Marc Jesmond and the bad guys

[Sendraguy]

Glen gets into real trouble in Ch 13, but as usual he wriggles out of it. He always lands on his feet and finds a bed for the night. But does he deserve it? Is it better that smart guys like him survive, or can we do without them?

[Greedya]

I don't think Glen is a smart guy. He may know some tricks and survival techniques. But his scheming skills are nowhere near Gerald's.

 

I don't mind where the story goes. Just make it believable. A plus if you bring in character development (either direction - Glen goes dark or becomes a good boy). Again, make it believable. The more twists the better Survival or death doesn't matter.

 

Fate in your universe is a real bitch. LoL! It is quite obvious that your bad guys (like Gerald) have been bad for quite some time, but karma hasn't yet provided justice to their previous victims.

[Greedya]

I'm glad you show us how influential Glen is on younger guys - Leon, Dom (I'm glad you introduce this character and write a steamy hot sex scene ). Funny, Glen seems to be no more than a piece of shit to older guys (Marc, Gerald).

 

PS: Maybe you can post a link to this thread in your chapter notes.

[Sendraguy]

A lot of young gay men are let down by family/mentors at the very time they need support most. A guy like Glen, who at, say 22-4 seems to be sorted, looks like a role model. Of course it's important to know how come. Older gay men can become bitter about the younger ones for the obvious reasons ie. a) they're jealous they can't have them c) if/when they do they have to pay ( one way or another) .....but the big one, as I see it, is that young guys have it all in front of them, to get their futures right, or f**k it up. And to older guys who've made a mess of it, that's hard to take. How's this different to any strand of society? Well, we're back to my mantra. Gay men could have it all, and to people who've thrown their chances away, nothing's so irksome as those who have it all still before them. Right! that should get them talking, except nobody writes to me, however provocative I am ( sighs)

[Benji]

A lot of young gay men are let down by family/mentors at the very time they need support most. A guy like Glen, who at, say 22-4 seems to be sorted, looks like a role model. Of course it's important to know how come. Older gay men can become bitter about the younger ones for the obvious reasons ie. a) they're jealous they can't have them c) if/when they do they have to pay ( one way or another) .....but the big one, as I see it, is that young guys have it all in front of them, to get their futures right, or f**k it up. And to older guys who've made a mess of it, that's hard to take. How's this different to any strand of society? Well, we're back to my mantra. Gay men could have it all, and to people who've thrown their chances away, nothing's so irksome as those who have it all still before them. Right! that should get them talking, except nobody writes to me, however provocative I am ( sighs)

 

...........The real mystery is who knocked out Marc? Was it Glen seeing an opportunity, if so he now has the book or was it Jim, Leon's long lost father. Who mistook Marc at first as one of the men leaving Leon's flat. Very interesting story here!

[Greedya]

Ch. 18 (Contains spoilers)

'You need to choose, do you want to be a girl or a boy?'

 

I love ultimatums, man. Choose, him or me. Choose, chocolate or strawberries. Choose, be a girl or a boy. To cast ultimatums on others, one must have (1) authority and (2) bitchiness enshrouded in an aura of frightening power. OMG! I love his mum.

Yes, those were her words; not very enlightened perhaps, but they hadn't fazed her son.

 

Hey, hey... don't be too soft (no pun intended ) after writing something bitchy. I'd suggest something a little snappy. How about: Yes, those were her words; not enlightening, but not fazing her son either.

So often in life, we believe we don't have a choice.

<BUT>

In almost all cases we do.

But

it's often unthinkable, so we don't think about it.

