Ideal mates?

[Devereaux]

I look for someone with confidence, who contributes to their community, and doesn't play Farmville.

[Tipdin]

I look for someone with confidence, who contributes to their community, and doesn't play Farmville.

 

WHAT?! No farmville?

 

Oh man.....

[West Coast Dude]

I look for someone with confidence, who contributes to their community, and doesn't play Farmville.

 

Overconfidence is not good. You see that a lot in musicians, athletes and people in general. I think it's called arragonce or cockiness. No farmville? I think you should include world of warcraft. ROFL

 

well, if you think you are weird, I am a Martian. An alien from outer space or something. I am moved first by lust. Then, as the question of living with someone, never was by my mind. Perhaps I am too... I do not believe in a stable relationship. And never tried any. I believe it could easily degenerate in abusive behavior. As for companionship... I am not sure this even could work.

 

Then only bond between two males, I do not know about females, is lust, while is high or in the point of boiling up.

 

I remember of a time when I was in something similar to a relationship. I was in prison them, for nearly a year. We were like 40 people sleeping in a ward during nights, and resting sitting on the floor, when we were not on the yard, walking around.

The first relationship I witnessed was that of an old inmate, who sort of married to a young boy, that could be as old as 18, at most.

The boy looked very young and had a very cute face. Then, someone pointed them to me and said, "they are married". I was a little shocked, for I am talking of a time... like fifty years ago. I was a young boy then. Well, this couple as afar as I know was stable. The boy was like a girl. I mean he looked girlish. He had thick lips, that is a fetish for me. I love think lips. Well, the man looked like a thug, and he had a reputation as being a nasty character to be feared.

One day as I walked up and down in the ward, I saw the head of the thug was laying on the thighs of the boy. It seemed that... I saw something weird and I turned back over my steps. The peculiar thing saw was... the thug was s***king on the d**k of the boy. It looked like the boy had a member of good size. It was not real big, but a lot bigger than mine anyway.

 

Well, this was not the case I was going to tell. But it was a stable relationship.

My case started as... well, after my first week of inactivity in the ward... I was full of lust. And the place was full of males. I had not any sissy manners, but I did not want to be called a fagot or something. I was scared with this prospect.

During the nights, we spread out our mats for sleeping. Then, one of the night I was specially horny, I started to jerk off the boy next to my bed. He was sleeping and I had real big and hard member in my hand. I was very excited jerking it up.

Then, then boy awoke as he was going to have an orgasm. Perhaps he was dreaming of being f**king some chick. As he awoke, he felt like stunned. He was in prison, and his d**k had the hand of someone jerking it up. He was about to start making a fuss shouting "here a fagot" or something. But he reacted in time and shut up. Perhaps he feared his reputation could be tarnished if people new that a gay was jerking his dick. He would be the dartboard of jokes for the rest of his time in prison.

 

During the day he told to another mate of his case of me jerking him while he was sleeping. I do not know what the talked. But in the evening, a guy who had the bed in the site in front of me, arranged with the boy next to him, to change his bed site for mine.

Then, the new guy asked me in a whisper, "you like c**k, don't you?" I said, yeah. Then he commented, "it's all right. Any time you need it, you can get mine." Ok, was my reply.

Then, after the light was switched off, my hand reached for his c***k and I started to play with it for a while. Then, wehn he was horny, he said to turn on. I did and he fu***d my ass. We had been in this relationship for ten or twelve months. A very stable relationship. But this arrangement was kept a secret. We were not friends, neither we have similar tastes. We never walked together or chatted. So we were living as if nothing was happening between us. I suppose he was a petty thug, and it was not a badge of honor to be known as having a relationship with a gay. It is not a question of brag about this arrangement.

Of course, the relation was not perfect. I had to bear my own lust during several days. For I got the idea that his lust was not as great as mine. And I feared he would be tired of my demands. Other aspect of the unbalance was that I would love he would had played with my d**k and even let me have his ass. But as any self respecting thug, I assumed that he would not accept any of this fantasies of my mind. I assumed that he saw him as being a top. But I have the theory that he was not. He was rather tame, and short. He had not a strong brave character. I am sure, that a big man with a strong character would had used him as a bottom.

Then the trouble in a relationship touches many crucial points. Not only a question of character. Not only a question of tastes.

But also, it is a question of lust. When the lust is unbalanced in a couple the relation is heading to the reefs. I was not really a 100% bottom. It depended on some cycles. But mostly, lust was my commander. And that put me in dire straits a few times.

