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Poetry Prompt 12 – Rondo


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I vowed to restrict myself to reading, but the prompt proved too challenging.

My rondò is based on the movie "Iris", which relates the life of Iris Murdoch (1919-1999), a British writer.

I don't know whether the writer or the movie are well known in the US. Iris's books occupy several feet in my bookcase.

The poem is her husband's voice when it becomes apparent that Iris is suffering from dementia, an illness that doesn't leave one unaffected when experienced close by.

 

Iris

 

I fell in love, most with your mind,

For your beauty lived in the heart.

Eloquent, tremendously smart

And above all you were so kind.

 

"The Nice and The Good", "The Red and the Green",

"The Sacred and Profane Love Machine",

It's just a few of your many books.

When that's what you wrote, who cares about looks.

 

But now I see your searching gaze

In vain attempt to find my name.

Your smile, your eyes, are not the same.

Forever now you live in daze.

 

---

 

Here's a link to the trailer of the movie; at around 1:40 the husband explains to Iris that she once was a writer.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7XuvaZ6EkrY

Edited by J.HunterDunn
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I vowed to restrict myself to reading, but the prompt proved too challenging.

My rondò is based on the movie "Iris", which relates the life of Iris Murdoch (1919-1999), a British writer.

I don't know whether the writer or the movie are well known in the US. Iris's books occupy several feet in my bookcase.

The poem is her husband's voice when it becomes apparent that Iris is suffering from dementia, an illness that doesn't leave one unaffected when experienced close by.

 

Iris

 

I fell in love, most with your mind,

For your beauty lived in the heart.

Eloquent, tremendously smart

And above all you were so kind.

 

"The Nice and The Good", "The Red and the Green",

"The Sacred and Profane Love Machine",

It's just a few of your many books.

When that's what you wrote, who cares about looks.

 

But now I see your searching gaze

In vain attempt to find my name.

Your smile, your eyes, are not the same.

Forever now you live in daze.

 

---

 

Here's a link to the trailer of the movie; at around 1:40 the husband explains to Iris that she once was a writer.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7XuvaZ6EkrY

Thank you for adding this! I did not wake up this morning thinking that anyone would have responded to this prompt already, but you pleasantly surprised me!

 

I like that you added the video link, for it gives a good visual aid in understanding the 'flavor' of the film. I think the Rondò is very evocative, and for the stage, the naming of the books could be very moving as he shows them to his wife in an attempt to spark her memory.

 

I bet it could be set to music and acted on the stage quite effectively! 

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I am not Efficient in poetry but wanna try out. So I took one scene from "10 things I Hate about You" and write down this. I named it "10 things I Hate because of You". :)

:)

;)

:)

 

 

I hate the feeling of Love

that which grows when I see You...

I hate the feeling of Shy

that which grows when You Flirt...

I hate the feeling of Anger

That which grows when You Hurt...

I hate the feeling of Sad

That which grows when You Mad...

I hate the feeling of Happy

That which grows when You Kind...

I hate the feeling of Warmth

That which grows when You Touch...

I hate the feeling of Cold

That which grows when You Kiss...

I hate the feeling of Alive

That which grows when You Prapose...

I hate the feeling of Awesome

That which grows when You Hug...

I hate the feeling of Tired

That which grows when You be Sexy...

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I am not Efficient in poetry but wanna try out. So I took one scene from "10 things I Hate about You" and write down this. I named it "10 things I Hate because of You". :)

:)

;)

:)

 

 

I hate the feeling of Love

that which grows when I see You...

I hate the feeling of Shy

that which grows when You Flirt...

I hate the feeling of Anger

That which grows when You Hurt...

I hate the feeling of Sad

That which grows when You Mad...

I hate the feeling of Happy

That which grows when You Kind...

I hate the feeling of Warmth

That which grows when You Touch...

I hate the feeling of Cold

That which grows when You Kiss...

I hate the feeling of Alive

That which grows when You Prapose...

I hate the feeling of Awesome

That which grows when You Hug...

I hate the feeling of Tired

That which grows when You be Sexy...

Thanks for taking the challenge! I love the ironic twist in the poem where every time the poet says "I hate..." he means "I love." That's cool :)  

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This is my second attempt at poetry. I can't resist, even if it's scary...

 

This piece is inspired by Les Miserables, the scene where Javert, the police inspector, takes his life after realising he's lived his life according to rules and beliefs that he suddenly realises are imperfect. His whole life crashes down around him.

 

It's a scene and a song that always makes me cry. Writing a rondo about a song is perhaps a bit strange, but it's the scene that came to mind.

 

I know the formatting is off and I'll try to fix it.

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/story/puppilull/puppilullspoetryprompts/2

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This is my second attempt at poetry. I can't resist, even if it's scary...

 

This piece is inspired by Les Miserables, the scene where Javert, the police inspector, takes his life after realising he's lived his life according to rules and beliefs that he suddenly realises are imperfect. His whole life crashes down around him.

 

It's a scene and a song that always makes me cry. Writing a rondo about a song is perhaps a bit strange, but it's the scene that came to mind.

 

I know the formatting is off and I'll try to fix it.

