a great gay free site which is German and it covers everything for finding a room when traveling, just meeting for a cup of coffee, looking for a partner or an occasional sex date if that's all someone is interested in. I've met very many great people I continue to keep in touch with over the years, and it's entirely free and it has members from all over the world, last I checked +million.

 

For myself personally regarding no. 4: I don't think it sad lots of people are only looking for friends. Why should looking for friends ever be sad? I think finding friends is much more satisfying, dependable and healthy both for body and spirit than concentrating on finding the "perfect person".

 

Maybe because the country is more open regarding sexuality, on the website I mentioned before, you seldom see "straight-acting" or masculine looking requirements. The times I have noted it they were men from eastern Europe or English primary speakers and perhaps by necessity they wanted that. I've wondered what "straight acting" is. The description seemed rather strange to me.

 

I think it entirely depends on where you are and the society you live in. Some interesting points but I don't think they should or could be applied to all gay dating sites.

[paya]

While I've grown much more comfortable with telling people and controlling my paranoia, I've still yet to really delve into relationships and such. Partly because I just didn't know where to find other gay guys. The local gay bar isn't much help for finding the type of guy I like and the only ones you can really spot are the stereotypical types which I don't really go for anyway. So I decided to venture onto the internet and try these so called 'dating' sites. I've noticed a couple of things.

 

1) There are a LOT more of us around than I would have dreamed.

2) If you want a decent service expect to pay for it. Also expect the most expensive ones to have fewer people on them.

3) The name of the site tells you A LOT. But at the same time, the dirty looking ones often have lots of normal people who aren't interested in hook-ups or orgies or other things that don't bear mentioning.

4) There are many, many people just looking for friends which is a bit sad really. Although, it is a great way for closeted people to reach out and maybe gain come confidence. I've made a couple of new friends myself which has been great because my only gay friends are Lesbians.

5) Lots of the profiles specify an interest in 'straight acting' or masculine men. Which seems to indicate I'm not alone in having difficulty finding like minded gay guys. It also says a lot about the power of stereotypes and the visibility of a small minority; are the stereotypes completely wrong? I'd always sort of seen myself as unusual.

 

So far, I've made a couple of MSN friends and another guy I'm quietly excited about that I hope to meet sometime soon.

 

SO that's my experience. I thought I'd post about it because other people might find it useful and/or have some insight into the stuff I mentioned above. Anyone else care to share?

 

Well... the most frequent site here isn't helpful much as well, though I've seen couples that met through that site. It's basically meant for the guys to meet - though a lot of people look for friends only as well. Nevertheless it really looks like a HUGE meat market and it really put me off as useless way of finding other gays around. I don't remember seeing many people demanding "straight acting" or masculine men... and I've seen A LOT there.

[Kev de Cauchery]

Never had good experience with dating sites.

 

It's prolly because of how I look.

[Bleu]

I believe I had an experience similar to yours. I registered with a dating site a little bit over 2 months ago. The choice was easy: the site was recommended by the #1 gay magazine over here, and it also happens to be the #1 dating site for straight people (I just didn't know they had a gay section until then). So it's serious and efficient. It's not cheap but I haven't really compared prices with other sites, so I'm in no position to complain.

 

1. Yes, there are a lot more of us. And most of them look neither like fairies nor bears.

5. Yes, I've seen this request on many profiles as well. I have been wondering how much of this stems from a real attraction to masculine guys, and how much stems from a wish to remain in the closet (in as much as being with someone who doesn't immediately look gay offers some protection against being outed).

 

My impression, so far, is not wholly negative. Sure, you have to weed out the uninteresting and the downright wierd. There was this guy who kept calling me "mon petit garnement". I don't really know how to translate that, but it's something you'd say to a 6 year old. Let's just say that our MSN conversations did not last for very long.

I've been able to meet two guys, with the last one being quite compatible with me. And if no relationship comes out of this, I believe I'll have made a friend.

There's more on one of my blog posts.