John Galaor

 

 

I think if you are not sexually into the person the relationship won't work in the end. But love changes a lot of things. I've seen people who still take care of their invalid partner. People can get fat and ugly and you still love them. With HIV, Aids, and all the STDS out there, you have to be careful you're not to promiscious. 1/3 of the gay community where I live is positive. That means 1 out of 3 guys you sleep with could be positive.

[Skylights]

there's a difference between what we think we want, and what we actually need/what's good for us.

 

Usually when you meet that person, you end up adjusting your silly ideals [shaped by media, pop culture, etc] and accept that he/she is good for you.

[Nephylim]

I think that one thing that spoils my consideration of what makes 'the one/ is that I have already had him and nothing I have had, seen, dreamed or desired since has come close to matching him. We were parted by others and I've never got over it. There have been others... I've had two 10 year long relatioships and two children but... they weren't him and, truth be told I have spent more than half my life waiting for him.

 

We were very, very different... from different worlds but he was perfect to me, for all his faults and the biggest one was that he was so rash and never thought things through. i tried my best to ground him and mostly I did but in the end it was his hot head that got us into trouble and parted us so I guess I wasn't grounding enough for him.

 

 

[Marzipan]

I think that one thing that spoils my consideration of what makes 'the one/ is that I have already had him and nothing I have had, seen, dreamed or desired since has come close to matching him. We were parted by others and I've never got over it. There have been others... I've had two 10 year long relatioships and two children but... they weren't him and, truth be told I have spent more than half my life waiting for him.

 

We were very, very different... from different worlds but he was perfect to me, for all his faults and the biggest one was that he was so rash and never thought things through. i tried my best to ground him and mostly I did but in the end it was his hot head that got us into trouble and parted us so I guess I wasn't grounding enough for him.

 

 

 

 

Consider yourself lucky! I'm afraid I will never feel that way with anyone. What I think or dream I want is so different than actually having experienced that even for a passing moment.

[Nephylim]

I don't know....

 

IS it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all??

 

 

I guess I swing from one to the other depending on how much I miss him at the time. At the moment I think it's absolutely true... the cost is too high... not that there is any choice in paying it.

 

 

[Marzipan]

I don't know....

 

IS it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all??

 

 

 

 

I think it is... but then again what do I know. I have not experienced THE LOVE ever, nor lost it.

[guldar]

Well said about communication! That's an important aspect of any relationship!

 

I can not agreed more!!!, I just Read some where, that the communication in couples is less as the times pass, because they start to know them too well, and they can read to each other with out speaking, and that make the communication start to loose for time to time, until a crisis come, and the communication come back!!!.

 

For me the communication is key ( starting that you really like the guy, that make you complete).

[rustle]

What I looked for were traditional virtues, first. Trustworthiness was pretty high up there, along with a good mind.

 

Next was plenty of common ground, so we'd have something to talk about, and to share together.

 

Completion, not similitude. Someone to admire and respect.

 

And a tight butt didn't hurt one bit.

[West Coast Dude]

So everyone's been posting what they look for and it's been great! It's wonderful to see this side of GA.

 

I could write an essay on what I want, but then I could write an essay on what I want to bring to the relationship, and what I could offer <I thought of making a resume, but that would be lame ahahah>

 

For me I want to make sure we have the same goals (kids, career etc), values, and same spiritual/religious beliefs.

 

Qualities I look for:

Honest - Able to communicate well, not afraid to open up about work, we can talk about everything and anything.

Loyal - I am looking for one guy for the rest of my life. I'm really old fashioned in that sense.

Integrity.

Ambitious - I want someone who tries 100% to do their best in everything. Someone who's motivated but our love for each other motivates us too.

 

I'd like someone in a field that uses their brain. I am not looking to date a plumber or a construction worker (though these professions are wonderful and contribute much to society).

 

I want someone who can discuss everything from Monet vs Van Gogh Stravisky vs. Saint-Sans, Confucism vs. Buddhism, Browing vs Baudelaire. I love medicine and health, I definitely would like them to be able to watch surgery tapes with me and not shudder.

 

Good hygiene, and sense of style. I look at the way some guys dress and I cringe inside.

 

Someone who likes coming home to a home cooked meal, but doesn't mind dressing up and going out for a romantic night on the town. Or just heading to the mall to eat sushi at the food court.

 

I definitely want a husband who's very active. I want to do thinks like canoe, kayak, hike, ski. Run together, work out together. I want someone who likes to eat healthy, and takes care of every aspect of their health: social, emotional, spiritual, physical etc.

 

I'd like someone who likes to travel, so we could travel the world.