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/story/puppilull/puppilullspoetryprompts/2

Now that I understand the situation better, the Rondo has a really defiant edge. I say that, because the music for first two quatrains would be slow and pensive, but then the pivot point on the third quatrain (starting with the line "Now all my deceptive bridges burn") would start a quicker melody, making his words pretty fierce. I like that, for even though he's about to kill himself, he's in effect saying "It's all your fault." That's pretty brilliant :)

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I'm so glad you got all that, despite the format issue and my struggles with find the right word. The shift in intensity was what I was going for. It kind of follows the song. I'm glad I managed to write it as well.

 

As for defiance... I always think of this as Javert pretty much saying "Fuck you too!" to the world.

 

Here's a link to the scene.

 

Edited by Puppilull
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  • 1 month later...

I can see now how thoughts are shared;

such a strange communion it is.

Not alone anymore, you're there,

At the edge of my mind.

 

Time will only make you stronger,

and you give me another sight.

These new senses make me wonder

what new things I could find...

 

Do you feel the fire's presence?

it is time to fall - and die.

May the flames destroy your essence,

ending your life with mine.

 

-Ripley, killing the nascent alien queen. From Alien 3.

 

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I can see now how thoughts are shared;

such a strange communion it is.

Not alone anymore, you're there,

At the edge of my mind.

 

Time will only make you stronger,

and you give me another sight.

These new senses make me wonder

what new things I could find...

 

Do you feel the fire's presence?

it is time to fall - and die.

May the flames destroy your essence,

ending your life with mine.

 

-Ripley, killing the nascent alien queen. From Alien 3.

 

https://youtu.be/Qlr-4PECivg?t=36

This poem made me think about your spider queen! If she'd been evil, that is. I can feel Ripley's determination and sort of calm facing the situation. Nice to see more poetry!

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I can see now how thoughts are shared;

such a strange communion it is.

Not alone anymore, you're there,

At the edge of my mind.

 

Time will only make you stronger,

and you give me another sight.

These new senses make me wonder

what new things I could find...

 

Do you feel the fire's presence?

it is time to fall - and die.

May the flames destroy your essence,

ending your life with mine.

 

-Ripley, killing the nascent alien queen. From Alien 3.

 

 

First of all, I love this Rondo! I agree with Puppilull on how you captured Ripley's calmness and self-assurance. What more noble moment can there be than killing the-self to save all of humanity?  

 

The poem is very effective, I think, not a little of which is due to you ending each quatrain in a six-syllable line instead of eight. That just lends a certain grandeur to the piece, and would allow the composer to slow down the music here as well (more beats in a line, the faster the tempo as a general rule).

 

But I have to say I think your movie scene choice was really inspired. That moment is so pivotal and significant.

 

Thanks you so much for taking the challenge, and again I agree with Puppilull that it's nice to see more poetry from you! Cheers

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Wow, thank you guys for the kind feedback! I hadn't written any poetry since middle school I think, but it was so much fun I'm totally going to try again in the future. Also, I learned a lot about rondòs, and I got to read the other amazing entries, so that's a plus :)

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Wow, thank you guys for the kind feedback! I hadn't written any poetry since middle school I think, but it was so much fun I'm totally going to try again in the future. Also, I learned a lot about rondòs, and I got to read the other amazing entries, so that's a plus :)

Why don't you join me in doing all the prompts? It's fun, hard and makes me think about my writing in a whole new way.

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Why don't you join me in doing all the prompts? It's fun, hard and makes me think about my writing in a whole new way.

Ma'am, you're on. I just did #439, which brings my glorious total of prompt responses up to three. Time to get busy, I guess!

Edited by albertnothlit
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Challenge accepted!

 

I think I've done 9, not in order though. Started late and was a bit shy...

 

Edit: I was talking about the poetry prompt, just to be clear. LOL Trying to do all prompts would mean no life for the foreseeable future...

Edited by Puppilull
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Challenge accepted!

 

I think I've done 9, not in order though. Started late and was a bit shy...

 

Edit: I was talking about the poetry prompt, just to be clear. LOL Trying to do all prompts would mean no life for the foreseeable future...

yea...trying all the prose prompts would put you in line for literary sainthood...

Edited by AC Benus
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  • 8 months later...

 

Poetry Prompt 12 – Rondo

 

 

Let's Write an Opera-Style Rondò! 

 

 

Hmm, not sure if this is exactly right, is it strong enough, emotional enough to be a Rondo? Or, do I need to go back to the drawing board? ... this was inspired by the final scenes in the last film in the Lord of the Ring Trilogy, Return of the King. Frodo, now drained by the effects of his journey, his never-healing injury, and the Ring says farewell to his friends and sails to the Undying Lands, with Bilbo, Elrond, and Gandalf.  I guess this is sort of Frodo's task in a nutshell:

 

A journey long, so far from home,

where danger lies at every turn;

though many offered in my place,

the burden was mine to carry.

 

Afraid was I of failing, but 

more for our sweet world if I did;

the route over mountains tested,

but my mission I did fulfill.

 

The cost—a high and painful one

though our world was righted again—

in peace I took quiet leave, and

sailed to a tranquil life with friends.

 

 

 

 

Or this one with 9 syllables rather then 8 and a little changed:

 

 

Saying farewell to dear companions

leaves a weary heart, a saddened soul
but our journey together must end
this night on this darkened lonely dock.
 
Each one of them offered to carry
the heavy burden that was mine, on 
the journey long, so far from our home
and where danger lay at every turn.
 
The cost was a high and painful one
but now our world was righted again—
so in peace I took quiet leave, and
we sailed to a tranquil life with friends.
 
 
Think I prefer the first one ... 
Edited by Mikiesboy
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