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Editor and Beta Reader


keyisfake

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First sorry I didn't read the rules on how to post for help so I'm going to try again.

 

I am looking for both an editor and Beta reader for my story called "Harlequin" I have six chapters posted under keyisfake already but will unpublished them if I can get help. 

Thanks for reading.

 

I would like it completed in three months but I am flexible with the time.

I never worked with an Editor or Beta. I need line edits and someone to read my story to find problems.

I need help with grammar and someone to tell me if the story is flowing right character voices, scene movement.

I have a complete story and I’m in my forth editing process. I use Grammarly.com/ reread/ than Grammarly.com again. I don’t have a preference in how it’s edit. I use Microsoft Word.

 

Here’s a taste:

Gavin huffed and puffed as he worked to his climax with Patrick’s legs on his shoulders. He grinned down at Patrick believing he was enjoying the moment. Patrick gripped the sides of the stone as the friction scratched at his spine and upper back.

Patrick wasn’t one to back down from a dare. He’d wished it was warmer weather, and Gavin was someone else. The thought of the guy from the view of Gavin’s bathroom window came to mind.

‘Man he was cute,’ he thought as the heat returned to his body as his arms and hands responded and rose to Gavin’s shoulder and forearm. His eyes envisioned the peeping tom touching his face. His fingers were slipping down his neck where his mouth ravished his flesh. “Oh god,” he spoke. His breath escaped into the chilly the air. “…that’s it, right there…” His skin tingled from a tongue, and lips moving down his throat to his awaiting hard nipples and pinching and biting them. His cock and balls responded as Gavin rocked faster. Patrick added encouragement by grasping his arse cheeks and pulling the thrust deeper into him.

His head sway side to side as his body shook with the sensation of envisioning a stranger’s mouth on his cock. The tongue was snaking his meat as his mouth sucked hard and fast bring him to the edge. Gavin’s climax erupted into spasms as Patrick’s own—spilled over his stomach, crotch, and thighs.

Their voices melted together as they shivered from the discharged heat from their bodies. Gavin collapsed on top of Patrick, who laid limp breathing in and out waiting for his heart rate to settle back to its normal speed.

The fantasy faded away. The cold air wrapped around Patrick, who began to feel the weight of Gavin on top of him. He was heavy, and he wanted him off. The after feelings were of separation. At Gavin’s place, if not tired, he’d light a cigarette and get dressed in silence. Patrick just laid motionless for a moment staring at the ceiling wanting to shower.

Without looking at Patrick, he would tell him to go order them something to eat or give him money for food and drink. Gavin stopped paying for food and drink; he told Patrick he should foot the bill since he spent the night so much. Patrick didn’t want to push the point that Gavin was, blackmailing him, so he just forked over the money just to stop the conversation.

“Gavin, getup—you’re crushing me.” He nudged him with his body, but Gavin didn’t budge. “Come on Gavin, get off. I’m covered in cum, and I want to get dressed, I’m freezing,” he snapped. But Gavin still wouldn’t rise. His head faced from Patrick, so he didn’t see that he still had his eyes opened. Or that his back had a knife sticking out from it.

 

 

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First sorry I didn't read the rules on how to post for help so I'm going to try again.

 

I am looking for both an editor and Beta reader for my story called "Harlequin" I have six chapters posted under keyisfake already but will unpublished them if I can get help. 

Thanks for reading.

 

I would like it completed in three months but I am flexible with the time.

I never worked with an Editor or Beta. I need line edits and someone to read my story to find problems.

I need help with grammar and someone to tell me if the story is flowing right character voices, scene movement.

I have a complete story and I’m in my forth editing process. I use Grammarly.com/ reread/ than Grammarly.com again. I don’t have a preference in how it’s edit. I use Microsoft Word.

 

Here’s a taste:

Gavin huffed and puffed as he worked to his climax with Patrick’s legs on his shoulders. He grinned down at Patrick believing he was enjoying the moment. Patrick gripped the sides of the stone as the friction scratched at his spine and upper back.

Patrick wasn’t one to back down from a dare. He’d wished it was warmer weather, and Gavin was someone else. The thought of the guy from the view of Gavin’s bathroom window came to mind.

‘Man he was cute,’ he thought as the heat returned to his body as his arms and hands responded and rose to Gavin’s shoulder and forearm. His eyes envisioned the peeping tom touching his face. His fingers were slipping down his neck where his mouth ravished his flesh. “Oh god,” he spoke. His breath escaped into the chilly the air. “…that’s it, right there…” His skin tingled from a tongue, and lips moving down his throat to his awaiting hard nipples and pinching and biting them. His cock and balls responded as Gavin rocked faster. Patrick added encouragement by grasping his arse cheeks and pulling the thrust deeper into him.

His head sway side to side as his body shook with the sensation of envisioning a stranger’s mouth on his cock. The tongue was snaking his meat as his mouth sucked hard and fast bring him to the edge. Gavin’s climax erupted into spasms as Patrick’s own—spilled over his stomach, crotch, and thighs.

Their voices melted together as they shivered from the discharged heat from their bodies. Gavin collapsed on top of Patrick, who laid limp breathing in and out waiting for his heart rate to settle back to its normal speed.

The fantasy faded away. The cold air wrapped around Patrick, who began to feel the weight of Gavin on top of him. He was heavy, and he wanted him off. The after feelings were of separation. At Gavin’s place, if not tired, he’d light a cigarette and get dressed in silence. Patrick just laid motionless for a moment staring at the ceiling wanting to shower.

Without looking at Patrick, he would tell him to go order them something to eat or give him money for food and drink. Gavin stopped paying for food and drink; he told Patrick he should foot the bill since he spent the night so much. Patrick didn’t want to push the point that Gavin was, blackmailing him, so he just forked over the money just to stop the conversation.

“Gavin, getup—you’re crushing me.” He nudged him with his body, but Gavin didn’t budge. “Come on Gavin, get off. I’m covered in cum, and I want to get dressed, I’m freezing,” he snapped. But Gavin still wouldn’t rise. His head faced from Patrick, so he didn’t see that he still had his eyes opened. Or that his back had a knife sticking out from it.

 

I don't know whether your post will be deleted or not, but that's never stopped me in the past.

I think offering up a small excerpt as a sacrifice is a good idea and brave, too. Good idea using a different font.

He’d wished it was warmer weather, and Gavin was someone else.

Maybe there should be some indication here that the flagpole is going to half-mast, because with thoughts like that it sure will be.

‘Man he was cute,’ he thought as the heat returned to his body as his arms and hands responded and rose to Gavin’s shoulder and forearm.

I don't understand the rest of the sentence after the word "thought." Arms and hands, shoulder and forearm?

His eyes envisioned the peeping tom touching his face. His fingers were slipping down his neck where his mouth ravished his flesh.

This confuses me. First, do eyes envision or does the mind? It could be put as, "He envisioned the peeping Tom touching his face," but is face-touching a turn-on for a man who is in the act of copulation? Maybe other guys think so, and I haven't learned to savor that particular pleasure. In the sentence following, there is a confusion of his-es. Who?

 

Oops, got to go. Hope that helps.

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