Changing Gay to Straight

[SolarMaxx]

When I turned 14, I finally admitted to myself that I was attracted to both sexes -- and it terrified me!

 

I grew up in a conservative community nestled among the corn fields and farms of the Midwest heartland -- and I knew, almost instinctively that same-sex attraction in any form was one of the lines that absolutely could not be crossed! I believed that being true to myself and admitting my feelings would mean social suicide and disgrace -- so I didn't admit it -- and I began the lonely process of living with a lie!

 

But I had also been fervently taught that "you can't lie to God. . ." and I came to believe, in horror, that I would be spending my eternity in hell! I hated the isolation of being ostracized from my faith by something I didn't choose, and didn't want at that time! Since then I've matured in my spiritual and social beliefs and I see things much differently! Now I actually enjoy the ability to appreciate the sensuality of both sexes. Yes, It did take me a while to get there, and I still carry some psychological baggage! But when your 14 years old, and still figuring out your moral compass, conflict can be confusing and stressful. I wouldn't want to relive that aspect of my adolescence -- but I value the insight it provided -- because it gives me a special empathy for those struggling to find peace and balance while straddling two worlds.

 

If the technology existed to allow people to chose their sexuality -- and I believe it will, someday soon -- I wouldn't want to judge someone for using it to reconcile their heartfelt convictions -- anymore than I would want to be judged for not using it to preserve mine.

Edited November 11, 2014 by SolarMaxx

[Kitt]

Perhaps my situation gives me a different perspective.  I am seeing the possibility of a method of change as just a tool for people to become who/what they want to be. Unfortunately, like any tool there is a potential for miss-use and abuse.  One does not ban the sale of hammers because some psychotic fool used a hammer as a murder weapon, because the good that can be done with it far outweighs the bad.

 

If I could change on a whim, or a thought? No. Even though I used to wish that I could be "like him."

 

I think there's wisdom inherent in playing the hand we're dealt.

I must agree here, except that there are times when lousy cards give us a hand that is never going to win. That is why you draw from the deck, trying to improve your hand.  I see an option to change if you wish to as one more card in the deck. Play it or not - it is your decision.

 

If we changed something so intrinsic about ourselves as our sexuality we would not be us anymore. Any guarantees that the new person would have an easier life? Maybe instead of gay we would be obese and people would call us lard assets instead of fags. Or maybe we would be handicapped and people would call us crips. Any better?

It all comes down to bullying in one form or another and our best option is to stand up to the bullies. A bunch of Drag Queens did just that a few years ago in NYC and thanks to them we can have this conversation on a place called Gay Authors.

I'd rather work each day to improve who I am, not work to turn me into someone entirely different.

I am acquainted with a person who was born female, and through a long period of hormone treatment and several surgeries is now male. Was it easy for him? Hell no! Nor was it easy for those of us who met him half way through the process. I spent the first year I knew him trying to figure out if he was male or female, and being extremely careful not to use pronouns that would assign a sex to him until i knew what was the correct form. 

 

I happen to be overweight ( not from lack of dieting btw - i try like hell but losing is slow) and have been called lard-ass and much worse, sometimes by people who really should know better.  I also have qualified temporarily for handicap parking during a period when a back issue at the same time as chemo therapy severely limited my mobility, and yes I have gotten the "crips" lines too.  No form of biggotry is acceptable. I was able to "fix" the handicap issues through a combination of sheer determination and good doctors. Fat I am still working on, but again, determination and doctors.  I can walk, ride, and go about my business with no cane any more, but I am still ME. I weigh considerably less than I did a year ago, but I am still ME.  My transgender friend didn't look at it as changing himself, he saw it as his body finally matching what he considered himself to be all along.  

 

Food for thought:  If such a treatment became available, would anyone have the right to deny it to someone wishing to utilize it because it they thought it meant gay is wrong?  If I as a straight woman have no right to tell someone they should not be gay, what right does anyone else have to say "You should not be straight - even if that is what you really want."

[Carlos Hazday]

Kitt

 

In no way would I deny anyone the opportunity to do as they wish. I may not agree with their decision but I'll be the first one supporting their right to make it.

 

My response was extremely personal. I would not want to change myself. And gender realignment is a non starter with me, I like my "bits" a lot! Hell I've never even dressed in drag for Halloween and I'm 56!

 

A couple of heavy set guys in my (gay) motorcycle club have had bariatic [sp] surgery and they seemed happier afterwards. I was chubby most of my life until one day I decided to change and all of a sudden there where muscles all over and little ridges on my abdomen [those are not really around anymore LOL]. But what was just hard work for me may not be possible for others.

 

I think you have an idea of how I feel about bullying and forcing others to do things from reading my stuff. We are all entitled to our opinions and our choices, but as long as those cause no harm to anyone else, more power to you!

 

C

[TetRefine]

Growing up gay in an environment where it wasn't really accepted taught me a lot about getting through tough times and just building personal toughness. When I was going through those periods of turmoil as a teenager, I would have given anything to turn straight because my life would have been so much easier. But after getting through those periods and coming out better and stronger on the other side, I see those rough times as extremely valuable in the lessons I learned from them. The human mind can endure a lot of pain and rejection if it sees a possibly brighter future. In high school I mentally detached myself from a lot of what was going on around me in the present and set my mind on the future.

 

My point is, being gay and having to go through all those trials that straight people don't really helped turn me into the person I am today, and I like where I'm at.

 

And plus, I like having sex with guys waaaaaaay too much to ever give up.