 

Today I'm happy. So I will work out a bit, and you are chosen to be my sparring partner. In addition to the left job, here's my right straight. So often in life, we believe we don't have a choice. But often in life, we are blind. We almost always have a choice, only if we think about it. SNAP! (sorry I can't help victimising you)

But as Selby packed out, ready to leave,

the

amazing

boyfriend

began to feel guilt. Dominic, like so many people who cheat, wanted his humiliated ex to

forgive the rottenness of his behaviour (

the underlined phase would have been stronger if you didn't mention earlier that he began to feel guilt)

 

I know what you mean (so true). You know what I mean? This is amazing.

the Princess and the

Peanis

 

F.u.c.k.y.a! This is great. Are you playing the penis with pean, or do you think the penis looks like a pea, or does it imply that the pub is famous for anis(ette)?

'f**k me, I'd love to go two halves with him. What a rockin' body! f**kin' abs to die for'

 

True colour of true love. Awesome. Selby is thoughtful; he foresaw that this might happen. But he didn't break down like a girl, at least not before the boyfriend's eyes. I wonder who is emotionally stronger between Leon and Selby...

deep down he yearned for him to be so much more.

 

You told me before that older guys can be very desperate. But still, I have a hard time believing it. Marc met Alan only twice, each occasion brief.

The men met like old friends, comfortably rather than excitedly

 

This sounds good. Sounds stable. Grounded. Long-lasting. An excellent contrast to Dom-Glen relationship.

If I'd something like this, you'd never get me out

If you've got plenty coffee, I'm here as long as you need me

 

The depth of the character (Alan) is well portrayed in what he has to say. This is so warm, so lovely, so simple and beautiful.

Marc, relieved yet perplexed, continued his narrative, but he soon ran out of steam.

 

This is nice. Very nice prose. But let me swap around a bit to spotlight the emotions. Relieved yet perplexed, Marc continued his narrative...

Alan Douglas was unflappable. He got up and walked to the window. Then he turned, smiling confidently,

 

WOW. This is so idealistic. A kind of person Marc needs right now. Alan drives Marc insane and knocks some sense into him at the same time.

Aye, and we're ordinary guys. So just imagine how good it feels to f**k them over!

 

Marc may be imagining now how good it feels to f**k Alan over... and over. Oh wait, Marc is a bottom, isn't he?

the dog-fixation

 

ROFL! The best thing about Alma, man, is her persistence. I couldn't believe that Alma 'did everything Gerald asked'! Wow! Shocked.

'I'm saying you do have prostate cancer'

 

Brilliantly building up the climax there. While this is not surprising, the tension is intense and well-played. I don't think I can pull off a great, knifelike dialogue like that. * sighs *

girls in the line were getting ready to devour Dominic, and they knew which bit they'd choose first.

 

* chuckles * In a group battle, defeat the weakest first.

Dominic was fascinated by

Gash

 

Surprise is something that can knock you, yes, but gash you? Not likely.

Rising to a magnificent glass ceiling, the club was huge and airy, with an atrium, fountains and palms.

 

Ahh.. the trick of describing a scene is trying to tell the reader that the club is huge and airy without telling them directly that it is huge and airy. And the feel of the scene is missing here. Is it crowded? Did excitement fill the air? The scene looks classy to me, like a five-star hotel rather than a night club. lol. I can imagine Michael Buble's jazz in the background.

Ever since he met Glen he'd yearned to imitate his idol, right down to the simplest, and most vulgar act. But right now, no amount of money could make him swap places with Glen Roberts.

 

You want to teach Glen a lesson, eh? I know you're not done with Glen yet. I feel you wanna torture him slowly (ok, ok, I love torturing my characters.. good ones and bad ones). Can't wait to read what you have up your sleeves. But above all, I wanna see how Alan pulls off strings. Since you sympathise with Marc as a character and you believe Marc had hit the bottom low already, now it's time for an uphill road. I can say with 80% confidence that Alan's concern and offer to help are genuine.

 

But my sadistic side says: Alan is part of the scheme and works for Gerald. Marc runs into the mouth of a wolf unknowingly.. muahahaha!

 

OK I think I said too much. Time to hide in the closet.