[Wynter]

Regarding no.2, it depends on the country. I use a great gay free site which is German and it covers everything for finding a room when traveling, just meeting for a cup of coffee, looking for a partner or an occasional sex date if that's all someone is interested in. I've met very many great people I continue to keep in touch with over the years, and it's entirely free and it has members from all over the world, last I checked +million.

 

For myself personally regarding no. 4: I don't think it sad lots of people are only looking for friends. Why should looking for friends ever be sad? I think finding friends is much more satisfying, dependable and healthy both for body and spirit than concentrating on finding the "perfect person".

 

Maybe because the country is more open regarding sexuality, on the website I mentioned before, you seldom see "straight-acting" or masculine looking requirements. The times I have noted it they were men from eastern Europe or English primary speakers and perhaps by necessity they wanted that. I've wondered what "straight acting" is. The description seemed rather strange to me.

 

I think it entirely depends on where you are and the society you live in. Some interesting points but I don't think they should or could be applied to all gay dating sites.

 

Not sad that they want friends, sad that so many people were unable to find someone to talk to outside of the internet. I've added about 5 people to MSN after chatting through websites so I've gained some friends myself. The people I'm referring to seem to lack friends as a result of hiding their sexuality.

 

I believe I had an experience similar to yours. I registered with a dating site a little bit over 2 months ago. The choice was easy: the site was recommended by the #1 gay magazine over here, and it also happens to be the #1 dating site for straight people (I just didn't know they had a gay section until then). So it's serious and efficient. It's not cheap but I haven't really compared prices with other sites, so I'm in no position to complain.

 

1. Yes, there are a lot more of us. And most of them look neither like fairies nor bears.

5. Yes, I've seen this request on many profiles as well. I have been wondering how much of this stems from a real attraction to masculine guys, and how much stems from a wish to remain in the closet (in as much as being with someone who doesn't immediately look gay offers some protection against being outed).

 

My impression, so far, is not wholly negative. Sure, you have to weed out the uninteresting and the downright wierd. There was this guy who kept calling me "mon petit garnement". I don't really know how to translate that, but it's something you'd say to a 6 year old. Let's just say that our MSN conversations did not last for very long.

I've been able to meet two guys, with the last one being quite compatible with me. And if no relationship comes out of this, I believe I'll have made a friend.

There's more on one of my blog posts.

 

 

In regards to 5, I think you're probably onto something. The hook-up sites have a lot of closeted men so that could play a role. It's certainly been less prevalent on the more relationship orientated sites.

[Tommy_B]

1) There are a LOT more of us around than I would have dreamed.

2) If you want a decent service expect to pay for it. Also expect the most expensive ones to have fewer people on them.

3) The name of the site tells you A LOT. But at the same time, the dirty looking ones often have lots of normal people who aren't interested in hook-ups or orgies or other things that don't bear mentioning.

4) There are many, many people just looking for friends which is a bit sad really. Although, it is a great way for closeted people to reach out and maybe gain come confidence. I've made a couple of new friends myself which has been great because my only gay friends are Lesbians.

5) Lots of the profiles specify an interest in 'straight acting' or masculine men. Which seems to indicate I'm not alone in having difficulty finding like minded gay guys. It also says a lot about the power of stereotypes and the visibility of a small minority; are the stereotypes completely wrong? I'd always sort of seen myself as unusual.

My experience on #4 is that "just looking for friends" is as big a lie as there it. Most of the guys don't want to admit they are horn dogs and looking for sex. When these "just looking for friends" guys find out I am 17, they won't meet me at the beach or Starbucks. If it is just for friends, what is the big deal? The big deal is, they really want sex.

 

What are the "dirty looking" ones? And I am not sure there are a lot of "normal people" on those just looking for friends, I think it is back to pretending they aren't horned up. Do guys really go to a site called Men 4 Men 4 Sex Right Now, Not Later, But Right NOW, Sooner If Possible to find friends? And post total nude, XXX pics....... to find friends?

 

A lot of guys don't want screaming queens, that is as personal a choice as wanting a twink, a bear, rice, beans, chub, CD or whatever. Some guys actually want total femmes too. To each his own.