Edited November 11, 2014 by TetRefine

[Zombie]

Sticking to the edited question [i didn't see the original] which is not would it be a good / bad thing, but simply: if it existed and was "safe and easy" would you use it? It's already been pointed out that being anything other than "straight" [if that is even a reality] has had and continues to have a bad impact on the individual quality of life lived by many, never mind those who live in the dozens of countries where homosexuals are discriminated against, imprisoned, or even murdered by the state. So I'm pretty sure a long queue would quickly form. As for me, before I accepted myself for who I am - and that took a long time - I too would have been in that queue.

[zaf89]

If such a technology existed (which I doubt will ever happen, considering no one still really knows what truly causes diversity of sexual attraction, much less the specifics of it), it would undoubtedly be forced on gay people much like forced sterilization, castration, etc. has been in the past. It would be eugenics, basically. 

[SolarMaxx]

Sticking to the edited question [i didn't see the original] which is not would it be a good / bad thing, but simply: if it existed and was "safe and easy" would you use it? It's already been pointed out that being anything other than "straight" [if that is even a reality] has had and continues to have a bad impact on the individual quality of life lived by many, never mind those who live in the dozens of countries where homosexuals are discriminated against, imprisoned, or even murdered by the state. So I'm pretty sure a long queue would quickly form. As for me, before I accepted myself for who I am - and that took a long time - I too would have been in that queue.

The original question used the term "MEDICAL PROCEDURE" instead of the word "PROCESS" -- I changed it to avoid offending anyone with the onerous implication that gay is a illness requiring a cure! I also left out the word "YOU". My ADHD must be kicking up again! There's a process for that too -- but I refuse to take the meds! Edited November 12, 2014 by SolarMaxx

[MarcW]

strange thing .. refreshed the forum page on my browser & this came up as the side advert..

 hmm... was going to paste a pic of the amazon advert ... but cant see how to do that just yet ...

but anyway the gist of it was :-

 

Can a gay person change?

amazon.com/dp/B00N64UL3S

With the help of Hugh Hefner and Jesus Christ? New Memoir!

 

oh that pasted better than i thought ,,, but WTF ?!?

 

hmm .. on reading some of the reviews i'm beginning to think that its not quite what i thought ... not how to convert but a guys struggle with what he is & how to live with it ... might buy this ..

Edited November 12, 2014 by MarcW

[SolarMaxx]

What if we could use that technology to turn people in our direction? I can't see that being misused at all? LOL

 

(Excuse me while I go visit the Rugby team...)

Hahaha -- every time I read this it gets funnier! I know several rugby players that could benefit from an enlightened perspective!

Edited November 15, 2014 by SolarMaxx

[SolarMaxx]

If such a technology existed (which I doubt will ever happen, considering no one still really knows what truly causes diversity of sexual attraction, much less the specifics of it), it would undoubtedly be forced on gay people much like forced sterilization, castration, etc. has been in the past. It would be eugenics, basically.

I agree -- if a process existed it would undoubtedly be abused in some societies! In Iran -- they publicly hanged three teens convicted of homosexually last summer! I'm not sure what's worse!

Edited November 15, 2014 by SolarMaxx

[MarcW]

Iran is one of a handful of countries where homosexual acts are punishable by death. Clerics do, however accept the idea that a person may be trapped in a body of the wrong sex. So homosexuals can be pushed into having gender reassignment surgery - and to avoid it many flee the country

 

read more at : http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-29832690

[Ron]

Iran is one of a handful of countries where homosexual acts are punishable by death. Clerics do, however accept the idea that a person may be trapped in a body of the wrong sex. So homosexuals can be pushed into having gender reassignment surgery - and to avoid it many flee the country

 

read more at : http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-29832690

Ron: Yes, I read that, and it is abominable in its own way. It's like saying, "You can't be this, so you must be this." Just horrible, in my opinion.

[MarcW]

they seem to be confused with the idea that if you are attracted to someone of the same gender, then your gender is wrong ... which of course is complete bull...

[SolarMaxx]

they seem to be confused with the idea that if you are attracted to someone of the same gender, then your gender is wrong ... which of course is complete bull...

They say ignorance is it's own punishment -- but more and more, I'm starting to see it as a tyranny! 

[Graeme]

I haven't read this thread until now, but since I'm about to disappear for dinner to celebrate my 24th wedding anniversary, I thought I should say something....

 

In the general case, no, I don't think I would want to use this process. As many people have said, being gay is part of who I am.

 

In my particular case, though, yes, I would use it. Why? Very simply, I'm married to a wonderful woman who I put through hell 10 years ago when I came out to her. In my own way, I love her and I definitely respect her. I would take this process to become straight for her. If I was single, no, but I'm not single. She (unknowingly) sacrificed a lot by becoming married to a gay guy, and then (knowingly) sacrificed more by staying with me when I came out to her. That deserves a sacrifice on my side, and if I could become straight for her, I would. Not for anyone else...just her.

[SolarMaxx]

In my particular case, though, yes, I would use it. Why? Very simply, I'm married to a wonderful woman who I put through hell 10 years ago when I came out to her. In my own way, I love her and I definitely respect her. I would take this process to become straight for her. If I was single, no, but I'm not single. She (unknowingly) sacrificed a lot by becoming married to a gay guy, and then (knowingly) sacrificed more by staying with me when I came out to her. That deserves a sacrifice on my side, and if I could become straight for her, I would. Not for anyone else...just her.

Reading these posts has really helped me put things in perspective! For years I was deeply troubled by the fact that I was attracted to both sexes -- when in fact I might have had the best of both worlds all along. I never needed to give up one attraction to gain the other! They were never really in conflict in the first place. I wish I could have understood that when I was in my teens! 

 

Graeme, you really got to me with this post! It sounds to me like you married well!

Edited November 16, 2014 by SolarMaxx