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Iso: Beta Reader / Editor - Psychological Slight Drama - Short Story

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Hello, everyone. I need help with editing/beta-reading a short story. I wrote it ages ago: one or two years ago, I think. So it's kinda clunky to read as a whole. I hope some of you can help me out, and thanks for taking the time to read this.

I answered the questions as stated in the rules.

  • When do you want it by? What are your turn around expectations? (if this isn’t above)
    I'm hoping as soon as possible, since I want to submit this in time for the Fall Anthalogy: Blurred Edges (2015).
  • Have you worked with a Beta/Editor before?
    I've never worked with a Beta Reader nor an Editor before so I'm curious how the whole thing works. Also, I want to know how to protect my work from plagiarism while working with editors. I've been... victimized before
  • What do you need? Such as… Do you need line edits? Plot help? Someone to read your story and tell you what is wrong?
    I need any help I can in improving my story. I need help with editing lines and if the plot is interpreted easily, as well as personal viewsa nd thoughts. I'm aiming for something kind of sad and touching. And I want to see if people can interpret it as stand-alone.
  • What do you expect? Such as… Someone to fix your spelling, grammar? General advice? Someone to tell you how to write your story? Someone to write your story?
    I'm looking for general advice and your venerable wisdom, and what to tweak to improve it.
  • How much do you have done? Where are you in the writing process?
    The story itself, is pretty much done. The whole story is around 1000 words. Absurdly short, actually. But wondering if that can leave an impact somewhere.
  • What software do you / can you use?
    Notepad++, Microsoft Office, Libre Office. Regarding file formats, DOC and TXT files preferably.
  • Do you prefer comments or inline edits or do you not have a preference?
    I think I'm more comfortable with comments and suggestions. Any edits will have to be on my part, just point out to me what needs further editing.
  • And finally – a snippet of your story (except for poetry – put style) of at least 200 words but not more than 500 words.
    Open Spoiler:

    “All these years and you aren't sick of my company?” he suddenly asked me.

    I shook my head. I could never. This guy always made me smile, always comforted me, and always gave me advice whenever I needed him. He helped me make sense of things and make myself a better person. The thought warmed my heart. He looked at me and the corner of his lip twitched, suppressing an all-too-familiar chuckle.

    “You know, I always thought it'd be bad for you if you kept having me around. Turns out you're still doing pretty okay.”

    “Just fairly,” I admitted.

    He only nodded and patted me on the shoulder. Each pat wasn't the usual sensation you'd get from someone. His was like the whisper of a wind, faint and gentle, but if you're sensitive enough, or aware enough, it was there. And it wasn't warm. It was a little chilly actually. I sighed and curled a bit inwardly, and this time I heard him chuckle. I looked at him as he gave me a thoughtful glance. “What even surprises me more is how you acknowledge what I am.”

    I really couldn't answer that. I held him close all these years. I was afraid of letting him go, but in a way, I already did. And yet I kept dragging him back.

Edited by thecalimack
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