[Sendraguy]

...........The real mystery is who knocked out Marc? Was it Glen seeing an opportunity, if so he now has the book or was it Jim, Leon's long lost father. Who mistook Marc at first as one of the men leaving Leon's flat. Very interesting story here!

 

 

Hi Benji,

 

Thanks for sticking with Marc Jesmond, God knows how it must come across to Americans!! ( my partner is American but won't help me with the cutural crossovers :-))) You'll know by now that Cunningham the ex-police superintendant did the coshing, but you're very astute to have remembered Jim Appleby......

 

Regards

Davie

[Sendraguy]

Ch. 18 (Contains spoilers)

'You need to choose, do you want to be a girl or a boy?'

 

I love ultimatums, man. Choose, him or me. Choose, chocolate or strawberries. Choose, be a girl or a boy. To cast ultimatums on others, one must have (1) authority and (2) bitchiness enshrouded in an aura of frightening power. OMG! I love his mum.

Yes, those were her words; not very enlightened perhaps, but they hadn't fazed her son.

 

Hey, hey... don't be too soft (no pun intended ) after writing something bitchy. I'd suggest something a little snappy. How about: Yes, those were her words; not enlightening, but not fazing her son either.

So often in life, we believe we don't have a choice.

<BUT>

In almost all cases we do.

But

it's often unthinkable, so we don't think about it.

 

Today I'm happy. So I will work out a bit, and you are chosen to be my sparring partner. In addition to the left job, here's my right straight. So often in life, we believe we don't have a choice. But often in life, we are blind. We almost always have a choice, only if we think about it. SNAP! (sorry I can't help victimising you)

But as Selby packed out, ready to leave,

the

amazing

boyfriend

began to feel guilt. Dominic, like so many people who cheat, wanted his humiliated ex to

forgive the rottenness of his behaviour (

the underlined phase would have been stronger if you didn't mention earlier that he began to feel guilt)

 

I know what you mean (so true). You know what I mean? This is amazing.

the Princess and the

Peanis

 

F.u.c.k.y.a! This is great. Are you playing the penis with pean, or do you think the penis looks like a pea, or does it imply that the pub is famous for anis(ette)?

'f**k me, I'd love to go two halves with him. What a rockin' body! f**kin' abs to die for'

 

True colour of true love. Awesome. Selby is thoughtful; he foresaw that this might happen. But he didn't break down like a girl, at least not before the boyfriend's eyes. I wonder who is emotionally stronger between Leon and Selby...

deep down he yearned for him to be so much more.

 

You told me before that older guys can be very desperate. But still, I have a hard time believing it. Marc met Alan only twice, each occasion brief.

The men met like old friends, comfortably rather than excitedly

 

This sounds good. Sounds stable. Grounded. Long-lasting. An excellent contrast to Dom-Glen relationship.

If I'd something like this, you'd never get me out

If you've got plenty coffee, I'm here as long as you need me

 

The depth of the character (Alan) is well portrayed in what he has to say. This is so warm, so lovely, so simple and beautiful.

Marc, relieved yet perplexed, continued his narrative, but he soon ran out of steam.

 

This is nice. Very nice prose. But let me swap around a bit to spotlight the emotions. Relieved yet perplexed, Marc continued his narrative...

Alan Douglas was unflappable. He got up and walked to the window. Then he turned, smiling confidently,

 

WOW. This is so idealistic. A kind of person Marc needs right now. Alan drives Marc insane and knocks some sense into him at the same time.

Aye, and we're ordinary guys. So just imagine how good it feels to f**k them over!

 

Marc may be imagining now how good it feels to f**k Alan over... and over. Oh wait, Marc is a bottom, isn't he?

the dog-fixation

 

ROFL! The best thing about Alma, man, is her persistence. I couldn't believe that Alma 'did everything Gerald asked'! Wow! Shocked.

'I'm saying you do have prostate cancer'

 

Brilliantly building up the climax there. While this is not surprising, the tension is intense and well-played. I don't think I can pull off a great, knifelike dialogue like that. * sighs *

girls in the line were getting ready to devour Dominic, and they knew which bit they'd choose first.