 

I love romance, I write poems for him, I am a mushy guy. I'd like to be romanced too.

 

I've royaly messed up so bad in one relationship, not knowing what I wanted. It's never going to happen again.

 

I want to talk about equality. There's stuff I can't do (not mechanically inclined), but I can pretty much do all housework, cook, clean, change diapers etc. I want us to be able to share the loads needed. Our blindspots is the other's strengths,

 

Maybe I'm just too picky and I won't ever get married.

[rustle]

So everyone's been posting what they look for and it's been great! It's wonderful to see this side of GA.

 

I could write an essay on what I want, but then I could write an essay on what I want to bring to the relationship, and what I could offer <I thought of making a resume, but that would be lame ahahah>

 

For me I want to make sure we have the same goals (kids, career etc), values, and same spiritual/religious beliefs.

 

Qualities I look for:

Honest - Able to communicate well, not afraid to open up about work, we can talk about everything and anything.

Loyal - I am looking for one guy for the rest of my life. I'm really old fashioned in that sense.

Integrity.

Ambitious - I want someone who tries 100% to do their best in everything. Someone who's motivated but our love for each other motivates us too.

 

I'd like someone in a field that uses their brain. I am not looking to date a plumber or a construction worker (though these professions are wonderful and contribute much to society).

 

I want someone who can discuss everything from Monet vs Van Gogh Stravisky vs. Saint-Sans, Confucism vs. Buddhism, Browing vs Baudelaire. I love medicine and health, I definitely would like them to be able to watch surgery tapes with me and not shudder.

 

Good hygiene, and sense of style. I look at the way some guys dress and I cringe inside.

 

Someone who likes coming home to a home cooked meal, but doesn't mind dressing up and going out for a romantic night on the town. Or just heading to the mall to eat sushi at the food court.

 

I definitely want a husband who's very active. I want to do thinks like canoe, kayak, hike, ski. Run together, work out together. I want someone who likes to eat healthy, and takes care of every aspect of their health: social, emotional, spiritual, physical etc.

 

I'd like someone who likes to travel, so we could travel the world.

 

I love romance, I write poems for him, I am a mushy guy. I'd like to be romanced too.

 

I've royaly messed up so bad in one relationship, not knowing what I wanted. It's never going to happen again.

 

I want to talk about equality. There's stuff I can't do (not mechanically inclined), but I can pretty much do all housework, cook, clean, change diapers etc. I want us to be able to share the loads needed. Our blindspots is the other's strengths,

 

Maybe I'm just too picky and I won't ever get married.

 

 

For every criterion above, you said you want or would like. That's one side of the envelope. The other is, What do you need?

[W_L]

West, You will find that someone; sad it's probably not me though as I have a horrible taste in fashion (think stereotypical office from Monday to Friday, then T-shirts and jeans for the weekend)

 

As for me, I'm looking for someone that can engage me into a cause. I am knowledgeable about numerous subjects, but I have never actually used them in anything more than papers or a few heated debates. The guy would probably need to be a friend and companion to me as well as a lover, because I believe everyone needs a confidante and cheerleader at different times in their lives. It's a two way street of mutual support and caring; not just sex and lust.

 

As for travel, I have my fear of heights, but love of flying (it's some kind of vertigo). I like to explore new places and go on fantastic trips, whether it's to a beach resort or a ski lodge or some foreign country. For me, exploration of the unknown and embracing the realities of the world is what makes things fun. I've been to New York dozens of times, but I've gone to all the boroughs including the bad parts of Brooklyn and Manhattan as I have relatives there. Detroit was kind of a drag for me, but I like history of the city despite the depressing things I saw.

 

When I went to New Orleans recently, I got into a potentially nasty situation. I went into one of the famous old fashioned candy shops of the city and the woman, who handled the cash registrar immediately asked me, "What are you looking for?" as if I was an unwanted visitor. True, I was not dressed nearly as well as I should with T-shirt and jeans as most people in that area of town were wearing my traditional dress shirt and khaki ensemble. I merely said I wanted chocolates and she told me the prices for the basic milk chocolates. Well, most people would probably have left her shop and wrote it off as a bad place, but I instead picked out the chocolates that she didn't tell me about as they looked better. I bought nearly her entire reserve of truffles and rum made chocolates that came to about $700. The chocolates were delicious and I shared it with my office and family.

 

I stand by my sense of fairness; I don't like being looked down upon nor underestimated. I would spend a fortune to defend my belief in fairness if I had the fortune to spend on it. I know the realities of situations, but I will not let that impede me.

 

The best word to summarize my outlook on life is be realistic, but the best word to describe my mental frame for life is always dream for more.

[West Coast Dude]

For every criterion above, you said you want or would like. That's one side of the envelope. The other is, What do you need?

 

I know what I need, I have a therapist. I have a list of what I need, I am not puting it online here, as it's too personal. And I agree with what my therapist wrote out for me and we discussed.

[ande52]

Hmmm

 

What I'm looking for in a man is him being funny, spontaneous, caring, serious when needed, basically all the usually qualities needed haha

[Bumblebee]

The other is, What do you need?

 

 

In my opinion, I would need someone who understood and respected the choices that I have made and continue to make whether they are good or bad.

and I would need someone who knew when I was joking or being serious, and who isn't afraid to tell me to shut up and make me realise when I've gone to far with something.

 

There's alot of things that I need in a partner that are way way to personal to list here, but actually finding this women would be damn near impossible.... so I'm not to picky

 

She would need to be just so awesome though... thats all I really want

[Michael9344]

I want someone cute (I know it's silly but hey:)), a professional and funny. I need someone that (at least) has the same goals with me, caring, outgoing and loves African meals!

[Marzipan]

In my opinion, I would need someone who understood and respected the choices that I have made and continue to make whether they are good or bad.

and I would need someone who knew when I was joking or being serious, and who isn't afraid to tell me to shut up and make me realise when I've gone to far with something.

 

There's alot of things that I need in a partner that are way way to personal to list here, but actually finding this women would be damn near impossible.... so I'm not to picky

 

She would need to be just so awesome though... thats all I really want

 

You will find her or she will find you! You are such a darling honey bunney beanie boney.

[Tiger]

Well, I need someone who's intelligent, honorable, and kind. I also like someone who jokes around a lot. Traveling is a must. Also, I want plenty of sex, like daily.

[Jwolf]

I don't need a clone who likes everything I do and dislikes everything I dislike but I'd at least need him to understand why I like or don't like something and to know the difference between things I dislike but would be willing to do for him and the things that I'd never do in a million years.

 

I couldn't agree more with this post. After all of the basic needs are met-- Trust, Honesty, Physical Attraction, Sense of Humor-- someone who adds to my life by bringing his own experiences, likes, dislikes, et cetera, is a must. If I wanted to date someone exactly like me, I'd just date... well, me!

[West Coast Dude]

I couldn't agree more with this post. After all of the basic needs are met-- Trust, Honesty, Physical Attraction, Sense of Humor-- someone who adds to my life by bringing his own experiences, likes, dislikes, et cetera, is a must. If I wanted to date someone exactly like me, I'd just date... well, me!

 

Dating yourself isn't really an option, but loving yourself and loving who you are, I feel it's a must before getting into a relationship or dating! Good luck JW on love, and meeting an amazing guy to keep you happy.

 

I want someone cute (I know it's silly but hey:)), a professional and funny. I need someone that (at least) has the same goals with me, caring, outgoing and loves African meals!

 

May I ask why african meals? What about you both having the same values?

 

Well, I need someone who's intelligent, honorable, and kind. I also like someone who jokes around a lot. Traveling is a must. Also, I want plenty of sex, like daily.

 

I think the plenty of sex daily is a given, it's maintaining that over time...

[West Coast Dude]

Hmmm

 

What I'm looking for in a man is him being funny, spontaneous, caring, serious when needed, basically all the usually qualities needed haha

 

What do you mean by usual qualities? And shouldn't you both have the same values too?

[West Coast Dude]

Hmmm

 

What I'm looking for in a man is him being funny, spontaneous, caring, serious when needed, basically all the usually qualities needed haha

 

What do you mean by usual qualities? And shouldn't you both have the same values too?

[Canuk]

I have had two wonderful relationships and one utterly shithouse one. If one was able to stand all three in a row (and stop my first and third from slicing and dicing my second) and after considerable analysis of their respectve personalities the person doing the analysis could tell me "what I look for in a partner", I would be truly grateful!

 

I was with my first partner for ~15 years, my the third (and current) for 12 years. The two of them could not be more different; different sex, different apprach to life, different family relationships, different attitudes to money, my family, my friends i.e completely different. And yet I love (loved) them both and still have considerable regard for my first partner.

 

if you're wondering about the second, don't; useless piece of pond scum that he is/was.

 

all his to say if you haven't found "it" yet, or have found it and lost it and are looking again, then don't be too hung up on what you think you might like, beacuse based on my experience, you may not consciously know!