 

* chuckles * In a group battle, defeat the weakest first.

Dominic was fascinated by

Gash

 

Surprise is something that can knock you, yes, but gash you? Not likely.

Rising to a magnificent glass ceiling, the club was huge and airy, with an atrium, fountains and palms.

 

Ahh.. the trick of describing a scene is trying to tell the reader that the club is huge and airy without telling them directly that it is huge and airy. And the feel of the scene is missing here. Is it crowded? Did excitement fill the air? The scene looks classy to me, like a five-star hotel rather than a night club. lol. I can imagine Michael Buble's jazz in the background.

Ever since he met Glen he'd yearned to imitate his idol, right down to the simplest, and most vulgar act. But right now, no amount of money could make him swap places with Glen Roberts.

 

You want to teach Glen a lesson, eh? I know you're not done with Glen yet. I feel you wanna torture him slowly (ok, ok, I love torturing my characters.. good ones and bad ones). Can't wait to read what you have up your sleeves. But above all, I wanna see how Alan pulls off strings. Since you sympathise with Marc as a character and you believe Marc had hit the bottom low already, now it's time for an uphill road. I can say with 80% confidence that Alan's concern and offer to help are genuine.

 

But my sadistic side says: Alan is part of the scheme and works for Gerald. Marc runs into the mouth of a wolf unknowingly.. muahahaha!

 

OK I think I said too much. Time to hide in the closet.

[Sendraguy]

Damo,

 

I'm indebted as ever. And I can't challenge your word re-ordering, which is so impressively better that, should this weedly little romp ever see light of day again I'd make the changes.

 

Laziness prevented me from describing Gash fully ( well, who wants to describe Gash, come on!) but I'm on record for noting that, in the UK at least, gay business treats its customers very shabbily, and foists on them standards that wouldn't be tolerated by hets. ( cf. my club 'Spurtz' in the Kris Karton tale) Chatting to Rigby the other day we reflected on the problems of finding a plot open up rather than close down as it proceeds. It kind of flatters the imagination, but sometimes you just gotta be disciplined and say, this is the plan, it stands.

 

I couldn't resist painting the locals of my native city as violent, moronic, homophobic thugs. Not totally true, but as I reserve the right to believe the world's default setting is anti-gay, I keep my powder dry on this one. Glen, how will he do? OK, he's my favourite character, and the only one who gets to use the language I do. But he presents me with problems. Do I keep the tale moral for the spunkies, or do I make it realistic?

 

Alma: she's been around for years. Why act this way or that? But some people are capable of playing a long, long 'long game' and I've known guys who've waited 30 years to get even. Doesn't fit my 50,000 words canvas, but that's life. Uh oh, I'm rabbiting now.....

 

Thanks as ever. The re-sentencing was fab. I have no excuse for not seeing it, considering I re-edit min 6-7 times...... oooer!

 

Davie

[Nephylim]

I am loving this story. There are so many punchlines delivered absolutely straight from the hip that it has me giggling one minute and sniffling the next.

 

My god man, how much more can Marc go through??? He started off as a bit of a softie but he's toughening up fast. I'm wondering if Alan is the next love interest or just another turn of the screw.

 

 

I HATE Glen. Okay maybe he isn't the great villain of the scene... but isn't he? He's stood by and let Leon die, he's put the pictures of it on his phone and laptop (like that's not sick or anything) and now he's f**king with Dominic and Selby just for kicks, leading poor Dominic by the nose... AND he has the book. At the moment I am finding it difficult to find any redeeming features at all. I was actually cheering when he was dragged into that toilet. I really hope he gets what he deserves.

 

Anyway. Go Marc. I love him to bits. Let him get his revenge cold... slowly, bit by bit... complete and satisfying. I'm hopin that his come back comes soon

 

The story is so incredibly twisted in so many ways I've got to love it.